Married ladies - IF you were single how would you meet Mr. Right?

[EverythingOldIsNew]

This list is lovely and I've done about 80% of that list and have met some great guys. What if the issue is sealing the deal? Because again not everyone's issue is meeting/dating quality men, it's sealing the deal.

You are the rare one because most folks here pretend those men don't exist. What do you mean by sealing the deal? You date but break up? No chemistry? They cheat?

 

[EverythingOldIsNew]

Doing these three currently all at once..and going on year 3 of single life.

Add 1, 4 and 7. Aren't you in the H too? Girl it's practically raining men here.

 

[SophieDulce]

My mom is older and divorced and meets men all the time everywhere good men too. Cultured, educated and with money. She is always out and about she used to piss me off that she would only join organizations to meet guys but now I understand. My mom is no unicorn either and is older and she meets men everywhere she is very social and very friendly. Now she can't keep a man( that's another a story) but she knows where they are and how to attract them.

 

[lana]

As far as sealing the deal...we were already on the same page as far as what we wanted out of life.

BEFORE you go on a date with a man, take the time to get to know him on a non-dating level. Talk about life, but don't give him a list of your expectations, just listen. Men will tell you that they are everything you want them to be...if you let them. So instead, let them tell you who they really are and then figure out if that is what you are looking for in a man.

 

[janiebaby]

Add 1, 4 and 7. Aren't you in the H too? Girl it's practically raining men here.

Girl yes, I visited the H for a weekend and met 1 on the plane and 1 while I was wandering around a shopping center looking for food Have no idea what part I was in.....Both were nigerian so if that's not what you want

 

[discodumpling]

Sweet topic! thx for the tag

If I was single I would probably meet mr right doing what I do minding my own business. At yoga. At the laundromat. At the ashram. Eating at a restaurant. I've kinda always attracted people. Not just men. i meet people everywhere and if I happen to look into someones eyes the conversation always flows. It's a gift and a curse. LOL!

 

[Southernbella.]

I would:

Put the word out with friends' husbands
Go to academic conferences
Go to the gym
Go to happy hours/networking events/mixers
Travel
Go to black college games
Join some hobby groups

I would also be nice, pleasant, smile more, and be as bubbly as I could stand. I think women underestimate how attractive that is to men.

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[Southernbella.]

Also, I go to a lot of charity events with dh and I'd say it's half and half married/non married, many of them well off or on their way.

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[snillohsss]

I would:

Put the word out with friends' husbands
Go to academic conferences
Go to the gym
Go to happy hours/networking events/mixers
Travel
Go to black college games
Join some hobby groups

I would also be nice, pleasant, smile more, and be as bubbly as I could stand. I think women underestimate how attractive that is to men.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

 

[FemmeFatale]

You are the rare one because most folks here pretend those men don't exist. What do you mean by sealing the deal? You date but break up? No chemistry? They cheat?

Getting the ring. There seems to be conflicting info in how to get on that track and it's confusing. I hear everything from be nonchalant to be sweet as a pie, to don't be thirsty, to be assertive. It's confusing, lol.

 

[Southernbella.]

Maybe it's because I'm married and I am not looking but man I see men like all the time, free, single, legit decent, UE whatever you wanna say and I'm like It's a buffet of men out there I get kinda jealous

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[SuchMagnificent]

1. Attend local 100 black men events, grad frat events, hbcu alumi events, any events where I thought I'd find the type if guys I like.


4. Go to happy hour a couple times a week


7. Go back to school


And I'd do this all at once. If I were to be single again I wouldn't want to be out there too long.

Add 1, 4 and 7. Aren't you in the H too? Girl it's practically raining men here.

1) Do I have to be a member of a alumni to attend these events?
4) I work a later shift..happy hour is virtually over by the time I get off
7) Im happy with the career im in now..I have a degree and a trade.

I guess the point Im trying to make is that some of us are doing the best that we can with what we have and we still have less than desirable results.

 

[Southernbella.]

1) Do I have to be a member of a alumni to attend these events?
4) I work a later shift..happy hour is virtually over by the time I get off
7) Im happy with the career im in now..I have a degree and a trade.

I guess the point Im trying to make is that some of us are doing the best that we can with what we have and we still have less than desirable results.

Is it that you aren't seeing eligible men or you are seeing them but nothing comes of it?

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[yardyspice]

1) Do I have to be a member of a alumni to attend these events?
4) I work a later shift..happy hour is virtually over by the time I get off
7) Im happy with the career im in now..I have a degree and a trade.

I guess the point Im trying to make is that some of us are doing the best that we can with what we have and we still have less than desirable results.

If your job is preventing you from going out, then you need to change it or the hours.

Lastly, sometimes our best isn't good enough and you shouldn't take it as an attack. It's just that you will have to change your approach.

 

[yardyspice]

Maybe it's because I'm married and I am not looking but man I see men like all the time, free, single, legit decent, UE whatever you wanna say and I'm like It's a buffet of men out there I get kinda jealous

IKR!

Sometimes I am setting up people and I'm like I want to keep this fishy for myself

 

[SuchMagnificent]

Is it that you aren't seeing eligible men or you are seeing them but nothing comes of it?

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I typed and deleted my response several times..The simplest answer I can come up with is that I see them and nothing comes of it...and thats without going into detail and different scenarios.

 

[yardyspice]

I typed and deleted my response several times..The simplest answer I can come up with is that I see them and nothing comes of it...and thats without going into detail and different scenarios.

If you are not happy with this situation, then change it.

I am telling you that I would never stand for being single when I didn't want to be.

 

[Spiffy]

This particular one was called the Moxie Awards. In fact, one million dollar company that won 3 that night was founded by 2 black men (Code Academy...now they are called The Starter League)....who are single...under 25. Wait...I think one of the guys is like 26 or 27yrs. They are paid. Not flashy dudes...so they would slip under your radar if you just saw them in the library.

These technology events have drinks FLOWING non-stop....so its a laid back atmosphere.

 

[SuchMagnificent]

If your job is preventing you from going out, then you need to change it or the hours.

Lastly, sometimes our best isn't good enough and you shouldn't take it as an attack. It's just that you will have to change your approach.

Lol..I really wish it was that simple..I cant just go in a demand a schedule change as much as I would like to... I can go out..just not during happy hour..I prefer to go out during the week but its usually after the happy hour crowd has left...I understand that you guys have so many different alternatives for the single women here but sometimes, we just dont have the flexibility to do these things

 

[EverythingOldIsNew]

Getting the ring. There seems to be conflicting info in how to get on that track and it's confusing. I hear everything from be nonchalant to be sweet as a pie, to don't be thirsty, to be assertive. It's confusing, lol.

You have to know your guy. There is no wrong way. Only using it on the wrong guy.

 

[EverythingOldIsNew]

1) Do I have to be a member of a alumni to attend these events?
4) I work a later shift..happy hour is virtually over by the time I get off
7) Im happy with the career im in now..I have a degree and a trade.

I guess the point Im trying to make is that some of us are doing the best that we can with what we have and we still have less than desirable results.

Not 7, lol 8!!! Volunteer at political stuff. As for #1 no! Houston 100 black men's ball is this month. Just buy a ticket and go. #4. Sucks, but folks hang pretty late here I notice. Ill ask my sister where the late happy hour folks hang. She works late most nights too. Actually...try Champs in the Galleria when there is a game on. I've seen guys there and dh's coworkers go there too.

 

[lana]

If my circumstances prevented me from meeting the right person, I would take a day off and go where I need to go, just like I would for a doctor's appointment.

All I can say is that meeting my husband was worth it! There really isn't much that I would not have "tried" in order to eventually meet him. That's just real life right there. I'm just keeping it real.

 

[msdeevee]

My DH and I are the same religion and we met at a religious convention.

However, when I was single I was just out and about working and I just met men like that. I was always open and receptive to almost everyone.
I've been married since forever , since the last century though and I think that it is harder now to meet quality men than it was back in the day.

I really don't know how I would meet someone now if I was single.

I agree with traveling and just being into myself. One thing I regret I didn't do when I was single was just cultivate my own career goals more instead of waiting until I got married . I would have saved and/or invested more money. I would have tried to buy a home, maybe build my own business etc. or to do anything else. I'm blessed that I have a good marriage but it could have easily gone the other way .

Single ladies don't put your life on hold waiting for marriage or a man . Enjoy your life now.

 

[Zaynab]

Add 1, 4 and 7. Aren't you in the H too? Girl it's practically raining men here.

GIRL. Last time I was in Houston and then the next time Dallas I was like OMG, it's a buffet full of men THe other thing I would do is--MOVE. Single ladies with no kids, the world is yours. And I mean that, no responsibilities, no kids, I would be giddy at all the possibilities and how easy I could pick up and go.

 

[3jsmom]

Thanks to this thread I am kind of shaking off my nervous anexity since I join a Geeks meetup group and I am going to my first event tonight. I am trying to get out my homebody slump.

 

[Zaynab]

IKR!

Sometimes I am setting up people and I'm like I want to keep this fishy for myself

You know I'm always at sporting events. I will be like "I'm going to get a drink, I'll brb". Dh is like what took you so long, you scoping out all the men? I'm like dude, I'm just trying to get my rocks off hey"

I LOVE sports LOVE sports but if I didn't, I'd totally go to some sporting events anyway. Alot of the men that go and go regularly can afford it and they don't often have women with them!

 

[MizAvalon]

I would let friends and family know that I was looking.

I would travel. I have met so many interesting people from all around the world while vacationing.

I would try lots of new activities where I knew available men would be.

Oh, and I agree about the sporting events. THAT is where the men are!

 

[sharifeh]

for those of you that suggested putting up a profile on an online dating site, which ones do you recommend?

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Thanks for the tag. Good topic.

I would do exactly as I did before meeting DH (well, before noticing DH since I met him a few times before it stuck). lol

Put up a dating profile or two or three on different websites & accept lunch dates near work.

Go to legal networking events or networking events for fields of interest (Black Engineers).

Go to happy hour in the Wall St area (Tuesdays and Thursday are big in NYC).

Go out to lunch during work (can't meet anyone at your desk).

Go to the gym in the mornings, afternoon and evening to scope out the single men and be there when they are there. I ended up on a morning schedule which was good since many colleagues went at lunch and after work.

Volunteer in your church or in your community or a local community if there are no single men in your church.

Travel, never know who you will meet on a flight, on a cruise, at the resort.

Hang out at ESPN Zone or the local hang out spot during sporting events. I personally didn't do actual sporting events since I could care less about sports but I have a couple of female friends who LOVE sports, more so than some men.

Go out as often as you can to wine tastings, investment seminars (usually more men than women)......you want to be where the men are.

Let friends and family members know that you're looking since everyone knows at least one single, good guy.

All of this presumes that you have already taken care of yourself meaning you keep yourself looking your best.

 

[southerncitygirl]

loving this thread, thanks for the tag lana

bumping for more responses.................................