"Marriage Is Hard Work...

evsbaby said:
It is hard.

I get tired of reminding him that we both work the same amount of hours so he needs to pull his weight when it comes to the house work.

I am tired of him using my stuff. DON'T FREAKING USE MY EXPENSIVE CONDITIONER OR FACE CREAM WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!!!! After years of screaming and threats he finally understood that what is mine is mine.

When we need to talk he has nothing to say. When I don't want to talk he cant seem to shut up.

I hate when he buys stuff for the house without consulting me. This is OUR house and he is clueless when it comes to decorating!

I hate the fact that all important life decisions impacts us both and I cannot just do what I want anymore without his cooperation and any action he decides to take will also affect me.

Sometimes I just want to be on my own. I just want to have my own space instead of someone being in my face everday. I just wish to be single again.

Then I remember what it was like when I was single and hitting 30. All my friends/sisters were married/shacked up with kids and though I was dating very often/regularly, nothing was lonelier than coming home to an empty house or having to spend holidays like Christmas with family members, not because you want to be with them, but because you don't want to be on your own at Christmas. I hated the feeling that I was not a part of something. With marrriage (most times) I feel like I am a part of a unit, though some days I will also feel like I want to disassociate myself from that unit....................
Click to expand...

quick question... are you still married?
 
This is NOT true. Hubby works usually 6 days a week and today was his day to do the laundry, mop the floors & do the vacuuming. He also cooked us breakfast and did the dishes.

Marriage does not have to be such an unequal division of household chores. I am not superwoman and my husband does not expect me to do everything. He has been taking care of the house since he was a child. I praise my mother-in-law for that although I never had the chance to meet her.

I LOVE being married, but if DH were a different kind of man, I could imagine hating married life. Some guys at the gym make snippy comments to DH when he mentions having to get home to cook to do the laundry (since they say it's "woman's work), but most of them also complain to DH about their crappy married life.

Carolina Girl said:
Um no :look: even if you work the same amount of hours, most of the house work falls on the wife's shoulders just like child rearing, you're the one who has to keep the house clean, cook dinner, wash dishes, do laundry, clean errant dirty Hanes that have been left in the sheets, plus have sex after doing all of that and working an 8 - 10 hour day.

Simply because it's expected of women, and in those early lovey dovey stages when you're going above board doing everything with stars in your eyes you are essentially setting yourself up for failure, cooking 3 course meals, ironing his socks, sex every night, then after the newness wears off and he's not helping with the house work because you've shooed him away for 1 - 2 years you get bitter not realizing you set up your own down fall.

The best advice my memaw gave was NEVER start anything you don't plan on doing for the rest of your marriage
Click to expand...
 
Last edited:
snillohsss
Lol yes I am. Does my rant make it sound terrible? His complaints about me would probably be worse, I am no angel either but we love each other and though It is sometimes hard, the good outweighs the bad.

Marriage is work and it is not always happily ever after but if BOTH parties are committed it can succeed.

Yeah he gets on my nerves sometimes but he is committed and he has my back and that is the most important thing for me. So, for now we still continue love each other and continue to fulfil each others most important needs.
 
sweetvi said:
Do you ladies believe the age you got married makes a factor as well? I am now ready to get married and settle down at 30 then if I were to do that at 25. I have learned many things about myself this past year and although I assumed I knew what it entails to get married but I had no clue about staying married.

For example ;
Learning to be less selfish
Compromising
Not allowing my girlfriends opinions to influence my relationships
Taking care of home. .... And the list goes on

I know I would of been divorced, filing for or separated had I said: I DO @ age 25


I would love to hear from everyone... Especially the married women
Click to expand...

I think if I married a different man other than my husband I would be divorced now( I married young). I really lucked out and married someone who had the same goals and interests as me. So as we grew up and changed, we were still had the same interests and life goals.

Now our family is complete, not in the baby stage, and our personal goals have all been met...,and we are now in a position to be young enough to enjoy life. When we travel, and people meet us, they always think we are newlyweds...cause the stress is gone.
 
Last edited:
Carolina Girl said:
Um no :look: even if you work the same amount of hours, most of the house work falls on the wife's shoulders just like child rearing, you're the one who has to keep the house clean, cook dinner, wash dishes, do laundry, clean errant dirty Hanes that have been left in the sheets, plus have sex after doing all of that and working an 8 - 10 hour day.

Simply because it's expected of women, and in those early lovey dovey stages when you're going above board doing everything with stars in your eyes you are essentially setting yourself up for failure, cooking 3 course meals, ironing his socks, sex every night, then after the newness wears off and he's not helping with the house work because you've shooed him away for 1 - 2 years you get bitter not realizing you set up your own down fall.

The best advice my memaw gave was NEVER start anything you don't plan on doing for the rest of your marriage
Click to expand...

She was 100% correct!
I do a lot, but I'm not superwoman! I didn't start the cooking everyday and cleaning routine. I bring home takeout some days (other days he's on his own!) and hired a cleaning lady. I work just like he does, plus I take care of the baby. I am not a servant!
 
justicefighter1913 said:
I'm not married, nor do I have any prospects down the pipeline, but I think that I would be the exact same way. I wouldn't need to see my husband everyday; I would just need to know that he is there.
Click to expand...

I know alot of single women, who have SOs or are dating that feel this way. One lady's SO wanted to see her everyday and she disliked it so much. I didn't understand:perplexed. But a huge part of me feels if a woman found the right partner, one where the chemistry was right and she loved his presence as he loves hers, she wouldn't mind spending alot of time with him.

Its funny when women have these shallow lists of what they want in a man/Dh, because to me its really about a connection, understanding, compatibility, loyalty, etc, and less about business men, alpha types, models,etc. You can't do much with a man who makes a ton of money, but isn't totally compatible enough with you to want to spend every morning with you. I think the ideal of marriage also makes marriage hard work.
 
Readyone. You know what's so funny... I was like that with my ex! I wanted to just be alone some days and just watch tv or relax but now I understand why! Lol. But then we had other issues that contributed to that.

Another question I have for the married ladies is. If it is important to have that spark, butterflies, etc with that person you will marry and is that a determining factor for success? In addition. Do you women still keep the sexy (hair, nails , clothes) after marriage? I've read a few of those relationship books that say men are visual and one of the reasons they cheat after marriage is that women lose their vavavoom per se?

(Notebook and pen ready......)
 
^^^ I don't think it's about the woman keeping herself up as much as it is about how the man feels. If he feels she keeps herself up because she cares about pleasing him, then that's where the problem kicks in when the body/hair/nails game fall off. With men who would cheat over that, it's all about them and how they feel paid attention to /aroused/ego lifted.
 
Any relationship is hardwork when you're living with the person full time. It's so worth it since I have a great partner and best friend. To me, the hardest part is compromise. I'm stubborn (yes I admit it lol) and he's a procrastinator. We each have learned to improve the trait our spouse find to be a challenge. Nov. 1st will be our 15th year married yah!!!
 
Reading this makes me feel better for the future lol. I already know I have no intention of doing everything myself. I also plan on continuing to work when I'm married. I'll make sure to talk about these things pre-marriage, though I have no intention of marrying a slob :grin:. I'm too neat for that.

naturalmanenyc said:
This is NOT true. Hubby works usually 6 days a week and today was his day to do the laundry, mop the floors & do the vacuuming. He also cooked us breakfast and did the dishes.

Marriage does not have to be such an unequal division of household chores. I am not superwoman and my husband does not expect me to do everything. He has been taking care of the house since he was a child. I praise my mother-in-law for that although I never had the chance to meet her.

I LOVE being married, but if DH were a different kind of man, I could imagine hating married life. Some guys at the gym make snippy comments to DH when he mentions having to get home to cook to do the laundry (since they say it's "woman's work), but most of them also complain to DH about their crappy married life.
Click to expand...
 
sweetvi said:
Readyone. You know what's so funny... I was like that with my ex! I wanted to just be alone some days and just watch tv or relax but now I understand why! Lol. But then we had other issues that contributed to that.

Another question I have for the married ladies is. If it is important to have that spark, butterflies, etc with that person you will marry and is that a determining factor for success? In addition. Do you women still keep the sexy (hair, nails , clothes) after marriage? I've read a few of those relationship books that say men are visual and one of the reasons they cheat after marriage is that women lose their vavavoom per se?

(Notebook and pen ready......)
Click to expand...

I personally think you need that spark, butterfly feeling because when he makes you mad as all get out, that spark...err helps!

In regards to keeping up the sexy--if you were a hair/nails/clothes person prior to marriage than it is important to do it after marriage. It has to be something you do for you in order to keep it up as your life changes. I think when that abruptly changes, then yes...men notice. I always say, I keep the sexy for me, and my husband just reaps the benefits.

I personally think men that are going to cheat do it more for emotional loss (e.g. Nagging/controlling wife, goals not supported, stressful homelife, not feeling needed), and less for visual loss (e.g. wife gains weight).
 
Marriage is hard work just like many mentioned because it requires a lot of compromise, you have to consider another person, you have to deal your spouse's personality and they have to deal with yours. Sometimes your spouse gets on your nerves and knows what buttons to push to irritate you, but on the other hand you have that power too.

Is it worth it? For me it is because I wanted to build a life with someone that included building a family. It was something that was very important to me. Definitely marrying the right person for you is important because everybody has flaws and/or personality quirks that are not so cute out of the honeymoon stage, so you need to be able to deal with that person without everything being a major issue.
 
evsbaby said:
It is hard.

I get tired of reminding him that we both work the same amount of hours so he needs to pull his weight when it comes to the house work.

I am tired of him using my stuff. DON'T FREAKING USE MY EXPENSIVE CONDITIONER OR FACE CREAM WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!!!! After years of screaming and threats he finally understood that what is mine is mine.

When we need to talk he has nothing to say. When I don't want to talk he cant seem to shut up.

I hate when he buys stuff for the house without consulting me. This is OUR house and he is clueless when it comes to decorating!

I hate the fact that all important life decisions impacts us both and I cannot just do what I want anymore without his cooperation and any action he decides to take will also affect me.

Sometimes I just want to be on my own. I just want to have my own space instead of someone being in my face everday. I just wish to be single again.

Then I remember what it was like when I was single and hitting 30. All my friends/sisters were married/shacked up with kids and though I was dating very often/regularly, nothing was lonelier than coming home to an empty house or having to spend holidays like Christmas with family members, not because you want to be with them, but because you don't want to be on your own at Christmas. I hated the feeling that I was not a part of something. With marrriage (most times) I feel like I am a part of a unit, though some days I will also feel like I want to disassociate myself from that unit....................
Click to expand...


Girl, you ain't never lied!
 
I've only been married a year, and yes it is a little work, but any relationship worth having is work like remembering a friends birthday, or throwing a baby shower or just being a listening ear. We were created to connect as we are social beings. Yes I enjoyed my own company, but after 20 years of it,(my lst marriage at 45), gets old. It feels good to belong and be apart of the right person. It also helps if you are both saved and unselfish.
 
Dealing with his family can be a pain in the butt, but they're learning; being with him makes it worth it. It's nice to have someone in your corner no matter what and it makes raising a family and providing for the future a less scary prospect.

I also wanted to add it is important for "me" to look even better now and strive for my businesses to be more successful than before I married, where we live there's a cultural expectation almost that your life is over once you've had a child/married. I need to still be me and I love that DH loves and respects that:yep:
 
Last edited:
I am getting married in 38 days at 35....I know that I would not have been able to do this at 25. I sat here reading this and realized that my FH gets on my f**kin nerves ...lol using my ish, if I have something left over he is going to eat or drink it, he whines at times, he takes to long to make simple decisions...he's my best friend, he laughs at my jokes, he strives to take care of his ready made family and doesnt complain, my happiness is his happiness....and most of all he loves me despite me and that makes it all worth it...cause I am a hard **** to deal with!!
 
Well I have not that much to add in regards to is it hard from personal experience but I've seen my friends, lifelong, work and college friends.... Marry young, contemplating/ *****ing about the process, cheating involved and divorce as well. It couldn't be easy since the divorce rate is so high

One thing I think our generation has been mislead with is that "women's lib" would change all things make it better! Equality.... IMHO my ____s with the equality bit ....

There will be sacrifices to that whole thing.... Women can go out and work sure but you still have to be the traditional wife.... Two very demanding things IMHO. You can't ( you can but no joke how hard) to switch up the pants.... Be be boss at work and also maintain the wifely expectations as well... Dinner on table @ ____ time, laundry, children feed and reared annnnnndd then the coloring activities.
Dagghone that is a 24 hr job!!!! Geezzzz. Anyway,...... my 2c


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
Marriage is hard work.. But it definitely depends on the type of mate you are with, I know right now today the guys I was with in the past we would not have lasted 1 year. DH really compromise so that help things tremendously!
 
Marriage to me is hard work. I wish someone would of warn me before I jumped into it. I am 25 years old, we married at 21 ( we got married the day after I turned 21). I love my husband but at times he makes me want to holla back.

Ive experience the problem with an overbearing mother in law that dont know how to let go. I had a match out with him since he couldn't see it or didnt want to. Sometime I feel like, everything is routine. Feel like we are roommates at time. Some lack of affection which I crave. I explain this and he change it up.

My husband is a homebody and I love to get out in social with people. We are so opposite. The thing that drive me crazy is I set myself up by always handling things that when I need help I have to pull teeth. Now that I'm not working he expect me to do everything without help. There is no kids in the mix as of now. At times I wonder if we marry too young. In I get to wondering if I got alot of stuff out if my system and how I miss the single life.

Then I think about all the good times we have and I wouldnt trade that in for nothing. I love my husband. He's a great provider, he very sensitive to my feelings, he keeps me grounded, my rock, my best friend, my love.... I can always count on him. I dont know what I would do if I didnt wake up next to my Nawlins 504 hot boy! Lol lol

Sent from my SCH-I500 using SCH-I500
 
I've been married for almost 13 years. For real, the first 5-7 were very hard. I contemplated getting divorced on a regular basis for a whole year or two in there. But now? It's a walk in the park. Seriously. We had a lot of adjusting to do and a lot to go through, but once we realized we can have the kind of relationship that works for US, regardless of what other people's rules for marriage are or the pressure for our relationship to look a certain way. We've made our relationship custom suited for our needs and it is wonderful. I feel very grateful. But we had to get through the rough spots to get to the good stuff and that was not easy.
 
naturalmanenyc said:
This is NOT true. Hubby works usually 6 days a week and today was his day to do the laundry, mop the floors & do the vacuuming. He also cooked us breakfast and did the dishes.

Marriage does not have to be such an unequal division of household chores. I am not superwoman and my husband does not expect me to do everything. He has been taking care of the house since he was a child. I praise my mother-in-law for that although I never had the chance to meet her.

I LOVE being married, but if DH were a different kind of man, I could imagine hating married life. Some guys at the gym make snippy comments to DH when he mentions having to get home to cook to do the laundry (since they say it's "woman's work), but most of them also complain to DH about their crappy married life.
Click to expand...

See, your DH sounds wonderful. I think the key is that he was raised well, taught how to take care of a home, and care about women. Just an all around considerate, mature man. And it seems you know your worth, know what you want and deserve, and wouldn't have settled for anything less.
 
hopeful said:
The right person is huge. I have a girlfriend who is always asking me how I get my husband to do this and do that. She thinks with effort she can make her marriage like mine. I gently try to tell her that we married completely different types of men, period, and that makes a huge difference.
Click to expand...

What qualities make a man right for marriage?
 
I've been married for twelve years and it has never felt like work. But I also tend to take things literally and if someone says that marriage is work, I associate it with my job, which is work that I hate.

I have never felt like marriage is dificult or stressful. Of course, we don't have children, so that helps. I also got married, not because I always wanted to be married, but because I wanted to share my life with this particular man.
 
Carolina Girl said:
Um no :look: even if you work the same amount of hours, most of the house work falls on the wife's shoulders just like child rearing, you're the one who has to keep the house clean, cook dinner, wash dishes, do laundry, clean errant dirty Hanes that have been left in the sheets, plus have sex after doing all of that and working an 8 - 10 hour day.
Click to expand...

This is what irritates me and I'm not even married lol! But my sister has been marriedt 5 years and her husband barely does any housework. He's doing a little more but she basically does everything and they have 3 small children. :nono: It could not be me.
 
Meh, most things in life worth having require a bit of work. Why would marriage be any different?

It's never really going to be 50 / 50 either, so let that ideology go. There will be times the wife has to bear more and vice versa.

Marry the right man for you and work through the issues. Marry a jerk, and you WILL live in misery.

Sent from my SCH-I545 using LHCF
 
WonderGirl2U said:
What qualities make a man right for marriage?
Click to expand...

Like sunnieb said, marry the right man for you. Everybody wants something a little different. And we all grow and change too. What you want at 20 may not be the same at 30 or 40. The most important thing I think for most of us is that he be kind, marriage-minded, and faithful. If you know yourself pretty well you will have an idea of who is right for you.
 
It's work - that's for sure. But it's work that I enjoy. Watching me, him and the union grow is very fulfilling. Especially the union . . . the connection. I love that. It only feels like hard work once in a blue moon.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

wofford16
Marriage is hard work...why?
2
Replies
32
Views
1K
JFemme
JFemme
thatscuteright
"I don't want to marry you, I want to pursue someone else"
2
Replies
58
Views
2K
NYCQT16
N
okange76
Spinny: To Hustle or Not To Hustle
Replies
23
Views
618
LongTimeComing
L
S
Sexless marriage
2 3
Replies
73
Views
2K
MizAvalon
MizAvalon
CookieLAD
Is your man "hard to love"?
Replies
19
Views
527
Cleve_gryl
Cleve_gryl
Back
Top