"I don't want to marry you, I want to pursue someone else"

JCoily said:
He was wrong as hell for ending it this way, but I could charge that to the game.

This situation is exactly why I don't like the concept of being someone's girlfriend for year(S). Dude knew he was holding out for something better from jump.
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I agree....
 
poookie - i love your hair. i only know one home by the sea H I dun dun dundundun dun U represent!

sorry for the thread corruption.
 
I know this really nice guy who dated his girl for 5 years. Their families loved each other. Then one day he told his parents he didn't think she was the girl he would marry. He cried, his family cried, and the next day he broke up with her and they both cried. All in all there was a lot of crying. lol. He did say it was the hardest but best thing he ever did. He loved her but he said he just didn't feel that extra something. Why it took him 5 years to realize that? I don't know.

At least he didn't tell her he wanted to pursue someone else.
 
scorpio70 said:
poookie - i love your hair. i only know one home by the sea H I dun dun dundundun dun U represent!

sorry for the thread corruption.
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aww, thank ya! :grin: :grin:
and ur right! i was talkin bout the lovely H--I--U! not no cottage on the beach somewhere! :lachen:
 
I'd be pissed!

If you're going to end the relationship, break my heart, AND tell me you want someone else after 3 years of dating...well you better do it BEFORE you collect a weeks worth of free nookie. That just shows that the guy wanted to use her up before he dumped her.

If you're going to break my heart, do it gracefully...otherwise you run the risk of one of your testicles showing up on the side of a milk carton.
 
I would have been upset at first, but glad he didn't choose to marry me when he was having doubts. Better to know now than find out later. I'd also wonder if he was cheating on me.

I'm guessing the "lovey dovey week" to HIM was to find out if he really wanted to be with her/leave.
 
After only a week? They're discussing marriage already? I wonder who brought it up... GUESS WHO?

I guess she should tell him get busy PURSUING!
 
"What do you think is a suitable reaction on her behalf?"

Be greatful the dude didn't continue to waste her time and was forthright with her; and as my daughters would say:

KEEP IT MOVIN'!!! :yep:
 
I'm wondering how old this former couple is.

That would shed some light on the issue of them being in a relationship for so long. I dated my ex-husband for 3 1/2 years before we got married and I know other couples who dated their SO/DH for 3-8 years. All of us met our SO in college (some high school), so dating for that long kind of makes since.
 
**kandi** said:
I'm wondering how old this former couple is.

That would shed some light on the issue of them being in a relationship for so long. I dated my ex-husband for 3 1/2 years before we got married and I know other couples who dated their SO/DH for 3-8 years. All of us met our SO in college (some high school), so dating for that long kind of makes since.
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Met in college.
Ages 24/25.
She is in grad school in a differnt state ( NC)
He is in MD
 
Tamala said:
Met in college.
Ages 24/25.
She is in grad school in a differnt state ( NC)
He is in MD
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probably just grew apart from each other....thats not uncommon....he may have been feeling guilty by wanting to move on and wanted to try to spice things up a bit to see if the spark/connection was still there before he just bounced completely out....they are both still young and still growing, maturing, learning, and living....iif you not growing together, then you are growing apart and in that case there is no need to try and force it or hold onto it

now unless we don't know that he just completely dogged her out, beat her up, talked crazy to her, treated her like crap, etc...in that case....

if she's mad he's leaving and wants him to stay

not a good look n e ways
 
tiara76 said:
probably just grew apart from each other....thats not uncommon....
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This is what I was thinking.

Again, I don't think they should have had the romantic weekend the week before but I commend him for being honest with himself and with her.
 
Stuff like this, makes me glad that I am traditional. Before any serious relationship there will be an understanding that I am the marriage type. If he runs away because he is afraid of commitment... GREAT.
 
I think that his approach is all off. But if that is the way he feels and the way he wants it I am just glad he is being honest. There is nothing worse than finding out some other way that he has been done for months and for that long he has been dealing with someone else that makes him happy. I would be upset at first but then I would be happy that he was not wasting anymore of my time.
 
sprungonhairboards said:
I'd thank him for not wasting any more of my time. I don't want nobody who don't want me. That's pretty straightforward and honest and I appreciate that. Sounds like something I'd say.

The after a week of 'lovey dovey' time I assume means sex? See that would piss me off. But in the end it's still MY bad for giving it up to somebody with no commitment to me.

eta. Ok I just went back and read that they were together 3 or 4 years. The same thing applies, although tire slashing and/or window breakage may/might/probably would occur. Maybe even a small fire at his place of residence. :sekret:
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Aint that the truth....

I know one thing, if it was me he'd be wise to leave the country.
 
If someone didn't feel I was suitable for marriage, then I would send him packing!

I think a situation like this forces us to look at how we view ourselves. It's okay for a guy not to think you are the one, just like it's okay for you to think a guy is not "the one." Don't lead someone on, and be happy/thankful when someone tells you "you're fired":lol:, b/c it saves you from making a mistake.

Feel good about yourself and know that you are going to find that one!
 
**kandi** said:
I would have been upset but extremely grateful for his honesty and my ability to move on with life and find someone who wants to spend the rest of his life with me. No need to continue wasting my time. Thats what men usually do.
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...if you let them.

I'm sorry. Now ladies, I know there are a lot of arse-holes out there, but sometimes we don't live in reality either. I've had friends dating guys for like 6 years, waiting, waiting, waiting for these guys to propose and in some cases THEY NEVER WILL. For those that saw the Sex and The City movie, I thought Mr. Big was a wonderful example of this, and that's why it disappointed me that he and Carrie married at the end.

Men are VERY CLEAR about what they want, and too often, we don't want to own up to this. If a man wants you, He wants you. If he doesn't, then that's a wrap!
 
cocoberry10 said:
...if you let them.

I'm sorry. Now ladies, I know there are a lot of arse-holes out there, but sometimes we don't live in reality either. I've had friends dating guys for like 6 years, waiting, waiting, waiting for these guys to propose and in some cases THEY NEVER WILL. For those that saw the Sex and The City movie, I thought Mr. Big was a wonderful example of this, and that's why it disappointed me that he and Carrie married at the end.

Men are VERY CLEAR about what they want, and too often, we don't want to own up to this. If a man wants you, He wants you. If he doesn't, then that's a wrap!
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ITA

I hope I didn't give off the impression that is ok to waste someones time.
 
This scenario happens a lot :nono:

I feel that it is important to ask where the relationship is going and be prepared to walk if the next step hasn't been taken within a certain period of time.

I was just telling my cousin yesterday how unpredictable a man can be. Has someone by his side for years (if she allows it with no commitment), does everything she can for him, and helps him get to where he needs to be, then all of a sudden he doesn't want to get married. Only to find out, that a few months later or year later, he is getting married to someone else.

If he came to me in a respectable way within a certain amount of time, I'd be okay with it because he was being honest. But, if I'm asking you and you make it seem like everything is fine, then come up to me with, "I don't want to marry you, I want to pursue someone else" after wasting my precious time and causing me to maybe lose out on someone else..
IT'S GOING DOWN :mad:
 
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My reaction would be, "Ok. Thanks for being honest. Bye". No need for drama etc but I wouldn't be friends either. The statement he made is basically, "I want us to split". He's made his point very clear. I suspect if I had emotions and time invested in this guy that I would be torn up inside but I'm not going to let that show through. I hope he said this very early on into the relationship.

eta...ok, I see he said this after 3-4 YEARS. That's very messed up indeed. He's a punk, I sure know it didn't take him all that time to figure this mess out. I'm not sure I can say what my reaction would be now without having been put into this position first. I'd mostly likely be rendered speechless because it seems so unexpected. I tend to agree with the people who say that you should have that date by 1.5-2 years (or be married within 2-3) or make an exit, it would probably prevent ish like this from happening. Regardless, I feel so bad for your friend :(.
 
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This scenario has happened to my cousin 3 times w/ different men. She chooses to stay w/ them for years even though they will not marry her for different reasons. In the meantime she's still giving them
everything. :nono: Then, they leave when they are ready. :ohwell:

I'm not sure if this one had signs but I always believe that there are always signs. ANyhoo, I'd just walk away knowing that something better is out there for me.
 
People only do to you what you allow....if you allow a man to drag you for years, then you really can't balk.

After 3-4 years....then 1 week of Lovey Dovey Bliss, I think he did her a favor....apparently she may have been a little on the slow side to not discern
he wasn't in love with her.
 
Tamala said:
*Disclaimer, this is not my situation, I just had to add that before the sweet ladies start to send me words of encouragement and offer couseling sessions :lol:

But if a women heard these words from a man that she was considering marriage to, what would be a suitable reaction?

The man makes the above statement, and then gives the reasons he doesn't find her fit for marriage, but still wants to be friends.
This is after a week of spending "lovey dovey" time together.
What do you think is a suitable reaction on her behalf?

ETA: It was " I do not think we should speak anymore and I want to pursue someone else"
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RULES were broken,..he probably had a taste of what he thought marriage to her would be like so changed his mind. She should walk away from it, never look back..it's over..never contemplate a second go round if he comes back!
 
Get up and leave... would else could you do...
delete him and never speak to him again...
what kind of jerk would say that whether he was serious or just messing around...
that's whack
 
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