You have to learn to live and compromise with another individual at all times. That's hard work.
Its Worth it to me because my husband is my best friend...to have that quality...that TRUE quality in your life partner is simply invaluable to me. So it's beyond worth it.
Forgive the hijack, but, I'm single, and the bold are things I always observed and feared about marriage, from I was extremely young. I think I was 7 or 8 when I told my mom I would never get married.(She told me never to say that again). I saw those things, so much so that in my early 20s I would see a woman walking around with her husband and kids and feel a shiver of real dread.The things no one told me about:
1 - Loss of identity
2. - Them thinking that you always have to compromise/sacrifice bc you're the woman
3. The dwindling social life
4. The weight of expectation
5. The unequal division of labour
Forgive the hijack, but, I'm single, and the bold are things I always observed and feared about marriage, from I was extremely young. I think I was 7 or 8 when I told my mom I would never get married.(She told me never to say that again). I saw those things, so much so that in my early 20s I would see a woman walking around with her husband and kids and feel a shiver of real dread.
The loss of identity thing is big for me - the way a woman becomes Mrs. So-and-So - never again does anyone ever think of her as an individual, with her own identity - she is always thought of in connection with him. And in many instances, in their life as well, she becomes his adjunct, his helper, although he isn't really hers. E.g. if he's in a position of authority at work or in the community, she goes out of her way to help and support him - write his letters, carry out social duties, do admin for him - she's in the background doing everything to promote his career, because his career is considered primary, but he doesn't do the same for her.
I can see however, that with the right partner, this need not be the case.
It's hard = understatement.
No comment about anything else unless this thread gets as real as the regretting children thread.
When you guys say unequal division of labor what specifically do you mean? Is this mainly geared towards marriages where the wife stays at home?
...but its worth it."
We've all heard this countless times.
How true is this statement for you?
What makes it hard and what makes it worth it for you?
Um no even if you work the same amount of hours, most of the house work falls on the wife's shoulders just like child rearing, you're the one who has to keep the house clean, cook dinner, wash dishes, do laundry, clean errant dirty Hanes that have been left in the sheets, plus have sex after doing all of that and working an 8 - 10 hour day.
Simply because it's expected of women, and in those early lovey dovey stages when you're going above board doing everything with stars in your eyes you are essentially setting yourself up for failure, cooking 3 course meals, ironing his socks, sex every night, then after the newness wears off and he's not helping with the house work because you've shooed him away for 1 - 2 years you get bitter not realizing you set up your own down fall.
The best advice my memaw gave was NEVER start anything you don't plan on doing for the rest of your marriage
Interesting thread. I've always leaned towards its not worth it, which is why I never wanted to be. I am afraid even with the right person, I'd get into it and be miserable.
Forgive the hijack, but, I'm single, and the bold are things I always observed and feared about marriage, from I was extremely young. I think I was 7 or 8 when I told my mom I would never get married.(She told me never to say that again). I saw those things, so much so that in my early 20s I would see a woman walking around with her husband and kids and feel a shiver of real dread.
The loss of identity thing is big for me - the way a woman becomes Mrs. So-and-So - never again does anyone ever think of her as an individual, with her own identity - she is always thought of in connection with him. And in many instances, in their life as well, she becomes his adjunct, his helper, although he isn't really hers. E.g. if he's in a position of authority at work or in the community, she goes out of her way to help and support him - write his letters, carry out social duties, do admin for him - she's in the background doing everything to promote his career, because his career is considered primary, but he doesn't do the same for her.
I can see however, that with the right partner, this need not be the case.
You got that right. Growing up I always thought marriage was overrated and I thought I'd probably never get married because things men do just annoys the hell out of me.
I personal think there's something wrong with the XY chromosome. LOL
BTW I'm married now and I still believe It's overrated. But now that my husband is a truck driver and I don't see him everyday I love him to death.
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I'm not married, nor do I have any prospects down the pipeline, but I think that I would be the exact same way. I wouldn't need to see my husband everyday; I would just need to know that he is there.
Do you ladies believe the age you got married makes a factor as well? I am now ready to get married and settle down at 30 then if I were to do that at 25. I have learned many things about myself this past year and although I assumed I knew what it entails to get married but I had no clue about staying married.
For example ;
Learning to be less selfish
Compromising
Not allowing my girlfriends opinions to influence my relationships
Taking care of home. .... And the list goes on
I know I would of been divorced, filing for or separated had I said: I DO @ age 25
I would love to hear from everyone... Especially the married women