Marriage And Friendships

[melisandre]

The other day one of my friends sends out a group text asking if we would be interested in doing a girls trip. Sounds good to me! But then she adds, Melisandre is getting married and things change when people get married -- she wants to do the trip before then. It hadn't occurred to me that getting married would change my friendships. I think having children would definitely change things, but we're not having kids right away.

Ladies, what has your experience been?

 

[fula97]

depends on the person
Some don't believe in traveling without their SO
Some only do couples trips/events
Some only do shorter trips with friends and longer ones with SO
Some married don't trust their SO to travel with single friends (fear trouble)

 

[MizAvalon]

depends on the person
Some don't believe in traveling without their SO
Some only do couples trips/events
Some only do shorter trips with friends and longer ones with SO
Some married don't trust their SO to travel with single friends (fear trouble)

This post pretty much covers it.

Also, even if you don't think your friendships will change, maybe your single friends do. One single friend that I used to travel with completely stopped asking me to do things after I got engaged. When I asked why she said that since I was getting married she didn't think I would want to or be "allowed" to do things anymore.

I hear it's even worse after you have a baby. Quite a few Moms of young kids have told me how lonely they are because no one ever invites them to do things anymore just assuming that they can't or don't want to.

 

[fula97]

Quite a few Moms of young kids have told me how lonely they are because no one ever invites them to do things anymore just assuming that they can't or don't want to.

One of my friends said that to me once. She said look I won't be able to make everything but somethings I can. I make sure to include GF with kids now. They can make some events and I let them decide vs assuming

 

[daydreem2876]

I think people need to become more comfortable with others saying no but not take the"no" as a personal attack. Invite folks and enjoy who shows up.

 

[CoilyFields]

If getting married doesn't change some thangs then you may have some problems...

Accountability, finances, time/scheduling etc. all of these things have to be considered when you're married and talking about going on trips with friends. It's no longer a decision that's just about you and if you feel like going.

The decision making process may be different for different folks but there should be some change.

 

[melisandre]

If getting married doesn't change some thangs then you may have some problems...

Accountability, finances, time/scheduling etc. all of these things have to be considered when you're married and talking about going on trips with friends. It's no longer a decision that's just about you and if you feel like going.

The decision making process may be different for different folks but there should be some change.

Yeah, that makes sense.

 

[Fine 4s]

Besides finances and a baby, I'm having a hard time coming up with reasons for why things would change enough where others notice. What really happens in the brain once your married? I feel like I'm going to cry the day I get married...like a bad cry. Like my life is officially over lol the same when and if I have a baby. Like, I'm officially a grownup *GULP*

 

[MD_Lady]

If getting married doesn't change some thangs then you may have some problems...

Accountability, finances, time/scheduling etc. all of these things have to be considered when you're married and talking about going on trips with friends. It's no longer a decision that's just about you and if you feel like going.

The decision making process may be different for different folks but there should be some change.

No matter what individual couples do, IME, EVERYONE (male and female) in my social circles check with their spouse before making plans with friends.

 

[LiftedUp]

Realistically things change and you can't up and go on a whim as you'd usually do.

 

[sgold04]

Depends on the married couple too. I thought things would change when my close friends got married, but surprisingly it hasn't, and that could be because they were with their DHs for a while before marriage, so the actual ceremony was just a formality, and we're no longer at the age where we're going out clubbing all the time anyway. Plus their DHs encourage girl time. Planning group trips is just complicated by scheduling conflicts and finances nowadays.

Now kids? That's a different story. Only one of the close homies has kids, 3 of em, AND she lives across the country, so we rarely see her, but we still invite her to things, even if we assume she can't make it. When other people I know have had children, I usually go visit them every so often, so they don't have to find a baby sitter.