Court Wedding Now and have a Traditional Wedding Later?

[ThickHair]

I would do the court house and "pomp and circumstance" later if ever. I am not a big fan of wedding "pomp and circumstance".

My friend really didn't want the big wedding but her mom wanted her to have a huge wedding and she didn't want to disappoint her family.

See, I do not understand compliance unless her mom and the rest of the family financed and planned it 100%. Plus allow me to accept or veto any ideas. If they want to tell me what to do, then I should be able to dictate. That works my nerves a little when I hear\read stuff like^^^.

 

[MD_Lady]

I would have one wedding within my means, but that's me. IME, it always pays to be upfront with those involved in the wedding planning should a couple choose to have a civil ceremony first and a "real" wedding later. I've seen people feel decieved after working hard to provide engagement, bachelor, and bachelorette parties (at the couple's insistance, no less) for people who had, in fact, been married for well over a year.

 

[lunabelle]

I have two cousins who have done this this year. It may be more practical to just have a reception but as a woman I know every little girl dreams of walking down the aisle in that white dress. So, do what will make YOU and your FH the happiest. It is about you after all...

 

[glam-]

I sort of did this. We got engaged, started planning our wedding, moved in together and then went to the courthouse, then had our wedding- all within 9 months. I felt better about living together if we were legally married, but I still think of our wedding day as the day we exchanged vows in front of family & friends.

We had a destination wedding and it ended up being much, much cheaper than a big, local ceremony.

 

[NicWhite]

I know 3 different couples that went to the courthouse to get married and then had a traditional wedding within month of the civil service. The reason was because the wives were not from the United States and they wanted to get the greencards started as soon as possible.

 

[mischka]

I think it makes sense and it's a perfectly acceptable track but I would be worried that 1. he would eventually persuade me that we didn't need a "real" wedding and I'd get cheated out of it and 2. it would take a lot of the fun out of it. I'm one of those women for whom an important part of the wedding is the actual wedding. So overall I doubt I'd do it.

 

[tinkat]

My godparents have been married for years and on their 20th or 25th anniversary(I forgot), they renewed their vows and had the traditonal wedding that they never had the opportunity to have. It was sweet, we all were included in the wedding.

 

[mischka]

Couples should do what they want, imo. Not what the family wants or what other people dream of. If shacking up is something you aren't comfortable with, then don't take low and do that because it could lead to strain on your relationship. I think if you want a courthouse wedding to avoid shacking, then you should do that and plan for your larger wedding when you are ready. I doubt your loved ones will be boycotting your wedding celebration because you guys did the courthouse thing. Just be sure that you guys are in full agreement that you will be planning a wedding when the time is right.

I agree with this but at the same time I have to admit that for me, I wouldn't really "feel" married without a traditional wedding. A courthouse wedding just doesn't appeal to me at all.

 

[MamaBear2012]

If that's what someone wanted to do, then I think it's great. It's all about what you want to do.

Just some thoughts...Would you actually do another ceremony and reception or just a reception? Would people show up for the wedding when they know that you are already married? I think that if I did it that way, a lot of folks from out-of-town wouldn't make their way to a wedding where I was already married - not that I'd necessarily care.

 

[LunadeMiel]

I don't see anything wrong with it Ediese. If you are against shacking then do the courthouse thing. My mother actually did this. She got married in a civil ceremony in November 2010 and had a big wedding 4/23/2011. No one cared that she was married already.

 

[MizAvalon]

No, I want my traditional wedding. Those "we'll do it later" scenarios rarely work out. Life just gets in the way and before you know it, 10-15 years have gone by and there has still been no real wedding.

 

[Nyssa28]

That's what we're gonna do....We had a ME + HE and in 4 years, we'll do a renewal ceremony that will be our big wedding. If I still care about a big wedding by then....

 

[Renewed1]

I agree with you Opster, I won't live with a man prior to marriage. Therefore, if I was in that situation, I think we would elope on an island (Aruba, Sandals, etc) and invite whomever could afford to attend. Once we return, we could through a big party and do a slide show of our wedding.

 

[MissYocairis]

I agree with this but at the same time I have to admit that for me, I wouldn't really "feel" married without a traditional wedding. A courthouse wedding just doesn't appeal to me at all.

But that isn't OP's issue. OP and her SO have to decide what feels right for them. I don't think taking others' preferences into consideration serves them. There are thousands of people nationwide every month/year who "feel" married without a traditional wedding. So....it's really up to them.

 

[blackbarbie986]

One of my friends did this, she and her husband had gotten engaged and were living together. They started feeling bad about shakin and decided to get legal. The wedding happened about six months later.

Some of their family had issue with it, but hey do what makes you happy.

 

[ebonylocs]

It may be more practical to just have a reception but as a woman I know every little girl dreams of walking down the aisle in that white dress.

There is nothing that every little girl dreams of. Every little girl is different. I feel redundant saying this (because who doesn't know it?) yet people insist on making these statements.

 

[Arcadian]

I don't see it as a big deal, do what you want. BTW I've seen some really beautiful courthouse weddings.

in france you have to have a civil ceremony. they don't combine civil and religious ceremonies so many will have 2 weddings so to speak.

My mom and dad had a court house wedding. ooo the pictures This was back in the 60s. My mother made my father and her wedding outfit out of this red white and blue checkered polyester material But they looked very happy. They're still happy (and married) so it does work for some.


-A

 

[LovelyNaps26]

for me i want a wedding not so much for the spectacle of it but i just want to share that moment with my friends and family. i'd get at $200 dress from david's bridal and make my own bouquet if i had to. i just want others there.

Just took a look on Craigslist in my city and folks are renting out their large houses/big yards for receptions. Folks are being creative in this economy so there are cheap options I would rent come chairs and host 75 people. Order nice appetizers and share an intimate evening with family and friends.

 

[fluffyforever]

I got a domestict partnership to my SO when we started living together. I didn't want to get an actual marriage license since if I marry I would no longer be covered under my mom's insurances (I'm a broke college student, so was he, with no jobs soon). And I would catch hell marrying at a court house from both sides of the family.

We want to marry, but the cost of bringing 2 families from different sides of the country together and the basic costs of a small wedding are too much for us now and in the near future. We consider ourselves married, got recognition from the state, and solidified our intentions to our families all with the domestic partnership license.

 

[SerenavanderWoodsen]

Don't do the courthouse wedding if you want a real wedding. I did a courthouse wedding and have no desire for a ceremony. It seems awfully silly to me now. Once you've been with someone married a ceremony just doesn't seem to make any sense to me anyway.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

I dont belive in going to to an insane amount of debt for approximately 12-20 hours so do what you feel is best. If folks have a prob with you not having a traditional wedding tell them to kindly foot the bill

 

[ellebelle88]

15k seems like an awful lot to me for a "small" wedding, Ediese.

I've been to a lot of weddings, many of which were on that big, platinum level. Yet one of the classiest, most elegant and posh weddings I've ever been to had 45-50 guests. The bride didn't break the bank and everyone seemingly had a great time. It didn't even feel like there were too few people or anything.

The good thing I've learned about small weddings is that you can really focus on more intimate details that could otherwise be ignored. Her wedding wound up having a spread in a magazine.

Are any of the images from the wedding online? I would love to see it. I want a small and intimate wedding as well so I'm always looking for ideas.

 

[Ediese]

15k seems like an awful lot to me for a "small" wedding, Ediese.



Are any of the images from the wedding online? I would love to see it. I want a small and intimate wedding as well so I'm always looking for ideas.

Really? It's sort of a destination wedding, but not really. Here's the venue. I've dreamed of getting married here even when I was a little girl.

http://carambolabeach.com/caribbean-weddings/

Here are the packages.

 

[Papoose]

I say do what's best for you. I don't know many couples that had a traditional wedding following a civil ceremony, but it can happen. I do know folks that renewed their vows at the 5/10 year mark following a civil ceremony. If it were me, I'd just have a small intimate ceremony & big party later as suggested by an earlier post. However, if the destination wedding is what you really want, don't compromise! Go back to the table with your SO, crunch the numbers and think of creative ways to reduce that debt.