Lessons your mother taught you about men...

[envybeauty]

I usually offer and if he accepts my offer, there will be no 2nd date.

that is my thing too....i will offer if i like the guy. if he accepts, it's over. i won't even return calls the next day.


Lessons:

men love conditionally, women love unconditionally

if he is willing to walk away from you, he is not yours. people who truly love you don't walk out on you.

why buy cow if milk is free....

 

[BroadstreetBully]

that is my thing too....i will offer if i like the guy. if he accepts, it's over. i won't even return calls the next day.


Lessons:

men love conditionally, women love unconditionally

if he is willing to walk away from you, he is not yours. people who truly love you don't walk out on you.

why buy cow if milk is free....

But how do you offer without making the situation awkward? I mean, what do you say?

 

[GeorginaSparks]

But how do you offer without making the situation awkward? I mean, what do you say?

I have my wallet and card in hand and get ready to pay. And a sensible guy should be "ill take care of that". Not act like he doesnt know wtf is going on.

 

[envybeauty]

But how do you offer without making the situation awkward? I mean, what do you say?

i offer through actions. after the check comes to the table, i start reaching for my purse to pull out my wallet and he better say don't worry i got it. men are very observant that first date...they watch you like hawks to pick up on body language to see if you are enjoying yourself with them. reaching for my bag at that point would be obvious as to what i am going.

if he still doesn't pick up on that, i'll say how much is it (after he reaches for the bill). he better say THEN, don't worry, i got it. if not, i'd pay for my half ONLY and bounce.

no hug goodbye either. a handshake to seal the deal that that boy is not the MAN i would want to be with.

 

[nychaelasymone]

good thread.....

I grew up with both parents in the house and neither of them thought it necessary to discuss dating and sex with me or my sister. I just wished they did but I don't hate them for it, they loved me the best way they knew how and some things were highly uncomfortable for them to talk to about. Unfortanately, I learned EVERYTHING the hard way and am still learning some things. I tell all my male friends that when they have children, especially if they have girls to make sure they spend time with them and show them how a man is supposed to treat a woman.

 

[SpiritJunkie]

i grew with both my parents..dad left at 14...and no one ever spoke to me about relationships at all.

i just went by what i saw. which is my mom working all day and night to keep things going and i figure i will not do that with a man in the house. i do see my sister doing the same thing now with her husband. not me.

the only advice i thought was half decent i got from one of my old bosses: it's better when a man loves you more than you love him

 

[ThickHair]

Make sure you can survive on your own. You new know what is going to happen. Basically have your own money.

Also don't purchase a house that you can not afford alone. I purchased one I could afford alone but DH couldn't and when I got divorced DH had to go. He couldn't afford it on his own.

 

[Channie]

Be with a man that loves you more than you love him. I didnt understand at first but now I do.

That's the ONLY piece of advice my mother gave me. EVER.
When I was in high school she hated for me to get money from guys so she'd make sure she gave me more than they offered me, but that was about it. I've heard every other thing mentioned in this thread, but not from own mother.

 

[chiprecious]

From my dad: "Dont take money from a guy or let a guy pay your bills. If you cant afford anything, come and ask me and i will give it to you as long as im still alive"

Do we got the same daddies???
My dad to this day says the same and I'm getting married in 2 months! Men value an independent woman that can hold their own.

 

[DMJ's Mom]

Always have your own account (along with a joint account)
If he ever hits you be prepared that one of you won't be walking out the house I never understood that until my older sister and I got talking about abuse(my family are big gun people )

 

[jamiss]

My mom and my stepfather have been married for a long time, and I am glad they are happy-

but I would not do anything my mother did before she met him with men. She dated the big a-holes, and was treated poorly, and I am glad she met a nice man, because she clearly had f-ed up ideas about men and relationships.

 

[KiSseS03]

In addition to a lot of the words mention two memorable quotes from my mom about men are:

• Don't throw your pearl before swine.
• A man will tell you ANYTHING...

 

[tocktick]

my mother has not said anything (not that i can re-call anyway) to me. what i've learned from her about men and relationships has been through her own actions. she will not really speak much on this kind of stuff. she has only done so in relation to her previous relationships. for example, if she talks about my father or something. my parents are no longer together.

i've made a few mistakes and i don't think going to an all-girls high school helped in learning about the opposite sex (no, i didn't go wild when i left but i would mis-read things before or get signals wrong). i wish she had have said some things growing up but she didn't. now i look to her own past relationships and realise the qualities i do not want in a man and where i would draw the line.

i'm not close enough with my father to have him say anything to me about this kind of stuff. he has said that he doesn't want any of his daughters to struggle for money ever though. presumably because he thinks he should be the one to handle that and not another man or he doesn't want me to turn to work in the sex industry or whatever . in his own round-about way, maybe he was saying i shouldn't put myself in the position where i have to rely on an SO for money.

 

[bluerose17]

This is a good thread, but um I remember my mom saying things like

Don't ever let a man run over you.

Men like the chase.

Don't be with a man who can't do anything for you.

 

[poookie]

I have to agree with the part that's bold. This is one of the main reasons why I had to end my relationship (if thats what you would call it) just last night! I felt that it was too often that I would have to get on him about doing things that a "boyfriend" should do. It just turned into me nagging him all of the time and I'm not a nagger(sp?)! I didn't like the person I was changing into just to try and make a good boyfriend out of him. He would always say "I can't read your mind, you have to tell me". The whole time I am thinking "You dumbass! You are a grown ass man and I have to tell you when to take me out or spend time with me? I don't have to say anything when you want some ass! Nevertheless, his ass had to GO!!!

oh. my. goodness. my ex was EXACTLY like that! glad he's my ex now.

WHAT A GREAT THREAD!!!

 

[Highly Favored8]

Keep my legs Closed
Be a lady and classy at all times
I love my mother

 

[MichelleMyBelle]

My mom said this to me when I was engaged to be married. "Your best friend should be Jesus, you and your boyfriend should be the closest of friends. You should be able to share most anything with him and know that you are safe. If you can't, don't marry him."

 

[changedlife]

Great thread. Wish I saw this thread before I married this man But it's never too late

 

[Ms Red]

Don't look for a man to fill a void in your life. Let God do that.

Yes, chemistry and attraction are important but so is his heart.

Men will say anything to get what they want. Game recognizes game.

Don't be no man's fool.

I, too, love my mama!!

 

[grnidmonster]

-If you lay with dogs you get fleas
-A man will be exactly what you expect - if you tell him he is a dog he will be, if you tell him he is a king and you expect to be treated like a queen, if he is really into you he will meet your expectations.
-Let a man be a man and you be a lady at all times
-People do what is important to them, if you are important to him he will...
call, find you, be there, whatever
-Women are smarter than men, smart enough to let a man THINK he is in charge

 

[ellennicole]

Lessons my mom taught/told me abuot men and relationships.

She sent me to college for two reasons 1) to get an education and to 2) find a man (maybe reverse order). B/c that's what happened when she and my aunt went to college, but things are not the same.

That having a man is better than having none at all....

The chances of me finding an educated, good, black man, are slim to none now that I'm not in school..

I don't really listen to my mom when it comes to men.

Now, Nana told me some good advice.
Always have your own money
Buy the furniture and let him (your husband) buy the food, that way you have the tangible just in case things don't work out.

 

[crlsweetie912]

None....

I love my mom to death, but she was one of those mothers who did the basics of what she was supposed to do as a mom (kept a roof over our head, feed us, etc). But when it came to discussions about relationships, men, sex- the woman was a vault!

Between that and not having a father around to give me that perspective, I was pretty clueless.

Co friggin signing! I am sitting here racking my brain about something my mom taught me and I couldn't come up with a single thing!

 

[princessnad]

Don't do what she did.

Don't be a pushover and let men walk all over you.
Don't fall in love when you are in a vulnerable situation.
Don't settle for less that your physical, spiritual, economical equal.
Don't argue over the small stuff.
Do be warm and supportive even when you are thinking

 

[princessnad]

Oh yeah:

Never ever ignore the warning signs and stop signs. If your gutt feeling is telling you it's wrong, no matter how right it is on paper, it is wrong.

 

[caribeandiva]

From Mommy dearest:

-All men want virgins. If you're not a virgin, he'll never fully respect you.

-You must be a good cook or he'll leave you for the maid. again

-Don't make her mistake and get a boyfriend when you're too young. (17 is too young for her ).
*as you can see, i roll my eyes a lot when my mom starts talking about men*

-Watch how he treats his parents cause that's how he'll treat you. (this i totallty agree with).

-Don't give him more importance than your family.

-Never forget that men are ungrateful creatures who will tell you anything you want to hear to get what they want.

 

[caramelcutieinva]

Don't get married young, experience life a little first
some men need to be trained
pick your battles
if its not going to work move on , if its meant to be you will cross paths again

 

[SweetMarshCrystal]

never love a man unconditionally, there should always be conditions to your love for him.

do not force a man to love you or treat you the way you expect to be treated, if it is not working be grown and leave...something bigger and better will come along, it always does have, faith

alwaya ask me or your sisters what we really think about your man because we are not blinded by love we can tell you the honest truth...it is now up to you to accept what we let you know or not.

I really love this quote - brings memories of the situation im curretly dealing with. I really like this guy in college - but he ignores me... and so I cant force him to love me. Yet Im still holding on... I know I must leave him.