Lessons you have learned in relationships

[Bublnbrnsuga]

1.) Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior
2.) If I have ANY doubt in my mind about a man's character-leave him alone. My intuition (or spirit) tried to save me from heartache many times,but I did not listen.
3.) If he wants to talk to me,he will approach me-not the other way around. The "oh he's shy" and other excuses why a man won't step up are not going to phase me.
4.) If there's no balance in the relationship,there's no Bublnbrwnsuga either.
Carry on the list ladies...

 

[Supergirl]

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2.) If I have ANY doubt in my mind about a man's character-leave him alone. My intuition (or spirit) tried to save me from heartache many times,but I did not listen.

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This one is SO true

Good list girl

 

[itismehmmkay]

EXCELLENT post!

1) Definitely the intuiton thing....man! And to add to it, stop trying to rationalize your intuition.

2) Don't blame myself for a failed relationship; we just weren't meant to be. Usually we blame ourselves and start trying to change ourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.

3) Don't force an attraction

4) Slower is better.

5) Don't ever express emotions via voicemail (lol...ever!)

6) You can only be so understanding; guys aren't dumb.

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

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Supergirl said:
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2.) If I have ANY doubt in my mind about a man's character-leave him alone. My intuition (or spirit) tried to save me from heartache many times,but I did not listen.

[/ QUOTE ]

This one is SO true

Good list girl

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Keep the list going Supergirl-next...

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

1) Definitely the intuiton thing....man! And to add to it, stop trying to rationalize your intuition.

Oh WWWEEEE itismehmmkay!!! ON POINT. THE RATIONALIZING HAS GOTS TO GO!!

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

5) Don't ever express emotions via voicemail (lol...ever!)
Oops

Maybe you should have mentioned this 2 months ago...

 

[itismehmmkay]

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Bublnbrnsuga said:

Oh WWWEEEE itismehmmkay!!! ON POINT. THE RATIONALIZING HAS GOTS TO GO!!

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lol.....thank God I'm not the only one.

 

[HotCoCoGurl130]

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truely happy.

 

[Supergirl]

Well...

*If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

*Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don't let faith make you stupid. God does things decent and in order.

*Don't settle

*If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. RUN!

*If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship--take that as a BIG sign that he is unstable. Do you really want to be with a man like that?

*Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

*A man's gonna basically do what he wants to do so all of his great reasons for X & Y may sound good, but it's funny how those same reasons won't apply to another situation in his life. He's doing what he wants to do.

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

Supragirl,you are too much. When are you going to help me with my relationships rules book?

 

[Supergirl]

Honey,

I'd be glad to help you anytime

--Experience is a good teacher...But I wouldn't be Supergirl without it.

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

I hope all these rules causes us to be single

but when you have standards,that's just the way it is. Like Karen White said "I'd rather be alone than be here unhappy."

 

[rozlips]

If the man was meant to be yours, he won't have any mess behind him.

Honorable men take care of their business and aren't involved in a whole lot of mess.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

There's only one 'reason' a man dumps you; he doesn't want you.

Avoid men whose mothers were victims of domestic violence.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

 

[zoya_j]

[ QUOTE ]
HotCoCoGurl130 said:
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truely happy.

[/ QUOTE ]

You've all given good advice ladies, but this happens to be my golden rule. I will always do what makes Me happy and put me first in my life right after God.

 

[moneychaser]

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rozlips said:

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.



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I had a hard time learning this one!

 

[Isis]

If he is constantly asking to borrow money – don’t give him any. He has a problem managing his money or could have a gambling addiction or something.

If he keeps telling you it’s “just your imagination” when you point out certain things in his behavior that’s bothering you, like him trying to make you jealous or putting you down, or lying, RUN! This is called “crazy-making” in psychology and it’s part of controlling behavior. And it will get worse.

If he puts you down, this is a RED FLAG. You deserve much better.

If he’s jealous and/or possessive, it’s not cute – this is a RED FLAG.

And intuition as already mentioned is a powerful tool and guide that we must always listen to, no matter how "hot" he is, no matter what.

 

[brownrelaxedhair]

Just ask yourself "Am I happy?' because at the end of the day, that's all that matters. A relative gave me that advice once when I was in a bad relationship. That question remained with me and was what helped me leave.

Trust your instincts/gut. Its usually right.

If after years together he still opens doors for you, offers to put your coat on for you and keeps up all the 'man duties'

he may just be worth keeping around.

If he verbally abuses you badly, he's not worth it.

You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.

I look back and think 'why the heck was I with that guy?'

Always put yourself and your happiness first.

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

 

[Meinzzfuture]

YOu can't let things slide in the beginning of the relationship and then months down the line think that you're going to start putting you're foot down. he will not be having that sh*t. Best you regulate from the start.

 

[vevster]

Bublnbrnsuga, ITA with this one:

[ QUOTE ]
If he wants to talk to me, he will approach me-not the other way around. The "oh he's shy" and other excuses why a man won't step up are not going to phase me.

[/ QUOTE ]

Supergirl, I like this one!
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*If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.



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Here are some of mine:
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

Like from the show Sex and the City, if he doesn’t call, he just isn’t that interested.

Get to know a guy (really!) before jumping into anything.

Be honest and upfront.

Know when to cut the cord, don’t be strung along.

Don’t fall for the “I’m confused role”. Remove yourself from the situation to let him figure things out(but don’t wait for him, move on).

Don't let people, like old ladies, or old married couples get in your business, and tell you you are too picky and try to tell you what YOU want.

 

[Isis]

Oh, here’s another one…

(for those of you practicing safe sex) If you both decide to become intimate and he says he does not want to use protection (“can’t feel anything”, “too inconvenient”, “I don’t use them”, “don’t like them”) don’t sleep with him, period.

Do not tolerate any kind of abuse.

 

[fine_beauty]

I'm saving these tips in my email account and in my favorite thread slot, Ladies. Lord knows, I need to have these advice on hand when the time comes.
P.s
I liked the one about been cautious about men whose mothers were abused

 

[Laginappe]

On the same line of being cautious about men who's mothers were abused, I'm cautious about men who were raised without fathers. In my experience men who didn't have fathers in their life struggle harder with the role themselves. They never had an example to look at - and in their lives the women shouldered all of the burden and it follows that they in turn expect their women to do the same.

 

[karezone]

If he says, "I don't call because I am afraid your Mother will pick up the phone". It means that he his to sorry to talk to your family but expects you to be polite and cordial to his people.

 

[Bublnbrnsuga]

Thanks Vevster for agreeing with my "let him approach you first" listing. I want to be pursued-it's in a woman's nature. The man is the pursuer-it's in his nature. I have experienced first hand how approaching men,in my opinion,is a no-no. One of my many embarrassing examples:
I was in college and there was this CU-T-PIE that kept staring at me on occassion. I made mention of this to a friend and one day as we were walking,she noticed that he was staring at me. Well,I decided to approach him because apparently,he wants to talk to me since he stares at me,right? WRONG. I approached him very nicely,asking him what his name was. He told me,but didn't return the favor to asking me what my name was. For a moment,I just stood there like-okay,your turn,buddy. After a few awkward minutes,I told him,"nice meeting you." He left and I picked my face,pride,and ego off the floor

Good thing I can find the humor in this now!

 

[zora]

[ QUOTE ]
Bublnbrnsuga said:
I hope all these rules causes us to be single

but when you have standards,that's just the way it is. Like Karen White said "I'd rather be alone than be here unhappy."

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Girl, don't make take that CD out! The lyrics pretty much some it up.

 

[Supergirl]

Yeah--most of the CD is the BOMB! Those are the women's anthems right there!

 

[rozlips]

Laginappe, I'm starting to think we were separated at birth! I agree wholeheartedly about men who were raised without fathers. My mama told me this one when I was young, but I kept trying. Finally it sank in, it's simply not going to work. Poor guys are absolutely clueless about being a husband!

 

[cybra]

Here's a few I think are important:

* If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how he treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom).

*There's more than physical abuse, there's emotional and mental abuse. If he causes any of them...flee.

*Don't judge what type of man he is right away. Most men are on their best behavior during the first few months of dating. Wait until the "honeymoon" period is over then observe him. Especially when he isn't aware that you are observing him.

* You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.

* Don't let him place rules on your that he is not will to follow himself --double-standard.

* You should be allowed to have a say in decisions (going out with others, trips, etc.) that are made that will affect both of you.

* If he has children, DON'T BECOME THE BABYSITTER OR STEP-MOTHER if you are dating.
-Also, if they need to be reprimanded, LET DAD DO IT!, it's not
your job or place.

*Don't talk about ex's...and don't allow him to tell you about his unless you truly want to hear the details and possibly deal with side-effects.

*Don't be afraid to tell him what you like or dislike. You shouldn't have to put up with behaviors, things said, or peeves just to make him happy. You are to be made happy too.

*Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.

*Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

*Demand respect and if he can't give it, he can't have you!

*Don't compete with other woman, but be aware that men are attracted to what they see. Just because you're comfortable with each other, that doesn't mean let yourself go. You must remind him what he finds attractive about you and why he is with you.

*If you think he is cheating, he probably is. Confront him right away and if you feel he's lying, let him go.

 

[vevster]

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Thanks Vevster for agreeing with my "let him approach you first" listing.

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Yep!

Plus, there are guys out there that JUST want to be pursued. I'm not with that!

 

[Supergirl]

alright, on the one about not dating guys who grew up without their fathers in the house--I think that's kind of unfair, because they didn't ask to be put in that situation. My parents were divorced when I was very young & I would hate for men to say "don't mess with a woman who grew up without her father because they have issues."