LEND ME A EAR

mommyoftheyear

mommyoftheyear

Member
I have been together with my dh for 9 years married 6 Well we have had a bumpy relationship. To say the least. Anyway we have three kids and I just am not happy anymore My dh can not keep a job drinks all the time he doesn't take me out etc. He is great with the kids and they love him!! I am very nevrous of single motherhood although I do have a great support system with my family they are great!! I think I am staying with him b/c of the kids and the fact that I am scared of the single mother and life change. Please ladies give me some advice I have been praying and still don't know what to do.:wallbash:
 
For me it always starts with a list. Pros\Cons, put pencil to paper. Your perspective changes when you see things written out in black and white.
 
Hey
Sending you a hug. I am not married so my advice may be a little naive. But I believe if you just stay with someone because of the children they eventually realize and may be offended. Your happiness affects your ability to be a good mother.

Additionally, you deserve to be with someone who you love and respect. Maybe you can try counselling. Maybe if you talk to your husband he will change his ways or try harder.
AND THEN maybe not. Try approaching the subject head on before planning your divorce!

HTH
 
^^^^^ Agreed w/ Thick Hair. I can't tell you whether you should leave your husband because it's not anyone's place to tell you to do that. That's a life decision that you have to be sure enough to make on your own. Listen to yourself. Pray. Weigh your options with the pros and cons. Try to put yourself in the position of the other important people involved in the situation, and how things will affect them, if you decide to make certain changes. Then be honest with yourself. Whatever decision you make, you should be determined to stand firm in that decision to move forward. This way you can make the best out of the situation regardless of what you decide to do. Good luck.

:bighug:
 
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Is your enviornment a safe one for your children? The answer to that question would influence my decision to stay or go. Think about the long lasting impact that your relationship will have on your children.

You are in my prayers.
 
I ain't telling you to leave your husband because you have chil'ren babygurl but I can do bad by myself, I don't need no help to starve to death. I learned later in life my Dad had some issues when he was young but he stopped the madness at mid 20's. My Mom and us were well taken care of by my father but she couldn't wait to throw him out when the baby of six was 16. Go figure. LOL She told me a few years ago she wouldn't dare raise 6 kids alone. In your case some crumbs maybe better than no cake at all if he is doing major things around the house and with the kids. You just may have to be the breadwinner more times than not. Good luck.
 
mommyoftheyear said:
I have suggested it but my husband is not willing to go.:nono:
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Then go without him. Men never want to do that but you may benefit from having someone listen to you since he isn't, and getting the information and tools you need to make a change and clear your mind so you can make the right decision. Go for your own benefit.
 
mommyoftheyear said:
I have been together with my dh for 9 years married 6 Well we have had a bumpy relationship. To say the least. Anyway we have three kids and I just am not happy anymore My dh can not keep a job drinks all the time he doesn't take me out etc. He is great with the kids and they love him!! I am very nevrous of single motherhood although I do have a great support system with my family they are great!! I think I am staying with him b/c of the kids and the fact that I am scared of the single mother and life change. Please ladies give me some advice I have been praying and still don't know what to do.:wallbash:
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:bighug: I agree with the advice others have given. :yep: Just remember, you can only give 100% of your 50% as far as making an effort goes; you can't make it work for the both you. And I might be missing something, but you talk about single motherhood. Considering that your husband is a good father now, why do you think that would change if you got a divorce?
 
MD_Lady said:
:bighug: I agree with the advice others have given. :yep: Just remember, you can only give 100% of your 50% as far as making an effort goes; you can't make it work for the both you. And I might be missing something, but you talk about single motherhood. Considering that your husband is a good father now, why do you think that would change if you got a divorce?
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To the bold plenty of husbands have been know to change up on the kids after divorce. Plenty attach the kids to the mothers coochie and can't get pass the breakup. Sad but true in many cases. :look:
 
firecracker said:
To the bold plenty of husbands have been know to change up on the kids after divorce. Plenty attach the kids to the mothers coochie and can't get pass the breakup. Sad but true in many cases. :look:
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That's what happened to me. I think my father doesn't even like to look at me because it reminds him how well my mother did raising me without being married to him.(He told her she would fail as a parent without him.)
 
I think you need to make him see the severity of this counseling issue and what it might lead to if he doesn't go with you. Explain to him that you are trying to save your marriage, but can't do it alone. I agree with the poster above who said that if he doesn't go with you, then you might have to go by yourself; however I feel that once you tell him how bad things are, he might come around- if he truly wants to save this marriage.
 
I am married and have been through a rocky road as well with my hubby not wanting to work, I got tired and we separated for a while. That was all we needed to work things out. I have children as well and the thought of being a single parent scared me to death. I have never had to do it alone. I don't know how the single moms do it. I don't believe in just giving up on a marriage. It takes work to make it work, however if you are unhappy it will affect how you handle your children. They will pick up on it. Children know alot more than we give them credit for. I would say try separating for a while and give him time to put things into perspective. If he wants this marriage as bad as you do then he will be willing to work for it. Have you tried marriage counseling? He definately needs to seek help for his alcoholism. Maybe if he thinks he is going to lose his family he may desire to make it right. Also continue to pray and be willing to consider that he may not want to change. Prepare yourself for that, and prepare your children as well. If he is not willing to change and you've gave it all you got, then you have to move on. Don't stay in an unhealthy situation, that is not going to benefit you or your children. I hope everything works out for you!
 
I'm sending you a ((((((big hug)))))). The ladies already have given some good advice. I will be praying for you and your family.


I just wanted to add, if the relationship is or get's violent, I say GET OUT! This is and want be healthy for you or the children. I do say seek marriage counseling and he needs AA. A drunken man can and will be your worst nightmare. Then if he is not willing to seek counseling or get some type of help, then you know what to do!
 
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firecracker said:
I ain't telling you to leave your husband because you have chil'ren babygurl but I can do bad by myself, I don't need no help to starve to death. I learned later in life my Dad had some issues when he was young but he stopped the madness at mid 20's. My Mom and us were well taken care of by my father but she couldn't wait to throw him out when the baby of six was 16. Go figure. LOL She told me a few years ago she wouldn't dare raise 6 kids alone. In your case some crumbs maybe better than no cake at all if he is doing major things around the house and with the kids. You just may have to be the breadwinner more times than not. Good luck.[/quote] [B]You are right on point that is what my Aunt told me and I pretty much agree I'm right there with your Mom when my youngest is up in age I think dh is getting the boot.Thanks for the put in[/B]
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