Ladies... Do you believe chivalry is dead?

[Poohbear]

To me, chivalry isn't dead, even though some men tend to think otherwise which is sad. So I feel the exact same way as you bmoreflyygirl. The man should be the one taking the woman out, giving the woman a ride, and paying for things.

 

[SkinnyMocah]

These 'boys' out here get no love. Give me an old fashioned man ANY day. I've said it before and I will KEEP saying it... these dudes think they're the prize! THEY ARE NOT. I AM.

I am a lady and I will be treated like one or we won't be going out, period.

Now somewhere down the line, I might spring for a dinner, some movie tickets, fill up your car if we go somewhere out of town I want to go, pay for a meal, get us coffee and dessert... but this ain't no roomate thing so we ain't goin' dutch. You are the man and technically 'head of household' so if you can't play your role, move. on. and leave space for an ACTUAL man to step in.

And I'm tired of loose desperate chicks being willing to bend over backward naked just to have a man. Screwing it up for those of us who are worth the work!

*this post is not toward any of the lovely wonderful women who post at LHCF, nor is it toward any of ya mommas, aunties, sisters, and best friends. K?

 

[NoNapNique]

Unfortunately it is dead... I've seen enough of the dating world to see how much it has changed. Even my observation that since around... Ohhh... the mid-nineties "flowers on the first date" have all but VANISHED. Now, home-dude rings your doorbell and hops back in his car to wait for you, or calls you from his cell (only because the honking he WANTED to do is considered a faux pas )

And forget a man *ASKING* you to dance... Nowadays he just slides up on you, with his "I'm Too Sexy" jig ALREADY in progress and expects that you WILL and WANT TO dance with him!

Even roles of the man AFTER all the courting and proposing, has changed. Men are confusing "EQUAL OPPPORTUNITY", and taking the meaning too far. It is NOT an "opportunity" to pay for dates and be the breadwinner... It IS an opportunity to be able to vote, and have jobs which are aligned with your intellectual abilities, and allow you to be a progressive/productive female member of society, and take care of yourself (because chances are you will end up alone with this new breed of non-chivalrous chumps making the dating pool more pitiful)...

Equal opportunity for women means we want to do/have opportunities as CAPABLE HUMAN BEINGS... The **** has NOTHING to do with courting and treating a lady as such!

Can you tell I'm heated about this?

 

[sereia]

In Germany it´s dead and buried, at least in my generation.
A lot of german (white) women have this notion of independence/anti-traditionalism, too. And young men DO take advantage of that!
But it is also a lack of hometraining. I NEVER met a man here who would even think of pulling my chair or getting out of his car to open my door.
So I have resorted to mostly date men from other countries/migration background. Don´t have time to deal with training a GROWN man. Although I do agree with the point that it is not always necessary/practical for him to do ALL those little things. But he HAS to foot the bill and do basic things like opening doors or physical tasks (?) (has to be a gentleman in the bed too). A rose or an "I love you" from time to time don´t hurt either

 

[MuseofTroy]

I'm directing this more towards the younger women but everybody feel free to respond. I was having a conversation with one of my guy friends earlier (he's a good friend of mine) and it came up. He said something about wanting a girl to take him on a date. I thought he was joking but I guess not. I don't really know. I told him the man should take the lead. That's the proper way. And he was like it's 2007. Then he wanted to throw in there but what about women's rights? I feel like that's a cop out men use to get out of being a gentleman. I'm noticing that this is the trend with most men in my generation. They don't want to do all of that.

Personally, while I do agree that women should have equal rights in regards to some things like equal pay for the same jobs, voting, etc. that still doesn't mean that a man shouldn't hold the door open for you because you have arms. My dad still holds the door open for my mom and they've been married over 20 years. A man can still be your equal while maintaining his appropriate gender role as the man right? There are certain things I think men should do just like there are certain things women should do. Most men know what they should be doing that's why they do that stuff on the first date and whatever and then they don't do it anymore. Unless they truly have no home training, I think it's just a cop out.

Am I wrong for feeling that way? What do you think? Is Chivalry dead in your opinion? If so, why? or why not?

ETA: Please share your reasons and not just vote! Thanks!

Ironically I believe that the feminist movement has caused a double edge sword when it comes to gender relations. If women want equal rights and to be treated just as men are in the work place, home, and society at large, then why should a man feel obligated to open a door for a woman? One of the goals in the feminist movement is to remove gender difference which I think is completely backwards for the simple fact that biologically men and women are different. Furthermore I also think that as a result of the changing dynamics between men and women, there are men out there who don’t feel the need to be “traditional” when it comes to paying for dinner or opening the door for a woman.

However there are other men out there who do believe in chivalry and they feel good about making a woman feel feminine and needed. My only irritation when it comes to some women is that they scream and holler about not needing and man and talking about being independent but are the first ones to complain when no man is interested in dating them or doesn’t want to play the traditional man role. My opinion is that you can’t have it both ways. I’m all for equal rights and allowing women the opportunity to do the same things as men (IF THEY QUALIFY) but I like the idea of gender rolse. I think there are some things men do better than women and vice versa.

But I digress. I don’t think chivalry is dead.

 

[Halana Malie]

I think that the woman has to establish chivalry as an expectation. She also has to do her part. Some men like a challenge and are willing to court you. Those are the men I want.

Dudes that act grudgingly get no love. My &$ssy is very sensitive and will dry up like the desert if I sense selfishness.

Now if you act right... eventuallytrampolin

You're on point with this. I totally agree

 

[cocoberry10]

Ironically I believe that the feminist movement has caused a double edge sword when it comes to gender relations. If women want equal rights and to be treated just as men are in the work place, home, and society at large, then why should a man feel obligated to open a door for a woman? One of the goals in the feminist movement is to remove gender difference which I think is completely backwards for the simple fact that biologically men and women are different. Furthermore I also think that as a result of the changing dynamics between men and women, there are men out there who don’t feel the need to be “traditional” when it comes to paying for dinner or opening the door for a woman.

However there are other men out there who do believe in chivalry and they feel good about making a woman feel feminine and needed. My only irritation when it comes to some women is that they scream and holler about not needing and man and talking about being independent but are the first ones to complain when no man is interested in dating them or doesn’t want to play the traditional man role. My opinion is that you can’t have it both ways. I’m all for equal rights and allowing women the opportunity to do the same things as men (IF THEY QUALIFY) but I like the idea of gender rolse. I think there are some things men do better than women and vice versa.

But I digress. I don’t think chivalry is dead.

Your whole post is on it, but the bolded part. It's like...fiyah!

Let's bring back the days of romance!

 

[Sistaslick]

Chivalry is dead and I attended the wake.

Seriously, chivalry has all but fizzled out. Extending common courtesies in general is a dying trend. I can't tell you how many times I've seen young able bodied men (and women) sitting down in a waiting room while some elderly individual or pregnant woman is made to stand up. Offer your seat dang it. If I am seated and an elder, disabled, or pregnant woman enters the room and there are no seats, I always offer mine if it's looking like no one else is willing.

For dating, I mean common courtesies like getting a difficult or heavy door are nice, but you don't have to lay down your trench coat over a puddle in the rain to prove yourself.

 

[thiccknlong]

Yes , I think it is dead.

Yes, I think you can get a guy who is chivalry like. Most or alot guys dont do those things. And some who do, are only playing the game of cat and mouse. But, I do KNOW there are gentleman like guys out there. We as black girls have just gotta find the right ones.

 

[nikkablue]

CHIVALRY IS DEAD! Don't get it twisted ladies. I work with nothing but men and let me tell you.... I have been behind the curtain and seen and heard things that no woman was meant to see or hear! To listen to them (men) tell it, all women fall into 2 catagories Stupid and Sl**s and that we're only good for one thing! It doesn't matter if we are more educated than them or are just as capable of doing anything that they can do except now they get to use the whole equal rights for women as an excuse to use us and treat us poorly as if to say "You asked for this..."

I know you think I'm just hating on men and I'd be totally lying if I said that I wasn't just a little. Trust me when I tell you that i did not start off this way. This little rant is the accumillation of listening and seeing what men are like when "we're" not around, for The last seven years.

What I find it interesting that the same men who spout this crap on a daily basis are, for the most part, married! I wonder if thier wives know that they talk this way and feel so mysogonistic about women or if they would even be married still if thier wives heard what they said on a daily basis.

I would like to think that chivalry isn't dead but, based on my experiences. It died a long time ago. My mother and friends tell me that not all men are like this and maybe thier right (My father certainly isn't) but I feel that men are now forcing the issue of the trade-off.

1. We can have the career and opportunities that our male counterparts have but, we aren't respected as women. or..
2. We can be treated as women but, can't be recognized as having ability or talent so that we are able to have the same oprtunities and careers as our male counterparts.

It's a catch 22 and very sad....

Of course, this is probably the reason I haven't dated in 4 years!

 

[Sirens_Song]

I'm directing this more towards the younger women

OP, I'm wondering why you wanted the opinion of "younger women". Did you believe that older women would voice a different kind of opinion? If so, what do you think their answer would be? I'm just curious as to why you emphasized it.

I didn't go through the whole thread yet, so if anyone voiced that question to you already, please ignore.
Thanks!

 

[MD_Lady]

Nope, not even close.

 

[KEWLKAT103]

Yes, I do

 

[GeauXavi]

I think that the woman has to establish chivalry as an expectation. She also has to do her part. Some men like a challenge and are willing to court you. Those are the men I want.

Dudes that act grudgingly get no love. My &$ssy is very sensitive and will dry up like the desert if I sense selfishness.

Now if you act right... eventuallytrampolin

ya heard me?!!! lol... ITA with everything you said

 

[inspiration150]

Nope, it depends upon the man.

 

[moonglowdiva]

No chivalry is not dead but lets face it. Our culture is in a downward cycle of moral and ethical values. Today's men have not been taught how to behave like gentlemen and on the other hand women have not been taught how to act like a lady. I feel that before we jump all over the men we must first take a look at why we as women are not doing. I believe that you have to act like a lady first before a man will treat you like one.

 

[Bunny77]

^^^But if men are supposed to be in a leadership role, according to many religions, then why do men have to wait for women to "act right" before they choose to act correctly? Men don't need any more excuses to get out of doing what they're supposed to be doing.

Men lead, women follow. Men treat women well, they will respond in kind.

Of course, this starts with the first man in a woman's life setting the example -- her father... and well, since that man is often absent... the cycle begins.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

No chivalry is not dead but lets face it. Our culture is in a downward cycle of moral and ethical values. Today's men have not been taught how to behave like gentlemen and on the other hand women have not been taught how to act like a lady. I feel that before we jump all over the men we must first take a look at why we as women are not doing. I believe that you have to act like a lady first before a man will treat you like one.

You can be a lady out there on a limb by yourself so I don't believe that men are chomping at the bit, waiting for a real lady to appear so they can be more chivalrous. The men of today just don't know how to be gentlemen.