Ladies... Do you believe chivalry is dead?

[Kiadodie]

I don't know..I'm a sucker for romance and chivalry..I really am. I love a man that makes me feel like a true lady in every way.

 

[Enchantmt]

I dont think its dead. Maybe because I'm ole and fat, but men hold open the door for me all day long, young, old and all races, tho younger black men arent always sensitive to this, but I think that is upbringing. (Not to bash the menfolx but they ALL reach for the door when they want to look at the backside walking through ) I like the traditional male and female roles but I end up limiting myself alot. I wont go out if I cant afford to pay at least my half and/or pay the tip, and I dont want to offer and have it accepted and pay grudgingly because I offered and didnt mean it. So even though I have never gone out with a man who expected me to pay or accepted my offer, modern dating is so complicated I'd rather be safe than sorry. I hear whomever asks for the date pays, the first date should be dutch regardless, that the man should always pay and 20 other different scenarios. I think most people in my age group still go for the man paying regardless, tho.

 

[MzLady78]

Sometimes, I think it's alive and well like when men open the door for you or help you with a heavy package. Others times, I feel that it's no where to be found like when I'm on a packed train, very obviously pregnant, and holding on to an overhead rail for dear life while young able-bodied men lounge in their seats without offering to get up at all. Oh well, we've done this to ourselveserplexed .

This pisses me off!!! I see it all the time. I usually give up my seat but I'll
be damned if I don't glare at those sorry *** men when I do it!!!

And let's not even count the amount of time some I've nearly gotten knocked over by a guy trying to push past me to get on a bus/train.

 

[glamazon386]

Sometimes, I think it's alive and well like when men open the door for you or help you with a heavy package. Others times, I feel that it's no where to be found like when I'm on a packed train, very obviously pregnant, and holding on to an overhead rail for dear life while young able-bodied men lounge in their seats without offering to get up at all. Oh well, we've done this to ourselveserplexed .

I can't stand that either! I see people do that on the subway all the time. Especially ones sitting in that seat that says you have to get up if an elderly or disabled person comes up. It's just common courtesy.

 

[mango387]

Nooo. It is not dead. In both California and Alabama, I have had men (black men included) hold the door open for me, move out my chair before I sit, hand me a tissue, offer to carry heavy packages, etc. I will say that a lot of these men will over thirty, but I agree with previous posters that mommies and daddies have to teach their sons how to treat women. My ex (25) was always chivalrous, and I was/am so appreciative. Although we didn't make it as a couple, I did come away knowing a little more of what I want in my significant other.

 

[MissJ]

My first boyfriend was chivalrous. He's from a different country, so maybe that's why. He did basically everything for me without my asking and without hesitation. I didn't realize it until I got with WCG who "doesn't believe in gender roles." (I didn't understand what he meant at the time) When he would list my good qualities he would say, "At least you will pay for stuff." At first he asked what I thought about percentages in a relationship. I said that I think it should be 50/50. I had thought that my first relationship was 50/50, but after really seeing what 50/50 is, it totally wasn't. It really sucks when you can't get a man to do the smallest little thing. I thought I liked being independent, but not THAT independent. Sheesh.

I don't think chivalry is dead, but I think for some people it never existed.

 

[cocoberry10]

I'm older and married but......................I'm sorry UMBlessedBeauty_1 (with your pretty self), I don't feel for any reason a woman should treat a man to dinner, lunch or a slice of pie.

I think chivalry is dying because young women think women and men should be equal. That "I can do this or that my damm self" should not always be voiced. Yes, I know and you know you can do it but does everyone else need to know. Women should learn how to be comfortable being women and let the man woe them, wine them and dine them. Don't let them not hold the door open for you. If he doesn't just stand there until he comes back and opens the door.
Some men don't know anything about this because they haven't been taught my their mothers and fathers, so if you want to be with him, you'll have to teach them.

Beautifully written, and I totally agree with EVERYTHING, especially the bolded.

I think Black men in particular aren't being taught how to be gentlemen. Even those that have fathers. My father always holds doors and pays for dinner for my mom (unless it's his birthday/father's day).

I think part of why SOME of these men aren't chivalrous is b/c like DLewis said, they don't think they have to be. Some of them think they are the prize b/c there are soooooooooooooo few of them and sooooooooooo many of us. But I still find most of them are chivalrous (holding doors, etc.). Like DLewis said, if he doesn't do it, don't walk through the door until he does.

Also, I dare a man who's coming to pick me up on a date to honk, instead of coming to the door. I've had friends who say their dates did that, and sadly, some of them actually went outside!

However, there is hope ladies. Even if you are currently dating a man who's not chivalrous/a gentleman, you can make him respect you. Change what you allow, and he'll adapt. And if he doesn't say "hasta la vista, baby!"

 

[Keen]

It's not dead.

Men say junk like that but when they are REALLY interested in a woman they know how to act. Trust.

Thank you. I say this to guy all the time.

 

[glamazon386]

Beautifully written, and I totally agree with EVERYTHING, especially the bolded.

I think Black men in particular aren't being taught how to be gentlemen. Even those that have fathers. My father always holds doors and pays for dinner for my mom (unless it's his birthday/father's day).

I think part of why SOME of these men aren't chivalrous is b/c like DLewis said, they don't think they have to be. Some of them think they are the prize b/c there are soooooooooooooo few of them and sooooooooooo many of us. But I still find most of them are chivalrous (holding doors, etc.). Like DLewis said, if he doesn't do it, don't walk through the door until he does.

Also, I dare a man who's coming to pick me up on a date to honk, instead of coming to the door. I've had friends who say their dates did that, and sadly, some of them actually went outside!

However, there is hope ladies. Even if you are currently dating a man who's not chivalrous/a gentleman, you can make him respect you. Change what you allow, and he'll adapt. And if he doesn't say "hasta la vista, baby!"

I agree.

 

[cocoberry10]

I agree.

Yes, I believe most men can get it together. We can make them change, but if we don't tolerate craziness, they'll change!

 

[Sequoia]

I voted yes- there are still chivalrous men, they just seems to be rare.

I mean, i get grown men pushing me out of the way to get into a bus; 1ce at a staff training day, i had to carry pizzas & drinks up 3 flights of stairs by myself all because i offered/ was volunteered to pay for pizzas (i was refunded)- it never occured to the other 4 guys that i might need some help to carry our food up & i took it for granted that 1 of them would come to help me.

Things like these aren't just chivalry, it's just being considerate and kind but ppl seem to be losing such qualities.

 

[Divine_Order]

It's not dead.

Men say junk like that but when they are REALLY interested in a woman they know how to act. Trust.

I agree

 

[InsertCleverNameHere]

I don't think it's dead. I do however think its confusing. There are some women who are into chivalry, but are also into more traditional gender roles. There are some women who could care less about chivalry, they just want 50-50 or some semblance of equality. Those people are both a-ok to me...It just gets confusing when most women I know, want chivalry and their dates paid for, etc, which is not equal, however desire equality in everything else. Not that I agree that women should make less than men...but how are you going to say in one sentence that you deserve equal salary, but in the next sentence expect that the man will pay or put out more money in the relationship. Sounds like the short end of the stick to me and damn near like instead of gaining equality, gaining a society where men are delegated lower.

Equal is equal IMO.

 

[cocoberry10]

I don't think it's dead. I do however think its confusing. There are some women who are into chivalry, but are also into more traditional gender roles. There are some women who could care less about chivalry, they just want 50-50 or some semblance of equality. Those people are both a-ok to me...It just gets confusing when most women I know, want chivalry and their dates paid for, etc, which is not equal, however desire equality in everything else. Not that I agree that women should make less than men...but how are you going to say in one sentence that you deserve equal salary, but in the next sentence expect that the man will pay or put out more money in the relationship. Sounds like the short end of the stick to me and damn near like instead of gaining equality, gaining a society where men are delegated lower.

Equal is equal IMO.

I see your points

 

[camellia]

I don't think it's dead. I do however think its confusing. There are some women who are into chivalry, but are also into more traditional gender roles. There are some women who could care less about chivalry, they just want 50-50 or some semblance of equality. Those people are both a-ok to me...It just gets confusing when most women I know, want chivalry and their dates paid for, etc, which is not equal, however desire equality in everything else. Not that I agree that women should make less than men...but how are you going to say in one sentence that you deserve equal salary, but in the next sentence expect that the man will pay or put out more money in the relationship. Sounds like the short end of the stick to me and damn near like instead of gaining equality, gaining a society where men are delegated lower.

Equal is equal IMO.

I totally agree.

 

[Radianthealth]

I voted No,

I feel like it is different but not dead, I think Chivalry is about being respectful and considerate of women, I think Men do that. It doesn't have to be a financial thing or even about opening doors. For me it is stepping in to support me and making me feel feminine and like a woman. I could be wrong but that is sufficient chivalry for me

 

[cocoberry10]

I voted No,

I feel like it is different but not dead, I think Chivalry is about being respectful and considerate of women, I think Men do that. It doesn't have to be a financial thing or even about opening doors. For me it is stepping in to support me and making me feel feminine and like a woman. I could be wrong but that is sufficient chivalry for me

Interesting. I never thought of it this way!

 

[Ms Red]

Love it!

It's not dead. ITA with the poster who said when men meet someone who they are truly interested in they know how to act. My BF is very old-fashioned in that sense. He knows I can do certain things but prefers to do them for me (open doors/car doors, pull out chairs, lay his jacket over a puddle-- corny but he did it once )

Not totally dead, but on life support.

 

[ClassicBeauty]

I'm older and married but......................I'm sorry UMBlessedBeauty_1 (with your pretty self), I don't feel for any reason a woman should treat a man to dinner, lunch or a slice of pie.

I think chivalry is dying because young women think women and men should be equal. That "I can do this or that my damm self" should not always be voiced. Yes, I know and you know you can do it but does everyone else need to know. Women should learn how to be comfortable being women and let the man woe them, wine them and dine them. Don't let them not hold the door open for you. If he doesn't just stand there until he comes back and opens the door.

Some men don't know anything about this because they haven't been taught my their mothers and fathers, so if you want to be with him, you'll have to teach them.

You are so right! I learned the hard way that most men live up to my expectations. The issue is... what am I expecting? I was raised by a bitter divorced woman who taught me to be independent. My ex fiance's mother actually taught me how to be more balanced. I realized that I didn't need her son, but she definitely made me better for the next guy.

Another thing, I truly believe that location and experience has a little to do with it as well. I live in the south and most guys I meet are much more chilvarous than the guys my friends meet on the west coast. I don't know what it is, but they say that we're raising them differently down south. I think it may be because the southern guys usually spend a lot of time with their grandparents. They learn old school values. But maybe I'm stereotyping, because I have known some southern jerks too, but not like the ones my Cali and Vegas friends have met.

 

[CoCoGirl821]

Not totally dead, but on life support.

I agree...although I voted dead (a little prematurely). I am a hopeless romantic and I like to think that there are some good Black gentlemen left, its just a little hard to find nowadays due to some on the reason discussed thus far.

I have noticed however, it aldo depends on geoggraphic locations sometimes. Im from Cleveland, OH originally and when i came to Nashville I just noticed a difference between the northern and southern man. I could see it even in my classmates as Fisk. A lot of times the southern guys were more willing to be gentlemen and help the girls with their walmart bags and water. Not to say that all guys from the north are rude a$$ n!%%@s, its just that i think that these values are taught more in the south as opposed to the north. Just like the idea of sayin yes ma'am/sir and no ma'am/sir.

One thing I can say about Fisk is that my freshman orientation they talked to the guys about being a Fisk man(gentleman) and how they stress treating the ladies with respect

 

[MzLady78]

I agree...although I voted dead (a little prematurely). I am a hopeless romantic and I like to think that there are some good Black gentlemen left, its just a little hard to find nowadays due to some on the reason discussed thus far.

I have noticed however, it aldo depends on geoggraphic locations sometimes. Im from Cleveland, OH originally and when i came to Nashville I just noticed a difference between the northern and southern man. I could see it even in my classmates as Fisk. A lot of times the southern guys were more willing to be gentlemen and help the girls with their walmart bags and water. Not to say that all guys from the north are rude a$$ n!%%@s, its just that i think that these values are taught more in the south as opposed to the north. Just like the idea of sayin yes ma'am/sir and no ma'am/sir.

One thing I can say about Fisk is that my freshman orientation they talked to the guys about being a Fisk man(gentleman) and how they stress treating the ladies with respect

Well I'm from the north and pretty much agree.

 

[Choclatcotton]

I'm older and married but......................I'm sorry UMBlessedBeauty_1 (with your pretty self), I don't feel for any reason a woman should treat a man to dinner, lunch or a slice of pie.

I think chivalry is dying because young women think women and men should be equal. That "I can do this or that my damm self" should not always be voiced. Yes, I know and you know you can do it but does everyone else need to know. Women should learn how to be comfortable being women and let the man woe them, wine them and dine them. Don't let them not hold the door open for you. If he doesn't just stand there until he comes back and opens the door.

Some men don't know anything about this because they haven't been taught my their mothers and fathers, so if you want to be with him, you'll have to teach them.

You go girl! Im older too and definately feel this way, we have to retrain our men

 

[glamazon386]

I agree...although I voted dead (a little prematurely). I am a hopeless romantic and I like to think that there are some good Black gentlemen left, its just a little hard to find nowadays due to some on the reason discussed thus far.

I have noticed however, it aldo depends on geoggraphic locations sometimes. Im from Cleveland, OH originally and when i came to Nashville I just noticed a difference between the northern and southern man. I could see it even in my classmates as Fisk. A lot of times the southern guys were more willing to be gentlemen and help the girls with their walmart bags and water. Not to say that all guys from the north are rude a$$ n!%%@s, its just that i think that these values are taught more in the south as opposed to the north. Just like the idea of sayin yes ma'am/sir and no ma'am/sir.

One thing I can say about Fisk is that my freshman orientation they talked to the guys about being a Fisk man(gentleman) and how they stress treating the ladies with respect

I agree with this.

 

[honeybadgirl]

Not totally dead, but on life support.

well said!!!
not to make it a racial issue but in my experiences and observations i find that alot of men of color always have their hands out. meaning, looking for a woman to do for them. while white men wouldnt even think or let me go in my pocket for anything! this is just with my experiences, like i stated.
i dont have a problem with taking a man out, when i was single, but only if it was an occassion or we had time in. its really not a thing to do it but i guess i am accustomed to being treated a certain way so i have certain expectations. i dont think men should take money from women

 

[frankie]

Chivalry is not dead. I just had a man give me his seat on the metro this morning.

In terms of dating, I knew that I wanted to be with a man that opened the doors, paid the tab, carried me over mud, etc. So when he came along I allowed him to do those things, and he gladly treats me like a lady.

I also don't have a problem picking up the tab every now and again, he never asks, but I thinks it's a nice gesture. But, I didn't do that until months into the courtship, when I really knew that he was a keeper. Random dating companions don't get that treatment.

 

[VeeJai]

chivalry is dead and we killed it. we grew up proud to be independent women and in some cases ended up emasculating our men. while we were singing Destiny's Child anthems we stopped allowing or expecting men to pull out chairs, stand when we leave a table, open doors, walk on the outside of us, and pay for our meals. we were so caught up demanding R-E-S-P-E-C-T that we forgot to expect and accept it.

It can be a humbling experience to allow a man to be chivalrous. I prided myself on being a self-sustaining independent young woman who didn't need any man to take me anywhere. It wasn't until I met my SO that I saw what it was like to sit back and let him take care of me. I deserved to be taken care of, I just had to let him do it.

**pour out a lil liqua for chivalry...moment of silence please ladies**

 

[asummertyme]

ITA........

It's not dead.

Men say junk like that but when they are REALLY interested in a woman they know how to act. Trust.

 

[Amour]

Love it!

It's not dead. ITA with the poster who said when men meet someone who they are truly interested in they know how to act. My BF is very old-fashioned in that sense. He knows I can do certain things but prefers to do them for me (open doors/car doors, pull out chairs, lay his jacket over a puddle-- corny but he did it once )

serious? wow! what did he do with his jacket afterwards? I would have suggested he lift my over the puddle instead.

nice jesture though

 

[Christa438]

I'm older and married but......................I'm sorry UMBlessedBeauty_1 (with your pretty self), I don't feel for any reason a woman should treat a man to dinner, lunch or a slice of pie.

I think chivalry is dying because young women think women and men should be equal ... Women should learn how to be comfortable being women and let the man woe them, wine them and dine them. Don't let them not hold the door open for you. If he doesn't just stand there until he comes back and opens the door.

Some men don't know anything about this because they haven't been taught by their mothers and fathers, so if you want to be with him, you'll have to teach them.

Dl, you always make me laugh. Dang, can a brother even get a cup of coffee from ya--nada huh?

I agree that chivalry is not dead. You right about the upbringing comes from the parents. Luckily, all my boyfriends have been gentlemen and old fashioned to a certain point.
Once you've been spoiled by the good gentlemen you wont look twice at a man who makes you pay for everything, wont help you up if you fall but will just ask you if you alright, don't open doors, don't help you if you struggling tryna lift something, who don't call you though he got your phone#, who more interested in you chasin him than him chasin you, who never compliments you, who will hold the umbrella more over his head when it's raining out while you getting soaked, or he won't offer to pull the car around to get you from in front of the building but expect you to run in the rain to the car behind him, who'll never stoop to massaging and kissing/sucking yo feet cauz he want you to massage his...Please... The thing is to make sure you get treated the way that you want to be. I love to be treated like a lady in the old fashion way--Pursue me, wine and dine me, just be good to me baby.

but I tell you what: if Im datin the right kinda man...woah baby I might wine and dine him... buy him a slice a pie, forget that--i'll buy him the whole pie AND a lobster platter baby...if it's like that.

 

[MissScarlett]

I'm older and married but......................I'm sorry UMBlessedBeauty_1 (with your pretty self), I don't feel for any reason a woman should treat a man to dinner, lunch or a slice of pie.

I think chivalry is dying because young women think women and men should be equal. That "I can do this or that my damm self" should not always be voiced. Yes, I know and you know you can do it but does everyone else need to know. Women should learn how to be comfortable being women and let the man woe them, wine them and dine them. Don't let them not hold the door open for you. If he doesn't just stand there until he comes back and opens the door.

Some men don't know anything about this because they haven't been taught my their mothers and fathers, so if you want to be with him, you'll have to teach them.

*Jumps up and down clapping* ITA with this.

I'm with you, maybe we're older and old school but I expect a man to treat me like a lady and vice versa. I'm shocked at girls that tell me they treat men to dinner or whatever. ABSOLUTELY not, he's a man, let him pay.

Also, Ya'll know I"m the resident anti-feminist I guess . I thnk we need to be independent but no they don't need to hear it. Men like to feel needed and wanted. My dh runs the house, b/c he's the man or so he thinks but its what I let him think and keep rolling.

The more we are saying we can do on our own, the more men are kicking back like..."ok do it then" so they're doing less.

Shoot its like evolution of chivalry if you ask me, they're adapting to what we're putting out there.