ellennicole
New Member
I am in complete shock...... I had been dating him for almost 2 years.... He's older, Nigerian, and had just overcome a life-threatening illness when I met him. I am SO ANGRY with myself and with him at the moment. I really feel like an idiot b/c I kept making excuses for him time and time again..... I've wanted to write about this for a while, but I am so embarassed that I was so naive and STUPID.
I'll try to make this brief....
I met him in 2003. Nothing really happened b/c I was in a new relationship. I had emailed him a couple of times after my relationship ended but I never heard from him. Then, out of the blue in Jan 2006 he sent me an email telling me he had had a brain tumor and was just recovering. He asked to go out on a date, but I was studying for the bar and told him that it would have to wait until after the exam. He kept pressuring me so I decided to go ahead and meet for some down time. Anyway, when I arrived he wasn't there and that was a red flag. I called and told him my time was too valuable and left. He kept calling and calling.. So I eventually went out with him after my test. Anyway he had his own business and he kept telling me how all of his business partners were stelaing from him. He eventually fired everyone and asked me to assist him in the office. Since I was an adjunct instructor , I had a lot of free time. So, I would help him with his corespondences, budget, invoices, etcs. Basically I did everything and I feel stupid even admitting this. We hardly ever went out. We only went to his office and to his apartment. He introduced me to all his friends. When he graduated (w/his MBA) I was the only person at his graduation. Anyway he kept telling me that b/c of his illness doing his business was very difficult and he needed me to help him. He eventually moved out of his apartment and into a back room in his office.
So I flunked the tes and I decided that I wasn't going to do his work anymore. I had been so concerned and worried about him I really didn't put that much energy and effort into myself. This past February he was hospitalized. He started acting really funny... telling me that he didn't want me to come to the hospital and then I knew something wasn't right. We stopped all of the benefits of being a couple then, yet whenever he wanted me to read a contract or a response to a client complaint he called me. He even went so far as to ask me to borrow $500 this past June. I really was bitter at this point and I said no. He got really cold and distant---well he was always somewhat cold and distant and he kept telling me it was b/c he was worried about his business and his health. I told him that I was moving on and was dating someone (I was dating, but I wasn't really serious). He then said that he was too and that he was going to be married. I really didn't take it seriously b/c we talked everyday since February. Even when I said I didn't want to be friends he'd continue to call me at work 5-6 times.
Anyway we didn't that much this month and basically we had all but stopped talking. I saw one of his friends out and I guess he told him that he had seen me. This past weekend he blew up my phone.. he called five times on Saturday, once on Sunday and a couple of times on Monday--wanting to know if I had been with his friend. I didn't answer..... but, out of curiosity, I called him last night and some woman answered the phone. She basically told me that they were married and I asked her if she knew that he had been calling me over the weekend. I asked how long had they been married... she didn't answer.
I'm a little in shock and this post is waaaay longer than it should be.... I just need to vent and sort out my thoughts. I have been so hurt in this relationship and I was so numb last night. I feel relieved b/c I knew that something just wasn't right....
I feel like such an idiot for NOT following my gut instincts.... I would have saved myself a whole lot of heartache and trouble...
I'll try to make this brief....
I met him in 2003. Nothing really happened b/c I was in a new relationship. I had emailed him a couple of times after my relationship ended but I never heard from him. Then, out of the blue in Jan 2006 he sent me an email telling me he had had a brain tumor and was just recovering. He asked to go out on a date, but I was studying for the bar and told him that it would have to wait until after the exam. He kept pressuring me so I decided to go ahead and meet for some down time. Anyway, when I arrived he wasn't there and that was a red flag. I called and told him my time was too valuable and left. He kept calling and calling.. So I eventually went out with him after my test. Anyway he had his own business and he kept telling me how all of his business partners were stelaing from him. He eventually fired everyone and asked me to assist him in the office. Since I was an adjunct instructor , I had a lot of free time. So, I would help him with his corespondences, budget, invoices, etcs. Basically I did everything and I feel stupid even admitting this. We hardly ever went out. We only went to his office and to his apartment. He introduced me to all his friends. When he graduated (w/his MBA) I was the only person at his graduation. Anyway he kept telling me that b/c of his illness doing his business was very difficult and he needed me to help him. He eventually moved out of his apartment and into a back room in his office.
So I flunked the tes and I decided that I wasn't going to do his work anymore. I had been so concerned and worried about him I really didn't put that much energy and effort into myself. This past February he was hospitalized. He started acting really funny... telling me that he didn't want me to come to the hospital and then I knew something wasn't right. We stopped all of the benefits of being a couple then, yet whenever he wanted me to read a contract or a response to a client complaint he called me. He even went so far as to ask me to borrow $500 this past June. I really was bitter at this point and I said no. He got really cold and distant---well he was always somewhat cold and distant and he kept telling me it was b/c he was worried about his business and his health. I told him that I was moving on and was dating someone (I was dating, but I wasn't really serious). He then said that he was too and that he was going to be married. I really didn't take it seriously b/c we talked everyday since February. Even when I said I didn't want to be friends he'd continue to call me at work 5-6 times.
Anyway we didn't that much this month and basically we had all but stopped talking. I saw one of his friends out and I guess he told him that he had seen me. This past weekend he blew up my phone.. he called five times on Saturday, once on Sunday and a couple of times on Monday--wanting to know if I had been with his friend. I didn't answer..... but, out of curiosity, I called him last night and some woman answered the phone. She basically told me that they were married and I asked her if she knew that he had been calling me over the weekend. I asked how long had they been married... she didn't answer.
I'm a little in shock and this post is waaaay longer than it should be.... I just need to vent and sort out my thoughts. I have been so hurt in this relationship and I was so numb last night. I feel relieved b/c I knew that something just wasn't right....
I feel like such an idiot for NOT following my gut instincts.... I would have saved myself a whole lot of heartache and trouble...
PM me if you need to vent/talk.
when people ask why we don't go back to Africa but in his case I think I'll make an exception.
of women.
