It's Easier to be Natural If...

[PaperClip]

Back in the day when I would lurk alot , I remember seeing people talk about the ability to be natural as a mental transition. I always thought it meant mental in the sense that you are able to see the beauty in your hair despite society's standards.

What I know for sure now is that I do not have a problem with my hair texture...I also know that I didn't have problems when I was fully relaxed; it wasn't breaking; people said it was long; I just remember wanting a change. I'm thinking it is a problem with length for me. This is the shortest my hair has ever been in my life (barely to my shoulders), and honestly if I new how long my hair took to grow...I wouldn't have cut it. I remember processing again because I wanted to be able to see the length with out twisting it, braiding, banding, etc. I definitely feel more comfortable with longer hair (as I'm sure many of us do since we're on LHCF), and I know I would love long natural hair....shrinkage or not. As long as I knew it was long, I don't think I 'd care as much. So at the core, I guess its' actually me and my length issues.

You are hitting a core point overall with the LENGTH OF HAIR issue. I was battling at least two issues when it came to relaxing: 1) the actual straightening of my natural texture and 2) growing it long. So, not only was the relaxing (started at age 7-8 years old, so it wasn't my choice) an unspoken negative toward my natural hair, but it did not help toward extending the length of my hair beyond a certain point. The longest my hair ever got was maybe the end of the length of my neck. I do not have a long neck. I don't believe that hype that my hair can't grow to a certain point. That is a lie from the pit of hell!!!! So here I am, close to my 10th month in rehabilitation and recovery (transition) and if my hair could talk, it would finally open up in group counseling session and say "I ALWAYS hated that creamy crack!! (Sigh)

Now, here's the second point: this forum is called LONG HAIR CARE FORUM, so whether my hair is natural or relaxed, the goal is to achieve LONG HAIR, and the longer, the better. Bottom line, I think society responds to or favors LONG, FULL HAIR, regardless of the texture. It is so here. There was one thread here that talked about hair ABOVE the earlobe. It wasn't a popular topic....

So the mental challenges (at least for me) was not only going from straight to naturally textured hair, but the issues relating to length, shrinkage, volume, fullness, etc.

 

[morehairplease]

I think the biggest hurdle, as you have just proved with this thread, is the emotional and mental transition that must take place in order to break away from what we have been taught is "beautiful."

seeminglysweet I am co-signing to this 100%. Currently, this is my BIGGEST challenge/hurdle.

 

[so1913]

I'm not trying to be funny, but this is what kills me and I hear this a lot from people. They always say they would go natural if they're hair was like mine. When I ask them if they've ever truely seen their natural hair...no one can seem to remember, so they have no idea how their hair will truely behave. My hair is super hard to deal with. I can't manipulate it much, my shrinkage is ridiculous, it doesn't do twist outs well, it's dry, and my frizz is crazy. I can go on and on. A person would be crazy trying to deal with my hair, especially when I was relaxing it, so don't assume looser textured hair may be easier to deal with. I can attest to many frustrating challenges, just like anyone can.

Now with all that said, I do think age plays a factor, as well as the influences of society, and one's self esteem. We should all be comfortable with our decisions about how we choose to wear our hair whether it's relaxed or natural. If you feel like you can't go natural b/c you wouldn't be 'as fine' or 'less noticed' by men, then to me, that's a cop out. We all want to seem attractive to men, especially our SO's. Men are more long hair obessed than anything. I don't think they really care about natural vs. relaxed at all.

IMO, the bottom line is it's easier to be natural if you can learn to love and accept how you are from the tips of your toes to the crown of your head. No certain hair type will make it easier, just your perception of you.

AMEN! I'm eye to eye with you on these comments.

 

[Tene]

I have the attitude where I could give a rats *** whether a man or anyone else likes my hair or not and anything else about me. As long as I love my hair and myself I don't give a damn what everyone else thinks. As long as I'm happy, that's all that matters. I wasn't put here to please anyone else and I don't live my life to please others either. If you keep living your life to please everyone else then you will never be happy. If a man only likes you because of your hair then something is wrong and you don't need his sorry *** anyway. It should be more then about hair, he should like you regardless of what type of hair you have. It's should be about your personality, how you carry yourself, and lot of other things. That's just shallow and superficial. You need to get some confidence in yourself. I don't need a man's opinion or anyone else's to validate me. I don't have a problem getting a man and never have had a problem. I get men hitting on me all the time and I'm natural with short hair. If you don't love yourself then who else will? I think a lot of ya'll just don't wanna admit that you don't like your natural hair. Going natural is more than a physical thing it's also mental one to. You have to learn to appreciate and love you and everything about you.

 

[MizaniMami]

Everyone is making very valid points.

It would be nice to hear from some other relaxed heads. I wonder why during these posts relaxed heads avoid them like the plaque It would be nice to hear some relaxed points of views.

 

[hotshot]

I agree with Poohbear. The question is really,
What stake do you have in the "prevalent beauty standard?"

and

How close do you feel you are to it?

Maybe you've been subconscoiously taught that natural hair is dowdy, bohemian, unglamourous, maturing, and you don't wish to identify those ways. Really, what is your perception of natural hair? Because I've learned in life that people see what they want to see and get what they expect.

 

[hotshot]

ITA with everything you said. I think it is easier for people who have a looser curl. With my hair texture, i could never go natural. Right now I cant even get a comb through my hair. My hair is very tightly coiled and kinky I dont think I would look good natural.

that's the thing-you aren't supposed to comb it.

natural hair and chemically treated hair are handled in different ways. Because we've tried to approach natural hair with methods that straight up aren't suited for it, we jump to the conclusion that our hair is "bad', "misbehaves" and "needs to be fixed" to act "normal." Natural hair approaches aren't necessarily harder or easier, but in many cases just totally different.

 

[Poohbear]

I was thinking about that....sometimes it does sound like they may be trying to convince themselves. But I think they have more of an uphill battle because of their age group. PPl in our age group have different priorities and are at a different stage (naturally) and we can tell someone quick they can kiss our @ss if they don't like it. But younger ppl, because of society and media images of ppl their ages have more to "overcome" when they are natural.

My lil sis is 22 and no way is she going natural because she feels that she is too young for it and doesn't have the hair type for it. She says maybe when she's older she'll do it.

JCoily and nurse98, I'm not understanding this "yung'n" comment. I don't know how much older you all are, but I'm 22 years old and feel the same way as you all. I did not have more to overcome when I went natural. I didn't even care about what the society thinks or what the media portrayed. So what are you all talking about? I think age is truly irrelevant to your natural hair journey and challenges. I'm sure you can find some people 30 and up who are bounded by the society's standards of beauty.

 

[dicapr]

O.K. I'm relaxed. My view on going natural is that you should just want to. Its just hair. I know that some have self esteme issues related about hair, but you can have them whether your hair is natural or relaxed. Going natural or relaxing isn't going to fix the problem. I think if you go natural to prove a point you've missed the boat. You should be natural because you want to and you should relax if you want to. Its just hair. I was almost guilted into going natural when I started my hair care journey. Then I realized that guilt was no a reason to go natural. Right now I like my relaxed hair and plan to stay that way. I may go natural one day, but I will because I want to, just that simple. Texture may play a role in someones decision to go natural but it should be do to styling options, not do to whether it is acceptable to anyone other than you. Lets face it, a 4b won't be sporting wash and go defined curls and a 3b won't be rocking a 'fro. So long as you are comfortable with what your natural texture is capable of, going natural should be a low stress personal choice.

 

[secretdiamond]

Everyone is making very valid points.

It would be nice to hear from some other relaxed heads. I wonder why during these posts relaxed heads avoid them like the plaque It would be nice to hear some relaxed points of views.

*Remembering the last time I debated in a thread similar to this title a while back.*.....:scratchch Ummm... I think imma stay outta this one......... yeah.

 

[a_ caribbean_dream]

*PHEW*


Sorry guys, I have nothing to say (anything I would have wanted to say has already been articulately said) I just sat through and read each post on this thread and needed to sigh.

 

[hotshot]

You have to learn to appreciate and love you and everything about you.

Preach. And understandably, that is an intimidating journey that some people don't want to touch. Forgive me, but an earlier poster said she thinks looser-curled-hair gives "bonus points" to darker-skinned ladies. I'm sure there are women who believe that. In this vein, I think some people use straight hair as a crutch; it gives them "points" and masks other areas where they may be insecure {weight, complexion, height, facial features, class, etc}. When you think about it like that, in terms of "what does straight hair afford me" it can be deep.

But if you just don't like natural hair, then admit that.

 

[hotshot]

O.K. I'm relaxed. My view on going natural is that you should just want to. Its just hair. I know that some have self esteme issues related about hair, but you can have them whether your hair is natural or relaxed. Going natural or relaxing isn't going to fix the problem. I think if you go natural to prove a point you've missed the boat. You should be natural because you want to and you should relax if you want to. Its just hair. I was almost guilted into going natural when I started my hair care journey. Then I realized that guilt was no a reason to go natural. Right now I like my relaxed hair and plan to stay that way. I may go natural one day, but I will because I want to, just that simple. Texture may play a role in someones decision to go natural but it should be do to styling options, not do to whether it is acceptable to anyone other than you. Lets face it, a 4b won't be sporting wash and go defined curls and a 3b won't be rocking a 'fro. So long as you are comfortable with what your natural texture is capable of, going natural should be a low stress personal choice.

Agreed. Wearing natural hair for the wrong reasons can end in disappointment. People I know who have done so have ended up "backsliding" so to speak!

 

[hotshot]

JCoily and nurse98, I'm not understanding this "yung'n" comment. I don't know how much older you all are, but I'm 22 years old and feel the same way as you all. I did not have more to overcome when I went natural. I didn't even care about what the society thinks or what the media portrayed. So what are you all talking about? I think age is truly irrelevant to your natural hair journey and challenges. I'm sure you can find some people 30 and up who are bounded by the society's standards of beauty.

But pooh, there ARE alot of young folks who are concerned with this. Their ideas of beauty and glamour come from videos, media or whereever.

 

[MzTami]

You are hitting a core point overall with the LENGTH OF HAIR issue. I was battling at least two issues when it came to relaxing: 1) the actual straightening of my natural texture and 2) growing it long. So, not only was the relaxing (started at age 7-8 years old, so it wasn't my choice) an unspoken negative toward my natural hair, but it did not help toward extending the length of my hair beyond a certain point. The longest my hair ever got was maybe the end of the length of my neck. I do not have a long neck. I don't believe that hype that my hair can't grow to a certain point. That is a lie from the pit of hell!!!! So here I am, close to my 10th month in rehabilitation and recovery (transition) and if my hair could talk, it would finally open up in group counseling session and say "I ALWAYS hated that creamy crack!! (Sigh)

Now, here's the second point: this forum is called LONG HAIR CARE FORUM, so whether my hair is natural or relaxed, the goal is to achieve LONG HAIR, and the longer, the better. Bottom line, I think society responds to or favors LONG, FULL HAIR, regardless of the texture. It is so here. There was one thread here that talked about hair ABOVE the earlobe. It wasn't a popular topic....

So the mental challenges (at least for me) was not only going from straight to naturally textured hair, but the issues relating to length, shrinkage, volume, fullness, etc.

Enchantmt, sorry to hear about your mother passing. May God bless you and your family.

I agree with this post 1000% especially the bolded part. I don't have a texture issue, it's all about length, shrinkage, frizz, and style challenged. If I had enough length, bad hair days would be much easier for me because I can throw it in a ponytail and get the stepping, like I use to do when I was relaxed. Shorter natural, kinky, nappy hair takes longer to style and IMO can be less pleasing than longer natural, kinky, nappy hair. There are more hurdles that you have to overcome and that's why people are reluctant to BC.
Personally, I don't care how confident or mentally accepted you are about your natural nappy hair, there are days when you have a mental breakdown.

BTW: OP I'm glad you made this thread, it's definitely relevant and people can relate.

 

[Poohbear]

But pooh, there ARE alot of young folks who are concerned with this. Their ideas of beauty and glamour come from videos, media or whereever.

I know that, not doubting that at all. But don't deny the fact that there is a significant amount of older folks too who get their idea of beauty from society and the media. There are plenty of natural women older than 25 who had to overcome a lot in order to go natural. I don't think its necessarily a greater amount of young people. Plus, no one can really say whether more young folks have a harder time going natural than old folks. You can't really say. Take the women on LHCF for example who around my age. Some had to overcome a lot, and some did not. There are even young girls all over the world who have never had a chemical treatment in their life and sport their natural hair texture. So age really is irrelevant. Just because 'a lot' of young people have this idea of beauty from the society/media doesn't mean there isn't 'a lot' of adults or a greater or equal amount of adults feel the same way, because there in fact are adult women who do aspire after that societial standard. Look at all the black celebrities who are older than 25 that sport the long silky weaves and such. I wasn't saying a lot of young people don't think that way, because they do. The point I was making is that there are a heck of a lot of women over 25 who think the same way as those young ones.

 

[Tene]

I agree with poohbear, it's just as many older folks that think the same as young ones when it comes to the standard of beauty.

 

[locabouthair]

I have a thought that I'd like some opinions about. I'm honestly not trying to be controversial so please don't stone me.

After reading another post and seeing how many women 'feel ugly' when their hair is natural, or ignored by men, it got me feeling a little down because I can relate. My hair is processed but it still looks napptural because it is resistant. I am a 4a/4b. I

I've thought about going natural quite often (and still am) but sometimes it doesn't seem like its' all that its' cracked up to be. All the positives about being liberated, and knowing your hair for the first time, etc. sound great. But what about the other part? About how it makes you feel when you get more compliments outside your race; you get ignored by your men, etc. I see a dramatic difference of people's reactions to me when I have braids, when my hair is straightened, and when I do a wash and go. As someone who has grown to identify with others telling her how attractive she is, its' kind of hard to feel like you are 'giving that up'. Yes it shouldn't mattter what people think, but we can't ignore the fact that we are people and are bound to be affected by others' reactions.

So, my thought is...sometimes it seems that people who have what others consider 'good hair' have an easier time going natural, considering going natural etc. A lot of people say they have 4a/4b hair, but it is still hair that would be considered 'good hair' by others.,,ie they have a very strong curl definition, etc. In this sense, some people may even gain by going natural.

Is it possible that the amount of liberation or fullfillment in being natural varies by hair texture and others' reactions to it? That women who have kinkier hair textures have a more emotionally challenging 'natural journey' than others.

i think that women who have kinkier hair textures can have a more emotionally challenging natural journey. but it depends. it's all about your self confidence and esteem. i know naturals with kinky hair who could care less what others think and they haven't straightened their hair since they've been natural. if u have the attitude where u don't care what others say then no it wont be emotional for you.

i'll admit for me it was emotional. my whole life i got teased about my nappy hard short hair. my own grandmother would say well you didn't get your hard hair from our side of the family. so my hair has always been a very sensitive topic for me.

as for men. not all men have the same taste. one guy i met used to hate it when i got my hair pressed. he would always say i like your natural hair better. but when i rocked my hair in a puff my male cousin and male friend were like y did u do that to your hair? i don't see y we feel we have to change for a man they damn sure don't feel that they have to change for us. but that's another topic

bottomline it all boils down to your attitude no matter what texture you have. my roomate was determined to rock her kinky hair and not to become a stereotype of white beauty (her words not mine).

 

[PaperClip]

Look at all the black celebrities who are older than 25 that sport the long silky weaves and such. I wasn't saying a lot of young people don't think that way, because they do. The point I was making is that there are a heck of a lot of women over 25 who think the same way as those young ones.

Just tagging in on the age aspect of this topic.... If one were to do a quick historical overview, it would confirm the point that hair issues run much deeper with the older/earlier generations in comparison to younger counterparts. Just look at Madame C.J. Walker. She saw a niche (black women wanting "more manageable" hair, and she devised an accessable process and product to make that so.... Not mad at her for that from an entrepreneural perspective!

And then we know that the older generations teach the younger, right? So it would only make sense that daughters would practice the hair habits of their older female counterparts, e.g., mother, sister, aunt...along with peer acceptance. It's when somebody resists/breaks out of that paradigm that there's an issue. It's a vicious cycle. It took me almost 30 years to break out of that cycle, and my mother is an OLD-SCHOOL HAIRDRESSER! Can press the mess out of some hair.... Sigh....

 

[mahogany66]

I was beautiful when I had natural HAIR and I am beautiful with RELAXED hair. I HATE it when "naturals" feel that they are "more intuned" with themselves because they choose not to RELAX. HAIR IS HAIR and as long as we take care of it then 'IT'S ALL GOOD'!!!!!

 

[nurseN98]

JCoily and nurse98, I'm not understanding this "yung'n" comment. I don't know how much older you all are, but I'm 22 years old and feel the same way as you all. I did not have more to overcome when I went natural. I didn't even care about what the society thinks or what the media portrayed. So what are you all talking about? I think age is truly irrelevant to your natural hair journey and challenges. I'm sure you can find some people 30 and up who are bounded by the society's standards of beauty.

Oh definitely! My statement wasn't an absolute about any one group or another. I'm just writing based on what I've seen and heard with the youth that I come in contact with, mainly my family. You can be any age and still be bound by society's standards of beauty. You made your decision despite what ppl around you said just like we did. But like I said, all the ladies I know around your age tell me the same thing about going natural. And I'm not talking about your "generation" per se, just being that age group. When I was 22, I would never have thought to go natural because almost everywhere I looked (videos & commercials, my peers) straight hair was in.

It's great you were able to do this at an earlier age but I know I wasn't and many others won't either. THe good thing is that the standards of beauty are changing...it's slow but I see progress.

 

[PaperClip]

I was beautiful when I had natural HAIR and I am beautiful with RELAXED hair. I HATE it when "naturals" feel that they are "more intuned" with themselves because they choose not to RELAX. HAIR IS HAIR and as long as we take care of it then 'IT'S ALL GOOD'!!!!!

Hello, Mahogany66... in a perfect world, the "hair is hair" remark would work. However, we live in a world and society that VALUES certain looks and in turn, DEvalues other looks. In this case, long and straight (and white) trumps short, textured, and black. Period. It is what it is.

In light of my "resistance" against the norm, it does provide the opportunity for me to be more "in tune" with myself, because I am no longer trying to be and do like everybody else. As of today, my hair has been relaxed WAY MORE than my hair has been natural, so it's been an intense transition. I do not "hate" those with relaxed hair. Actually, I "pity" (excuse me: have compassion for) those who don't know any better (and I mean those who only know their hair as relaxed) because the programming and conditioning (no pun intended) has been SO INGRAINED into them that they... well... amen....

Let me be clear: my points DO NOT APPLY to those who have experienced their hair natural and then went back to relaxed hair. At least those who have done this have been on both sides of the fence, if you will, and they are making a conscious decision to do so, understanding the risks of chemical use.

 

[dicapr]

I was beautiful when I had natural HAIR and I am beautiful with RELAXED hair. I HATE it when "naturals" feel that they are "more intuned" with themselves because they choose not to RELAX. HAIR IS HAIR and as long as we take care of it then 'IT'S ALL GOOD'!!!!!

So true. Thats why I don't like the term natural. This implies that relaxed hair is un-natural and can distort the fact that to relax and to not relax is a matter of personal choice. I choose to think of "naturals" as those with unprocessed or virgin hair. To me, if its growing out of your head, its "natural."

 

[Poohbear]

Oh definitely! My statement wasn't an absolute about any one group or another. I'm just writing based on what I've seen and heard with the youth that I come in contact with, mainly my family. You can be any age and still be bound by society's standards of beauty. You made your decision despite what ppl around you said just like we did. But like I said, all the ladies I know around your age tell me the same thing about going natural. And I'm not talking about your "generation" per se, just being that age group. When I was 22, I would never have thought to go natural because almost everywhere I looked (videos & commercials, my peers) straight hair was in.

It's great you were able to do this at an earlier age but I know I wasn't and many others won't either. THe good thing is that the standards of beauty are changing...it's slow but I see progress.

Oh okay, thanks for the clarification.

I can't believe I started having the feeling to go natural a few months after turning 20 years old. Straight hair was in all around me and I didn't care. Plus, I was the type of person that was to myself most of the time and never followed the crowd. Its just neat how people have different individual experiences when it comes to hair.

 

[Poohbear]

So true. Thats why I don't like the term natural. This implies that relaxed hair is un-natural and can distort the fact that to relax and to not relax is a matter of personal choice. I choose to think of "naturals" as those with unprocessed or virgin hair. To me, if its growing out of your head, its "natural."

Hey, this is interesting that you brought this point out. I thought the same exact way as the part I bolded in your quote. I felt like my hair was natural or real if it wasn't weave or extensions! Before discovering LHCF, I thought all women relaxed their hair. I didn't know of such thing as natural or unprocessed virgin hair.

And about the first part of your quote that I did not bold...it's making me think about a different perspective on this issue... :scratchch ...and it validates my belief that not all black women relax their hair for the same reason.

 

[brownsugarflyygirl]

ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL THREAD

I admit that I didnt "like" natural 4a/b hair for a long time...I thought it was just plain unattractive...but after transitioning for a while I realized that the truth was that I didnt like "my" hair and had been socialized to view it as unattractive...now I think its the most gorgeous thing in the world and LOVE SEEING women who rock the natural styles in ALL hair textures...shoot I walk up and ask for tips sometimes

But in response to the orignial thread....I think its harder to go natural... if you arent ready to be real about your insecurities, your experiences, and society's influence on the way that you view the world.

Its harder to go natural...if you cant accept the fact that you are beautifully and wonderfully made by a loving God...and that every aspect of you is great...even your hair texture.

I think that when you neglect the emotional, mental, and spiritual side of the transition then its harder.....cuz the naps will test you...LOL

 

[nurseN98]

Oh okay, thanks for the clarification.

I can't believe I started having the feeling to go natural a few months after turning 20 years old. Straight hair was in all around me and I didn't care. Plus, I was the type of person that was to myself most of the time and never followed the crowd. Its just neat how people have different individual experiences when it comes to hair.

That great at that age you had that clarity. When I was 20, I was not naive but for some aspects (hair, boyfriends) I def. was afraid to go against the grain. My ideals changed so much by the time I hit 28...I decided to go natural and grow my hair out and damm the soul who tried to get in my way...lol. That attitude affected other areas of my life as well. All for the better

 

[pretty_nappy_hair]

See I'm from Cali too and I thought we were waaaay more accepting of natural hair. I mean there are a lot of relaxed sistahs but there are a lot of naturals too. Me and my peeps press though I am the only one who will take a walk on the wild side and give my hair just a little bit of freedom. It ain't everybody but it's not taboo.

Now where I live now, perms as far as the eye can see.

 

[Poohbear]

ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL THREAD

I admit that I didnt "like" natural 4a/b hair for a long time...I thought it was just plain unattractive...but after transitioning for a while I realized that the truth was that I didnt like "my" hair and had been socialized to view it as unattractive...now I think its the most gorgeous thing in the world and LOVE SEEING women who rock the natural styles in ALL hair textures...shoot I walk up and ask for tips sometimes

But in response to the orignial thread....I think its harder to go natural... if you arent ready to be real about your insecurities, your experiences, and society's influence on the way that you view the world.

Its harder to go natural...if you cant accept the fact that you are beautifully and wonderfully made by a loving God...and that every aspect of you is great...even your hair texture.

I think that when you neglect the emotional, mental, and spiritual side of the transition then its harder.....cuz the naps will test you...LOL

Very well said!

 

[ChocoKitty]

I'm from chicago which is considered north and yea natural is I guess a trend right now in hair mags but it's not widely accepted or anything up here. I have seen more naturals lately than usual, like a good handful. But when I tell ppl I'm want to be natural even my best friend in the world, she looks at me like im super crazy . Here it is still considered an (depending on where you stay) eccentric, neo-type of thing to do.

Yep... I really think this is true.

I have no regrets going and staying natural because I see the overall benefits on my hair. However, I wish people would be a little more open minded when it comes to the way someone wears their hair. I think natural hair is sometimes considered "unkempt" in some peoples minds. My mother is natural but wears her hair flatironed. The other day she was out minding her business and it was raining outside. A man (with a relaxer) walked up to her and told her she needed a touch up.