It's Easier to be Natural If...

[PaperClip]

I gotcha in other words "nothing beats a failure but a try". I didn't think you were being negative or militant.

I hadn't quite heard it that way before but YES!!!!

 

[caligurl]

At 10 years old you wouldn't think it was that deep, either. I didn't think so at 7 years old. I was thinking about baby dolls (thank God that's all I had to think about....I had a healthy childhood). Same thing with you as me: it wasn't a personal choice. I think relaxing should be a personal, conscious choice.

And I never said that all black women have (the same) issues about their hair. This board is evidence that women of color and hair issues cross a wide spectrum. If it was "just hair", then this board would have fewer (paid) members....

I agree that relaxing should be a choice made by someone when they are older.

As far as women at the board, I came here because I wanted tips on styles and how to take care of my hair. There are tips on this site that I never even heard of like pin curls. That was actually why I came to this board. I'm a paid member because I like to post questions and get feedback.

You equated ever being natural with not ever leaving your home town. If you want to stay in your home town then stay. I've traveled, but I'm never living anywhere else, but Cali... I like the sunny weather. There is nothing wrong with that. You don't have to explore if you don't want to. Some people are like where they are and they don't need to explore to prove that.

 

[PaperClip]

I agree that relaxing should be a choice made by someone when they are older.

As far as women at the board, I came here because I wanted tips on styles and how to take care of my hair. There are tips on this site that I never even heard of like pin curls. That was actually why I came to this board. I'm a paid member because I like to post questions and get feedback.

You equated ever being natural with not ever leaving your home town. If you want to stay in your home town then stay. I've traveled, but I'm never living anywhere else, but Cali... I like the sunny weather. There is nothing wrong with that. You don't have to explore if you don't want to. Some people are like where they are and they don't need to explore to prove that.

Well, if I had grown up in Cali (California, right?), I probably wouldn't want to live elsewhere, either! And you said you traveled....point made!

 

[Poohbear]

I'm going to hold firm here. I very rarely read posts from 30+ women whose entire day/week/transition was ruined by folks talking about their hair regardless of hair type. BTW - <I will admit, I check birthdates when I read some posts so that I can get a better idea of what I'm dealing with.>

BTW - I believe age factors into hair goals across the board regardless of hair type. I haven't read many entries where older women on the board say that they are embarking on their haircare journey to 'prove to everyone that black women can grow hair'. Nope, that line tends to come from the youngsters. Why? Cause these are the folks who haven't learned yet that it's not about proving something to other people.

Are there exceptions to the rule. Yep, but an exception is not the norm. I belong to other hair boards and I know that you are too. You don't notice a pattern between the folks who feel a burning need to recruit new nappies (misery loves company, or 'let's feel persecuted together') and the folks who are laissez faire about being naturals. Check the birthdates for your answer.

Well I guess I am an odd exception to what you have experienced. I don't try to prove anything to anyone nor recruit... And about checking birthdates and such, I've never gotten into doing all that. Plus, I never notice a lot of posts that refer to proving they can grow long hair or trying to recruit people to go natural. Yes I've seen posts like that but I don't go checking to see how old they are. So you're right, I don't ntoice the pattern...I guess we tend focus more or less of our attention on different topics or issues. I'm sure there are some 30 year olds and older trying to prove something or recruit as well....ones that you may have overlooked because I'm sure you don't check everyone's birthday. Just a thought.

 

[Poohbear]

I had no idea there would be so many honest answers. Thanks for taking the time to respond to the post. I'm pleasantly surprised by how many different turns the discussion took.

I still do think some of us have it easier to be natural than others simply because of society's standards. But at the same time, how you personally feel about yourself affects your ability to be natural (regardless of texture, geography, age, etc.)

Personally, I think my problem was with length more so than anything else. If I could have switched natural hair for the length I had relaxed (or even now, when I'm texlaxed/texturized) I would have done it in a heartbeat--shrinkage included. So I'm thinking now that I won't relax but keep my hair in braids for another year so I don't have to deal with it in school.

Yep, the society's standard of beauty as well as one's personal feelings, thoughts, and emotions play a role in having natural or relaxed hair.

And hey! I CAN relate to that last paragraph you posted in the quote above! When I decided to transition to natural, I initially wanted to cut off my relaxed ends after 2 years...you know why? Length obsession. I was somewhat afraid of having really short hair from immediately doing the BC because I personally don't like short hair and was trying to achieve long hair and I've never seen myself short hair. I wore wigs and phony ponies at times... and then one day I had some type of realization or epiphany(sp?). I thought to myself "why am I hanging on to these thin raggedy breaking relaxed ends when my ultimate goal is to be completely natural?" plus, my hair didn't even show off the length nor did it look right most of the time...it was hard finding a decent hairstyle for me to sport, especially since my hair is fine stranded...most girls that I've seen transition for long periods had thick strong relaxed hair. I didn't. So I just went on and did the daggone thang for myself. I didn't care what anyone thought to begin with so I was set to go.

 

[jasmine26]

wow, this is a long thread...I think that any natural newbie will have difficulties in the beginning. Going natural is a learning process filled with many uncertainties and doubts. The fear of what other people think, the fear of not being able to style your hair, the fear of not feeling pretty, the fear of having short hair. Yes, some people will look down on natural 4a/4b hair. And some people will love your natural 4a/b hair. I do think it is easier for looser haired naturals because their texture is more widely accepted in our community. But you have to be strong enough to love your hair no matter what!! It's hard to not let other's people opinions effect you. But you have to have a strong mindset to be a natural. I was one natural who chopped down to really short hair. I had absolutely NO confidence in my new look. My FI at the time was not really feeling the "new look". Certain family members laughed at my new hair. But i new the reasons why i went natural in the first place and kept on strong. I did not want all the damage that came with relaxing my hair. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel when no one else did. Now, my FI loves my hair. Over time from practicing different styling options and becoming more comfortable with my hair, i now love my natural hair. I think it does take time to accept your hair. There will come a time when you can accept your hair for all that it is and all that it is NOT. I'm at that point of acceptance when i realize what my hair can and can't do. Don't worry if you are not ready to accept your natural hair now, remember it's just hair and you can always transition later when you're mentally ready

 

[dicapr]

I just have one more point. The assumption is that many relaxed heads never got a chance to learn to love or accept their virgin hair before relaxing. For me, and certainly others on the board, we were of age and sound mind when the decision to relax was made. My mother wouldn't even straighten my hair until I was 12 years old! I went to middle school rocking my natural hair. I was teased, but I felt it was because the style was babyish. I was 5'3'' and wearing a bra with cornrows (no extentions). When my mom finially blowdried my hair somewhat straight at age 12 I thought I looked strange with straight hair. My mom wouldn't let me wear anything but 1 or 2 ponytails in order to keep me looking like "a little girl" because I was developed for my age. I think I was almost 13 years old before I ever wore my hair out. I never disliked my natural hair. When it was pressed, my schoolmates would touch my ponytails and be amazed about how soft the texture was. I enjoyed wash day. I liked seeing my hair curl and shrink up. If I'd known about LHCF then, I might have tried some gel to see if the curls would have stayed. My mother made me learn to care for my virgin hair before she would let me relax. I learned to plait (never could braid), wash, condition, and press my hair. For me, finially getting a relaxer at 16 1/2 was a sign of maturity. My mother had finially decided that was old enough to make a decision about my own haircare. She warned me that relaxed hair required TLC. Getting a relaxer was was equated with wearing makeup-that happened at 16 also. My mom was very old fashioned.

 

[plove]

It's all in the attitude. If you have an attitude that doesn't concern itself with other's opinion, confidence and style, than you can sport natural hair.

I don't have loose 3 c curls. My hair shrinks and doesn't grow south except in the back. I work my natural hair and sport it like I am a hair model.

ITA: i don't care what ppl think about me so it's easy to wear my natural hair the only reason why I"m doing the crown and glory is because I"m am lazy when it comes to my hair. half of the time I don't even want to do anything to it and I've always been this way relax or natural.

 

[firecracker]

"See, I live in Southern California and my perception is that a toned body trumps a hairstyle any day."

I 100% agree with this.

Now thats the truf! Gotta keep the body tight and the hair aw'ight.

I am like Plove in regards to being hair lazy. I wasn't always like that til last year and this ole age. I just want a simplier life all around. My natural hair is less work for me.

 

[mahogany66]

Hmmm... my apologies for missing this post.... You begin your response with understanding where I'm coming from and end with an opposing reference to my mention of pity.... Please allow me to clarify that point:

Of course there are PLENTY of issues around the world that deserve our compassion. Please let's keep this conversation in the context of this forum.

I do feel pity (defined as sympathy and sorrow aroused by the misfortune or suffering of another) for those people who may only know life with only relaxed hair because they would not have the opportunity to experience their hair in its full natural state. I do pity someone who got their hair relaxed at 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 years old (like me at 7 years old) because that straight hair mentality gets programed into the mind at such an early age. It is that same programming says that my hair in its natural state is unworthy, and that simply is untrue.

So I do not apologize for my statements, and that is why I advocate the conscious decision to relax at an age-appropriate time. And as was said in this thread, everyone should go through at least one transition to natural so that they can have that experience and that should they decide to relax again, they are doing so with a conscious mind.

For Clarification, I understand where you are coming from but I DO NOT AGREE .Furthermore, I was not expecting you to apologize for your statemets because I am intelligent enough to know that people have views and opinions which will sometimes be different from mine. I have learned YRS ago to AGREE to DISAGREE . Lastly, we are all on LCHF to achieve HEALTHY hair whether it is RELAXED or NOT RELAXED and I hope everyone reaches their GOAL.

 

[misspriss]

I understand...I didn't really make a choice to "go natural" I just stopped relaxing because I didn't trust anyone to touch me up and then my hair started getting healthier and thicker (prob due to less manipulation as well) and I thought the tiny coils were cool and I just never relaxed again.

What I didn't expect was that being natural would illicit a response (positive or negative) from so many people.

I made the choice to relax when I was about 13 (my parents wouldn't let me before then) and I did so because (1) All the women in my family had healthly relaxed hair (2) Neither they nor I knew how to properly care for natural hair (3) I started getting alot of negative comments from "friends", mostly guys about my natural hair and I was incredibly self-conscious at the time. BTW I live in Texas and being natural after the age of 10 is NOT in vogue.

These days, I'm confident in myself and my appearance and I don't feel like I'm in constant competition with other women, so I enjoy my natural 4aish hair.

As far as guys go...

I seem to get more down to earth guys to approach me now. Before it seemed the guys were pretty superficial. I seemed to attract a lot of teenaged boys. The men who approach me now seem more mature.

I agree with this-I still get plenty of play , but being natural seems to weed out the guys that are only looking for arm candy.

 

[ChocoKitty]

I disagree with you on two points. One: I was relaxed at age 10, but not because I was programmed to believe that kinky hair was bad. Honestly at 10 I don't think I was that deep. I was relaxed because it was my mothers choice not mine. Just like I couldn't decide what to wear until I was 12. My mother is natural by the way.

Two: I don't agree that everyone should be natural once. If you don't want to be natural don't be natural. There is nothing wrong with a person preferring straight hair.

I myself have been relaxed, natural, blond, a red head, had a weave, braids, etc. Hair is an accessory... an extension of how I feel that day. I feel like your reading way too much into this issue. Maybe I just don't have the issues that you think all black women have. It is just hair! I think there a lot of women who also feel this way.

ITA!

 

[hotshot]

I just have one more point. The assumption is that many relaxed heads never got a chance to learn to love or accept their virgin hair before relaxing. For me, and certainly others on the board, we were of age and sound mind when the decision to relax was made. My mother wouldn't even straighten my hair until I was 12 years old! I went to middle school rocking my natural hair. I was teased, but I felt it was because the style was babyish. I was 5'3'' and wearing a bra with cornrows (no extentions). When my mom finially blowdried my hair somewhat straight at age 12 I thought I looked strange with straight hair. My mom wouldn't let me wear anything but 1 or 2 ponytails in order to keep me looking like "a little girl" because I was developed for my age. I think I was almost 13 years old before I ever wore my hair out. I never disliked my natural hair. When it was pressed, my schoolmates would touch my ponytails and be amazed about how soft the texture was. I enjoyed wash day. I liked seeing my hair curl and shrink up. If I'd known about LHCF then, I might have tried some gel to see if the curls would have stayed. My mother made me learn to care for my virgin hair before she would let me relax. I learned to plait (never could braid), wash, condition, and press my hair. For me, finially getting a relaxer at 16 1/2 was a sign of maturity. My mother had finially decided that was old enough to make a decision about my own haircare. She warned me that relaxed hair required TLC. Getting a relaxer was was equated with wearing makeup-that happened at 16 also. My mom was very old fashioned.

ETA: That's interesting. as much as it might have been a pain for you, its great that your mother went to lengths to keep you from looking grown. I see more than a few young people who could use a mother like that.

 

[Southernbella.]

Thank you for responding.... I didn't say it was completely impossible for a relaxed person to appreciate natural hair, but you do confirm my point about the contradictory nature that can occur in a conversation when a relaxed person attempts to encourage an appreciation of natural hair....

OK, then I must not have been clear. I meant I understand that you may think it sounds contradictory, but that I don't think it is at all. It's not like I'm telling my neice she shouldn't relax because relaxers are evil and whatnot. I don't think that way. I'm telling her that relaxers don't make her beautiful, and that straight hair doesn't make her beautiful, nor does straight hair=pretty hair.

If anyone thinks it's contradictory for a relaxed person to appeciate natural hair, then they're way too militant and closed-minded for me.

 

[PaperClip]

OK, then I must not have been clear. I meant I understand that you may think it sounds contradictory, but that I don't think it is at all. It's not like I'm telling my neice she shouldn't relax because relaxers are evil and whatnot. I don't think that way. I'm telling her that relaxers don't make her beautiful, and that straight hair doesn't make her beautiful, nor does straight hair=pretty hair.

If anyone thinks it's contradictory for a relaxed person to appeciate natural hair, then they're way too militant and closed-minded for me.

You may not be saying those things verbally, but those messages are certainly being communicated through your actions, what your niece is observing through you. It's that "do as I say and not as I do" routine. Actions certainly speak louder than words.

And that word "militant" gets thrown around so much that it's losing its punch. No militancy going on over here.

 

[Sistaslick]

OK, then I must not have been clear. I meant I understand that you may think it sounds contradictory, but that I don't think it is at all. It's not like I'm telling my neice she shouldn't relax because relaxers are evil and whatnot. I don't think that way. I'm telling her that relaxers don't make her beautiful, and that straight hair doesn't make her beautiful, nor does straight hair=pretty hair.

If anyone thinks it's contradictory for a relaxed person to appeciate natural hair, then they're way too militant and closed-minded for me.

I agree. Just because you choose to do one thing and appreciate others who choose to do another--doesn't mean you are being hypocritical. And just because you can see the beauty in one choice (though its not your own), or want to tell others there is beauty in other choices too doesn't mean you are wrong.

I don't see it as a "do as I say, not as I do" thing b/c you are not telling the other person to do anything. You are just pointing out that there is nothing wrong with someone who makes either choice and showing them to be more open minded about the other choices out there. I believe that you can respect or appreciate something, without choosing it for yourself. Like if someone thinks there's nothing wrong with someone choosing/being gay-- but not being gay themselves. Or like religion, I can be a Catholic and still see the beauty of denominations/religions that other people choose to follow. If another Catholic says--- ewww she's a Baptist! As a Catholic, I'm not being a hypocrite by saying, there's nothing wrong with being Baptist-- even though neither one of us chooses to practice that faith. Your choice to be Catholic doesn't mean you think there is anything inherently wrong with being Baptist-- it is just what feels right for you. To me, its just choosing something, yet remaining open-minded about other things out there.

 

[Southernbella.]

Or like religion, I can be a Catholic and still see the beauty of denominations/religions that other people choose to follow. If another Catholic says--- ewww she's a Baptist! As a Catholic, I'm not being a hypocrite by saying, there's nothing wrong with being Baptist-- even though neither one of us chooses to practice that faith. Your choice to be Catholic doesn't mean you think there is anything inherently wrong with being Baptist-- it is just what feels right for you. To me, its just choosing something, yet remaining open-minded about other things out there.

Thank you! That makes perfect sense.

I expressed concern awhile back about my daughter being natural and whether she would be confused growing up if I'm relaxed, but at this point, I think it will be fine. Like someone else upthread said, as her mother, I'm the adult and I will be making the hair decisions until she's old enough to decide for herself. By that time, she will have her own appreciation for her natural hair.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I agree. Just because you choose to do one thing and appreciate others who choose to do another--doesn't mean you are being hypocritical. And just because you can see the beauty in one choice (though its not your own), or want to tell others there is beauty in other choices too doesn't mean you are wrong.

I don't see it as a "do as I say, not as I do" thing b/c you are not telling the other person to do anything. You are just pointing out that there is nothing wrong with someone who makes either choice and showing them to be more open minded about the other choices out there. I believe that you can respect or appreciate something, without choosing it for yourself. Like if someone thinks there's nothing wrong with someone choosing/being gay-- but not being gay themselves. Or like religion, I can be a Catholic and still see the beauty of denominations/religions that other people choose to follow. If another Catholic says--- ewww she's a Baptist! As a Catholic, I'm not being a hypocrite by saying, there's nothing wrong with being Baptist-- even though neither one of us chooses to practice that faith. Your choice to be Catholic doesn't mean you think there is anything inherently wrong with being Baptist-- it is just what feels right for you. To me, its just choosing something, yet remaining open-minded about other things out there.

ITA with this reasoning

 

[PaperClip]

I don't see it as a "do as I say, not as I do" thing b/c you are not telling the other person to do anything.

As I previously stated, one may not express such sentiments with their words, but those messages may come forth very strong through their actions.

You are just pointing out that there is nothing wrong with someone who makes either choice and showing them to be more open minded about the other choices out there. I believe that you can respect or appreciate something, without choosing it for yourself.

Like if someone thinks there's nothing wrong with someone choosing/being gay-- but not being gay themselves. Or like religion, I can be a Catholic and still see the beauty of denominations/religions that other people choose to follow. If another Catholic says--- ewww she's a Baptist! As a Catholic, I'm not being a hypocrite by saying, there's nothing wrong with being Baptist-- even though neither one of us chooses to practice that faith. Your choice to be Catholic doesn't mean you think there is anything inherently wrong with being Baptist-- it is just what feels right for you. To me, its just choosing something, yet remaining open-minded about other things out there.

With regard to appreciation, there's a fine line between tolerance and celebration. Using your example concerning sexual preferences and/or religious preferences: one may TOLERATE differing views by not speaking or acting against them. I would not call that appreciation. When one has an APPRECIATION, a CELEBRATION for such preferences, they demonstrate that appreciation and celebration through their ACTIONS, e.g., directing resources toward such organizations that support associated issues, supporting certain products and services and boycotting other products and services that do not support LBGT causes and/or religious-affiliated entities.

Words are cheap. Actions speak louder than words.

 

[Kurlee]

That was me.

Here's the thing. Consider this: Ananda Lewis, Chili from TLC, Tatiana Ali, Kelis, Rachel True. Let's be really real here, Are these women known for their good looks/talent or for their hair? I don't think any of them would would get looked at twice if their hair wasn't outside the 'expectations' of 'typical' (i.e., permed or kinky) black girl hair.

I'm not saying that it's right or wrong. I'm just saying that 'it is'.

Great point, I never looked at it that way, but its so true.

 

[Sistaslick]

Words are cheap. Actions speak louder than words.

So are you saying that in order for the non-gay person or the Catholic to truly appreciate someone's choice to be homosexual or Baptist repectively-- that they would have to either be gay or covert to Baptist too?

I'm still not seeing how you HAVE to be natural to respect or appreciate the choice to natural. Thats all I was saying. I can't speak for Lauren, but from what she's posted it only sounded to me like she was trying foster some tolerance and appreciation for the choice to choose whatever-- not necessarily trying celebrate naturallness in all its glory. Celebration to me does imply direct action, so in that aspect I can see exactly what you are saying. Being relaxed doesn't really celebrate being natural, so in this aspect I agree, the message can get fuzzy. Like the example with the homosexual or Baptist-- to truly celebrate that you'd probably need to be one or the other. But, she wasn't telling the girl to go natural, she was merely saying that it's no more right or wrong for someone to choose that than to choose something else. From what I could see, it wasn't about celebrating being natural per se, but celebrating the right to choose whatever you want.

Appreciation, unlike celebration, is simply recognizing the value or significance of something. You can appreciate something without choosing it for yourself. I can appreciate a post without believing a single word of what the poster said. Me celebrating it though, would be me living every word of the post through and through. And to me, I think a relaxed person pointing out to another relaxed person that there is nothing wrong with choosing to wear natural hair -- even if that isn't her personal choice, is an appreciation of that choice but not necessarily a celebration. JMO.

 

[UmSumayyah]

Country style is not me. I will not have a plaid couch with floral pillows in my living room. However, I can appreciate a good room design done in country style.

I don't see how hair styles have to necessarily be a different story.

 

[PaperClip]

I'm still not seeing how you HAVE to be natural to respect or appreciate the choice to natural.

What I'm saying is that:

1) one's credibility as an advocate for natural hair increases with their natural hair status, if you will. Also, there's some credibility for the person who wore their hair natural at some point in their life (not as a child!) and made the personal, conscious decision to relax again. In both instances, they had (or have) a real-time personal experience from which they can speak.

2) actions speak louder than words in that people who are watching us (about anything, not just hair) learn more about us by what we DO versus what we SAY. Even research supports that the majority of our communication (sent and received) occurs through nonverbal cues.

Research shows that our nonverbal behaviors communicate many more feelings and attitudes than are expressed verbally.* According to a classic U.C.L.A. study, only 7 percent of a message is communicated verbally (i.e., through words) while the remaining 93 percent is communicated nonverbally (38 percent through intonation and 55 percent through body language).** http://www.plsweb.com/resources/newsletters/enews_archives/25/2002/10/02/

How can I tell somebody that exercise helps to lose weight if I'm 100 pounds overweight? Something's wrong! Either I'm not exercising at all or my exercise techniques AIN'T WORKING!!!!

That's why I was saying that for somebody who sincerely wants to be an advocate for natural hair should at least go through the experience of wearing their hair natural in order to have their own real-time personal experience. It's not saying that one who has only known their hair relaxed can't respect the natural hair option, but I'm saying that the mirror image of this point in that THE ACTION OF THE NATURAL HAIR EXPERIENCE MATTERS.

And of course there are some things that I don't need to experience to know that it would not be healthy for me to do. It would be helpful to keep this conversation in its proper context.

(I had some other things that I had posted but the computer kicked me out....)

Peace....

 

[Sistaslick]

I can see where you are coming from, too.

 

[Southernbella.]

That's why I was saying that for somebody who sincerely wants to be an advocate for natural hair should at least go through the experience of wearing their hair natural in order to have their own real-time personal experience. It's not saying that one who has only known their hair relaxed can't respect the natural hair option, but I'm saying that the mirror image of this point in that THE ACTION OF THE NATURAL HAIR EXPERIENCE MATTERS.

I understand what your saying, but it doesn't really apply to my situation. I wasn't trying to celebrate natural hair or advocate it, but I wanted my niece to know that natural hair isn't ugly and neither is she if she misses her scheduled relaxer.

So, I agree with your points, just not in relation to my situation.

 

[hopeful]

I understand what your saying, but it doesn't really apply to my situation. I wasn't trying to celebrate natural hair or advocate it, but I wanted my niece to know that natural hair isn't ugly and neither is she if she misses her scheduled relaxer.

So, I agree with your points, just not in relation to my situation.

Wow Lauren, you tell her hair isn't ugly and you don't try to celebrate natural hair, and you expect her to appreciate her nappy roots. IMHO she needs to be told that her natural hair is beautiful just like her and that her natural hair is a gift from God. IMHO she needs to be told that she is beautiful either way, whether natural or relaxed. Maybe that is what you are saying or maybe it isn't, but you certainly don't sound like you really like natural hair at all. And that's fine and your business. But IMHO it's like saying you encourage children to do well in school by telling them they are not dumb and that you don't celebrate education. That is not very convincing or motivating.

 

[Southernbella.]

Wow Lauren, you tell her hair isn't ugly and you don't try to celebrate natural hair, and you expect her to appreciate her nappy roots. IMHO she needs to be told that her natural hair is beautiful just like her and that her natural hair is a gift from God. IMHO she needs to be told that she is beautiful either way, whether natural or relaxed. Maybe that is what you are saying or maybe it isn't, but you certainly don't sound like you really like natural hair at all. And that's fine and your business. But IMHO it's like saying you encourage children to do well in school by telling them they are not dumb and that you don't celebrate education. That is not very convincing or motivating.

???Did you read my earlier posts? I thought I clearly stated that I thought natural hair was beautiful, and that I had talked to my niece about this. My point was, I wasn't trying to get her to go natural (I'm relaxed and have no problem with relaxed hair), but that I hate the attitude that naps are ugly and must be done away with at the first opportunity. I also said that I told her that she is beautiful, etc.

 

[UmSumayyah]

Why relaxed heads stay out of these threads: Exhibit A.

 

[hopeful]

???Did you read my earlier posts? I thought I clearly stated that I thought natural hair was beautiful, and that I had talked to my niece about this. My point was, I wasn't trying to get her to go natural (I'm relaxed and have no problem with relaxed hair), but that I hate the attitude that naps are ugly and must be done away with at the first opportunity. I also said that I told her that she is beautiful, etc.

Yep, I read your earlier posts. I would never reply to someone's post without doing that. But this is a lonnnng thread, 18 pages, so I could have missed something. So I just went through all 18 pages AGAIN, and I did find this one quote from you. "I love my relaxed hair, and think it's beautiful, but I also love my naps." I did not find one quote where you actually said that natural hair was beautiful, not one. My point is just that you do not seem like you are passionate about natural hair and like I said that is fine if that is the case but I believe you have to be passionate about something if you intend to be a motivating force on the subject. That is all.

And please don't think of my posts as another natural putting down a relaxed head. This is my opinion about your particular posts in this thread. Since joining LHCF I have encountered many relaxed heads who seem to LOVE and EMBRACE their natural hair, they seem to cherish it even though they choose to relax and prefer straight styles, etc. And I've come across many naturals on here who seem to love and adore silky, straight relaxed hair but simply prefer to wear their hair in its natural state. So, yes I think it is possible for naturals to appreciate relaxed hair and relaxed women to appreciate natural hair, I just don't get from your posts that you feel that way.

My teenaged daughter is relaxed, I take her every 8 weeks or so to get her hair relaxed. It is silky and pretty and long and I tell her so all of the time. I've also told her that if she ever wants to transition, just say the word, and I will help her. At the moment she is not interested. My younger daughter is natural and I am equally passionate about her hair. We play in her hair and talk about how pretty, springy, healthy and long it is.

If I am misunderstanding your posts, I apologize, but when I read through your posts and realized that you did not once say that natural hair was beautiful but instead chose to say that it wasn't ugly, I was offended. And when you seemed so passionate about "not" celebrating natural hair, I felt compelled to say something.

 

[Candy_C]

to be honest i'm seriously considering goin natural, before my hair grows too long that i wouldn't ever want to cut.

looking at various photographs my natural hair was so beautiful WIRY and coarse. i am so conflicted with relaxed and natural hair, one day i think ergh it was tuff and ruff, then today 4 instance i really want my big long bushy hair back it was so cute