It's Easier to be Natural If...

[SEMO]

SEMO, who's that in your avatar?

It's not me. Honestly, I can't remember where I got the photo or who it is . I needed an avatar pic and I liked this one better than the Beyonce one I was going to use.

 

[Tene]

I have the same type of guys approaching me.

 

[so1913]

I have the same type of guys approaching me.

Me too...

A bunch of weirdos!!! Sheesh

 

[Tene]

Me too...

A bunch of weirdos!!! Sheesh

Lol yeah I'm tired of these losers

 

[caltron]

I wonder for the ladies who have transitioned if you get a different type of guy approaching you now that you are natural?

I do. I seem to get more down to earth guys to approach me now. Before it seemed the guys were pretty superficial. I seemed to attract a lot of teenaged boys. The men who approach me now seem more mature.

 

[sweetascocoa]

well no one approached me. lol. when i wore it in a ponytail, i would get hit on but when i wear out in a shrunken fro, only psychos approach me. like a 35 year old mexican and old men. so yeah

 

[Enchantmt]

I guess I finally hit a nerve. It was clearly stated that I was not at the point of being able to be natural. For you to take my words and flip them is IMO immature.

Sarafina, You dont have to defend your hair choices here. I dont think she meant to come across condescending. She was just being informative and stating facts, tho that is not always apparent in text.


I had been thinking of going natural since my first attempt 10-15 years earlier and after I found this site and realized I could transistion and not just BC like I did the first time I got really excited. THEN I started reading other women's experiences: husbands getting mad or leaving, coworkers freaking out, people thinking you were lesbian or militant, strangers feeling free to make comments or insult you. I almost chickened out. I didnt realize that natural black hair was such a powerful statement, that it held such policital sway, that people were actually threatened by it and had stong opinions about it. I was just looking for a way to not be dependent on relaxers and wanted to get out of the bondage of having to HAVE to relax my hair. Over all I'm glad I stopped relaxing but my cousin pressed my hair for my moms funeral service last week (my mom didnt care for my natural hair as well as relaxed and I wanted to honor her) and I was able to keep it looking nice with a couple of touch ups from a flat iron. I got so many compliments. I really miss that. I get compliments natural, especially my two strand twist, but I dont hear it every day like I used to as a relaxed head. On the other hand, I have had to decide if I want to be natural for me or other people, and wean my self off of having others validate me and my choices. In the end I'm choosing to embrace me and validate my own choices for my own style and lifestyle.

 

[Choclatcotton]

Love your attitude countrygal! I didnt learn to love and accept natural hair until I moved from CA to MI. I am naturally around more AA then Hispanics. In CA Hispanics and Asians dominate the beauty scene and long silky straight hair was the preferred choice. Hollywood dosent help either. I found , growing up that most AA seemed to be clueless as to their hair texture and needs. Many just threw in a braid or weave. Most had relaxers. I was one of the relaxers. When I moved to the midwest more AA had more of a sense of black hair textures, options and i noticed all types of black textures. Some where totally natural, pressed relaxed, bantu knots, twists etc. curly waves. I was so impressed it caused me to completely abandoned relaxers and go natural. I press in the winter and gel in the summer. I love the natural wave pattern and kinky texture that my hair has! I love being AA and appreciate the difference. I feel more accepted here than in CALI hairwise. THere is a all around beauty of a Black women and Im finally feelin it! the confidence is magnatizing

 

[shiningstar84]

IWill38: I guess I finally hit a nerve. It was clearly stated that I was not at the point of being able to be natural. For you to take my words and flip them is IMO immature.

I never implied all African women knew how to do natural hair--that was your reading on it. That is why I specified my mother. And my hair is so dense that it hurts whenever anyonedoes my hair (relaxed or natural, but especially when natural). I am tenderheaded. So for me personally, it has nothing to do with technique or skill.

I can pull these styles off now. But the very fact you asked that question illustrates my point that all natural hair (or forget natural, even processed) is not the same. I am not one of those people that can just rock an afro or pony puff with no manipulation. It does take way longer than my relaxed hair.

Let me clarify that I get more attn with braids & straightened hair than wash and gos. I purposely stated (considered) more attractive because I don't look in the mirror and think I look worse with natural hair. As for your last sentence, I know others caught my drift from the responses so far and the pms I've gotten. I do not dislike my natural hair. I simply noted the different reaction from others, and the manipulation time with it. There is a huge difference and its' pretty easy to see that from my post if you are doing actual--as opposed to emotional--reading

no sugar u havent hit any of my nerves, and i didnt flip any of ur words. but if that's the way u took it, then do u playa. i dont know u and i could care less. i was merely responding to what u actually posted. it was my opinion. you can take it or leave it. it's all up to u. bye bye now

 

[Love_Goddess_Oshun]

This is a great thread. Like so many others of you have said, for me, natural is more a state of mind rather than the actual style itself. I agree that it depends on where the person is emotionally and that attitude is 100% of the issue. I had more female friends ask me why I'd cut my permed hair rather than men, who were extremely appreciative of the natural look. A few of my male friends have stated that some men are intimidated by natural sisters thinking that we may be the militant, shut-a-brotha-down type of female . I can shut a man down with permed or coily hair -- if you deserve to be shut down then so be it!!!!

Anywho, this is the most confident I've ever been about myself. For me, my issue was self esteem which is at its peak for now and always. Maybe it's coz I get so much more attention now that I'm natural (from all male types and females too). Maybe it's coz the second after I cut my permed hair, I felt free and brand new. Maybe it's coz people always ask questions regarding my hair care and I LOVE passing on the information. (One more maybe...) Maybe it's coz I've inspired a few friends to go natural. Whatever the reason, I'm glad I made this decision. My reality is not a fad.

 

[neena]

I have a thought that I'd like some opinions about. I'm honestly not trying to be controversial so please don't stone me.

After reading another post and seeing how many women 'feel ugly' when their hair is natural, or ignored by men, it got me feeling a little down because I can relate. My hair is processed but it still looks napptural because it is resistant. I am a 4a/4b. I

I've thought about going natural quite often (and still am) but sometimes it doesn't seem like its' all that its' cracked up to be. All the positives about being liberated, and knowing your hair for the first time, etc. sound great. But what about the other part? About how it makes you feel when you get more compliments outside your race; you get ignored by your men, etc. I see a dramatic difference of people's reactions to me when I have braids, when my hair is straightened, and when I do a wash and go. As someone who has grown to identify with others telling her how attractive she is, its' kind of hard to feel like you are 'giving that up'. Yes it shouldn't mattter what people think, but we can't ignore the fact that we are people and are bound to be affected by others' reactions.

So, my thought is...sometimes it seems that people who have what others consider 'good hair' have an easier time going natural, considering going natural etc. A lot of people say they have 4a/4b hair, but it is still hair that would be considered 'good hair' by others.,,ie they have a very strong curl definition, etc. In this sense, some people may even gain by going natural.

Is it possible that the amount of liberation or fullfillment in being natural varies by hair texture and others' reactions to it? That women who have kinkier hair textures have a more emotionally challenging 'natural journey' than others.

ITA with everything you said. I think it is easier for people who have a looser curl. With my hair texture, i could never go natural. Right now I cant even get a comb through my hair. My hair is very tightly coiled and kinky I dont think I would look good natural.

 

[hotshot]

Good grief, I have never had a problem attracting any kind of men, and all types, from the most professional, to the dude around the way, to that "natural" type guy. I comport myself well, as I would no matter what my hair is doing. I am respected in professional settings, as well. ALL of my friends are natural. All of them. We are all in our twenties and enjoy ourselves and the attention of boyfriends, dates and frequent hollers-on-the-street. Easier? Ok. I have one friend that has straight worn a lower puff for about five years straight-no lie-and she gets men. If anything, my single (and only very recent) insecurity lies in the recent decision I made to wear my hair short. Prior to that I have been natural since '98-through all of college-and no one has complained yet. Some people don't want to be natural. If that's you, fine, then admit it. But please don't insult those of us who are nappy, lovely, doing big thangs, and beating off dudes with a stick.

 

[bettytoo]

girl i've got that 4b hair. and yes its not easy being natural.when all these women with relaxer running about.but at least i don't have to go for a touch up. and risk being bald by the time I'm 60. most women with relaxers aren't happy any way. look at some of the comment some of the permhead sisters make.a relaxer isn't the answer to your prayers.

in britain most 3/c don't have a relaxer its the 4b that do the relaxers. but its not easy for any one .when straight hair is the ideal.

but i would rather have long healthy natural hair any day .then broken relaxer hair.

if you want to go natural put lots of picture of afro up in your house .so you see that image every day.and your feel better.

the topics of men. men like women full stop. and if you don't like you. no one else will full stop .nappy or not.

the greatest love is love of else.

good luck girl one love. look at my fotki for inspiration. just 4b hair . big hair rules http://public.fotki.com/BETTYTOO/

 

[luvlylibra22]

I will admit that after I BCed I didn't wear my hair out for the 1st couple of months out of fear of not being seen as attractive. However, when I finally started wearing my hair out I received the same amount of attention from men. I agree with those who said that it is really about how confident you are in your looks.

I have had to decide if I want to be natural for me or other people, and wean my self off of having others validate me and my choices.

This is so very true and I for one am still working on doing this in every aspect of my life. If you spend your life trying to please others you will never please yourself.

 

[Poohbear]

*Sarafina*
I certaintly cannot relate to anything you've just said, and I have that 4a/b type natural hair. I do not care what anyone thinks about my appearance or my hair. And I think you missed the point of the 'feeling ugly' thread...it wasn't about feeling ugly because of natural hair, it was feeling ugly period, regardless of if your hair is relaxed or natural. From my experience, I've actually gotten more positive comments from blacks and whites alike. Yes, I've gotten negative comments like from my father when I went natural, but I was never emotionally distraught by anything negative. Yes, it can affect you in some way, but it didn't get me down.
I do not get this idea about being less attractive because of your hair type. Everyone has different personal preferences of what they are attracted to or not attracted to. Not all men (black men in particular) hate 4a/b hair. Some men don't even care what your hair looks likes. Its just this social ideology that you need to get rid of out of your minds.
Until women are strong enough to accept themselves and truly accept their hair as it is and let go of what others may or may not think and get rid of this 'good hair' ideal, that's when it can be easier to go natural.
Plus, what's so hard about it? You were born with natural hair. Okay, don't tell me...its harder to manage. Well, what other excuses are we going to come up with? And how can anyone answer that question of 'is it easier to go natural if you have that 'good hair'?' see, it all goes back to you're idea of what hair type you find more attractive. If you don't like your natural hair or you're not ready to go natural, examine yourself first. Get rid of these ideas and negative emotional things that are keeping you down about your hair texture. Its just hair. All hair types, naturally straight, naturally wavy, naturally curly, and naturally kinky are all beautiful. God created them all and they all have a unique presence in this world. Not all kinky haired women are without a man. Not all kinky haired women are emotionally distraught. Try it before you put it down like its hard to do. No hair texture is better than another, and once you realize that, it will be easier for you to go natural.

*Poohbear*

 

[Blaque*Angel]

It's all in the attitude. If you have an attitude that doesn't concern itself with other's opinion, confidence and style, than you can sport natural hair.

I don't have loose 3 c curls. My hair shrinks and doesn't grow south except in the back. I work my natural hair and sport it like I am a hair model.

great post i love your thick hair

 

[joyous]

Natural hair is really a mental transition. To me of us have a relaxed mind but trying to go natural. When you learn to love yourself completely than you will get over the hang ups. I could very well not have any hair. I could lose my hair to a battle with chemo. Does it make me less beautiful?

I agree with Country gal. It's all mental. I find that most of the negative attitudes seem to come from our own people, mostly women. Would you truly want a man that didn't find you attractive in your own skin? I would find that rather shallow of him. Attractiveness encompasses many qualities not just the physical attributes. I myself would hope that someone could see beyond my hair.

 

[Irresistible]

Wow I just posted a thread about being frustrated with my hair. I havent read this thread yet, just went straight to respond to the original post. I think this will be a good read *lol* , All I'm gonna say starting out is I think everything you said is very real and straight to the point. I still find myself challenged by my hair after 13 years natural for various reasons. Nothing to do with texture whatsoever though. I think all hair , natural, relaxed, and all hair types and mixtures thereof all have thier own unique challenges. I just wanted to stop before I read and say .....I FEEL YOU.

and truthfully I do think its an added challenge. I aint gonna lie. I didnt go natural for all that 'natural hooplah' I want natural cause my relaxed hair was jacked up and tore up from the floor up. I stay natural cause I think the same thing will happen again, I didnt know what I was gonna end up with or come out my head *lol* but hell to the nah I aint always the 'doin cartwheels through daisy fields natural lady' honestly I dont get all that anyway. Hair is hair and each head of hair is different. People think by pics alone particular things about my hair, and some of it just aint the truth!

I think we can even feel different on different days at different times and be influenced by all kinda crap.....yeah lets keep it real.

I like the fact that you didnt say its 'easy' for other hair types but just that 'being real' its possibly more challenging in some ways for some reasons with type 4 hair. I think some ladies might have really arrived to not be influenced or care and just love their hair despite it all, I think its possible, and I think thats BEAUTIFUL. I still dont think the whole natural walk is completely without its own unique challenges FOR ALL HAIR TYPES. Am I babbling? ok on to reading.....

oh and with men too....I showed some guy my Chaka Khan Pics , you think he cared (or knew) my hair type? he was appauled at unruly, big, wild , untamed hair. HE WAS NOT IN AWE NOR IMPRESSED , OF WHAT MY CURL/WAVE PATTERN WAS DOING. He probably thought he woldnt want to be seen with me lookin like that....I dont know, cause I aint spoke to him since he acted like that

he can kiss my natural....well you know

I have a thought that I'd like some opinions about. I'm honestly not trying to be controversial so please don't stone me.

After reading another post and seeing how many women 'feel ugly' when their hair is natural, or ignored by men, it got me feeling a little down because I can relate. My hair is processed but it still looks napptural because it is resistant. I am a 4a/4b. I

I've thought about going natural quite often (and still am) but sometimes it doesn't seem like its' all that its' cracked up to be. All the positives about being liberated, and knowing your hair for the first time, etc. sound great. But what about the other part? About how it makes you feel when you get more compliments outside your race; you get ignored by your men, etc. I see a dramatic difference of people's reactions to me when I have braids, when my hair is straightened, and when I do a wash and go. As someone who has grown to identify with others telling her how attractive she is, its' kind of hard to feel like you are 'giving that up'. Yes it shouldn't mattter what people think, but we can't ignore the fact that we are people and are bound to be affected by others' reactions.

So, my thought is...sometimes it seems that people who have what others consider 'good hair' have an easier time going natural, considering going natural etc. A lot of people say they have 4a/4b hair, but it is still hair that would be considered 'good hair' by others.,,ie they have a very strong curl definition, etc. In this sense, some people may even gain by going natural.

Is it possible that the amount of liberation or fullfillment in being natural varies by hair texture and others' reactions to it? That women who have kinkier hair textures have a more emotionally challenging 'natural journey' than others.

 

[Irresistible]

I really really just have to agree with this!!!!!!!!!!!

See, I didn't want to sound patronizing, but I think that age plays a huge part in this. And I hate to say this, the young'uns that I find preaching the gospel of nappyness the loudest tend to sound the least sincere -almost like they are trying to convince themselves along with everyone else.

 

[PaperClip]

Interesting subject matter... refreshing.... very honest and candid answers.... From browsing the posts, I see two themes:

1. Personal attitude/outlook
2. Perception of attraction to men

One thing that I am learning is that this transitioning process for me has been more mental and emotional than physical. It's been more about how I feel about myself versus cutting off raggedy relaxed ends. It's about my self-esteem, my confidence, me loving myself, and reminding myself why I decided to transition out of relaxers. I did it for me, so I can be free from dependence on chemicals to straighten my hair to look "good" or blend in with everybody else.

As far as being attractive to me, well, men are really simple. Men are visual, they like what looks good, and when you feel good about yourself and you got it together, got the whole package, YOU LOOK GOOD!!!!!! And men will see that and be attracted, and not even know why.

I'm still transitioning, but I've been wearing more natural-looking styles to help me get familiar with my new look. I believe I'm seeing men (not just Black men, but others as well) look at me more.... and I had one male classmate tell me that he is so glad I am wearing my hair natural and that it is very pretty....

Like CountryGal said, it's all about attitude.

 

[asubeauty]

I can really relate to what the OP is saying. I really want to go natural, and when I picture what I think is cute natural hair, I see noticable curl definition. I've had a relaxer since I was 7 (my mom's decision - my dad said I didn't need any chemicals in my hair - bless him! ) so I really don't know what my natural hair texture is. When I ask my mom what my natural hair is like, she says, "nappy."

When I mention that I might want to go natural, I've had people literally turn up their noses and ask why. When I mentioned to one of my friends that I would like to go natural after graduating from undergrad, she was like, "Well if you really want to do it, why not do it now?" I didn't really feel like explaining to her that I hope to attend med or grad school in an area that may be more open minded about natural hair (I'm in MS). But she's from Illinois, and she says that if you don't have "that good, curly hair" you NEED a relaxer.

But when I saw some of my old friends who had gone natural or who were wearing twist outs, braid outs, or curly weaves, I couldn't help but to think how pretty and sophisticated they looked. I couldn't imagine guys not liking them.

I used to deal with one guy who acted as if I were killing him if I mentioned going natural. He would frown and say "Please don't do that. That's not sexy..." erplexed But the bf I have now says he likes my hair "as long as it looks nice." He loves it when I wear curly styles or twist outs. He always tries to touch and play with my hair when it's curly. I have to be like "Stay out of my hair!!"

 

[nurseN98]

Or I may not be disicplined enough to do so but I don't think going natural is easier for any certain hair type, I think the biggest hurdle, as you have just proved with this thread, is the emotional and mental transition that must take place in order to break away from what we have been taught is "beautiful."

Exactly. I'm not gonna lie, I did think I was gonna have a bit of an easier time. It's been a lot harder. But going natural started off for one reason but really ended up signifiying a lot by the time I transitioned and chopped. So by that time I was determined and commited to learn how to deal with it and anyone who dare tell me I "need" or "should" relax. I've had a few but with my reaction, they haven't touched this subject again.

 

[nurseN98]

See, I didn't want to sound patronizing, but I think that age plays a huge part in this. And I hate to say this, the young'uns that I find preaching the gospel of nappyness the loudest tend to sound the least sincere -almost like they are trying to convince themselves along with everyone else.

I was thinking about that....sometimes it does sound like they may be trying to convince themselves. But I think they have more of an uphill battle because of their age group. PPl in our age group have different priorities and are at a different stage (naturally) and we can tell someone quick they can kiss our @ss if they don't like it. But younger ppl, because of society and media images of ppl their ages have more to "overcome" when they are natural.

My lil sis is 22 and no way is she going natural because she feels that she is too young for it and doesn't have the hair type for it. She says maybe when she's older she'll do it.

 

[BrownSkin2]

I've just recently become natural and it is harder managing my natural hair because I have a very tight curl pattern. I had to learn to care for it thru this forum and others like it. I think my hair and scalp is healthier this way, and I'm loving it. Many people would tell me that natural is 'so not me'.

I live in Atlanta and I see alot of natural heads here. There is a large percentage of natural heads and alot of men are feeling it. My bf likes it.

 

[Vshanell]

I'm from chicago which is considered north and yea natural is I guess a trend right now in hair mags but it's not widely accepted or anything up here. I have seen more naturals lately than usual, like a good handful. But when I tell ppl I'm want to be natural even my best friend in the world, she looks at me like im super crazy . Here it is still considered an (depending on where you stay) eccentric, neo-type of thing to do.

Your comment about being from Chicago just reminded me of something a girl said in my album. She told me my hair was nothing special and that she was from Chicago where everyone's hair was "hooked up" and mine was definitely not. She was commenting on one of the pics where I just had a plain wash n' go pulled back in a pony tail. All I could do was laugh at that ignorant comment.

 

[Irresistible]

now if that aint a hater!

&where was her pic? I bet she had........NONE

da hayle? the nerve of folks! your hair is beautiful, period!

Your comment about being from Chicago just reminded me of something a girl said in my album. She told me my hair was nothing special and that she was from Chicago where everyone's hair was "hooked up" and mine was definitely not. She was commenting on one of the pics where I just had a plain wash n' go pulled back in a pony tail. All I could do was laugh at that ignorant comment.

 

[Sarafina]

LOL. Some of ya'lls post have me cracking up here. I'm glad so many of you 'feel me', but its' kinda sad at the same time. Back in the day when I would lurk alot , I remember seeing people talk about the ability to be natural as a mental transition. I always thought it meant mental in the sense that you are able to see the beauty in your hair despite society's standards.

When I decided to go natural last year, that was not the problem in my case. My probelm was dealing with society's perception (or Southern California standards to be specific). No one ever had anything bad to say, in fact I got complements but I felt relatively ignored to when I wore braids or straight hair. There were less heads turning. I thought it was all in my head until I put my braids back in...I was like WTF? I'm seeing from people's responses that dealing with this social response is another mental transition in itself that I didn't anticipate.

The most relevant questions/comments are, if you like the way you look why do others' opinions matter? That's a good question I'm going to marinate on while I go to work.

What I know for sure now is that I do not have a problem with my hair texture...I also know that I didn't have problems when I was fully relaxed; it wasn't breaking; people said it was long; I just remember wanting a change. I'm thinking it is a problem with length for me. This is the shortest my hair has ever been in my life (barely to my shoulders), and honestly if I new how long my hair took to grow...I wouldn't have cut it. I remember processing again because I wanted to be able to see the length with out twisting it, braiding, banding, etc. I definitely feel more comfortable with longer hair (as I'm sure many of us do since we're on LHCF), and I know I would love long natural hair....shrinkage or not. As long as I knew it was long, I don't think I 'd care as much. So at the core, I guess its' actually me and my length issues.

Hmmm...I haven't relaxed in 4 months. Maybe I'll put relaxing on hold to give it a chance to grow out during my first year of grad school and see how I feel...not necessarily transition. Enough of the thinking out loud. Off to marinate some more!

Looking forward to more responses after work so keep it coming

 

[so1913]

Your comment about being from Chicago just reminded me of something a girl said in my album. She told me my hair was nothing special and that she was from Chicago where everyone's hair was "hooked up" and mine was definitely not. She was commenting on one of the pics where I just had a plain wash n' go pulled back in a pony tail. All I could do was laugh at that ignorant comment.

All you can do is laugh at that...

Females can be so funny.

 

[Vshanell]

now if that aint a hater!

&where was her pic? I bet she had........NONE

da hayle? the nerve of folks! your hair is beautiful, period!

Thanks girl Nope, the hater didn't have a pic. And her post was "anonymous".

I'm not worried about my hair being "hooked up" anyway so I don't know why she thought she was insulting me. I'd rather my hair be healthy.

 

[curlilocs]

I'm not trying to be funny, but this is what kills me and I hear this a lot from people. They always say they would go natural if they're hair was like mine. When I ask them if they've ever truely seen their natural hair...no one can seem to remember, so they have no idea how their hair will truely behave. My hair is super hard to deal with. I can't manipulate it much, my shrinkage is ridiculous, it doesn't do twist outs well, it's dry, and my frizz is crazy. I can go on and on. A person would be crazy trying to deal with my hair, especially when I was relaxing it, so don't assume looser textured hair may be easier to deal with. I can attest to many frustrating challenges, just like anyone can.

Now with all that said, I do think age plays a factor, as well as the influences of society, and one's self esteem. We should all be comfortable with our decisions about how we choose to wear our hair whether it's relaxed or natural. If you feel like you can't go natural b/c you wouldn't be 'as fine' or 'less noticed' by men, then to me, that's a cop out. We all want to seem attractive to men, especially our SO's. Men are more long hair obessed than anything. I don't think they really care about natural vs. relaxed at all.

IMO, the bottom line is it's easier to be natural if you can learn to love and accept how you are from the tips of your toes to the crown of your head. No certain hair type will make it easier, just your perception of you.