It's always hard for me to read men...help

M

*~Mocha~*

Well-Known Member
Ok, please don't quote..

I've been seeing someone since Jan and we're not sleeping with one another. We both have said we are not into casual 'coloring' , though we do other things, well he does, way too much tmi, but oh well.

Anyway, he was commenting on my body and I hate when men do that. So I asked if he is going to view me as a sexual object and as a good time and he sent me this message. Something as simple as this should be easily understood but I can be dense sometimes. I'm not sure if what he's saying is he sees a future or he's just not sure where this is headed.

How would you interpret his text. Again don't quote..

"Actually the thought of even going there with you (all out sex) is not something I take lightly. It has consequences for us ... the sex thing im not ready to engage in. I don't have the luxury for just doing it and that's it. "


For some reason I trust you women to give me good advice. Way better and unbiased than if I asked my friends. Thx
 
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I don't understand what he means by this sentence, "I don't have the luxury for just doing it and that's it." But aside from that, he sounds sexually responsible and mature which is definitely a good thing.

OAN, between this thread and the other one, all these dudes not wanting to put out is making me feel some type of way. :lol: Def not my reality. :ohwell:
 
JustifiablyMe said:
I don't understand what he means by this sentence, "I don't have the luxury for just doing it and that's it." But aside from that, he sounds sexually responsible and mature which is definitely a good thing.

OAN, between this thread and the other one, all these dudes not wanting to put out is making me feel some type of way. :lol: Def not my reality. :ohwell:
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JustifiablyMe, He told me it's because he's not a hit it and quit it guy.
 
JustifiablyMe said:
I don't understand what he means by this sentence, "I don't have the luxury for just doing it and that's it." But aside from that, he sounds sexually responsible and mature which is definitely a good thing.

OAN, between this thread and the other one, all these dudes not wanting to put out is making me feel some type of way. :lol: Def not my reality. :ohwell:
Click to expand...

Yeah, I don't understand that sentence either, but other than that, it sounds good.
 
JustifiablyMe said:
I don't understand what he means by this sentence, "I don't have the luxury for just doing it and that's it." But aside from that, he sounds sexually responsible and mature which is definitely a good thing.
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I believe he's implying that he gets emotionally tied up regarding sex. in other words get it and quit it doesnt work for him.

He sounds like a beta. heres hoping he's being truth. You two should sit down and discuss this like adults so there wont be any confusion
 
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I agree. He does sound sexually responsible and mature but... he doesn't seem to be speaking in ways that men usually do when they are into you. For instance, he would say things like, "when we're ready to take that step..." or "I hope we reach the level where we're both ready...".

But his response seems to be all about himself. Something about that says he's not sure if he wants to ever go "there" with you. Which is fine. That doesn't mean he won't want to in the future.

Idk how long you have been dating, but it's up to you to decide how long to wait to see if he's into you, before moving on.
 
I took it as he doesn't have the luxury of sleeping with someone with no strings attached like a lot of men are able to do.
 
FelaShrine said:
I believe he's implying that he gets emotionally tied up regarding sex. in other words get it and quit it doesnt work for him.

He sounds like a beta. heres hoping he'd being truth. You two should sit down and discuss this like adults so there wont be any confusion
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Aah ok got it. Like unfortunately he doesn't have that luxury of being able to hit and quit it (like most men). Maybe his wording threw me off lol. But I agree that he sounds like a beta.
 
I agree with most of what the others have said. My comment is that this type of conversation is not something I would have via text.
 
At least he is honest that he gets attached. Many men are like this but will lie and lie to cover up their vulnerability. Peer pressure and pressure from women not to be soft, deters them from admitting this.

You've all seen them. Acting all nonchalant and detached until they realize you are not that pressed after being intimate with them. That sends them over the edge. If they really didn't care, we wouldn't have all these crazy phone, address, social media stalking incidents.
 
I wouldn't pay that evasive, faux deep comment any attention. Watch and observe. Talk and text less, listen and observe more. You will be able to tell what he wants all in good time. And only partake in activity that you want to partake in. Honestly until you know his intentions, I would slow down on the sexual activity. Remember that actions speak louder than words, yours and his.
 
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hopeful said:
I wouldn't pay that evasive, faux deep comment any attention. Watch and observe. Talk and text less, listen and observe more. You will be able to tell what he wants all in good time. And only partake in activity that you want to partake in. Honestly until you know his intentions, I would slow down on the sexual activity. Remember that actions speak louder than words, yours and his.
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Excellent point.
 
It's all good. Besides it's early. You just met him. Just relax and get to know him. If he wants to comment on your body, let him. Unless you truly feel uncomfortable. See where it goes. You have nothing to lose cause you're not giving it up anyway.
 
Relax . You have a nice body means just that. Dont over analyze. Sounds like he was answering your sex object question and he was saying he doesnt see you as one...
 
hopeful said:
I wouldn't pay that evasive, faux deep comment any attention. Watch and observe. Talk and text less, listen and observe more. You will be able to tell what he wants all in good time. And only partake in activity that you want to partake in. Honestly until you know his intentions, I would slow down on the sexual activity. Remember that actions speak louder than words, yours and his.
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Well damn...I have nothing left to say. :lol: Hit us hard wit that, Yas. :yep:

Sounds like he sees more in you than just sex. This is a good thing. But actions scream as opposed to words. Take it slow and watch how things unfold. You will see the real him soon enough. Take it from there.
 
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you sound defensive. youre right, you dont know how to read men :lol: my natural inclination is to assume all men are liars, but at least he is backed up by the fact that hes not actually sleeping with you/seems ok with "everything but," so take what he said at face value.
 
GodsPromises said:
OP my question to you is why don't you like being complimented by a man especially one you are talking to?
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GodsPromises, I really don't know... Well, I do know- I'm very curvy, with a rump and have been hit on by grown men since I was about 14 or so. I hated it and still hate it. I feel like most men are into me because they are sexually attracted to me and that bothers me. He also tells me I'm beautiful all the time and I just go 'hmm' or 'really? You think so?' It's really hard for me to accept compliments. I'm working on accepting them gracefully even if I don't feel it at the time.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I think I'm pretty damaged because of my cousin. Smh. Growing up she use to always tell me men will only like me for my body and nothing else. She's also the only person ever in my life to call me ugly. And for some reason I've believed her and held on to that and that's been 10+yrs. wow, I'm totally off topic now.
 
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mocha, I can understand that, at time I have a problem taking compliments well but you have to get to the point to trust when someone is being real with it and when they are not. He sounds like he is sincere and it's not about your body. I would suggest just enjoy the compliments and also start looking into the mirror and telling yourself you are a good looking woman!
 
*~Mocha~*

You aren't off topic at all. What you just wrote is at the root of this. Were you 14 when your cousin told you that? Or younger? She was so wrong to plant that insulting thought in your head. I wish I could go back and stop her from hurting your sweet, innocent self. You need to heal that wound Mocha. I'm so sorry. It's hard enough to deal with a body that attracts too much attention too soon and to have men treat you like an object, but for a female cousin to reinforce that is disgusting. Did you get any positive messages to counter her negativity when you were growing up?
 
*~Mocha~* said:
GodsPromises, I really don't know... Well, I do know- I'm very curvy, with a rump and have been hit on by grown men since I was about 14 or so. I hated it and still hate it. I feel like most men are into me because they are sexually attracted to me and that bothers me. He also tells me I'm beautiful all the time and I just go 'hmm' or 'really? You think so?' It's really hard for me to accept compliments. I'm working on accepting them gracefully even if I don't feel it at the time.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I think I'm pretty damaged because of my cousin. Smh. Growing up she use to always tell me men will only like me for my body and nothing else. She's also the only person ever in my life to call me ugly. And for some reason I've believed her and held on to that and that's been 10+yrs. wow, I'm totally off topic now.
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Wow. She was *clearly* so jealous of you.
 
hopeful said:
*~Mocha~*

You aren't off topic at all. What you just wrote is at the root of this. Were you 14 when your cousin told you that? Or younger? She was so wrong to plant that insulting thought in your head. I wish I could go back and stop her from hurting your sweet, innocent self. You need to heal that wound Mocha. I'm so sorry. It's hard enough to deal with a body that attracts too much attention too soon and to have men treat you like an object, but for a female cousin to reinforce that is disgusting. Did you get any positive messages to counter her negativity when you were growing up?
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hopeful, there were 2 instances first time I was probably 15 or 16 then again at maybe 20 or 21. We grew up so close and almost like sisters , which is why I 'believed' her. I received plenty positive messages from others but I always felt they were lies.
 
*~Mocha~* said:
hopeful, there were 2 instances first time I was probably 15 or 16 then again at maybe 20 or 21. We grew up so close and almost like sisters , which is why I 'believed' her. I received plenty positive messages from others but I always felt they were lies.
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Well work on healing those negative feelings okay? They are lies. And I agree that she was probably jealous. You are so much more than a body. I'm sure you have a lovely figure but I'm sure you also have a kind heart, a beautiful spirit, a pretty face, and a bright mind. Tell your cousin I said she can kick rocks :lol: heifer owes you an apology :look:.
 
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