It's always hard for me to read men...help

[hopeful]

I told her she needs to write a blog. Or start a "Dear Hopeful" thread.

Omg BGT that is so sweet. Makes me want to blush.

 

[*~Mocha~*]

...........

 

[hopeful]

Yes, just chill. Quit overthinking his every word. Shoo you might be tired of him by then and have kicked him to the curb. He needs to chill with talking nonsense lol.

 

[Enyo]

I told her she needs to write a blog. Or start a "Dear Hopeful" thread.

:scratchch Actually, I don't think that's a bad idea. hopeful, have you ever thought about it? I certainly would read it.

 

[ThirdEyeBeauty]

I interpret it as simply words. Doesn't mean much to me. Let's see actions. What is all this other tmi he is doing?

Be impressed with his words for poetry or musical lyrics. Observe his actions to read a man.

 

[hopeful]

:scratchch Actually, I don't think that's a bad idea. hopeful, have you ever thought about it? I certainly would read it.

Enyo you trying to make me blush too? I will think about it : ).

 

[Farida]

One way to learn to read is pay attention. If you are not sure what he means, instead of trying to divine his intentions from an unclear statement, ask him to explain. Not in a text. In a conversation. It does no good if we sit and write a thesis on what we all think he means if he explains otherwise OR as someone said and very important DOES the opposite of what we/you think he means.

In general men fend to be very simple creatures. We women tend to really brood over things, assign meaning, pick words carefully, hesitate over actions...while men usually just say and do. We are more intelligent and more complex.

 

[Urban]

Just read the other posts. Nm.

Learn to love you OP. All of you. The rest will fall in place.

 

[SophieDulce]

Don't read them at all, base everything off their actions.

 

[Enyo]

Enyo you trying to make me blush too? I will think about it : ).

I'm trying to get you to start a blog.

 

[southerncitygirl]

*~Mocha~*

inbox me, when you get the chance i have something that will help you with your healing process with what you stated above i adore hopeful advice its always rational, solid & sincere. i agree that its not what he says its what he does/doesn't do that will tell the truth, actions speaks louder than words.

 

[Fine 4s]

I would argue that it's both words AND action. I've been in situations where actions where clearly showing one thing but it was all part of the game. I didn't bother to ask because his actions were sooooo clear. In fact it was something he did with everyone....didn't mean much.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

I would have a serious conversation with him about STD/I's and HIV. What if he doesn't have the luxury because he has something serious like HIV, Hepatitis or something else. You can't be too sure.

 

[CurlyMoo]

@GodsPromises, I really don't know... Well, I do know- I'm very curvy, with a rump and have been hit on by grown men since I was about 14 or so. I hated it and still hate it. I feel like most men are into me because they are sexually attracted to me and that bothers me. He also tells me I'm beautiful all the time and I just go 'hmm' or 'really? You think so?' It's really hard for me to accept compliments. I'm working on accepting them gracefully even if I don't feel it at the time.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I think I'm pretty damaged because of my cousin. Smh. Growing up she use to always tell me men will only like me for my body and nothing else. She's also the only person ever in my life to call me ugly. And for some reason I've believed her and held on to that and that's been 10+yrs. wow, I'm totally off topic now.

OP I completely understand where you are coming from. For a long time when a guy would say I am beautiful I questioned his motives. When I was a teen the girls would call me all sorts of disgusting names while the guys were chasing me, some even wanted to fight me because they couldn't handle their attraction. Your cousin was a jealous liar and couldn't handle the fact that she felt she could not measure up to your beauty.

It sounds like you have a self image and self esteem issues based on your past. I have gone through this and I am still plagued by this. But it's changing. You haven't really grown into your sensuality, beauty and womanhood yet. If you had you would just feel complimented, at times turned on and sometimes powerful. Maybe even use your natural gift to your advantage. Men are naturally attracted to beautiful women. This will NEVER change. And it's not wrong, it's human nature coupled with social standards. Oftentimes, men are intimidated by very beautiful, sexy women. But that's another topic.

At some point when you move past this you will be able to see clearly who is really interested in you as a person and who isn't. I struggled with this myself. Thinking that a guys attention and words of interests were indications of him really caring for me. Until it came time to help me with a problem, or do things non sexual related; he/they went MIA.

Give it time, maybe spice it up a bit by playing damsel in distress. Take your car across town (in the wealthy safe area), just before you put the car in park (but leave it in drive) shut it off. Then call him up and tell him you don't know what to do, your car won't start. Then wait and watch his actions as he arrives, if he arrives. Make sure it's on his day off from work and you know he has free time.

Just some thoughts. Best of luck.

 

[CurlyMoo]

@*~Mocha~*

inbox me, when you get the chance i have something that will help you with your healing process with what you stated above i adore @hopeful advice its always rational, solid & sincere. i agree that its not what he says its what he does/doesn't do that will tell the truth, actions speaks louder than words.

Would you mind pm'ing me as well? Thank you

 

[Jazala]

i think that he has a medical/physical issue that he is not ready to disclose to you yet

I would have a serious conversation with him about STD/I's and HIV. What if he doesn't have the luxury because he has something serious like HIV, Hepatitis or something else. You can't be too sure.

Call me a skeptic but... yeah.. what these two said...

Never met a healthy, able-bodied man that actively abstains from sex unless it was for religious purposes.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Based on the number of man bashing posts, I think many of the women on this board are pretty damaged from various past experiences. Internalizing negative comments from your cousin seems to be a big part if the problem but at least you recognize it.

Without knowing more, I would guess he isn't into casual sex and wanted to answer your text.

Yes, there are men who actively abstain because they don't want to be man whores. DH was abstinent for over 6 months when we started dating.

 

[*~Mocha~*]

Call me a skeptic but... yeah.. what these two said...

Never met a healthy, able-bodied man that actively abstains from sex unless it was for religious purposes.

You guys have put this in my head and has made me errr with caution. But, we did have a talk about STDs & from what he's told me he gets checked periodically for his job/Air Force. So with that said, I highly doubt that's an issue.. But I could be wrong.

 

[hopeful]

You guys have put this in my head and has made me errr with caution. But, we did have a talk about STDs & from what he's told me he gets checked periodically for his job/Air Force. So with that said, I highly doubt that's an issue.. But I could be wrong.

Nowadays you have to be cautious with every guy when it comes to sexual activity. I would not take anyone's word. I would need proof and I would be willing to provide proof as well.

 

[*~Mocha~*]

Nowadays you have to be cautious with every guy when it comes to sexual activity. I would not take anyone's word. I would need proof and I would be willing to provide proof as well.

Oh I would definitely not take his word for it. But based on what he's told me I don't think that's the issue.

 

[hopeful]

Oh I would definitely not take his word for it. But based on what he's told me I don't think that's the issue.

I don't think that's the issue either at least as far as what this thread was about. You were wanting to make sure that you weren't being treated like a sexual object. Anyway, glad you aren't going to take his word as far as your and his sexual health is concerned.

 

[MzSwift]

You guys have put this in my head and has made me errr with caution. But, we did have a talk about STDs & from what he's told me he gets checked periodically for his job/Air Force. So with that said, I highly doubt that's an issue.. But I could be wrong.

When I was in the Air Force, we were regularly, randomly tested for DRUGS not STIs. That was a voluntary test where an appointment was made with the clinic. But it could depend on his AFSC (AF job). At some point though, I would definitely ask to see his most recent results.

Dating is fun. Have fun and GL!