Lucie
Dancin' on sunshine!
Bumping. Would love to hear from you ladies who mastered the ideals presented in this book. My problem is that im so dang clingy. Its not so much that id do anything for a man just to satisfy him or keep him but more of something that i like to do for myself. I want to call them everyday and spend hrs on the phone. And if they want to do something at the last minute i would want to go not for them but because i would rather spend time with them than anything else.
mallysmommy, I cannot say I have MASTERED anything. I am a work in progress. I think you have some work you need to do on yourself first. I am glad you can see your behavioral patterns. Some people never do and end up perpetually stuck in an abusive (not necessarily physical) cycle.
Men love a woman that has her own life. Now, if you had a girlfriend that always wanted to spend hours on the phone with you, always hang out with you and had no life outside of you, how would you feel? Perhaps smothered, right? Or annoyed? It might start to become less of a joy spending time with her when you actually were available. Men are the same. A BIG part of having things to do is not to impress a man but to nourish and fulfill yourself. A man is not supposed to BE your life but he is there to enhance what is already going well for you.
As for the last minute thing, if that happens by chance and you two are already further along in a relationship that is okay. But if you are getting to know a man and he is making last minute plans, most likely his "priority" had plans. When men do that, they want to see how much they can get away with dealing with you. You show a man how to treat you. If he sees you are a woman with standards and a schedule, he will fall into line.
I hope you know hon I am NOT saying this from a high horse or with condescension. I have made the mistakes I discussed and have learned from experience. LOTS of experience and I am continuing to learn.
Do you realize that most men do not rearrange their lives for women? They live their lives and however a woman can fit, is what works for them. If he is going to shoot hoops with his boys and you call wanting to go fabric shopping, he is not going to give his boys a rain check.
Do you have interests that keep you busy for your self-development? Perhaps: yoga, knitting, zumba, reading, et cetera? If not, if you find something you like it will make you less clingy and busy. And what about girlfriends to hang out with? They also keep you busy, happy and young. I find that clingy women do not have many activities outside of their man, which is what keeps them in their current state.
I wish you all of the best.