Is this selfish???

[mstaiti]

Hello Everyone,

I was on here not to long ago with my holiday stress thread. Now I have another issue, this time with the boyfriend......here it goes..

I lost my dad two months ago to cancer. I did not have a relationship with my dad because of my mom, but I always said if anything ever happened to him I would be there. I took care of my dad until his last breath. He did not want to go to hospice so he stayed home. I fed, cleaned, changed etc. We had a excellent support team that helped us (my stepmon and sisters) out. Over the course of the time he was ill, we (my dad and I ) bonded a great deal. I had my dad back! Well needless to say again, cancer took his life. It has been a great ordeal for me.. We had to wait to bury him because he was a vet. We buried him on the day before thanksgiving.

Now boyfriend (whom my family is not fond of) says this to me last night:

You are not the same person you used to be, I don't know who you are. Over the past month I noticed you are different, you are not doing the same things you used to do for me, etc. You sleep on the edge on the bed, you don't give me footrubs, etc.

I could not believe it. I am still grieveing!!!!!! ALl you can think about is what you claim I'm not doing, when I do everything???? I sat up in the bed and just cried and cried, not once did he comfort me at all. He made it all about him.....

What say you ladies?

 

[sistatv]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Take your time to heal from the loss of your father.

As for your boyfriend who you've had repeated serious issues with? And your family also is not pleased with? Who had the nerve to treat you like this after such a tragic event about some foot rubs and what side of the bed you sleeping on less than a month after burying your father?


He gotta go.

 

[humility1990]

Dump him!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Xavier]

He sounds like a selfish jerk...you buried your father less than a month ago and he's complaining about his feet not being rubbed. erplexed

 

[TayMac]

Yes it sounds quite selfish and I would let him know. How did he support you during your father's illness and death? Are both his parents living?

Some people don't understand the grieving process.

 

[caltron]

Ms. Taiti

I agree with the majority. His behavior should make this decision easy for you. DUMP!

 

[faithVA]

I'm sorry for your loss mstaiti. I am glad that you were able to bond with your father. What you did was very touching.

I lost my mom in June and my SO is still taking care of me emotionally and understands it takes time. I just said that to say, you need to let this guy go. He is not for you. Listen to your intuition. You sound like a giving person. Find someone to give to that will appreciate it.

 

[kandake]

His actions are quite telling. Of course you're different. You're grieving the loss of your father. I don't understand how a grown man wouldn't get that.

I don't like telling people to leave their SOs but his actions aren't indicative of a loving and supportive mate; two things that are very important in a relationship.

 

[maldroit]

Wow, what a selfish man. You just lost a parent and he's upset you're not giving him footrubs?? Nope. Nope.

 

[MzLady78]

#teamdropthatninja

He seems selfish and uncaring, very much the opposite of you from what I can tell.

I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm glad you were able to mend things with him before he passed. I know first hand how hard it can be to be there for a father you didn't have much of a relationship with.

 

[hopeful]

You are going to have to learn to trust yourself. Deep down you know what a selfish jerk he is being but you are doubting yourself. I have done this many times myself. You are not being overly sensitive. The fact that you cared for your father, a man with whom you had no relationship with, says a lot about how giving a person you are. Your bf has been spoiled by you and is not willing to return the favor. He probably also doesn't understand or care very much because you didn't have a relationship with your father. I feel sorry for you, for your father dying, for you not having a relationship with him, for you having a jerkish bf, for the turmoil you went through over the holidays, all of it. I wish I could give you a big (((hug))). Hang in there and do whatever is best for you and your kids.

 

[Browndilocks]

Based on what I've read from your other thread, I don't see how you are still with him. What kind of man is OK with coming between you and your family? Says a lot about his character.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

Maybe your family is not so wrong about him after all?

I think you know this isn't right. It might not seem big enough to dump him over, but he really is showing you something about who he is as a person. If you can't count on him to be there for you in your time of grief, I mean what is his purpose? What is he good for? Why would you want someone like that around you and your children?

 

[mstaiti]

Yes it sounds quite selfish and I would let him know. How did he support you during your father's illness and death? Are both his parents living?

Some people don't understand the grieving process.

Both his parents are living. He was supportive during the time of his illness.

 

[mstaiti]

Everyone is right...... I really need to check myself on this one and realize that this is not GOOD AT ALL.

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

What was the context of this conversation? Did you he just come out of the blue with that statement?

 

[mstaiti]

What was the context of this conversation? Did you he just come out of the blue with that statement?

It was 1:00 AM. I fell alseep and happen to wake up. He was watching youtube and I asked him what he was doing and he apologized for waking me. So I said that's ok. He asked if I was ok and I said yeah, just tired. Then he proceeds with telling me I have some issues going on, I haven't been myself, etc. I ask him what have I NOT been doing.... his response........ Never mind you've been doing everything, it's just me..... then it blew up from there. Mind you..... I do everything.

 

[TayMac]

It is up to you if this is a deal breaker but if not I would air out my feelings. Tell him you are still grieving and see how he responds. He should be apologetic unless he truly is a jerk.

 

[1QTPie]

So sorry for your loss.