Is it okay to ask to meet the other woman?

[Xavier]

Okay so I have a friend who has a little girl and her child's father just go a new girlfriend. Actually she is the first girlfriend since the relationship ended between her and her ex. My friend has expressed to her child's father that she wants to meet with the girlfriend to see what type of influence she would have on the daughter. The father seems to think it is none of her business. He thinks that the my friend should just trust that as a father he would not bring a women into his daughter's life that would be a negative influence.

Even though I am a single mom, I haven't experienced having another women in the picture yet, so I didn't know what advice to give my friend. I guess I just haven't given it much thought.

For the single moms, do you think it is important to meet the other women in your child's life?

For the women who are in relationships with men who have children by other women, has the other woman made it a point to meet you? What did you think about it?

 

[Keen]

I can see where both of them are coming from. It really depend on how much she trust the father not to bring their daughter around just anyone. I can't say yes or no. It depends....

 

[life_is_great]

Umm, it really depends. My daughters father always let me meet his (serious) girlfriends and he always met my (serious) boyfriends. It just worked better for us knowing who was around our child. But we never really brought people around her unless we had been seeing them for some time.

 

[sonce]

For the single moms, do you think it is important to meet the other women in your child's life?

By God's grace, I will never be a single mom, but I would advice single moms to meet the women in their children's lives. If something happens to you, this might be who is raising your child. Find out who she is, her character, and how she feels about your child. It is not optional. It is a must. Would you ever leave your child in the hands of a stranger? because that's what you're doing if you don't insist on knowing who this heifer is.

For the women who are in relationships with men who have children by other women, has the other woman made it a point to meet you? What did you think about it?

I don't date men who have children or who are unsure of whether or not they have children. Knowing that you have no children is a prerequisite to dating me.

 

[gone_fishing]

Well, I'd have to evaluate my true intentions for wanting to meet her. But, firstly, I'd object to him bringing a new relationship around my daughter to begin with. There should be a serious commitment between the two of them before my child is involved so she's not subject to a rotating door of women. A father's actions has a huge influence on a little girl and forms the way she thinks she ought to be treated in a lot of cases.

However, if it is already a serious relationship, I'd ask her if she would maybe plan a meeting. I don't see a problem with that if both women are mature but seriously this is only in the case of an engagement. Kind of how they did it on that movie, stepmom where everyone sat down and explained things to the children together.

She should only be requesting this though, if she's willing to return the favor if the role reverses.

 

[Nina_deF]

Umm, it really depends. My daughters father always let me meet his (serious) girlfriends and he always met my (serious) boyfriends. It just worked better for us knowing who was around our child. But we never really brought people around her unless we had been seeing them for some time.

I agree with the above.

My ex-husband met my serious boyfriend before my children did.
We actually met each others future spouses at the same time, I invited everybody over to my house.
It was very important to me that we all got a long, since my ex and I used to be really good friends (until his current wife had a fit).

If someone outside the family is going to around the children I think that the other parent should feel alright with it.

 

[winterinatl]

Okay so I have a friend who has a little girl and her child's father just go a new girlfriend. Actually she is the first girlfriend since the relationship ended between her and her ex. My friend has expressed to her child's father that she wants to meet with the girlfriend to see what type of influence she would have on the daughter. The father seems to think it is none of her business. He thinks that the my friend should just trust that as a father he would not bring a women into his daughter's life that would be a negative influence.

Even though I am a single mom, I haven't experienced having another women in the picture yet, so I didn't know what advice to give my friend. I guess I just haven't given it much thought.

For the single moms, do you think it is important to meet the other women in your child's life?

For the women who are in relationships with men who have children by other women, has the other woman made it a point to meet you? What did you think about it?

I can see wanting to check her out myself, but what happens when she doesn't like her? The dude isn't likely to listen to you and go, "oh, okay. I won't date her then" Chances are what you think as the child's mother won't matter much to him anyway, what can you really do?

 

[cocoberry10]

I can see where both of them are coming from. It really depend on how much she trust the father not to bring their daughter around just anyone. I can't say yes or no. It depends....

I agree with Keen, but to answer your questions:

Do you think it is important to meet the other women in your child's life?
I am not a single mother (and never plan on becoming one), however, I do think it's important to know/meet the people that will be involved in your children's lives, including your ex/baby's daddy's friends. There are too many crazies in this world (pedophiles, child predators and people who can harm your children).

However, I can understand where her ex is coming from, particularly if they had a "bad breakup." If she still has feelings for him and he knows this, he may think that she only wants to meet the new girlfriend so she can "size her up." Unfortunately, there are some women who do this. However, I think the children's welfare is too important. I think they can come to a happy medium, where she meets the girlfriend, even if it's in a public place (i.e. a park) and even if the ex is there (and the children). In fact, I would want to see how she deals with my children and how they react to/deal with her!

For the women who are in relationships with men who have children by other women, has the other woman made it a point to meet you? What did you think about it?

Again, I've never been in this situation. However, if my boyfriend's ex/baby mama wanted to meet me, I would have no problem with this. Especially if I thought the relationship was very serious. If she felt it was important to meet me, to feel safe about her children, that would be fine. Even if she had a hidden agenda, I wouldn't have a problem with this, b/c I would feel secure in my relationship.

 

[Xavier]

I can see wanting to check her out myself, but what happens when she doesn't like her? The dude isn't likely to listen to you and go, "oh, okay. I won't date her then" Chances are what you think as the child's mother won't matter much to him anyway, what can you really do?

Thanks for the replies ladies. I actually had this very same thought. I was think well if you don't like the girl for whatever reason where do you go from there.