If your dying loved one asked you to...

[MichelleMyBelle]

I would for my Mother or sisters. I don't love anyone else that much.

 

[8HoursFromHome]

Native people in america do it out of respect for their parents... As for me, I don't know...

 

[DeepBluSea]

No. But seeing as I have never had long hair this would probably never be an issue for me. LOL. But I do know two really good friends. One girl was diagnosed with breast cancer. She eventually just shaved her head because her hair was coming out in handfuls. The other friend shaved her head as well. Just to let her know she didn't have to go through everything alone. I thought that was a really sweet gesture. I also know of moms who shave their heads when their DDs go through chemo. I would be inclined to that.

 

[nikolite]

Cutting hair is less about what you'll do without being able to see long swinging hair everyday and more about in a physical action showing someone "I know what you're going through, I can't go through it with you, but I can do this action to show you how much I care and will be there."

EXACTLY. I think people are really reading too deep into what the OP is saying to make excuses for why they wouldn't cut their hair. Its very simple--the request could be to quit smoking, or finally make amends with an estranged brother, or to run in a marathon in their name. As for cutting the hair, they could be saying they feel you or other people are so vain about hair and they want you to cut it all off to show strength or something. In the movie "My Sister's Keeper," the mother shaved her head bald just to make her dying daughter feel that she fit in with society (she didn't want to go out and have people see her bald so her mother went out bald with her). I thought that was an act of love and I'd do it in a heartbeat if it made my daughter feel better.

It doesn't matter what the request secretly means though, the simple question is would you fulfill a request for your dying loved one if it involved loosing your hair? In other words, how obsessed are you with hair growth? Would you start all over for a dying spouse?

If No, then okay, but I think its weird that someone would find a person's request at their death an act of coercion/control. I couldn't imagine giving a loved one the side eye and questioning their motives on their death bed.

 

[nikolite]

To me there, is a big difference between donating a kidney and cutting hair. The kidney is vital to living, but a cancer patient wont die if they dont have a wig made of my hair.

I think the difference is that a kidney may relieve physical suffering, while cutting hair may relieve emotional/mental suffering. Because I'd want them to die as comfortably as possible, I'd want them to be happy too (and happiness in death is sometimes worth more than living on without it).

 

[ladysaraii]

No... what purpose does it serve, esp when there's wigs and weaves

I guess that's my real question. i cut my hair, so what now? If it's a matter of doing something for them, there are probably plenty of other things that I could and would do to show support or help releive their suffering.

 

[Xavier]

Wish I could thank you a million times for this one. Thanks for articulating what I was trying to convey in my OP. I guess I didn't do a good job explaining my initial thought.

EXACTLY. I think people are really reading too deep into what the OP is saying to make excuses for why they wouldn't cut their hair. Its very simple--the request could be to quit smoking, or finally make amends with an estranged brother, or to run in a marathon in their name. As for cutting the hair, they could be saying they feel you or other people are so vain about hair and they want you to cut it all off to show strength or something. In the movie "My Sister's Keeper," the mother shaved her head bald just to make her dying daughter feel that she fit in with society (she didn't want to go out and have people see her bald so her mother went out bald with her). I thought that was an act of love and I'd do it in a heartbeat if it made my daughter feel better.

It doesn't matter what the request secretly means though, the simple question is would you fulfill a request for your dying loved one if it involved loosing your hair? In other words, how obsessed are you with hair growth? Would you start all over for a dying spouse?

If No, then okay, but I think its weird that someone would find a person's request at their death an act of coercion/control. I couldn't imagine giving a loved one the side eye and questioning their motives on their death bed.

 

[JinaRicci]

This particular request just seems far-fetched. I guess at such an emotional time, anything might be possible. But right now, no I can't even imagine such a request.

I have watched people die from cancer, including my family and this is not about my hair or how quickly it grows. I would easily accept a more challenging request such as donating bone marrow or quitting my job and doing cancer research. Showing my support by shaving my head while the person is undergoing chemo is understandable to me but this just isn't.

 

[Guitarhero]

It's hard for me to envision a terminally ill individual making such a request. In my experience, they typically seek out forms of closure before their demise by offer words of wisdom and tying up any lose ends; in addition to rebuilding burned bridges.

Thank you. Kidneys and bone marrow are something totally different...acts that might help save a life. I think that asking somebody to cut your hair is an attempt, as somebody else put it, to control people beyond the grave. It just sounds off to me. What if you kept your hair for your religion? Do you sacrifice your beliefs over somebody else's request to shave your head?

 

[Guitarhero]

Native people in america do it out of respect for their parents... As for me, I don't know...

Um, we cut the hair, not necessary shave the hair. It's a personal sign of mourning....that's after someone has died. Has nothing to do with with a request of the dying.

 

[lesedi]

If I were to do it, it would have to be a decision that I came to on my own accord. If i was asked, I might give a teensy-little sideye to he person in question.
Unpopuar opinion: Being asked reeks of manipulation to me.

 

[LittleLuxe]

As for cutting the hair, they could be saying they feel you or other people are so vain about hair and they want you to cut it all off to show strength or something. In the movie "My Sister's Keeper," the mother shaved her head bald just to make her dying daughter feel that she fit in with society (she didn't want to go out and have people see her bald so her mother went out bald with her). I thought that was an act of love and I'd do it in a heartbeat if it made my daughter feel better.

Exactly, lol. Someone mentioned something about 'that would seem like misery loving company'. I think that's the whole point. Whether you do or don't is up to you but you do see that we live in a society obsessed with appearance and judging people by it. The people who have cancer probably love their hair as much as some of the ladies on this site and for a second put yourself in their shoes as to how they feel. Your hair will grow back, you will be healthy, you will wake up everyday fine. They won't. They will lose their hair, grow weak, people will stare at them, wonder what's wrong with them, avoid them. Their hair won't immediately spring back up, they're too busy being worried about their lives and to add to that there's a constant physical reminder of how fragile they are. I don't think someone cutting their hair is somehow creepy in this instance, you are physically showing and saying "It's okay, I'm here with you". It's one thing to be sick and look perfectly healthy and be able to walk outside grinning, another to be bald, pale, and tired all the time. So for those that do or would I believe they view it as a show of solidarity, devotion, or friendship NOT being controlled.

If No, then okay, but I think its weird that someone would find a person's request at their death an act of coercion/control. I couldn't imagine giving a loved one the side eye and questioning their motives on their death bed.

Yeah that one's a little puzzling to me. I can see someone not being able to do it but then why become suspicious of that individual? If it's something you can't do then gently explain that, no need to make them feel guilty in some sense.

 

[Tiye]

Hadn't looked at this thread in a bit and now it's grown. The first responses were yes in a heartbeat, but I was wondering if some people would vote heck no, nothing comes between me and my hhj. I guess for some this is so.

 

[lesedi]

Hadn't looked at this thread in a bit and now it's grown. The first responses were yes in a heartbeat, but I was wondering if some people would vote heck no, nothing comes between me and my hhj. I guess for some this is so.

In my case my HHJ is really not that serious to me..it's just the being asked that digs in my side. Shaving my head is something that I would have considered anyway but I don't want to manipulated into doing it. The only exception is if I was asked by a child. I would shave my head in a heartbeat if a child close to me asked me to.

 

[FebeeSigns]

Yes I'd do it. I'd do it even if they weren't dying and would survive I love shaving my head. It gives me a really odd warm feeling of difference and freedom. No one around me would ever do it and I feel special walking around bald lol

 

[NYDiva]

No,
I wouldn't.
I'd sport a wig along side someone i loved, but cutting off all my hair isn't something i would do at somebody elses request.

 

[Ms Lala]

Nope. I'd happily give a donation or purchase a wig but not cutting off my hair unless it was something I wanted to do.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

No I would not and it has nothing to do with my vanity whatsoever. And unfortunately half of these ladies in this thread who intend to donate to locks of love or a similar agency wont be able to anyway. Either the hair is not long enough or its chemically treated.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Nope I would not unless I was already planning to go natural or something. I would instead buy them a lacefront or do a benefit concert for cancer.

 

[empressri]

I can't see someone being that sick worrying about someone else cutting off their hair. And on top of that, there is some great shadiness with some of these so-called organizations so they aren't getting my hair.

 

[Tyra]

I know what it's like to see a loved one dying of a terminal illness.
Cutting all of my hair off isn't even a drop in a bucket compared to what that person has gone through in illness. That's a teeny tiny minute thing to ask of me. I'd do it in a second!
ETA: I didn't know that there was shadiness going on within these companies.
Wow.

 

[EllePixie]

BillsBackerz67 I thought the question was hypothetical and the OP meant when your hair is long so that's why I said I'd donate to Locks of Love...lol, I know they don't want my current 6 inches of hair!

I also didn't know those companies were shady though...that's lame! Forget that then. I see some of the ladies are surprised many are saying no (for the record, I picked maybe), but you don't find it unsettling at all that your loved one's dying wish would be for you to cut your hair?! I mean in the OP's story, her friend did it without being asked. I still don't know what I would do, but I don't think it's vain or selfish if not.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

I was just saying. those donation companies are kinda iffy so I just wanted people to be aware. thats the automatic answer when most people say they want to donate their hair and they know nothing about locks of love.

@BillsBackerz67 I thought the question was hypothetical and the OP meant when your hair is long so that's why I said I'd donate to Locks of Love...lol, I know they don't want my current 6 inches of hair!

I also didn't know those companies were shady though...that's lame! Forget that then. I see some of the ladies are surprised many are saying no (for the record, I picked maybe), but you don't find it unsettling at all that your loved one's dying wish would be for you to cut your hair?! I mean in the OP's story, her friend did it without being asked. I still don't know what I would do, but I don't think it's vain or selfish if not.

 

[bestblackgirl]

I know that sounds selfish but i wouldnt do it. Besides my hair is relaxed and i dont think they accept chemically altered hair. And i would go natural for that. And besides I hear that the women in India who cut their hair for sacrificial offering to their gods. Their hair end up being sold to wig and weave companies.
So absolutely not. I dont believe my hair would end up on a cancer patient's head

 

[sweetlaughter]

I voted no. Cutting my hair doesn't cure cancer. And quite frankly people who make those kinds of requests of me are not worthy of my time. Cancer and terminal illness does not give anyone the right to ask me to alter my way of life for them. If your friend/loved one on their death bed wanted you to donate all your possessions (car, clothing, jewelry, etc) to charity in their name b/c of this illness would you run out and do it? I highly doubt it.

 

[LittleLuxe]

but you don't find it unsettling at all that your loved one's dying wish would be for you to cut your hair?!.

Well maybe you can answer that question to someone who doesn't get it.

What would you find unsettling about it? Would you think the person was trying to manipulate or control you? (just some of the responses I've gathered from other women's responses) That you had invested too much time or energy into your HHJ to lose? That they were being in any way insensitive to the love of your hair? That they were attempting to do - misery loves company - or any version of or etc.?

I mean some folks are talking about this as if it's a stranger. It's purely hypothetical obviously, but some of the responses have me giving the side-eye. Not because folks are saying no or maybe, but because their response is 'By asking me clearly this person isn't someone who I can trust'

Now, since the OP's post was purely related to a dying loved one, which could reflect mother, sister, brother, cousin, or friend it's very open but I do think the emphasis is on loved. So a part of me wonders, not by saying no, but by saying "This request means this person doesn't have my best interest at heart." are people ignoring the 'loved one' or would their a view of a loved one change so dramatically because of such a request?

 

[MarieB]

I wouldn't even think twice. It'll grow back, especially if I knew that it would make my mother/sister/friend happy, even if it was only for a little while.

 

[EllePixie]

Well maybe you can answer that question to someone who doesn't get it.

What would you find unsettling about it? Would you think the person was trying to manipulate or control you? (just some of the responses I've gathered from other women's responses) That you had invested too much time or energy into your HHJ to lose? That they were being in any way insensitive to the love of your hair? That they were attempting to do - misery loves company - or any version of or etc.?

I mean some folks are talking about this as if it's a stranger. It's purely hypothetical obviously, but some of the responses have me giving the side-eye. Not because folks are saying no or maybe, but because their response is 'By asking me clearly this person isn't someone who I can trust'

Now, since the OP's post was purely related to a dying loved one, which could reflect mother, sister, brother, cousin, or friend it's very open but I do think the emphasis is on loved. So a part of me wonders, not by saying no, but by saying "This request means this person doesn't have my best interest at heart." are people ignoring the 'loved one' or would their a view of a loved one change so dramatically because of such a request?

Well I'm thinking that if it's a close loved one, they would know how much time, effort, etc is spent on your hair, so why would they ask you to cut it off? Like I said before, in the OP's story her friend cut her hair without being asked, I think that is TOTALLY different. Like, why would they ask you to do something that they KNOW would make you unhappy? That's how I see some of the ladies even stated, "My loved ones love my hair and would never ask that of me," because I just don't see it happening. Why would your dying wish be to make a loved one unhappy? Seems very unrealistic. I'm placing more emphasis on the asking part rather than actually cutting the hair.

Especially since there are so many ways to support cancer research, they'd pick the thing that would make you most unhappy? Seems off to me, that's all.

 

[nikolite]

Well I'm thinking that if it's a close loved one, they would know how much time, effort, etc is spent on your hair, so why would they ask you to cut it off? Like I said before, in the OP's story her friend cut her hair without being asked, I think that is TOTALLY different. Like, why would they ask you to do something that they KNOW would make you unhappy? That's how I see some of the ladies even stated, "My loved ones love my hair and would never ask that of me," because I just don't see it happening. Why would your dying wish be to make a loved one unhappy? Seems very unrealistic. I'm placing more emphasis on the asking part rather than actually cutting the hair.

Especially since there are so many ways to support cancer research, they'd pick the thing that would make you most unhappy? Seems off to me, that's all.

But it doesn't matter if its "off" or not to you. The point is that the request was made, so would you do it or not? If your mother was dying and asked you to do so would you say no to her just because you thought her request was a bit off? Honestly, you aren't really doing much for the person if they have to convince you of why their request is important or worthwhile? Just say no then already, but it doesn't mean there's something wrong with them for asking. It simply means you aren't willing to cut your hair in that circumstance.

The request isn't supposed to be easy or else what's the point in the hypothetical question? So your loved one isn't supposed to ask you to do something they know you'd be easily willing to do, its supposed to be something to make you uncomfortable. Its supposed to be a decision to make a sacrifice or not, and that sacrifice would be your hair. If this was a weight loss forum the question would be "Would you stop dieting/eat donuts for a week if your dying loved one asked you to?" Have ya'll never played the hypothetical question game before?

 

[EllePixie]

But it doesn't matter if its "off" or not to you. The point is that the request was made, so would you do it or not? If your mother was dying and asked you to do so would you say no to her just because you thought her request was a bit off? Honestly, you aren't really doing much for the person if they have to convince you of why their request is important or worthwhile? Just say no then already, but it doesn't mean there's something wrong with them for asking. It simply means you aren't willing to cut your hair in that circumstance.

The request isn't supposed to be easy or else what's the point in the hypothetical question? So your loved one isn't supposed to ask you to do something they know you'd be easily willing to do, its supposed to be something to make you uncomfortable. Its supposed to be a decision to make a sacrifice or not, and that sacrifice would be your hair. If this was a weight loss forum the question would be "Would you stop dieting/eat donuts for a week if your dying loved one asked you to?" Have ya'll never played the hypothetical question game before?

Yea...I already responded like on the first page and I said maybe. My post was in response to some of the ladies being totally shocked that many of the posters said no, so I was giving a different perspective. And stopping dieting/eating donuts for a week is no where near the same thing as cutting off all your hair. Just saying. Cheers.