I Need Help Y'all

kblc06

kblc06

Well-Known Member
So I met a guy. Been dating about 2 weeks. Haitian, average to slighly above average physical attractivenes, super well connected, ambitious (currently in law school, worked for the Haitian embassy based in the US, 6 figure+ income im addition to investments). Goes out of his way to ensure I'm comfortable and safe. For example, I had been drinking last Friday but was good to drive only lived 5 minutes away. Rather than let me drive, he drove to where I was, drove me home, got an uber and went to pick my car up and drive it to me. He even sent a car to pick me up on our first date, despite me living literally 2 minutes away from the restaurant. He's put gas in my car, brought me groceries, wanted to tend to me when I got sick (I didn't want him over so I made up an excuse). He's even told his friends and family about me.

So what's the problem? He is absolutely f#$×ing annoying to me. I don't like the sound of his voice, he's not the greatest kisser, he's super needy and calls and text all through the day. He wants to spend every evening together as soon as I get off work from home. It's just overbearing. I feel like most women would love this type of attention, but i can't stand it and I've been acting so mean towards him but he doesn't deserve it. BUT this is the only way I know how to be. Do I have attachment or commitment issues. I want to grow to like him, but i don't see that happening. I've lost some amazing catches by being so b*tchy that they feel disheartened and lose interest. ...even though they always come back :look:. I have know idea why #kanyeshrug. I do this even when I'm extremely interested in them as well. They end up thinking I'm playing games even though I'm not. I feel like I'm not wired for human compatibility even though I want it very much :cry3:

Bad part about is when they pull away, I start actually wanting them:drunk:. I've flaked on him 3 times in a row now and he's called me out on it. Maybe I just feel as though he's moving too fast...or maybe I'm really not interested in him.

To put things in context, I have a bad habit of "finding" things wrong with a guy until I've completely put myself off of them.
 
FemmeFatale said:
He looks good on paper but you're not into HIM. I've been there and was very very annoyed by him. The one I'm with now I'm into in every single way and can be up under him all the time.
Click to expand...
You and @barbiesocialite always keep it 100. Sigh, back to the bushes he goes...I guess. I like the way he's into me, but i don't like him. He's not the type of guy that would be content in the friend zone :ohwell:
 
kblc06 said:
BUT this is the only way I know how to be. Do I have attachment or commitment issues. I want to grow to like him, but i don't see that happening. I've lost some amazing catches by being so b*tchy that they feel disheartened and lose interest. ...even though they always come back :look:. I have know idea why #kanyeshrug. I do this even when I'm extremely interested in them as well. They end up thinking I'm playing games even though I'm not. I feel like I'm not wired for human compatibility even though I want it very much :cry3:

Bad part about is when they pull away, I start actually wanting them:drunk:. I've flaked on him 3 times in a row now and he's called me out on it. Maybe I just feel as though he's moving too fast...or maybe I'm really not interested in him.

To put things in context, I have a bad habit of "finding" things wrong with a guy until I've completely put myself off of them.
Click to expand...

This is a problem, tho, just in general.
 
Honey Bee said:
This is a problem, tho, just in general.
Click to expand...

Girl who you telling! And it's not that I'm outwardly b*itchy- I'm actually very sweet. But you can only flake so much before people take a hint ya know. And it's not that I intentionally do it. I'm just usually in a place where I don't feeling like being "on" for company. This is where my introversion takes over because I normally attract extroverts..and outwardly, I appear extroverted as well. So they can't understand why I need alone time so often
 
kblc06 said:
Girl who you telling! And it's not that I'm outwardly b*itchy- I'm actually very sweet. But you can only flake so much before people take a hint ya know. And it's not that I intentionally do it. I'm just usually in a place where I don't feeling like being "on" for company. This is where my introversion takes over because I normally attract extroverts..and outwardly, I appear extroverted as well. So they can't understand why I need alone time so often
Click to expand...
It's not that. It's the 'I can't help but find something wrong with them.' My mother does this too. I can't figure it out.

re: this last thing you posted, I'm somewhat similar (sort of an E/INTJ personality type, right on the cusp). I always chose men who had so much going on that they only need me 'on' for small bits of time. The rest of the time, leave me alone. :lol: Or, at least don't be offended when I 'unh huh' your @ss to death.
 
Honey Bee said:
It's not that. It's the 'I can't help but find something wrong with them.' My mother does this too. I can't figure it out.

re: this last thing you posted, I'm somewhat similar (sort of an E/INTJ personality type, right on the cusp). I always chose men who had so much going on that they only need me 'on' for small bits of time. The rest of the time, leave me alone. :lol: Or, at least don't be offended when I 'unh huh' your @ss to death.
Click to expand...

Is your mother an only child? I am and I'm also an Aries. I came into the world super independent and I'very always been comfortable in my solitutde. But I do get lonely.. He's a type that needs someone to need him. And I've been getting better at being vulnerable to allow myself to depend on him or anyone I'm dating. I'm mental and I know this lol. I want to need someone only on my terms, otherwise leave me alone :lol:. I can be very selfish with my time and personal space which is a problem. Coupled with some residual trust issues stemming from childhood and being extremely all or nothing, I tend to come across as outwardly warm, but very cold on an interpersonal level. I may just need to find a good therapist :rofl:.
 
kblc06 said:
Ya know, I came across a thread of yours, and I literally laughed outloud. Is he an earth sign by chance (taurus, Capricorn, virgo)?
Click to expand...

He's Aries and he's really awesome and the witchier I am to him it's like that drives him to be even nicer to me!
 
kblc06 said:
Is your mother an only child? I am and I'm also an Aries. I came into the world super independent and I'very always been comfortable in my solitutde. But I do get lonely.. He's a type that needs someone to need him. And I've been getting better at being vulnerable to allow myself to depend on him or anyone I'm dating. I'm mental and I know this lol. I want to need someone only on my terms, otherwise leave me alone :lol:. I can be very selfish with my time and personal space which is a problem. Coupled with some residual trust issues stemming from childhood and being extremely all or nothing, I tend to come across as outwardly warm, but very cold on an interpersonal level. I may just need to find a good therapist :rofl:.
Click to expand...
Nope. She's the youngest of two and an Aqua. Are you sure you're not? (Moon, ascendant, etc) I'd check. Might clarify a lot for you.
 
LiftedUp said:
He's Aries and he's really awesome and the witchier I am to him it's like that drives him to be even nicer to me!
Click to expand...

I wonder if he's on a cusp of either Pisces or Taurus. But Aries men can be like that too. When we're into you, you will know. And when we're done, you might not even realize it lol
 
Honey Bee said:
Nope. She's the youngest of two and an Aqua. Are you sure you're not? (Moon, ascendant, etc) I'd check. Might clarify a lot for you.
Click to expand...

Nope. Youngest and onlies can behave similarly and be rather self absorbed. I'm a Leo ascendant and Taurus moon (on a Taurus cusp at that). Maybe it's the Venus in Gemini...i can be very wishy washy when it comes to romantic interest in general. It takes A LOT to sustain my attention. Ironically, the only signs that have are scorpios, Capricorns, and some Leo's ( I guess due to the whole mysterious nature ****)
 
kblc06 said:
So I met a guy. Been dating about 2 weeks. Haitian, average to slighly above average physical attractivenes, super well connected, ambitious (currently in law school, worked for the Haitian embassy based in the US, 6 figure+ income im addition to investments). Goes out of his way to ensure I'm comfortable and safe. For example, I had been drinking last Friday but was good to drive only lived 5 minutes away. Rather than let me drive, he drove to where I was, drove me home, got an uber and went to pick my car up and drive it to me. He even sent a car to pick me up on our first date, despite me living literally 2 minutes away from the restaurant. He's put gas in my car, brought me groceries, wanted to tend to me when I got sick (I didn't want him over so I made up an excuse). He's even told his friends and family about me.

So what's the problem? He is absolutely f#$×ing annoying to me. I don't like the sound of his voice, he's not the greatest kisser, he's super needy and calls and text all through the day. He wants to spend every evening together as soon as I get off work from home. It's just overbearing. I feel like most women would love this type of attention, but i can't stand it and I've been acting so mean towards him but he doesn't deserve it. BUT this is the only way I know how to be. Do I have attachment or commitment issues. I want to grow to like him, but i don't see that happening. I've lost some amazing catches by being so b*tchy that they feel disheartened and lose interest. ...even though they always come back :look:. I have know idea why #kanyeshrug. I do this even when I'm extremely interested in them as well. They end up thinking I'm playing games even though I'm not. I feel like I'm not wired for human compatibility even though I want it very much :cry3:

Bad part about is when they pull away, I start actually wanting them:drunk:. I've flaked on him 3 times in a row now and he's called me out on it. Maybe I just feel as though he's moving too fast...or maybe I'm really not interested in him.

To put things in context, I have a bad habit of "finding" things wrong with a guy until I've completely put myself off of them.
Click to expand...

The bolded: That could be a problem for me too. I'd like to get to know you a little slower than that. Spending every evening together before you get comfortable is a bit much and can be annoying. I would be feeling the same way. You really don't know him yet and he's expecting too much from you..
 
kblc06 said:
You and @barbiesocialite always keep it 100. Sigh, back to the bushes he goes...I guess. I like the way he's into me, but i don't like him. He's not the type of guy that would be content in the friend zone :ohwell:
Click to expand...

I know one thing, that grow to love him business is easier said than done. You HAVE to be honest with yourself. When I read the unattractive but good guy thread I said nope, no can do, I'm in my prime, there's no reason to settle for that.
 
kblc06 said:
Nope. Youngest and onlies can behave similarly and be rather self absorbed. I'm a Leo ascendant and Taurus moon (on a Taurus cusp at that). Maybe it's the Venus in Gemini...i can be very wishy washy when it comes to romantic interest in general. It takes A LOT to sustain my attention. Ironically, the only signs that have are scorpios, Capricorns, and some Leo's ( I guess due to the whole mysterious nature ****)
Click to expand...
Yes, it's the Venus in Gem. I have moon in Gem and my mother has an Aqua moon. And, oddly, Scorps, Caps, and Leos are the men we tend to deal with. That's weird. :lol: Thanks for this segue, I learned something.

I suspect that you want an intellectual connection (Ven in Gem) rather than the earthy kind that takes care of your material needs, or the watery kind (like a Cancer) that caters to your whims. Also, you like a little distance :look:, whether that's emotional distance or physical, and this guy already messed up cuz he all up on you. (Yuck) What sign is he, btw?

I don't think the issue is moving too fast. I don't think you would mind that. I think he's just unattractive to you. His style conflicts with yours.
 
Bingo! I want someone who can get into my head and whose mind I can explore. I tried to explain this to the last scorpio I dated. The mental connection just wasn't there, and despite the fact that he was physically errthang, he did 't even make me moist. But I noticed the whole moving fast thing with Haitians. It's so strange to me. I'm like, why are you trying to move so quickly. It leads me to suspect that you're hiding something and you're trying to get me to fall fast so I won't notice some fatal character flaw.

He's also a bit pretentious and while smart on paper, he's not an especially deep thinker. He's a Taurus...all the dependability of a Cap with none of the intrigue

Honey Bee said:
Yes, it's the Venus in Gem. I have moon in Gem and my mother has an Aqua moon. And, oddly, Scorps, Caps, and Leos are the men we tend to deal with. That's weird. :lol: Thanks for this segue, I learned something.

I suspect that you want an intellectual connection (Ven in Gem) rather than the earthy kind that takes care of your material needs, or the watery kind (like a Cancer) that caters to your whims. Also, you like a little distance :look:, whether that's emotional distance or physical, and this guy already messed up cuz he all up on you. (Yuck) What sign is he, btw?

I don't think the issue is moving too fast. I don't think you would mind that. I think he's just unattractive to you. His style conflicts with yours.
Click to expand...
 
Last edited:
barbiesocialite said:
OP sounds like you're a bit of a runner. Mild commitment issues maybe?

But beyond that sounds like there is zero chemistry. Its a myriad of things. Also, I think kissing is importent. I think you can teach sex but kissing just comes naturally.
Click to expand...

Deinite possibility. But the kissing thing really turned me off physically. I'm a naturally great kisser and it's a critical part of my sensuality.
 
Get rid of him...life is too short. He sounds annoying to me as I kept reading.... eurgh... he is just extra for no reason and doing way too much.....

....Saying that though someone else bout to snatch him up and you're gonna be all in your feelings about it after it's done BUT remember he is annoying AF but someone else would love that....some emotionally desperate needy chick... but I digress....
 
He's smothering you. That is not cute and IS another form of abuse. Men like that are CONTROLLING. He will want you all to himself, no friends, no extracurricular activities. Just another kind of crazy in a different suit. Keep it moving sweetie. The kind of guy when you leave will threaten to kill himself, then a month later be all boo'd up and in love again :look:.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

MissMariee
I just need.. help.
2
Replies
39
Views
1K
Farida
Farida
G
I need some advice y'all.... (LONG)
2
Replies
39
Views
1K
frizzy
F
B
To stay or not to stay??? Please help!
2
Replies
43
Views
1K
MissJ
MissJ
SimpleKomplexity
Some of these men are Cancer...Just Cancer
2
Replies
36
Views
869
CarLiTa
CarLiTa
CaramelPrincezz
OMG...I NEED To Get Rid Of This Guy!
Replies
13
Views
345
Irresistible
Irresistible
Back
Top