bf molested daughter fo 5 years

Furthermore something is definitely wrong with your cousin's parenting skills and abilities if her daughter could not confide in her and had to share it with her school friends. She is fortunate they did not lock her up too when the school reported it.
 
This type of thing happens A LOT. It's not always with a boyfriend, often times its a relative and family members will choose sides. My guess is people don't want to believe someone they love and have invested time and resources could be so evil, because it reflects badly on them.

That's why you really need to watch who you let around your children, INCLUDING RELATIVES. I have several friends who have confided about their molestation to me, it was uncles, cousins, and close family friends.

If a child is acting like he/she doesn't like an adult, you better find out why. It doesn't always mean something has happened, but children have a great sense of intuition sometimes.
 
PureSilver said:
Furthermore something is definitely wrong with your cousin's parenting skills and abilities if her daughter could not confide in her and had to share it with her school friends. She is fortunate they did not lock her up too when the school reported it.
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I don't think this is true. A lot of children don't say anything, either hey weren't explicitly told to report that type of behavior (good touch vs bad touch), the abuser threatened to hurt them or a family member (the family member but is especially effective, the child is already being hurt and knows this), or the child knows they won't be believed.

I think the first response as a caring parent is to feel like you've failed your child in some way, that you're a bad mom/dad, but that sort of thinking never helps anyone. The blame is with the abuser, he is the one who committed the abuse.
 
yardyspice said:
Really? Then why is she visiting the man who raped her baby girl? She should be trying to buy a gun......
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She knew. She's a monster just like the dude. Infact she's worse.

she's sitting there talking about "I thought I laid it on him good. what does she have that I dont"

sick lunatic.
 
SincerelyJane said:
I don't think this is true. A lot of children don't say anything, either hey weren't explicitly told to report that type of behavior (good touch vs bad touch), the abuser threatened to hurt them or a family member (the family member but is especially effective, the child is already being hurt and knows this), or the child knows they won't be believed.

I think the first response as a caring parent is to feel like you've failed your child in some way, that you're a bad mom/dad, but that sort of thinking never helps anyone. The blame is with the abuser, he is the one who committed the abuse.
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I don't think all women know that their child is being abused. At the same time I can not absolve all mothers of guilt because they allow their children to be abused by putting their needs over the needs of the child. They know something is going on but their turn a blind eye.

In the case of the OP, I don't hear anything from the OPs description of the parent that indicates she has parenting skills that would try to keep her child out of harms way. I didn't read anything that said that the child's welfare was a priority to her.

Your last statement "the child knows they won't be believed" is the same as abuse by the parent. The first is poor parenting.

There are just too many red flags in the OPs story.
 
I cant say whether the mom suspected or not. But as a conscious and conscientious parent, I think her continuing to focus on the "why" is her own guilt. It's easier to focus on the criminal than to do deal with either her own complicency or complete ignorance of the situation. If she is guilty of knowing but not stopping it then it's a great way to distract others from her guilt and focus them on HER focusing on him. That's major manipulation but not unusual. Example:

"Why did HE do it?" and "What is wrong with him?!" can easily be translated to "Why didn't I see it?" or "Why didn't I stop it?" and "What's wrong with ME?"

This is all very narcissitic, too btw. It's all about the mother. It, sadly, all takes the focus off the real victim in this situation who needs love, care, and safety. That is regardless of whether the mother knew or not.
 
This thread is making me nauseous. OP...what is your objective? Are you trying to get advice on how you can help your cousin's daughter?

Why is this in the relationship forum? Does your cousin need relationship advice? I mean...what is your point???
 
spelmanlocks said:
He already spent ten years in jail for rape and child molestation, and is on probabtion. Yeah she knows his history, she still married him.
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What kinda probation officer does he have? He is not suppose to be around children under 17 , even if its his biological kids. I would report this to the authorities. Convicted child molesters must register and they can not be around kids or anywhere they frequent( playgrounds , game rooms, etc.)
 
faithVA said:
I don't think all women know that their child is being abused. At the same time I can not absolve all mothers of guilt because they allow their children to be abused by putting their needs over the needs of the child. They know something is going on but their turn a blind eye.

In the case of the OP, I don't hear anything from the OPs description of the parent that indicates she has parenting skills that would try to keep her child out of harms way. I didn't read anything that said that the child's welfare was a priority to her.

Your last statement "the child knows they won't be believed" is the same as abuse by the parent. The first is poor parenting.

There are just too many red flags in the OPs story.
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You made a blanket statement in your original post, I was just responding to it. Yes, there are moms who turn a blind eye, I thought it was obvious that I wasn't referring to them, but I guess it doesn't. I can see how you would interpret a parent not believing their child as abusive.
 
^^HTF did I miss THAT?

OP. Your cousin is sick to let a known child sex offender--a disgusting pedophile--anywhere near her child. And she is flipping surprised that he abused her daughter?! Are you kidding me?! She is just as jacked up as he is. Actually, worse, since she is a mother and the onus of protecting her children is on her. And she KNEW this could happen. Screw denial. No sympathy for her here. They're both scum.

I hope the children of such a sick, blind woman can find their way to decent adult lives.

Stop focusing on the cousin, she is a lost cause, and focus on that child and giving her healing and a brighter future.
 
steffiejoe said:
What kinda probation officer does he have? He is not suppose to be around children under 17 , even if its his biological kids. I would report this to the authorities. Convicted child molesters must register and they can not be around kids or anywhere they frequent( playgrounds , game rooms, etc.)
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That should be the reality but its not. There was a big case here where a judge allowed a guy who molested his step daughter to move back in with the mom and daughter and he ended up getting the step daughter pregnant at 14 after he moved back in. The judge caught a lot of flack over it. Dh also had a case where he had a molester living with with relatives and kids. Someone called dfacs on him but dfacs didn't make him leave since they were all related.
 
Ayeshaluv said:
She said they had an active sex life she doesnt get why he was molesting her daughter.
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!!!! are you kidding me? this man RAPED HER 5 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER!! YOU and YOUR COUSIN seem to need some sort of help because you're worried about the wrong damn thing.
 
Wow. This is sad.

I know a girl who is knowingly engaged a rapist, who served 5 years in prison for raping a 12 year old when he was 22 . She claims that the girl is a liar and got him convicted unlawfully. He said something to the effect of it was her fault cause she was a "hoe"...Oh and I was called judgemental, because I advised her that I dont feel comfortable being in the company of a rapist, nor someone who served time in prison. :nono:

After I found that out, I effectively blocked her out of my life. I do not/will not speak if I see her.

There are some desperate
 
In case you missed the first time.

faithVA said:
OP you are too concerned with your cousin. I hope you will be more concerned with the true victim in this situation which is the little girl. Your cousin is the victim of nothing. Everything that happened, happened to the little girl. You seem to be more concerned with your cousin than her daughter. I understand you care for your cousin, but don't let that get in the way of seeing the facts of this situation. Your cousin needs to get counseling and so does her daughter. You may want to do some reading on the subject as well.
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Mai Tai said:
She wants to know WHY he did it?!?!?! As if there is a justifiable reason that he could give for sexually abusing a child????????? Your cousin is a horrible mother, has low self-esteem, and is just plain stupid.
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Mai Tai,

See,We are on the same page. Your cousin has some serious issues,my concern would be for the daughter.

On a positive,I love your youtube channel That it girl https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Scs096M6C-s&feature=c4-overview&list=UU9WUBF2jHrSf8o5UandMVtw
 
After reading all your posts in here OP; you and your cousin are worried about the wrong person and things in life.

I don't know if you're a mother but your children are an intricate and vital part of your being, you carry them for 9 months to nurture and bring into this world, they are miracles. My daughter is my everything, I would commit any manner of crime for her to feel safe and protected. When she was being picked on by another little boy it took my husband to physically restrain me from yanking that porker up and beating him within an inch of his life. This was another toddler, if some grown man or woman had the gall to molest or rape my child; they'd be dead.

What reason is she looking for?! That her poor parenting allowed her child to be molested and raped? Her lack of discernment had led to her BABY being mentally and emotionally wounded for life?

She's a sow and not fit to be called a mother, stop wasting time trying to be there for her.
 
Ayeshaluv said:
Hi ladies

My close cousin found out her boyfriend of was molesting her daughter at 6yrs old to her now age 11 years old. The two rape incidents happened recently the other incidents were sex abuse. Her daughter told some of her friends at school and someone called CPS in June. Her bf was indicted on 17 counts of child molestation. He is currently in jail awaiting trial. When this happened she was 7 months pregnant with his baby she gave birth in August. She has 3 daughters who are not his children.

He calls her crying everyday he denies it. He will not talk about it. He reads bible scriptures over the phone. She knows in her heart she did it. I keep telling her to not deal with him anymore stop taking his calls and dont go see him in jail. What does she do? She goes with the new born baby( his son) to see him.

I am really hurting for my cousin. I do feel bad sometimes that I might be to harsh with her about ending all contact with him. I just want her to move on with her life.

Any advice on how to get thru to her without offending her or sounding judgmental? Thanks.
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In case the op thinks people are being harsh, I wanted to point out the bolded. So much sympathy and concern for a grown woman who made awful choices and put her three daughters in harms way. She allowed a man to live with her and her three daughters, free access to her babies. Not a husband, but a boyfriend for goodness sakes. I don't give a damn about HER. My heart aches for her poor daughter.
 
Every. Last. Word.

I have a little girl too. She is my reason for breathing.
IslandMummy said:
After reading all your posts in here OP; you and your cousin are worried about the wrong person and things in life.

I don't know if you're a mother but your children are an intricate and vital part of your being, you carry them for 9 months to nurture and bring into this world, they are miracles. My daughter is my everything, I would commit any manner of crime for her to feel safe and protected. When she was being picked on by another little boy it took my husband to physically restrain me from yanking that porker up and beating him within an inch of his life. This was another toddler, if some grown man or woman had the gall to molest or rape my child; they'd be dead.

What reason is she looking for?! That her poor parenting allowed her child to be molested and raped? Her lack of discernment had led to her BABY being mentally and emotionally wounded for life?

She's a sow and not fit to be called a mother, stop wasting time trying to be there for her.
Click to expand...
 
Thanks everyone.

Let me make myself clear I am in no way entertaining "why" he did it. I told her he is a sick monster. I have been telling her to leave that man alone where he is, is where he belongs in jail so if and when she gets her kids back she will be in a right frame of mind. But she just does not get it. I realized she is delusional about the situation. So my focus is being a support system to her girls.
 
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Unfortunately this situation isn't something that happens often, which is why its hard to date with children...male and female children. Outside of trying to hurt him for doing that to my child I don't know what else I would do in regards to coparenting with the newborn. Hopefully she focuses less on him and work on getting her children back.
 
^^if she were smart, she'd somehow legally force him to sign away his parental rights to their newborn by employing a good lawyer. If that cant happen, MOVE. Move to where it will be too hard or inconvenient to him to try for visitation when he is released from prison.
 
Your cousin has been manipulated for years and it has deeply distorted her perception. She and her daughters need intensive counseling. You can be a part of their support system.
 
The message she will be sending to her molested child if she continue having contact with this paedophile will profound and extremely damaging.


I just can't......
 
I feel bad for those children. Their innocence was stolen by someone they trusted. :nono: For that girl to go through that for 5 years!:pyro:
 
frida1980 said:
It just occurred to me, she's treating him like he cheated on her with another woman.

Now I feel sicker.
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Quoted for emphasis. And this may be how she is viewing the situation. Makes you wonder if she is harboring jealousy towards her daughter. It happens...Women are jealous of their daughters all the time. That is a very long time for a child to be molested and for no one to realize nothing is wrong with the child. IJS......
 
SincerelyJane said:
This type of thing happens A LOT. It's not always with a boyfriend, often times its a relative and family members will choose sides. My guess is people don't want to believe someone they love and have invested time and resources could be so evil, because it reflects badly on them.

That's why you really need to watch who you let around your children, INCLUDING RELATIVES. I have several friends who have confided about their molestation to me, it was uncles, cousins, and close family friends.

If a child is acting like he/she doesn't like an adult, you better find out why. It doesn't always mean something has happened, but children have a great sense of intuition sometimes.
Click to expand...

Yep. This year my best friend (I've known her since the 6th grade) told me that her cousin molested her for years growing up. This guy was our age and lived with them for a few years. My heart broke for her..............I also was relieved that I didn't spend the night there too often (I've never liked spending the night at others people's houses and I'm glad). This cousin has 2 or 3 daughters smh.
 
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