FlyyBohemian
Well-Known Member
Situations like this make me very distrusting of men because this is way too common. Almost makes me not want to have girls.
bf molested daughter fo 5 years
- Thread starter Ayesha81
- Start date
BEAUTYU2U
Well-Known Member
LaFaraona
Well-Known Member
This is an all-around bad, sad situation.
Your cousin needs to get herself some therapy and counseling. Is she getting any? She just gave birth, does she have a support system? I can imagine with her pregnancy hormones might have been running rampant and she may not have been thinking clearly. Is she having postpartum depression or any other psychological issues? I can see that she is going through a lot.
She needs help herself as she seems to blaming herself too for this monster's behavior.
Were there no family members that could have taken her daughters? I am sure they are so confused and lost and hurt. At least now they are getting counseling.
OP, I am so sorry about this horrible situation.
Your cousin needs to get herself some therapy and counseling. Is she getting any? She just gave birth, does she have a support system? I can imagine with her pregnancy hormones might have been running rampant and she may not have been thinking clearly. Is she having postpartum depression or any other psychological issues? I can see that she is going through a lot.
She needs help herself as she seems to blaming herself too for this monster's behavior.
Were there no family members that could have taken her daughters? I am sure they are so confused and lost and hurt. At least now they are getting counseling.
OP, I am so sorry about this horrible situation.
Jas123
The Star of a Story
i would have to disagree... the mere fact that she is in contact w the abuser proves she IS NOT a good mother
I'm sorry but a good mother does not go chasing after the daddy that molests your child. A good mother would be hurt so deeply that she wouldn't even consider it. If she is going to see the father of her child, there is a great possibility that she would let him back in the home when he got out.
She needs to get some help.
who gives a fck! point is he did and he needs to be punished
i truly believe in my heart of hearts you cannot live in a household (w/women's intuition) and not know something is going on with your child for 5 yrs... i just don't believe it
WTF! she sound as sick as he is....
ita w/everything in this quote including the nauseous feeling
simone103
Well-Known Member
OP, was your cousin sexually abused as a child that you're aware of?
I'm not excusing the cousin's behavior, but sometimes when the mother has been sexually abused as a child how they treat their own children can sometimes go in either direction.
A woman (or man) who has been sexually abused as a child are sometimes very or extra vigilant about who their children are around. But, then you have some women whose children are facing the same issue where that extinct to protect them at all costs doesn't kick in. Because the mother wasn't protected as a child - mentally they don't have the sense to protect their own children.
Again, I'm not excusing her behavior, but I've noticed that a lot people often wonder how a mother can allow something like this to occur, still stay with the man, and/or not do anything about the abuse happening to their child. I just think the issue I raised above is oftentimes the culprit.
I'm not excusing the cousin's behavior, but sometimes when the mother has been sexually abused as a child how they treat their own children can sometimes go in either direction.
A woman (or man) who has been sexually abused as a child are sometimes very or extra vigilant about who their children are around. But, then you have some women whose children are facing the same issue where that extinct to protect them at all costs doesn't kick in. Because the mother wasn't protected as a child - mentally they don't have the sense to protect their own children.
Again, I'm not excusing her behavior, but I've noticed that a lot people often wonder how a mother can allow something like this to occur, still stay with the man, and/or not do anything about the abuse happening to their child. I just think the issue I raised above is oftentimes the culprit.
FelaShrine
Well-Known Member
she knew. else she wouldnt be talking/visiting him.
did her mother do visits to her stepfather in jail, ignoring her feelings?
did her mother do visits to her stepfather in jail, ignoring her feelings?
faithVA
Well-Known Member
I see the latest update. There is probably more to this story. CPS will probably hold those children indefinitely because they know there is more to the story as well. Not sure what state she is in but I would think these children will be in foster care soon if they aren't there already.
I think in my state, she would have to go to counseling and meet certain requirements before she could get them back. They would remain in foster care with very brief periods of visitation.
I think in my state, she would have to go to counseling and meet certain requirements before she could get them back. They would remain in foster care with very brief periods of visitation.
I can. The cycle of abuse is vicious. Depending on how her own mother treated the situation, this would affect her entire perception about men and relationships. If she never received counseling or therapy, she's never really dealt with what happened to her. She's obviously learned some twisted things about sexual abuse. She doesn't understand that man is a monster. In fact, children often are attracted to the same sort of men they grew up with! She probably didn't realize what the signs of an abuser were. Not to mention all of the havock the abuse had on her self-esteem. People who are abused often crave affection, and abusers take advantage of that weakness by saying and doing all the right things.
She doesn't understand that nothing that she could've done would stop him from wanting to molest her daughter. She doesn't understand that she and her daughter have been victimized. It's also affected her parenting, because if her mother didn't comfort her and protect her after her assault, I'd doubt she'd do it for her own daughter.
So yes, her being abused makes it more likely she saw signs but chose to ignore them.
Ivonnovi
Well-Known Member
This is so true; at to it "Long Term "damaged effects"". At almost 50 I am still unraveling the web of twisted values exhibited by members of my family.
yardyspice
Well-Known Member
The Wives of Pedophiles Always Know the Truth
Don't think for a minute that Sandusky's wife isn't guilty, too.
Published on June 23, 2012 by Seth Meyers, Psy.D. in Insight Is 20/20
The Jerry Sandusky trial has put pedophilia front and center in recent weeks, and I’ve heard more grotesque details about the abuse of multiple boys than I can stomach. Yes, it turns out Sandusky is guilty, so he’ll go to prison as he should for committing the crimes. But what about the adults around him who knew and covered it up or suspected but chose to ignore it? Moreover, what about the other adult in Sandusky’s home – his wife? When it comes to his wife, I think she may be guilty of child endangerment, too. Seriously, what was his wife thinking all those years when her husband must have lit up like a Christmas tree every time a young boy came over – and spent the night, to boot?
Sandusky isn’t the first man who’s been accused of pedophilia. Though his case is the one that’s hogging the spotlight now, many other lesser-known cases came before him. In many pedophilia cases, the men, like Sandusky, were married. I think it’s time we consider what’s going on in the mind of these women. Simply put, the knowledge and insight of years of clinical experience tell me that these women – Sandusky’s wife, included – must have known something was a little off.
On occasion, the news reports stories of isolated sexual abuse cases. In these instances, the perpetrators can successfully hide their behavior from others close to them. In Sandusky’s case, however, the abuse impacted at least ten boys over a period of many years – and these are just the boys who came forward. My point: there was a long-term pattern. As a parent myself, I can relate to appreciating children. As a therapist, I can additionally relate to caring for children and adults who come from impoverished backgrounds, as was the case with some of the boys Sandusky molested. That said, I don’t feel the need or interest in having a host of young kids spend the night at my house. It goes without saying that I’m like most people in this respect.
Consider your own circumstances for a moment. If your husband or wife had such an incredible interest in this population of children – attention directed toward only one sex, mind you – you would probably think it’s a little unusual. Without question, you’d become even more curious if your middle-aged partner were spending time in the basement with these kids. One thing I’ve learned from my clinical experience is that people have strong instincts, and those instincts – whether you choose to listen to them or not – tell you what’s going on. In the case of Sandusky’s wife, I will tell you – without ever having assessed her or her husband – that she had her suspicions. No, she won’t own up to them, and I’ll tell you why.
Psychologically, there are few things as upsetting as imagining that your husband is the kind of man who would sexually abuse a child. Conventional wisdom says that pedophiles are monsters – and especially evil monsters, at that. Understandably, we view children as innocent and can’t wrap our heads around why anyone would harm them in such a sinister way. This is one of the reasons why Sandusky’s wife – and the wives of other pedophiles – don’t want to believe that the man they married is an actual child molester. However, leave no doubt that these women fear, deep down, that there is a major problem.
While the pedophile often feels little guilt, anxiety, or remorse about their own behavior, the wives feel significant anxiety but use denial and rationalization to sweep their suspicions under the rug. They don't focus on the feelings of the victim because all their energy goes into feeling sorry for themselves because they made a mistake in choosing the wrong man to marry. The wives of pedophiles rarely admit to others that they knew or suspected what was going on, but these are their thoughts and fears in their most dark and private moments.
Above all, why these women don't come forward or even admit the problem to themselves for more than a minute or two is that they don't want their husband to get in trouble with the law, because this would call attention to the women by their sides and make the women look guilty, too, for standing by all along as boy after boy gets abused.
The wives of pedophiles usually have their own set of problems to deal with as a result of their suspicions that their husbands are child molesters. Odds are that Sandusky’s wife and the wives of other pedophiles have sleep and eating issues, and sometimes isolate themselves from friendships that get too close for fear that they’d spill the beans and share their fears about what’s happening at home. I also believe that many of these women are on some sort of psychiatric medication to help them deal with anxiety and depression.
Though I don’t wish psychological problems on anyone, the wives of pedophiles should be accountable for having suspicions but dismissing them to protect their husbands or the status quo – and anxiety is a lot easier to deal with than prison time. My hope for the future is that the wives of pedophiles who haven’t yet been caught get honest about their suspicions and actually do something about it.
Link
Don't think for a minute that Sandusky's wife isn't guilty, too.
Published on June 23, 2012 by Seth Meyers, Psy.D. in Insight Is 20/20
The Jerry Sandusky trial has put pedophilia front and center in recent weeks, and I’ve heard more grotesque details about the abuse of multiple boys than I can stomach. Yes, it turns out Sandusky is guilty, so he’ll go to prison as he should for committing the crimes. But what about the adults around him who knew and covered it up or suspected but chose to ignore it? Moreover, what about the other adult in Sandusky’s home – his wife? When it comes to his wife, I think she may be guilty of child endangerment, too. Seriously, what was his wife thinking all those years when her husband must have lit up like a Christmas tree every time a young boy came over – and spent the night, to boot?
Sandusky isn’t the first man who’s been accused of pedophilia. Though his case is the one that’s hogging the spotlight now, many other lesser-known cases came before him. In many pedophilia cases, the men, like Sandusky, were married. I think it’s time we consider what’s going on in the mind of these women. Simply put, the knowledge and insight of years of clinical experience tell me that these women – Sandusky’s wife, included – must have known something was a little off.
On occasion, the news reports stories of isolated sexual abuse cases. In these instances, the perpetrators can successfully hide their behavior from others close to them. In Sandusky’s case, however, the abuse impacted at least ten boys over a period of many years – and these are just the boys who came forward. My point: there was a long-term pattern. As a parent myself, I can relate to appreciating children. As a therapist, I can additionally relate to caring for children and adults who come from impoverished backgrounds, as was the case with some of the boys Sandusky molested. That said, I don’t feel the need or interest in having a host of young kids spend the night at my house. It goes without saying that I’m like most people in this respect.
Consider your own circumstances for a moment. If your husband or wife had such an incredible interest in this population of children – attention directed toward only one sex, mind you – you would probably think it’s a little unusual. Without question, you’d become even more curious if your middle-aged partner were spending time in the basement with these kids. One thing I’ve learned from my clinical experience is that people have strong instincts, and those instincts – whether you choose to listen to them or not – tell you what’s going on. In the case of Sandusky’s wife, I will tell you – without ever having assessed her or her husband – that she had her suspicions. No, she won’t own up to them, and I’ll tell you why.
Psychologically, there are few things as upsetting as imagining that your husband is the kind of man who would sexually abuse a child. Conventional wisdom says that pedophiles are monsters – and especially evil monsters, at that. Understandably, we view children as innocent and can’t wrap our heads around why anyone would harm them in such a sinister way. This is one of the reasons why Sandusky’s wife – and the wives of other pedophiles – don’t want to believe that the man they married is an actual child molester. However, leave no doubt that these women fear, deep down, that there is a major problem.
While the pedophile often feels little guilt, anxiety, or remorse about their own behavior, the wives feel significant anxiety but use denial and rationalization to sweep their suspicions under the rug. They don't focus on the feelings of the victim because all their energy goes into feeling sorry for themselves because they made a mistake in choosing the wrong man to marry. The wives of pedophiles rarely admit to others that they knew or suspected what was going on, but these are their thoughts and fears in their most dark and private moments.
Above all, why these women don't come forward or even admit the problem to themselves for more than a minute or two is that they don't want their husband to get in trouble with the law, because this would call attention to the women by their sides and make the women look guilty, too, for standing by all along as boy after boy gets abused.
The wives of pedophiles usually have their own set of problems to deal with as a result of their suspicions that their husbands are child molesters. Odds are that Sandusky’s wife and the wives of other pedophiles have sleep and eating issues, and sometimes isolate themselves from friendships that get too close for fear that they’d spill the beans and share their fears about what’s happening at home. I also believe that many of these women are on some sort of psychiatric medication to help them deal with anxiety and depression.
Though I don’t wish psychological problems on anyone, the wives of pedophiles should be accountable for having suspicions but dismissing them to protect their husbands or the status quo – and anxiety is a lot easier to deal with than prison time. My hope for the future is that the wives of pedophiles who haven’t yet been caught get honest about their suspicions and actually do something about it.
Link
Jas123
The Star of a Story
so the cycle continues... and what a vicious cycle it isAyeshaluv
op... your main concern, since it seems you really do want to help, should be insisting your cousin and her daughter get some help STAT... let her work through this via professional counseling... help her daughter to heal so we don't hear about this same scenario with the daughter 7-10 yrs down the road... help them BREAK THE CYCLE!
ambergirl
Well-Known Member
yardyspice FelaShrine are on point in this thread. What your cousin can't face is that on some level she knew and chose to ignore it. That's why she's looking for a reason. She sexed him up and she loved him and he still molested her daughter and she doesn't understand why. That's not the response of a protective mother. That's the response of a woman who's been cheated on and wants to know why.
She needs serious help.
She needs serious help.
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