I hate my Valentine's day card

[Bublin]

I've been dating this guy for 2 months. We've grown quite close in that short time and i think he's a great, caring guy. We have not been intimate and i've made it clear that i'm not ready yet and i want us to get to know each other more. He is completely happy and respectful of this.

This morning the postman delivered a card and it was a V Day card. It was from him.

I have to say my heart sank, felt pissed off and tossed it to one side.

I need someone to tell me i'm looking too deeply into it and that he was just trying to be light hearted.

The card said, '.....20% of the fun is in the chase, 30% of the fun is in the capture and 50% of the fun is in the bedroom.

Awful cartoon characters to boot!

He wrote LOL beside the bedroom bit and at the bottom of the card he signed his name with lots of xxxx.

I just felt the card was crass and not at all what i expected from him.

Should i tell him i don't like it or just get over it!! erplexed

 

[Kalani]

I would have been offended by the card. erplexed How childish, tacky, and innappropriate, IMO.

He put you in an awkward place as far as how to respond. Normally you'd want to call and thank him but...gosh how do you do that without being fake?

 

[cherryhair123]

No
I would just say thank you and not comment further. However, I would continue to stand my ground. Although, he has been respectful he is a man and you know he's going to try to make things happen as soon as possible this was just him throwing a tongue in cheek hint your way

 

[HoneyA]

^^^ What she said but I can understand why you are a bit offended. We know how men are but I would be even more vigilant and on my guard now but say nothing. Just observe.

 

[Bublin]

So glad i was wasn't over-reacting then.

Its just a card but yes, it was a hint at what he wants.

The stupid card has made me re-evaluate the whole relationship (wow that sounds sooo over the top )

I'm going to be seeing him tonight - infact he's supposed to be coming to my place for pizza and a movie - its put me right off now.

 

[Krullete]

IMO, your reaction is not OTT. The 'hint' in the card is less romantic (in the spirit of V's-day), and more lustful.

Does it make you feel that his aim is just to wait out your reserve towards physical relations, while your goal is - apparently - to build a meaningful, long-term relationship?

So glad i was wasn't over-reacting then.

Its just a card but yes, it was a hint at what he wants.

The stupid card has made me re-evaluate the whole relationship (wow that sounds sooo over the top )

I'm going to be seeing him tonight - infact he's supposed to be coming to my place for pizza and a movie - its put me right off now.

 

[Kalani]

So glad i was wasn't over-reacting then.

Its just a card but yes, it was a hint at what he wants.

The stupid card has made me re-evaluate the whole relationship (wow that sounds sooo over the top )

I'm going to be seeing him tonight - infact he's supposed to be coming to my place for pizza and a movie - its put me right off now.

No it doesn't. Men can really do a good job playing the role of the honost, caring, gentleman and they can keep it up for a while too..I know from experience because I also like to hold off on the physical intimacy part. You'd be surprised how long they will bide their time. Unfortunately in a couple instances, when they grew tired of waiting suddenly a whole different person emerged..and it was a rude awakening. erplexed

Not saying all men are like that but definitely pay attention to any signs. You don't want to invest too much time and emotions in to a potential dud. Like the other ladies said, keep your guard up more than ever.

And yes, the card was most definitely a hint.

 

[ConstantlyDynamic]

i agree that you need to keep your guard up but i wouldn't write him off. his sense of humor could be slightly different than yours. he could've really just thought that the card was funny because you two haven't done anything yet. i'm not sure how old he is though. i'm 22 and probably wouldn't have thought anything of it-i would've laughed it off (my friends, male and female, have that sense of humor so it would be nothing to us BUT that's only if we weren't that serious yet. if he keeps doing things like that, then maybe i'd question him only because i think there IS a time when the jokes have to be set aside for romance).

 

[hopeful]

I personally would not take much offense to it, and would assume it was his way of saying he can't wait to be intimate with you. It was crass, I agree, but guys can be that way sometimes. It would have been nice if he had sent another card to offset the lustiness of that one, one that said sweet things and spoke to the heart. But you are offended and I think you should say something. I would be completely honest and tell him that I appreciate the thought but...and be completely honest. His response will tell you a lot about him. He should be hurt that he hurt you, apologize, and give you another card IMO, if he cares about you.

 

[MzLady78]

Unless his behavior reflects the sentiments in the card, I wouldn't trip about it to too much, personally. He was probably just trying to be funny and unfortunately failed. But If it really bothers you, speak your mind.

The card actually sounds like something I would send, but that's my sense of humor, lol.

 

[MissJ]

No it doesn't. Men can really do a good job playing the role of the honost, caring, gentleman and they can keep it up for a while too..I know from experience because I also like to hold off on the physical intimacy part. You'd be surprised how long they will bide their time. Unfortunately in a couple instances, when they grew tired of waiting suddenly a whole different person emerged..and it was a rude awakening. erplexed

I've had this experience with a few guys, too. They got mad when they didn't get any and flipped the script.

That card is offensive!

 

[qchelle]

I would be put off/discouraged/disappointed because it's a Valentines Day card. I wouldn't be offended, though. I actually thought it was funny.....but not for Valentines Day. I don't like crass cards for Valentines Day. A card like that for my bday? Sure! But for Valentines Day? Nahh c'mon son.

#howmanytimescanyousayValentinesDayin1paragraph

 

[200AndOne]

i think it was just a joke (though obviously you were not amused).

i think it is sweet for him to have gotten it, and mailed it so that you would have it already. he may have found his options to have been limited. i'm sure he didn't want to send an "i will love you for eternity" type card either.

like the other ladies said, you can share how the card made you feel with him, but i would try not to take it negatively.

 

[Bublin]

Thanks for the responses ladies.

We are both in our mid 30's and we have both made it clear from the start that we want a long term replationship, no foolishness/games.

When he is with me he never really tries 'it' on and sometimes even acts a little awkward in my presence (like he wants to jump all over me but knows not to touch otherwise he will mess things up with me!)

I guess he was just trying to be humourus and didn't want to appear to mushy.

I will def tell him i didn't like it and why and see what his reaction is.

I'll keep you all posted as i'm seeing him later this evening (he had better come with roses and chocolates lol)

 

[sistatv]

For me, I think its really not a big deal... I don't see the offensive cause I don't think it was meant to be taken seriously. I think you need to focus on what you said...

I've been dating this guy for 2 months. We've grown quite close in that short time and i think he's a great, caring guy. We have not been intimate and i've made it clear that i'm not ready yet and i want us to get to know each other more. He is completely happy and respectful of this.

Don't let some 2 dollar piece of paper put the brakes on 2 months of relationship building and "great, caring guy".

Men are different. Their jokes often fail. Men always want to make sure the woman they are pursuing is aware that he is READY for the pantydropping.
But as long as he is respecting you and your wishes to wait then I say keep it pushing and enjoy yourself.

If it were me I would hold my tongue and wait to see if any of his "actions" are offensive. JMHO

 

[sistatv]

Thanks for the responses ladies.

We are both in our mid 30's and we have both made it clear from the start that we want a long term replationship , no foolishness/games.

When he is with me he never really tries 'it' on and sometimes even acts a little awkward in my presence (like he wants to jump all over me but knows not to touch otherwise he will mess things up with me!)

I guess he was just trying to be humorous and didn't want to appear to mushy.

I will def tell him i didn't like it and why and see what his reaction is.

I'll keep you all posted as I'm seeing him later this evening (he had better come with roses and chocolates lol)

You were typing while I was LOL!

I think what you said is telling... I think he likes you so much that he is over cautious about to handle you cause he wishes to handle you with care... cause he cares...

If you tell him you didn't like it, it may discourage him and lead to more akwardness... Help that man relax around you, just give him a pass this time... If you must comment, don't come down to hard on him about the card... I say just wait til NEXT year and offer him a gentle reminder around January 2012 that you'd really like a very romantic kind of sentiment from him...

What did you get him for Vday? Was your card very sentimental?

 

[Bublin]

I like your advice sistatv.

Yes, i have sent him a card and it was a nice cute one that made reference to when we were checking lottery numbers online the other day ----- that i had won the lottery in meeting him.

 

[wednesday]

No it doesn't. Men can really do a good job playing the role of the honost, caring, gentleman and they can keep it up for a while too..I know from experience because I also like to hold off on the physical intimacy part. You'd be surprised how long they will bide their time. Unfortunately in a couple instances, when they grew tired of waiting suddenly a whole different person emerged..and it was a rude awakening. erplexed

Not saying all men are like that but definitely pay attention to any signs. You don't want to invest too much time and emotions in to a potential dud. Like the other ladies said, keep your guard up more than ever.

And yes, the card was most definitely a hint.

cosign

 

[Sosoothing]

I understand how you were offended. But like someone else said already, don't let this derail you or discourage you from continuing getting to know this guy. Give him a chance, especially if things have been going well so far.
Im all about expressing feelings so if I were you, I would probably let him know how I felt. Not in a serious "we-need-to-talk" manner, but I know I would mention it just to see what he has to say. That way I don't have to wonder if he is counting down the days to when we can have sex. Because having that in the back of my mind would hinder my ability to give him a fair chance as I continued to get to know him.
But if you can let this go without brining it up, then good .

 

[Bublin]

UPDATE!

So he came round on Saturday evening with a bottle of wine and a lovely white Belgian chocolate and strawberry cake .

I poured him a glass of wine and cut him a peice of cake. We were joking around alot but he must have asked me a million times if there was something up ( i thought i was acting cool but obviously not ).

I told him I had something to say and i hoped he wouldn't be offended.
Him: What is it? Did you get the card?
Me: Yes, i didn't really like it. Wasn't really me.
Poor man looked relieved as he said he thought it was something else i was going to say. Then he looked dejected. He asked me why. To keep it light-hearted i got on my knees - he was sat on the sofa - and he started laughing.
Him: All the other cards said To The One I Love and i didn't think that was quite appropriate so i looked for a joke card and that's all i could find. Do i get points for effort at least?
I explained that i knew in the back of my mind that it was meant to be light-hearted but there is also a strong message in the card and i was pissed off when i read it and tossed it across the floor. That card is an example of how NOT to get a woman in bed. (i got carried away and told him too much info)

Him: You actually threw it on the floor? Is it in the bin?
I told him no.
Him: I can't beleive i got it so wrong, i'll know for next time i supppose. I searched for ages for the right card. Did you get the other thing i posted, it's not like the card, its nice. I had to take it to the post office.
Me: Er,no...are you just saying that to make up for the card?
He insisted that he had sent something else in the post but was hoping it would be delivered at the same time.

I'm feeling like a :flyingwitright now.
We enjoyed the rest of the evening.

The next day he text me to say that he was disappointed because i should know by now that he wants the whole deal with me, not just sex. That he has been as open as possible to reassure me that he is a genuine guy yet i jumped straight to that conclusion.

I called him and we had a good chat and i told him that his openness and understanding had not gone unnoticed......etc etc. He understood he made a boo boo with the card and said that he hoped we would share many more Valentines together minus joke cards!

We are cool.

I do not regret telling him how i felt about the card and i think i did it in a light-hearted a way as i could. However i underestimated how 'hurt' he would be by my opinion of the card.

......i wonder what the postman is going to deliver?

 

[cyrealla]

girl just be happy at least you got a valentine's card!

 

[Bublin]

girl just be happy at least you got a valentine's card!

Yeah - i get that!!!

 

[Kalani]

I explained that i knew in the back of my mind that it was meant to be light-hearted but there is also a strong message in the card and i was pissed off when i read it and tossed it across the floor. That card is an example of how NOT to get a woman in bed. (i got carried away and told him too much info)

Thanks for the update. You sound just like me with that response. I'm a direct,straight to the point kind of person and I try to hold it back to come off a little softer, but it always ends up coming out anyway.

I'm glad you guys were able to talk about it. Personally, and this is just my opinion, I think he was testing you a little bit and when it backfired he quickly back peddled to try and play it off. I mean, seriously that was the ONLY non "lovey dovey" card he could find? You managed to find something lighthearted, sweet, and nonsexual to give to him. So yeah, not sure I'm buying that and don't let him guilt you about hurt he was on how you interpreted that card...I mean how could you not derive sexual innuendo from that card.

Anyway, glad you guys are still on track and if he anything he learned a valuable lesson.

 

[HoneyA]

So it's good that you told him if you could not keep it in any longer but before I read the last bit I knew that he would have turned it back on you. How could you think that of me? Shock and horror Anyway at least you guys seem to have ironed it out. Hope it all goes smoothly now and I wish you many more Valentines with him too!

 

[Bublin]

I mean, seriously that was the ONLY non "lovey dovey" card he could find? You managed to find something lighthearted, sweet, and nonsexual to give to him. So yeah, not sure I'm buying that and don't let him guilt you about hurt he was on how you interpreted that card...I mean how could you not derive sexual innuendo from that card.

Anyway, glad you guys are still on track and if he anything he learned a valuable lesson.

He has yet to receive my nonsexual card that i easily found in a local store!!! Don't worry, i'm waiting to point it out to him - you know i can't keep my mouth shut .

So it's good that you told him if you could not keep it in any longer but before I read the last bit I knew that he would have turned it back on you. How could you think that of me? Shock and horror Anyway at least you guys seem to have ironed it out. Hope it all goes smoothly now and I wish you many more Valentines with him too!

Oh yeah - the male pride made him turn it back on me a bit but its cool.


Phew - who knew a simple card could create a drama.

 

[hopeful]

I'm glad you spoke up. If you hadn't, it would have continued to bug you. He could have found a better card. No doubt about it. It took my husband year's to get the card thing right. But once he got it right, he got it really right. Like sometimes I open his cards in private because more times than not they make me cry. If he cares, he'll figure it out, all in good time. Don't regret being honest and upfront, that is the only way to be if you want to be happy and have your needs met. And the cake sounds like it was delish.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

wassup bublin..chile i was bout ret to light up a newport..but then i scrolled down n saw the "update"......

glad it worked out.

 

[MissYocairis]

This is an adorable story! I think he's crazy about you OP and I think he was just awkward, bless his heart. I'm glad you guys got together and had a great time and the cake sounds lovely too. I'm looking forward to hearing more. He sounds like a nice guy overall.

 

[MixedBerry]

This is an adorable story! I think he's crazy about you OP and I think he was just awkward, bless his heart. I'm glad you guys got together and had a great time and the cake sounds lovely too. I'm looking forward to hearing more. He sounds like a nice guy overall.

NO NO NOOOO! He put LOL next to the sex reference! Dude was/is surely testing you OP! Wow, there has been some great advise in this thread.

Men want what they want, they hope to get what they want, and they will trrrrrrry to get what they want.

Heck, he could have gotten a cute Disney card or something. That wouldve been cute AND funny. He needs to get on some where with that "Oh I couldnt find anything that wasnt too sappy..."

OH PLEASE!

Also, just thinking again, Im kinda riled up myself lol...how insensitive of him!
If I disliked zombies and my boyfriend knew that, I would NOT expect him to get a birthday card or whatever REFERENCING ZOMBIES! Oh C'MON ON NOW!