How to tell if someone's controlling

[caribeandiva]

I stopped dating this guy I had just started seeing because he was controlling. He thought he was being all sly about it. How could I tell he was controlling you might ask? First my gut feelings told me so and second he refused to hear my no. I'll give a couple of examples.

1: He kept asking me to come to his job. I said no. He kept asking the same thing for several days! and I keep saying no

2: On Tuesday he asked me to have lunch the next day (Wednesday). I turned him down. So he calls me Wednesday morning asking if he could bring me lunch. umm what? I turned him down again. Then he calls me again and leaves a voicemail. Btw we already had a date scheduled for Saturday.

After that I texted him and said this wasn't work. Peace!

 

[Duchesse]

I definitely see where you're coming from in seeing that he is controlling. On the other hand, maybe he just really, really, really likes you and wants to see you more often than you want to see him. I know that in past dating experiences of mine, quite a few times I interpreted men who liked me more than I liked them actions as controlling....when in actuality, they just wanted to spend time with me.

 

[caribeandiva]

I definitely see where you're coming from in seeing that he is controlling. On the other hand, maybe he just really, really, really likes you and wants to see you more often than you want to see him. I know that in past dating experiences of mine, quite a few times I interpreted men who liked me more than I liked them actions as controlling....when in actuality, they just wanted to spend time with me.

I understand that. It wasn't it though. If I say no to something, I expect you to respect my decisions.

 

[Duchesse]

Oh okay gotcha. Like an overt refusal to listen. Yeah, that could definitely lead to larger issues.

 

[hopeful]

Well he certainly sounds like a pest and disrespectful as well. It's like he's determined to have his way and override you. You made the right choice.

 

[LovelyRo]

I have an ex like that... He is extremely irritating and stalkerish though! He thinks he can make me give in by weighing me down!

 

[nlamr2013]

Guy in the op seems open/thirsty and assertive more than controlling.
My friends bf if controlling definitely. He doesn't want her to go out with her friends, but thinks it's fine to go with his.
He checks her phone but makes sure his is locked. Etc
I probably wouldn't be able to recognize a controlling person lol but I think I'm good because I'm pretty controlling myself so I'll realize the power struggle and back up

 

[caribeandiva]

Guy in the op seems open/thirsty and assertive more than controlling.
My friends bf if controlling definitely. He doesn't want her to go out with her friends, but thinks it's fine to go with his.
He checks her phone but makes sure his is locked. Etc
I probably wouldn't be able to recognize a controlling person lol but I think I'm good because I'm pretty controlling myself so I'll realize the power struggle and back up

Lol ok. My gut feeling Told me something was wrong.