I'm getting the feeling he's no longer interested..

[faithVA]

I wish I had this board when I was twenty something. It would have saved me dating a lot of useless men Ladies on here share some really useful information that many of us don't get at home.

 

[DarkJoy]

OP, idk why you keep defending and making explanations for a man who's treating you like ish.

He doesn't care about you. Doesn't respect you. Let it go.

 

[pre_medicalrulz]

Move on. You're going to make yourself seem like a nuisance even if you don't mean to be. Guys hate that. Let him chase you. Right now it definitely looks like you're chasing him. And that's so unattractive.

 

[janiebaby]

Fine 4s now she's saying it's the phone setting not the app I KNOW she said it was an app before

 

[Son26]

Noooo - do not text him. Forget about that one. If it were me I wouldn't contact him again (because he is obviously ignoring you). I would have forgotten about him when he was a no show that evening.

 

[topnotch1010]

I do not think he is "doing the fade". He met someone else and he's "back-burnered" you to see how things work out with the other person. IMO, this behavior is worse because they have the nerve to come BACK and we actually fall for it...until the next woman comes along then it's the back-burner again.

Mmmhmmm! Believe me, he's NOT on vacay alone and he's put you on the back burner to see if the main girl will work out. He'll be back if it doesn't. Don't waste anymore time/energy and let him go. You're his plan B.

 

[CaraWalker]

I would say slow fade... I always realize if I have to question and give myself a headache about whether he's interested or not, he's not the one. Also when I see he is still alive and well, communicating with others via social media that kind of confirms it for me. It's so easy to text and keep in contact with others these days, so there's no excuse to me. I used to try to figure out why, but that would drive me crazy (another woman, something I said, etc etc) but it doesn't even matter. Now when it's early and no relationship has been established, I feel salty for a few days then cut my losses.

ETA: The slow fade happened to me last August, then he came back in October (right when the weather changed) like hey! How are you? I didn't respond. I was taken anyway but he realized after his summer of fun that I am a good catch. I'm straight...then he realized I deleted him from my FB and requested me again. Guys who do the slow fade are so cowardly to me.

ugh. once i had a date with this guy i was really interested in. i dont know why other than probably i just thought he was really cute. we met at a bar for a first date and it was kind of awkward and maybe not a lot of chemistry but i wanted to like him so much that i kind of reframed it in my head. like we got along! we talked a lot! it was a success. sometimes we can be blinded by how hard we're trying to believe what we want to believe.

i had already stalked him to facebook and found his profile. then i saw that later that night when he got home he updated his status to say "meeting girls in bars is tedious!" like, there was not a shadow of a doubt that that status was about me of course im sure he never expected me to read it but still.

if you can believe this, i talked this over with a girlfriend. and idk WHAT tf she could have possibly told me to convince me that this wasn't a big deal, but she tricked me there must have been some real mental gymnastics going on for us to trick that around into something other than the clear sign of disinterest it was. if you can believe THIS, we went on another date! he texted me and said something like im sorry im kind of bad with getting back, i wont always be this busy. and of course the ball was rolling again, he must like me!

i mentioned ice skating and invited him to go and STRANGELY ENOUGH we scheduled another date. it was all good times and fun and friendly except at the end where he said something that was clearly a precursor to getting rid of my clueless ***. except it left me hanging like "im not sure blah blah blah..." like, nobody wants to just say "yeah i dont want to date you." it's mean and nobody wants to hurt anyone's feelings. he did eventually call me and give me a two-date break up speech and im like dude, its not that big a deal, i never even touched your penis. it's ok that you're not interested.

i literally just had a conversation this morning with a guy im spending a lot of time with but absolutely do not want a relationship with. he said i wouldnt hurt his feelings to just tell him to leave me alone (people always know when someone isnt interested even if we are in denial) and i was all like no, i would just tell you! which i definitely would not i never have that conversation and like men i usually hope they take the hint and go away. of course people say that they'd just tell you. THAT IS THE GREAT LIE OF CASUAL RELATIONSHIPS THAT WE ALL MUST LEARN TO DISMISS.

long story short, this dude aint thinking about you and you are wasting your time and looking like an idiot in the process. hes clearly going to let you humiliate yourself until you either have an embarrassing blow up or have the dignity to ignore him.

(by the way, that friend who convinced me a guy that described our date as "tedious" could still be into me later convinced me to go out with a guy i was on the fence about. she swore up and down he was really good looking and i didnt even think he was all that cute. anyway that guy turned out to be a creep and one of the worst experiences ive had on a date. i stopped taking advice from her after that, and at this point we're not even friends anymore )

 

[preciouslove0x]

What I've learned from my short stint of dating and the most priceless relationship lesson ill ever learn.... don't chase a man. To make it easy I only ever respond (and not initiate) to a man's texts or calls at the beginning.

If you ever have ANY and I mean ANY doubt about him being interested in you then he is NOT.

I'll share my short story of being courted properly for the very first time at age 22.
I'll never forget. His name was James. We bumped into each other downtown on a Saturday night. We started casually talking and he asked me if he could buy me a drink at one of the nearby bars. I said sure and followed him to the bar. After getting drinks we just sat there and talked about all kinds of things. He was sweet but I was on the fence.. . Well at the end of the night he asked me for my number and I gave it to him.

- (Technically) Sunday morning: received a text from him that said "I had a great time. Loved the conversation. Hope to see you soon."
- I respond but don't start a conversation.
- Sunday afternoon: he texts "the weather is so nice today. It reminded me of talking to you last night"
- I respond but don't start a conversation.
- Monday morning: he texts "good morning. Hope your day goes well"
- I respond but don't start a conversation"
- Monday evening: he texts "hey I'm just getting off of work and if I remember correctly you get off around this time too. I was wondering if I could call you a little while"
- I respond and say yes. We have a 45 minute conversation. He asks me on a date for Wednesday.

After our first date this man starts texting me twice a day for another week until..... i told him i wasn't very interested in a relationship but would like to stay friends. The friendship lasted until he admitted he would keep trying to pursue me romantically until I said yes. So I had to end that.

OP I've made my mistakes since that experience thinking that men can be "complicated" sometimes and even timid and that "with time" I'll know for sure if they like me.

WRONG!!! I promise YOU WILL KNOW. You deserve better. Let him go and never look back. Good luck.

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

Hey Mocha
This guy is going about living his life and you should too. If he was feeling your friendship, he'd be getting closer not dismissing you like that. He's being "Captain Obvious" and what he's doing is more than a hint.

You really just met (January isn't a long time) so not a big loss.
If I were in your shoes, I'd keep it movin'. He's not the one.

Sometime in life, you just have to take people at face value and refrain from digging any deeper. It usually ends up being a waste of precious time.

I'd rather cut my losses at Month 3 than at year 1. Idk if you subscribe to this mentality but you should be talking to multiple guys.

 

[RocStar]

I need help!!! Lol

So I've been talking to a guy I met in late January. We clicked, everything seemed cool but he is not talking to me as often as he's had in the beginning. I thought at one point he was doing the fade but he assured me he's not. He said he does like his space at times and if he was not interested he would tell me straight up.

Anyway, last week be texted me that he wants to see me at lunch but he's busy at work and it'll be a quick lunch. Lunch time rolls in and I haven't heard from him. So I text him and ask if he's coming. ( I work from home and lunch was suppose to be at my house) he replied that he ended up having a last minute meeting at work but he'll come to see that night. Well that night came and he didn't call or show. I didn't force the issue or bring it up because I know he was going to be traveling out of the country the next day. He told me a few days ago that he's going on vacation. The day of the vacation comes by and I didn't hear from him. So I texted him 'have a safe trip' I got no response but I stalked his Facebook and saw that he was active. He then texts me the next day that he left early for his trip and just got to his destination (which he did- but he was replying to ppl on fbook but not my text ) . I didn't respond but yesterday, per the advice from a friend, I texted him ' hey how's your vacay going, when r u coming back? ' he responded, but didn't answer the 'when are you coming back'

I'm getting the sense that he no longer wants to talk to me anymore, it's just a feeling I get and I'm usually right. And him not showing up the other night , to me, was maybe him sending signs of disinterest and telling me to back off.

I'm itching so bad to ask him if he's not into talking to me anymore, but don't know if that's inappropriate since he's on vacay... But then, I don't even know when he's coming back. Should I text him asking? I feel like I should just take a hint and back off and if he's into me still he'll contact me but I have this thing where I need to ask ppl straight out.

Move on and let it go. If you start stalking someone's social media to find out what is going on, you have done way, way, too much.

Don't text him and don't respond to any texts he may send. Don't waste anymore of your time on this. Seems like a lot of games going on.

 

[Hairsnob]

Everyone has already stated what I would have said to you. If you have to question his actions that much this early on then it's not worth it. Don't TELL him you're going to fade away yourself, just do it and let him wonder about YOU. Men don't respond to words, they respond by our actions.

At the very least, he isn't looking for a commitment from you. Men are greedy. He'll want to hold you in his pocket while he has his fun and call for you when he gets bored. Just knowing he's ignoring me would make me NEVER want to contact him again. Bottom line, if you don't like the way he's treating you then don't let him treat you like that anymore.

You don't have to leave him alone completely if you don't want to. But I'd see other people. He'll probably come sniffing around you once you do that since he'll sense that you're no longer available.

 

[hopeful]

...
I feel like I should just take a hint and back off and if he's into me still he'll contact me but I have this thing where I need to ask ppl straight out.

So you knew what to do. You said it here at the end of your first post. Trust yourself. You will not need to chase the right guy. Deep down I think you know this. He is a player. And he is being disrespectful towards you. And he is blatantly showing a lack of interest. Ignore everything he has ever said to you or posted on Facebook and just focus on his actions.

 

[BostonMaria]

I wish I had this board when I was twenty something. It would have saved me dating a lot of useless men Ladies on here share some really useful information that many of us don't get at home.

I was thinking the same thing

 

[VivaMac]

It's already been said but dating multiple men is the way to go, you are not having a sexual relationship with him anyway, so why get caught up with one man. Dating should be fun and carefree, this is just too involved for just dating, and yes he has you on the back burner.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Just replace his name in your phone as "DNA" Do Not Answer or just delete it to keep the impulses at bay.

 

[locabouthair]

Op I dated a guy years who was passive aggressive like your guy. He just wasn't interested or had me as his plan B and looking back it was so obvious through his actions. I should have cut him off sooner. Don't dwell on it, just date other guys. And when he calls/or texts just ignore it!!

 

[God_Favor]

Men are not this complicated. We women need to stop over analyzing and giving excuses of why is he "acting" like he dont want me but I know he really does because he blah, blah, blah.....

If he wanted you, it would be obvious and none of these questions would come into play.

If you still want him, back off and give him some space. He may come around.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Men are not this complicated. We women need to stop....

But we're WOMEN I understand what you're saying but it is intrinsically who we are. I don't want OP feeling ashamed about this characteristic, just need to redirect it to something else... like a career or something, just not relationships

 

[God_Favor]

But we're WOMEN I understand what you're saying but it is intrinsically who we are. I don't want OP feeling ashamed about this characteristic, just need to redirect it to something else... like a career or something, just not relationships

In no way should she be ashamed !! Im just saying , we waste so much time analyzing someone that isnt worth our time. It doesnt have to be this way , just because we are women. He isnt worth her stressing and thinking about. The 1st time he stood OP up with out calling said it all, he aint that into her. We know how a man acts that really wants you, nothing can stop this man from getting to you. Bump this dude!!

 

[VelvetRain]

DO NOT text him and ask him a damn thing. Regardless of his response, he is showing you with his actions that he's not that interested.

Exactly. That's way too much stress and drama for nothing. If you even have to wonder if a man is interested normally he's not.

 

[Farida]

Men are very simple. Most people would not even treat a good friend this way, let alone a woman they are trying to woo. If he wants you he will put in the effort. Don't waste your time. If a guy is interested in you and worthy of your time he could end up in a rural part of Papua New Guinea, naked with zero dollars and he will find a way to contact you. This dude has shown that you are not a priority. I mean, how easy is it to respond to a text? I also don't do flakes...friends or otherwise. If we make plans, show up and if you cannot have a good reason, let me know well in advance, make it up to me and don't make it a habit.

 

[**SaSSy**]

He is not married. I know, how do I know? .. I get a lot of info from his fbook. He is single, he posts a lot about that because he wants to get married and settled soon. He tells me this too and has said he wants to make the right the decision so he may be talking to other women and fell more for another than me. To others saying he is vacationing with another woman. I highly doubt it. In the beginning he did share with me that he goes away often on military flights, if space is available. So I'm pretty sure he's alone. I'm not making excuses because I'm over it but I believe him on that.

I think you should call him, text him, and send him an email just so you can keep your communicative bases covered. I'm sure he's thinking about you right now and is just shy so he doesn't know how to handle his undying lust for you

Sent from my lavish iPhone

 

[VelvetRain]

OP, idk why you keep defending and making explanations for a man who's treating you like ish.

He doesn't care about you. Doesn't respect you. Let it go.

It's called telling yourself exactly what you want to hear instead of facing what you already know. No disrespect but we've all done this as women. I can gurantee some other lady was getting the phone time and in person time. His mission now when he does finally make that lost call to reconnect is to smash. Don't fall for it.

One should never feel entitled to know the reasons for the disappearing act. You don't always get that closure and it's okay. Biggest concern is why did you attract this kind of person in the first place?

 

[*~Mocha~*]

I think you should call him, text him, and send him an email just so you can keep your communicative bases covered. I'm sure he's thinking about you right now and is just shy so he doesn't know how to handle his undying lust for you

Sent from my lavish iPhone

Sassy , really? Was that necessary?

 

[*~Mocha~*]

It's called telling yourself exactly what you want to hear instead of facing what you already know. No disrespect but we've all done this as women. I can gurantee some other lady was getting the phone time and in person time. His mission now when he does finally make that lost call to reconnect is to smash. Don't fall for it.

One should never feel entitled to know the reasons for the disappearing act. You don't always get that closure and it's okay. Biggest concern is why did you attract this kind of person in the first place?

DarkJoy, haven't really made excuses. If saying he's not married when I know he's not is an excuse, then I'm guilty. Yes, he's a major douch who has disrespected me but it doesn't negate what's true.

VelvetRain, yes we as women tend to do that, I agree. I haven't made excuses for his behavior but I did try to rationalize and ignore with hopes that I'm just bugging and he's into me. But I've come to realize and accept that he isn't.

 

[BonBon]

Stood up 2x in one day with no call.<---- This is where the story should have ended. Do you know who I am? A good luck with your life and good bye text would have been perfect here.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I don't really have too much more to add OP.... the ladies here have already given you plenty of GREAT advice.

If I were you, I would drop WAAAAAY back, and if he does try to contact you again, you should ignore one of his attempts. Let him see how it feels... lol. Guys don't respond to words, they respond to "No Contact".

Seriously though, Idk if you even want to continue to entertain his attentions OP, but I agree with you, something is up.

 

[lux10023]

dude wouldn't have even existed to me after that...ummm noo!!!!

Stood up 2x in one day with no call.<---- This is where the story should have ended. Do you know who I am? A good luck with your life and good bye text would have been perfect here.

 

[TeddyBear]

He hasn't made you a priority so don't make him a priority either. He knows where to find you if he wants to contact you, don't chase him.

 

[Ogoma]

50+ comments of 'he doesn't want you'. I think she gets it. Tough love indeed.