How to spot a NARCISSIST and why you attract them!
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prettybyrd
Well-Known Member
This is so bizarre. I feel like I could have written so many of the posts here. It's like stumbling upon a thread with pages of my diary that were posted by other people.
Back in 2012, I was watching YT videos of Abraham Hicks, and among the suggested videos was a cartoon called something like "dealing with a narcissist". I watched it and was instantly captivated. I watched that cartoon man and woman have an argument that looked and sounded exactly one that I had with my then-SO. Him doing a lot of yelling and cussing unnecessarily, and me attempting to quell his anger that sprang up from nowhere over something that was likely trivial anyway.
Even though it was a cartoon, there was a point in the argument where you could see the little cartoon woman just crumble inside. I broke down in tears because I was her. I watched video after video from about 7pm to about 4 am. I cannot compare the awareness that I experienced that night to anything else. I felt awake for the first time.
In watching those videos, I realized that not only was my SO a narcissist, but so was my best friend, and my supervisor at work. I was surrounded by them.
My ex-SO is a textbook narcissist. I read the 10 warning signs that you are with a narcissist and broke down again. I remembered that some of the videos on YT said that if you find yourself with a narcissist, RUN! I know why. Once a narcissist knows that you love them, they use your love against you. They will hurt you with your own love and make you feel like crap for ever caring about them, and then once they know that you don't love them anymore, make you feel like crap for that, too. That was/is my ex-SO.
For a long time I felt weak for staying with him. I hated myself really. I felt like I had let myself down. Fortunately, it didn't take long for me to realize that by leaving him, I had infact shown my strength, and I was surviving and growing from the experience the best way that I knew how. I think that is true for so many here.
I'm sorry for this long post. I don't tend to get so personal here, but this is important to share. You never know who you can touch with these types of threads because you all have touched me. I hope that what I have to offer can help someone else.
Back in 2012, I was watching YT videos of Abraham Hicks, and among the suggested videos was a cartoon called something like "dealing with a narcissist". I watched it and was instantly captivated. I watched that cartoon man and woman have an argument that looked and sounded exactly one that I had with my then-SO. Him doing a lot of yelling and cussing unnecessarily, and me attempting to quell his anger that sprang up from nowhere over something that was likely trivial anyway.
Even though it was a cartoon, there was a point in the argument where you could see the little cartoon woman just crumble inside. I broke down in tears because I was her. I watched video after video from about 7pm to about 4 am. I cannot compare the awareness that I experienced that night to anything else. I felt awake for the first time.
In watching those videos, I realized that not only was my SO a narcissist, but so was my best friend, and my supervisor at work. I was surrounded by them.
My ex-SO is a textbook narcissist. I read the 10 warning signs that you are with a narcissist and broke down again. I remembered that some of the videos on YT said that if you find yourself with a narcissist, RUN! I know why. Once a narcissist knows that you love them, they use your love against you. They will hurt you with your own love and make you feel like crap for ever caring about them, and then once they know that you don't love them anymore, make you feel like crap for that, too. That was/is my ex-SO.
For a long time I felt weak for staying with him. I hated myself really. I felt like I had let myself down. Fortunately, it didn't take long for me to realize that by leaving him, I had infact shown my strength, and I was surviving and growing from the experience the best way that I knew how. I think that is true for so many here.
I'm sorry for this long post. I don't tend to get so personal here, but this is important to share. You never know who you can touch with these types of threads because you all have touched me. I hope that what I have to offer can help someone else.
eyunka
Well-Known Member
A little update
Last I post my truck broke down. Its now in the shop. Basically it needed a new engine. My uncle came in to save the day. He's getting my truck in tip top shape. New tires, brake pads, and fuel pump.
I got the part time job!
I'm going to look at a couple places Friday to turn in my applications for hopeful approve. Things are falling into place. Ain't nothing like family.
I've been hush hush like many of you suggested. As June get closer he is now turning over loans he had me accumilate in my name for him that he was paying off. That sucks but i won't let him break me. Like I said nothing like family, they are helping me with any moving expenses
Feeling empowered at this particular moment until he tries to throw something else at me
Last I post my truck broke down. Its now in the shop. Basically it needed a new engine. My uncle came in to save the day. He's getting my truck in tip top shape. New tires, brake pads, and fuel pump.
I got the part time job!
I'm going to look at a couple places Friday to turn in my applications for hopeful approve. Things are falling into place. Ain't nothing like family.
I've been hush hush like many of you suggested. As June get closer he is now turning over loans he had me accumilate in my name for him that he was paying off. That sucks but i won't let him break me. Like I said nothing like family, they are helping me with any moving expenses
Feeling empowered at this particular moment until he tries to throw something else at me
Layluh
Well-Known Member
Y'all YALL!
This man just threw a cauldron of cold water on me cause I wouldn't have sex with him at 1 in the morning.
He said since he can't sleep , he's gonna make it so that I can't sleep either.
Now he's up listening to music about pimpin. This is so unreal. Lmao .
This man just threw a cauldron of cold water on me cause I wouldn't have sex with him at 1 in the morning.
He said since he can't sleep , he's gonna make it so that I can't sleep either.
Now he's up listening to music about pimpin. This is so unreal. Lmao .
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Lilmama1011
Well-Known Member
Layluh
Wtf? Is that your man? Either way all he'll would break loose with me. Sounds like my SO except for the cold water. Getting mad and going to listen to rap
crlsweetie912
Well-Known Member
Aww hayle naw. 0______o
eyunka
Well-Known Member
Ladies! Omg through this whole process of moving my mom has bee my rock. She has kept me from fighting dirty like he has and for that my blessings keep coming in and his, we'll just say his family thinks he's crazy.
I asked him if our son could take the tv in his room and the small he gave my mom to watch when she was living in her place. He 1st says no then yes and after he began to see the moving process he said no to punish his son for choosing to stay with me. My mom said this girl is leaving with nothing but her clothes by choice and you cant let your son have a tv you bought?
Y'all it takes alot to get my mom mad but she ready to get gutter with him. She just gave him a check to keep the water on out of the kindness of her heart. Its due on the 20th. She's cancelling the check this morning. We have been without gas since the 14th because he didnt properly prepare to change it over in his name. No gas no stove either or hot water. My mom was going to loan him the deposit to get it cut back on but I called his family and they took care of it but the gas company cant come out until Wednesday. It took him two after it was cut off before he even inquired about it with the company.
So we cant take any of the 5 tv's especially the 3 you bought. So does that mean I can take the living room set, bedroom set, 72" tv , washer n dryer, refrigerator and 19" we got free be cause those were all purchased through Aaron's in my name with receipts although he made the monthly payments. Can I take all the appliances, food, cleaning supplies because I purchased that with my money. Just asking?
My mom yelled down the hall if you think you getting your daughter to stay you are so wrong because im calling the police and telling them there is a minor (17) in the house by herself at night.
Y'all im trying not to fight dirty. Today will b interesting. Moving the furniture today
I asked him if our son could take the tv in his room and the small he gave my mom to watch when she was living in her place. He 1st says no then yes and after he began to see the moving process he said no to punish his son for choosing to stay with me. My mom said this girl is leaving with nothing but her clothes by choice and you cant let your son have a tv you bought?
Y'all it takes alot to get my mom mad but she ready to get gutter with him. She just gave him a check to keep the water on out of the kindness of her heart. Its due on the 20th. She's cancelling the check this morning. We have been without gas since the 14th because he didnt properly prepare to change it over in his name. No gas no stove either or hot water. My mom was going to loan him the deposit to get it cut back on but I called his family and they took care of it but the gas company cant come out until Wednesday. It took him two after it was cut off before he even inquired about it with the company.
So we cant take any of the 5 tv's especially the 3 you bought. So does that mean I can take the living room set, bedroom set, 72" tv , washer n dryer, refrigerator and 19" we got free be cause those were all purchased through Aaron's in my name with receipts although he made the monthly payments. Can I take all the appliances, food, cleaning supplies because I purchased that with my money. Just asking?
My mom yelled down the hall if you think you getting your daughter to stay you are so wrong because im calling the police and telling them there is a minor (17) in the house by herself at night.
Y'all im trying not to fight dirty. Today will b interesting. Moving the furniture today
tinkat
Well-Known Member
Now that is some childish, little boy ish.
Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
Frizzyb
Well-Known Member
Told you, it's out of his hands now and he's lost control. Expect him to be his worst to try and even it out. Pay it no mind and enjoy your new life. You got away!! I felt like a runaway slave and so much weight was lifted. It will get better congrats!! The reset button has been pushed.
Evolving78
Well-Known Member
Girl! He would have seen another side of me. And I'm not talking about some e Gangsta type of talk either. My ex knows what time it is wit me....
RoundEyedGirl504
Well-Known Member
Reading this thread, I really think my father is a narc. I have started the process of pruning that relationship, because I am not in the business of having someone in my life who creates and cultivates negativity at every turn. This is a great very informative thread.
Layluh
Well-Known Member
shortdub78 The first time I just laughed cause it was so absolutely ridiculous. The second time he did it (yes he did it twice) is when I said a few words.
He seemed so pleased with himself with a smile on his face.
I thought for a split second to *** his xbox up, then thought of the potential consequences. I just went to a hotel and took a half day off at work. Looking for somewhere to stay now.
He seemed so pleased with himself with a smile on his face.
I thought for a split second to *** his xbox up, then thought of the potential consequences. I just went to a hotel and took a half day off at work. Looking for somewhere to stay now.
God_Favor
Well-Known Member
Oh no!!! Are you OK?? How did you react? Do you guys live together. Please find safety. Karma is going to eat him alive. Wow, he is a sick, disgusting piece of trash!!!!!!
Eta: saw your update. Keep us posted.
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
We already have what we need within to do what we have to do to make ourselves happy. I say this to myself every day. If this constitutes leaving the marriage or relationship or changing any situation. Then so be it. One life. Just one f-ing short arse life. My God.
I am wishing nothing but the best for all of us.
I am wishing nothing but the best for all of us.
Evolving78
Well-Known Member
yep! that is the smartest thing to do. he is testing the waters. it's time to go. don't mean to scare you, but it might not be water next time.
honestly my eyes widened when i read that post a sin shocked--that sounds abusive--i would not dismiss that at all..
he would be so done!!!
he would be so done!!!
Layluh
Well-Known Member
Yup. One of my coworkers said that's how it started with her. Water in the bed and everything then she found herself getting physically abused.
She's now about to get married to a great guy.
I called my dad and he's no help. I still have other options though.
God_Favor
Well-Known Member
I've looked everywhere for this cartoon. Anymore details about it? Would love to see it.
God_Favor
Well-Known Member
I've looked everywhere for this cartoon. Anymore details about it? Would love to see it.
tinkat
Well-Known Member
On YouTube there are little cartoons.
http://youtu.be/AeydRGPgjKk
I am curious about the one that the op mentioned though. There are a lot on YouTube though.
Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
http://youtu.be/AeydRGPgjKk
I am curious about the one that the op mentioned though. There are a lot on YouTube though.
Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
God_Favor
Well-Known Member
Thanks!! These are the ones I saw. But I can't find any that fit my old situation.
kweenameena
Well-Known Member
So I haven't talked to my narc mom in a few months...ever since the incident where she was driving her truck under the influence of meds...with DD in the truck. She has called, sent texts, had family call me, and I don't respond. I did send her a Happy Mother's Day text and told her that we loved her. That's it. In the time that we have,'t spoken, she has lost her job.
Today, she texted me and asked me to reset her gmail account so she can apply for jobs. I know she's just trying to initiate conversation.
Here's the kicker: When I picked up DD from aftercare today, she told me that my mom showed up to her school and had lunch with her. My mother didn't text me about this at all!
On one hand, I feel bad that I'm keeping my daughter from her. But on the other hand...I feel like this was a power move on my mom's part to exert dominance (even just subconsciously). I haven't figured out how to address it yet. But I'm steaming about it. I just can't figure out if I'm making a big deal of something minor. Or if my anger is justified.
Today, she texted me and asked me to reset her gmail account so she can apply for jobs. I know she's just trying to initiate conversation.
Here's the kicker: When I picked up DD from aftercare today, she told me that my mom showed up to her school and had lunch with her. My mother didn't text me about this at all!
On one hand, I feel bad that I'm keeping my daughter from her. But on the other hand...I feel like this was a power move on my mom's part to exert dominance (even just subconsciously). I haven't figured out how to address it yet. But I'm steaming about it. I just can't figure out if I'm making a big deal of something minor. Or if my anger is justified.
My text to her would be "The next time you show up to my daughter's school without letting me know first, I will get you banned from accessing her at school. I am her parent. Always ask me first."If she's the type to drive under the influence with a child, what would prevent her from picking the child up from school and it all happening again. I'd probably also make sure that the school knows that she may come and see your daughter on school premises but can never leave with her (if they don't have such instruction already).
I find it hard to let these people back into my life once they've offended me. And it's usually the way they approach afterwards. They don't just come straight up and say "I'm sorry, I was wrong." That grinds my nerves!
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
If she's the type to drive under the influence with a child, what would prevent her from picking the child up from school and it all happening again. I'd probably also make sure that the school knows that she may come and see your daughter on school premises but can never leave with her (if they don't have such instruction already).
I find it hard to let these people back into my life once they've offended me. And it's usually the way they approach afterwards. They don't just come straight up and say "I'm sorry, I was wrong." That grinds my nerves!
THIS. It is like an apology is so foreign to them that they will literally get mad at you for putting them in a position where an apology is inescapably warranted by them. They find a way to still make it your fault. Or they attempt the permanent escape hatch...you know the "lets separate because clearly this isn't working"
It's like wow you'd make such a drastic move to escape owning your wrong huh. They the next day change your mind ....this happened a few times in the beginning.
Layluh
Well-Known Member
So I told him on Sunday I was filing for divorce.
By Monday he had all of his stuffed moved out. I have no internet, a couch to sleep on, and unable to drive my car cause it's a stick shift.
But he's doing some very interesting self reflection which I've never seen him do.
He's trying to get to the root of his depression and suicidal thoughts. It sounds like he's going through the healing process...and I say this because I went through the healing process already so I know how people act when going through this.
Today he came by and gave me some money for bills and brought over some food for the dog. He said if I needed anything to just ask.
As of right now, he wants to get counseling which I agreed to. But he expects that I'm still going to file. I told him I just want to be friends and get my authenticity back and from there we can decide whether or not we can continue this relationship because who I REALLY am may not be right for you.
By Monday he had all of his stuffed moved out. I have no internet, a couch to sleep on, and unable to drive my car cause it's a stick shift.
But he's doing some very interesting self reflection which I've never seen him do.
He's trying to get to the root of his depression and suicidal thoughts. It sounds like he's going through the healing process...and I say this because I went through the healing process already so I know how people act when going through this.
Today he came by and gave me some money for bills and brought over some food for the dog. He said if I needed anything to just ask.
As of right now, he wants to get counseling which I agreed to. But he expects that I'm still going to file. I told him I just want to be friends and get my authenticity back and from there we can decide whether or not we can continue this relationship because who I REALLY am may not be right for you.
eyunka
Well-Known Member
The last time i posted I was finally moving into my own place. Its been about 2 months now and he has done so many things to make life hell. The one that hurt me to my heart happened last week. Child Proctive Services called me. (both the kids live with him. I had my son but he made him feel so guilty for coming with me he went back of there) He called them about our son not having his meds for his bipolar.
Anyway the lady came and I explained everything and she said this looks as though he is trying to make a case against you for custody. She dismissed the case.
I then told her my concerns with the kids living with him.
1. our child is depressed and with gun in the house
2. he works at night leaving them alone (he does not want them to come with me. I'm not trying to fight with him putting the kids in the middle. I prefer to do it in a civial manner)
3. The condition of the house (cleaniness). I took pictures and show and she was. I told her that was clean.
I'm currently waiting on their findings
Anyway the lady came and I explained everything and she said this looks as though he is trying to make a case against you for custody. She dismissed the case.
I then told her my concerns with the kids living with him.
1. our child is depressed and with gun in the house
2. he works at night leaving them alone (he does not want them to come with me. I'm not trying to fight with him putting the kids in the middle. I prefer to do it in a civial manner)
3. The condition of the house (cleaniness). I took pictures and show and she was
. I told her that was clean.I'm currently waiting on their findings
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