How to spot a NARCISSIST and why you attract them!

[niknik253]

@Bublin I had to read your comment to my dd. She describes it very similiar to you. She says it's an emotional rape that no matter how much you explain it, no one understands or believes it happened.

Your dd is right on point and I couldn't have ever thought of a way to say it best. I am going through at this very point in time. I was with him for 6 years and we have two children together. Our relationship was getting so much better so I thought...I found out I was pregnant with our second child, he went into distancing mode and I knew something was up. He began telling me and people that I got pregnant on purpose when he very well knew I wasn't on birth control. He began coming into the house not saying a word to me and/or his son, sleeping downstairs, and putting a bike club first and foremost. Come to find out he was speaking to other women behind my back and when reading through messages between him and another woman; he wanted to prove the reason he was involved with this conversation was because he was set"set up", thinking I was involved somehow I said there is no way you could've possibly thought that telling this girl stuff as such you would think I was apart of it and THEN another message came from another woman. OMG!! My heart went into shock mode. All he had to say is you pushed me to this you did this. That very day he was off to Hawaii hardly any word from him for two weeks. I had a high risk pregnancy so I ended up leaving just to get away for awhile and be with my family due to stress on me and the baby. I packed my things since I wasn't sure what I wanted to do but I told my sister I don't know if I want to leave. Once I got back home to my family my sister told me she went to go get all my stuff. I was planning on coming home but when I called him to say we're coming back he says no. I was heartbroken and destroyed. And found out he was in Hawaii with the woman.

Since then he still is with the woman he cheated on me with. I put him on child support and he is now fighting me for one of our sons ONE all because he has to pay cs and even went as far as saying I kidnapped his children. When I have to encourage this man to come see his boys which no woman should have to tell a father to do. It keeps telling me if I take him off there is a chance for us to be together... it will show him that I love him. I fell for many lies hoping to have our family back and hoping that he truly loved me. Last night he tried having sex with me and i stood my ground telling him no, one of my sisters then calls bc of a text telling her I'm feeling weak and it was an unknown number to him so he assumed it was a man going into full rage. He said he would sabotage any relationship I tried to have with a man. I'm going through him saying he loves me wants us and then goes home to be with another woman and next tells me why I was never good enough, and that I'm the one who needs to show him I want us and love him and he goes home to her bc I made it this way. I couldn't ever express the pain and insecurities I have came upon being in and out of this relationship also the amount of questioning I have done about myself. I have the want and need to move forward but I still feel the hold this person has on me and no matter what I think of what he has done to me and said I still feel him capable of pulling me back in.

 

[Tamrin]

Your dd is right on point and I couldn't have ever thought of a way to say it best. I am going through at this very point in time. I was with him for 6 years and we have two children together. Our relationship was getting so much better so I thought...I found out I was pregnant with our second child, he went into distancing mode and I knew something was up. He began telling me and people that I got pregnant on purpose when he very well knew I wasn't on birth control. He began coming into the house not saying a word to me and/or his son, sleeping downstairs, and putting a bike club first and foremost. Come to find out he was speaking to other women behind my back and when reading through messages between him and another woman; he wanted to prove the reason he was involved with this conversation was because he was set"set up", thinking I was involved somehow I said there is no way you could've possibly thought that telling this girl stuff as such you would think I was apart of it and THEN another message came from another woman. OMG!! My heart went into shock mode. All he had to say is you pushed me to this you did this. That very day he was off to Hawaii hardly any word from him for two weeks. I had a high risk pregnancy so I ended up leaving just to get away for awhile and be with my family due to stress on me and the baby. I packed my things since I wasn't sure what I wanted to do but I told my sister I don't know if I want to leave. Once I got back home to my family my sister told me she went to go get all my stuff. I was planning on coming home but when I called him to say we're coming back he says no. I was heartbroken and destroyed. And found out he was in Hawaii with the woman.

Since then he still is with the woman he cheated on me with. I put him on child support and he is now fighting me for one of our sons ONE all because he has to pay cs and even went as far as saying I kidnapped his children. When I have to encourage this man to come see his boys which no woman should have to tell a father to do. It keeps telling me if I take him off there is a chance for us to be together... it will show him that I love him. I fell for many lies hoping to have our family back and hoping that he truly loved me. Last night he tried having sex with me and i stood my ground telling him no, one of my sisters then calls bc of a text telling her I'm feeling weak and it was an unknown number to him so he assumed it was a man going into full rage. He said he would sabotage any relationship I tried to have with a man. I'm going through him saying he loves me wants us and then goes home to be with another woman and next tells me why I was never good enough, and that I'm the one who needs to show him I want us and love him and he goes home to her bc I made it this way. I couldn't ever express the pain and insecurities I have came upon being in and out of this relationship also the amount of questioning I have done about myself. I have the want and need to move forward but I still feel the hold this person has on me and no matter what I think of what he has done to me and said I still feel him capable of pulling me back in.

You need to cut off contact with this man and that includes physical contact.
All communication should pertain only to your children and limit that to email only. No voice calls or text messages. Close physical contact with this man should be off limits. You should never be in the position in which he feels it is ok to demand sex from you. He can only sabotage your future relationships only if you allow him to byt displaying your weakness. Woman up take control. The common thing I see with the women in these types of relationships is they allow to much access. Keep stuff to yourselves.

 

[eyunka]

Looks like my engine needs to be replaced. I still have a couple others that's going to look at it. I know things happen for a reason but dam. Ugh im so discouraged and sad. I feel defeated

 

[Tamrin]

Looks like my engine needs to be replaced. I still have a couple others that's going to look at it. I know things happen for a reason but dam. Ugh im so discouraged and sad. I feel defeated

Is the Engine block gone or you blew a gasket?

Snap out of it and go for a walk. Even a run. There is no such thing as defeat, just a challenge to overcome.

 

[eyunka]

Is the Engine block gone or you blew a gasket?

Snap out of it and go for a walk. Even a run. There is no such thing as defeat, just a challenge to overcome.

I was told by gateway I needed a new engine but because engine work is not their specialty. A friend of mine has a mechanic she uses and trust. Im waiting on him to just take a look at it. He actually off due to the holiday. My choice after will b Firestone.

I'm not sure whats wrong. When I accelerate there is knocking. When I get to a constant speed about 25mph no noise. When I slow down the knocking gets louder

 

[Tamrin]

I was told by gateway I needed a new engine but because engine work is not their specialty. A friend of mine has a mechanic she uses and trust. Im waiting on him to just take a look at it. He actually off due to the holiday. My choice after will b Firestone.

I'm not sure whats wrong. When I accelerate there is knocking. When I get to a constant speed about 25mph no noise. When I slow down the knocking gets louder

It is your engine block. ( piston). Is there a way you can buy a used engine and have them drop it in? Or even work on your currenf engine.

 

[eyunka]

It is your engine block. ( piston). Is there a way you can buy a used engine and have them drop it in? Or even work on your currenf engine.

Yes. The guy thats going to check it out hopefully he will be able to fix it. Money is really tight. That's why I was trying to get a second job. Went on my 3rd interview yesterday and things look good. Tamrin I dont know how to tell if its piston

 

[Tamrin]

Yes. The guy thats going to check it out hopefully he will be able to fix it. Money is really tight. That's why I was trying to get a second job. Went on my 3rd interview yesterday and things look good. Tamrin I dont know how to tell if its piston

Then let the mechanic work on it for you. To save money you are better off at the mom and pop mechanics than the chains. Last time I had an issue I took it to some chain shop and They told me $1000 and I have to leave my car. I drove the car home dh fixed the issue for $65 dollars. Be smart don't fall for the okie doke.


Is this what you are hearing?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIOdS7XbHys

 

[eyunka]

Then let the mechanic work on it for you. To save money you are better off at the mom and pop mechanics than the chains. Last time I had an issue I took it to some chain shop and They told me $1000 and I have to leave my car. I drove the car home dh fixed the issue for $65 dollars. Be smart don't fall for the okie doke.

Is this what you are hearing?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIOdS7XbHys

Omg, thats the noise exactly! !!

 

[Tamrin]

Omg, thats the noise exactly! !!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wf8e_Ivi72Q

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPzaspB-bBc

This guy gives you info on a more current car and how to diagnose it. Most likely is it the rod bearing /piston rod. Sometimes you have to do your own research so you do not get take advantaged of. Now you have an idea call and price it.

 

[eyunka]

I was told by gateway I needed a new engine but because engine work is not their specialty. A friend of mine has a mechanic she uses and trust. Im waiting on him to just take a look at it. He actually off due to the holiday. My choice after will b Firestone.

I'm not sure whats wrong. When I accelerate there is knocking. When I get to a constant speed about 25mph no noise. When I slow down the knocking gets louder

Thank you. You've given me life again

 

[Tamrin]

Thank you. You've given me life again

You are welcomed. What you need to do is search for "Engine knock" on your car model on youtube. As women mechanics tend to try and take advantage of us. Once you come in with your knowledge they know you cannot be fooled. Also do a search on average of how much it cost to replace them. If anything price the parts yourself at your local auto supply store. Btw what is your car model and what state are you in?

You can price parts at www.advanceautoparts.com

 

[eyunka]

You are welcomed. What you need to do is search for "Engine knock" on your car model on youtube. As women mechanics tend to try and take advantage of us. Once you come in with your knowledge they know you cannot be fooled. Also do a search on average of how much it cost to replace them. If anything price the parts yourself at your local auto supply store. Btw what is your car model and what state are you in?

You can price parts at www.advanceautoparts.com

2001 suburban. I live in north ms

 

[niknik253]

You need to cut off contact with this man and that includes physical contact.
All communication should pertain only to your children and limit that to email only. No voice calls or text messages. Close physical contact with this man should be off limits. You should never be in the position in which he feels it is ok to demand sex from you. He can only sabotage your future relationships only if you allow him to byt displaying your weakness. Woman up take control. The common thing I see with the women in these types of relationships is they allow to much access. Keep stuff to yourselves.

Everyone tells me keep your head up and all I do is look up to God and keep pushing but the days are getting more difficult. I When you invested so much into one person, love and devotion and never realized that a whole foundation of your relationship was built on your love alone his a lie. . It can rip you apart. And no matter how much I woman up or how strong love can show you what true bottom feels like. I HAVE TO create strict boundaries and I need to I'm getting through each day because the love for my boys. It is discouraging when my family is across the county....although i have made it my job to look for employment, I'm unemployed, no friends, and soon will be in court to see if he will get full custody of our oldest son. I have been optimistic nothing but. .. Things are tough and I'm trying my very best to be strong but this day is just one that has gotten the best of me. I thank you for your Strength.

 

[Tamrin]

Everyone tells me keep your head up and all I do is look up to God and keep pushing but the days are getting more difficult. I When you invested so much into one person, love and devotion and never realized that a whole foundation of your relationship was built on your love alone his a lie. . It can rip you apart. And no matter how much I woman up or how strong love can show you what true bottom feels like. I HAVE TO create strict boundaries and I need to I'm getting through each day because the love for my boys. It is discouraging when my family is across the county....although i have made it my job to look for employment, I'm unemployed, no friends, and soon will be in court to see if he will get full custody of our oldest son. I have been optimistic nothing but. .. Things are tough and I'm trying my very best to be strong but this day is just one that has gotten the best of me. I thank you for your Strength.

I understand sweetheart but now you cannot dwell on what could have been or what you lost. You need to look at what you have gained. You have your beautiful children, your freedom and your sanity. I know it is rough to not have close friends and family near. You are learning now to rely on you to make life better for you and the boys. Keep being strong. It is all temporary.

 

[Mitre]

Narcissism is cause by Abuse, Abandonment and Engulfment in childhood or "a past life". Even though a handful of people are diagnosis with narcissism there are a lot of people walking around with narcissistic traits- these people are almost narcissist.

Red flags I look for
1. Anger,irritability.....
2. People who have a pity , poor me, woe is me story. As far as I am concern you are an Adult.
3. People who like seeing, wishing, hoping others are suffering in pain.
4. Magnetic attraction if I meet someone I feel this magnetic pull I run the other way
5. People who enjoy/ always blame, shame, critique others
6. People with no boundaries....
7. People who never learn from their mistakes they keep doing the same siht over and over again. A sociopath/ narcissist cannot put they past mistakes together to make a whole solution
8. People who want to be leaders just because

7.Any behavior, any comment, any action, that: taken from out of the fog
- violates personal boundaries
- minimizes another human
- invalidates another person's existence
- mocks someone
- fosters hatred
- perpetuates cruel stereotypes
- inflicts fear
- causes guilt
- implies obligation
- intimidates
- is inconsiderate of others
- implies cruelty
- is blatantly self-serving
- inflicts unwanted influence
- is coercive
- causes pain: emotional or physical












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[londontresses]

^^^ this list is very accurate from what I saw.

 

[eyunka]

Yesterday I had a pity party for myself. Felt like I was stuck. I couldn't force myself to figure this new problem out. Tamrin has been very supportive to some of us. With her suggestions and family support im feeling much better and ready to over come this obstacle.

 

[Tamrin]

Yesterday I had a pity party for myself. Felt like I was stuck. I couldn't force myself to figure this new problem out. Tamrin has been very supportive to some of us. With her suggestions and family support im feeling much better and ready to over come this obstacle.

Get at it girl. It will all workout. Glad I was able to help a little.

 

[Mitre]

Yesterday I had a pity party for myself. Felt like I was stuck. I couldn't force myself to figure this new problem out. Tamrin has been very supportive to some of us. With her suggestions and family support im feeling much better and ready to over come this obstacle.

That is Great that Tamrin was able to assist you in finding a solution, and now YOU are able to take action to correct the problem and get that monkey off your back. The benefits of LHCF.



Sent from my iPad using LHCF

 

[Tamrin]

That is Great that Tamrin was able to assist you in finding a solution, and now YOU are able to take action to correct the problem and get that monkey off your back. The benefits of LHCF.



Sent from my iPad using LHCF

She will. She has already started to steps to get away from the one holding her down.

This thread is informative on the characteristic of a narcisist. But please be warned ladies don't spend your time searching for those traits in everyone you meet, thereby making it look like everything that is not going right in your life is the narcissist's fault. Or everything that went wrong with your relationships is the fault of another party because they are a narcissist and you played no part in it. To me it is a game and each party must take responsibility for their part in it. People can only do to you what you allow. Don't stay being a victim, recogize the problem and take actions to not be stuck.

 

[ChasingBliss]

She will. She has already started to steps to get away from the one holding her down.

This thread is informative on the characteristic of a narcisist. But please be warned ladies don't spend your time searching for those traits in everyone you meet thereby making it look like everything that is not going right in your life is the narcissist's fault, or everything that went wrong with your relationships is the fault of another party because they are a narcissist and you played no part in it. To me it is a game and each party must take responsibility for their part in it. People can only do to you what you allow. Don't stay being a victim, recogize the problem and take actions to not be stuck.

Because thanks and e appreciation are not enough.

 

[eyunka]

Because of the holiday mechanic shops are closed and thats ok. Im up (stuck on the couch ALL day) washed my dd hair, going to do mine, and cook. Its beautiful outside and im feeling tony the tiger great.

Tomorrow I will take off so I can get those quotes!

 

[hopeful]

Wow Tamrin for being so incredibly insightful. I am enjoying reading every single one of your posts.

 

[Tamrin]

Wow Tamrin for being so incredibly insightful. I am enjoying reading every single one of your posts.

I enjoy reading yours as well hopeful. You are so insightful. I pray many of the ladies take notes from you. We all have some narcissistic tendencies in us. We would be straight up lying if we said we did not. It is a trait that is necessary for survival. Some just go to the extremes and some don't even see they are approaching the extremes. As humans we tend to look for the flaws in others but never in ourselves. I know mine and I learn more and more each day.

-I don't like to apologized so I try not to say things I will later regret.

-Not confrontational as in run up start screaming, fighting or making a scene. I think 3 to 4 steps ahead. How do I look to others? How will this affect me in the future? There is a 1-99% chance I may encounter this person in the future. Is this worth it?

-I like to be in control of my environment. I do not like giving people control of my life. Therefore it annoys me when I see others do. It is your life take control.

-I tend to procrastinate at times.

-Judgemetal. If you say as a human being you are not I will side eye you. Every decision or opinion in life requires a judgement.

-Not always kind and sweet.

 

[The Girl]

I enjoy reading yours as well @hopeful. You are so insightful. I pray many of the ladies take notes from you. We all have some narcissistic tendencies in us. We would be straight up lying if we said we did not. It is a trait that is necessary for survival. Some just go to the extremes and some don't even see they are approaching the extremes. As humans we tend to look for the flaws in others but never in ourselves. I know mine and I learn more and more each day.

-I don't like to apologized so I try not to say things I will later regret.

-Not confrontational as in run up start screaming, fighting or making a scene. I think 3 to 4 steps ahead. How do I look to others? How will this affect me in the future? There is a 1-99% chance I may encounter this person in the future. Is this worth it?

-I like to be in control of my environment. I do not like giving people control of my life. Therefore it annoys me when I see others do. It is your life take control.

-I tend to procrastinate at times.

-Judgemetal. If you say as a human being you are not I will side eye you. Every decision or opinion in life requires a judgement.

-Not always kind and sweet.

Not to derail but I've always wanted to ask someone like this; does bold one correlate to bold two? I just want to understand why some people don't like to apologize. You don't have to answer.

 

[Tamrin]

Not to derail but I've always wanted to ask someone like this; does bold one correlate to bold two? I just want to understand why some people don't like to apologize. You don't have to answer.

Yes it does. In effect it is giving up control. No one likes to apologize. I'm upfront with what my flaws are. If I'm wrong I will apologize but do not expect me to grovel. To some an 'I'm sorry is not enough", they look for others to grovel to make themselve feel good. An apology should not compromise dignity, but sadly to some that is what they want to feel good. I never ask people to apologize to me. I just expect them to do better. There are people who are vocal about asking for apologies, I'm not one of those. I have never asked my Dh or my loved ones to apologize to me, I make them aware of the problem we work it out and we move on. To me actions say more than words.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Yes it does. In effect it is giving up control. No one likes to apologize. I'm upfront with what my flaws are. If I'm wrong I will apologize but do not expect me to grovel. To some an 'I'm sorry is not enough", they look for others to grovel to make themselve feel good. An apology should not compromise dignity, but sadly to some that is what they want to feel good. I never ask people to apologize to me. I just expect them to do better. There are people who are vocal about asking for apologies, I'm not one of those. I have never asked my Dh or my loved ones to apologize to me, I make them aware of the problem we work it out and we move on. To me actions say more than words.

Welp I tell you my dh could have written that word for word. One of the few things I do respect and accept about him.

 

[Tamrin]

Welp I tell you my dh could have written that word for word. One of the few things I do respect and accept about him.

Oops I do have some masculine tendecies. Oh I forgot I hold a grudge. In the mean time I will evaluate my next course of action with you. I know all this maked me sound horrible and not likeable.

As women we need to be strong assertive and feminine. Feminity does not equate weakness. There is great power in us. Wars have been faught over us and we have changed the course of nations. It hurts and angers me to see women not be able to exceed their potentials. Love to see women thrive and do great things. Whether is career and personal life. We should never allow others to manipulate us into becomingvictims. One of my fave books had a quote about women and the power we have. It states something to the effect of we control the power of birth. Therefore we control the power of life itself. But somehow we have been convinced that we are not in charge of our destiny.

 

[FemmeFatale]

Tamrin Haitians don't like to apologize. Ever.