I have high profile clients who can whip their asses around a board meeting like nobodies business, yet when it comes to matters of the heart they are emotionally naive.
Emotional naivete has nothing to do with practical intelligence. They are two entirely different aspects of the human makeup.
They target those who believe in the goodness of mankind. That everyone has potential and can overcome their obstacles. That change is possible for everyone with love, understanding, patience, and kindness.
They prefer those who view others through their own lens. Those who struggle to believe that there are bad people in the world, people who lie, steal, cheat, and abuse others. Oh sure, they may recognize that this happens to others, yet they have blinders on and struggle to acknowledge, face, and accept that it could happen to them. That it is happening to them as we speak.
The Narcissist and the Married Women~
This is going to be fun. She's married. No responsibility for me. I love to bang another dudes wife, what a hit for me. She's feeling blue and insecure about her looks and sexuality. Do I have the cure for that or what? I'll tell her what she wants to hear, screw her like a sailor on leave, and receive hassle free sex, presents, and she will fall in love with me in no time. This one is going to be a cake walk. I am bored, he says, shortly into this liaison, let's see what I can get her to do sexually to PROVE her love and devotion for me. He chuckles to himself, let's see if she will do other guys, let me smack her around some (under the guise of playful sex), I'll take some pics and video for future blackmail purposes, what the heck, she's so stuck on me, she will never suspect my true motives, the dumb *****. All this future faking is exhausting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you are my soul mate and I want you to leave your husband and become exclusive with me and we can have a great life together, sure, sure, sure, whatever you want to hear, is fine with me to say, I don't give a **** one way or the other. This is fun fun fun, I get exactly what I want from her, with no strings attached. WTF, he says to himself one day, she did not jump when I called. Screw that, I'll show her. I'll tell her if she does not leave her husband I am done. I'll punish her with some silent treatment, why not, my other Girlfriend has been wanting to spend more time with me anyway. Damn, she left her husband, now what? She doesn't seriously think I was really wanting her all to myself. I have way too much going on for that. I only wanted to see how much control I had, see if she would leave him for me. Well she did, now it's on her. I'll just tell her, I'm not ready for all of this, it all happened too soon. I need time, she need's time, whatever, just make her stop calling me and texting me, it's driving me crazy.....I think I better give her a cooling off period, this is way too much hassle and stress for me. At this point, the Narcissist Degrades and Devalues, and the relationship is never the way it was in the beginning again and he never becomes the answer to your original marital woes. You have been duped by a Narcissist who got off on the thrill, the chase, the hunt of the Married Women. They especially enjoy taking you away from a boyfriend or husband. It's a challenge, shows them they can control you, and keeps them from becoming too bored early on. Of course once they have you, the thrill is gone.
You are mess, now trying to recover from the loss of a marriage and the loss of the illusion of the Narcissist, the loss of all the future faking.
In some cases, you don't leave your husband and he may or may not know of your involvement with the Narcissist. In those cases you are left with nothing from the Narcissist and a unsuspecting husband who has no clue regarding what has happened. You do not have him to share and process your feeling as he doesn't know or if he does know, he couldn't possibly understand.
Some Narcissists target the Christian woman. What a match made in heaven. She believes that God can and will fix and heal everything. She also may believe that as a woman it is her personal responsibility to stand by her man and support and help him with all of his issue's. She believes that marriage is for keeps and tolerates his abuse way past reasonable human endurance. She fears feeling a failure to herself, God, and her church body who may not believe in Narcissism as a permanent disorder.
They look for any traces of insecurity, self doubt, and a willingness to take blame. A women who has family of origin trauma, damage and dysfunction from her past. This topic runs the gamete. Basically anything from her past which still affects her inner sense of self worth and self esteem. A single mother, widow, someone who was bullied in school, childhood trauma from loss of a parent or sibling, an incest survivor, a rape survivor, PTSD, health issues, you name it, any chink in your amour and they will find it and exploit you with it. They are looking for signs that you are going to be be good for manipulative purposes.
Poor boundary setting skills, people pleasers, caregivers, empaths, someone who is easily swayed or does not follow through with their own boundaries and ultimatums. Someone who does not trust their instincts and questions themselves over the details. Obsessive thinkers or over analyzers are a great target because as opposed to trusting their instincts they over question and over think their way into becoming unable to make a solid decision. These types tend to struggle with No Contact the most and will fluctuate not only day to day, yet minute to minute sometimes.
A Narcissist is looking for someone who easily takes responsibility for her own self and life. This is a win win for the Narcissist as when problems arise within the relationship, she will do as she always does, take on more than half of the responsibility, the self blame and doubt and immediately go into FIX IT mode. How can I solve this problem? How can I fix it. This is what she does best in other parts of her life and she is successful, so why not this as well?
A Narcissist may look for a woman with secrets or her own personal struggles and shame. She copes with the stress and struggles in life by drinking too much, closet bulimia, food addiction, sex addiction, cutting, drugs, a secret sexual world. She may have things about herself which no one knows about and she fears people would not love her if they knew the truth, so the Narcissist comes along and claims to love her and accept her regardless and she becomes intoxicated with the possibility of at long last finding someone who understands her, gets her, and loves all of her in spite of her human struggles. Ultimately he will use all your vulnerabilities and greatest fears against in in the D&D phase. Threaten to expose your secrets and make you look bad to other people.
They may target a women with too much on her plate, she's overwhelmed. issues with children, a husband or boyfriend who no longer values her, a sexless marriage, dysfunctional family issues, job stress, financial woe's (not to say, he won't add to them), basically someone who is disenchanted with their life for a variety of reasons. Man oh man, does HE have the cure for ALL that ails you and as with all the target groups, he will use your troubles and challenges against you when he needs to keep you on board with his abuse. No wonder I treat you badly he will say, who wouldn't, look at all your baggage, as though he is not bursting at the seams with all of his. He continuously throws in your face, how fortunate you are to have him because no one else would put up with your problems. Not true of course, just the Narcissists self serving take on the situation.
They are looking for a women who prides herself on understanding, not passing judgement, open to the wonders of the universe. A new age Goddess, who lives, for meditation, yoga, holistic health, and love for all of the creatures. An animal lover, activist, civic minded, love's beautiful quotes and living, clean and healthy. What an amazing hook up for the Narcissist. She is so busy sending LOVE vibes, that she doesn't even see this cloud of darkness arrive in her beautiful aura of peace and love.
which keeps him out of my hair and my business.
Thank you for sharing.
I told her don't hold your breath.
