How Often Do You Spend The Night Together?

[ChanelNo5]

Everything is fine, GREAT even.. but I just been thinking a lot and reading a lot and well...we're all becoming more aware of keeping our standards intact--->Steve Harvey thread .

And I think this might lead to a certain comfort level on his part if you get my drift. Now, spending the night together is the norm, and I think it could contribute to the decline of courtship rituals.

It's not that I don't want to or he's done anything wrong, but we as women have to play the game, and I don't know...it just seems like too much MILK to SOON.

What do you guys think? How often do you spend the night together? Do you think it impacts your courtship/relationship in a negative or positive?

 

[sky_blu]

Just about every weekend and no, I dont think it had a negative impact on our relationships.

 

[MD_Lady]

DH and I spent nearly every weekend of the 2 years we dated together. It didn't have a negative impact on our relationship, but then again, DH isn't one for judging women or having double standards.

 

[MixedBerry]

My husband and I spent EVERY day together before we got married and the first night was after out wedding earlier that day.

I still had stuff in my car that needed to go to his house the day of the wedding.

 

[lexi84]

I spend just about everyday with him. But we dont live together.

Negative impact? None so far.

 

[Penspringz]

Everything is fine, GREAT even.. but I just been thinking a lot and reading a lot and well...we're all becoming more aware of keeping our standards intact--->Steve Harvey thread .

And I think this might lead to a certain comfort level on his part if you get my drift. Now, spending the night together is the norm, and I think it could contribute to the decline of courtship rituals.

It's not that I don't want to or he's done anything wrong, but we as women have to play the game, and I don't know...it just seems like too much MILK to SOON.

What do you guys think? How often do you spend the night together? Do you think it impacts your courtship/relationship in a negative or positive?

This is a good thread. I hadn't really thought about it like that. It may lead to him becoming comfortable. Hmmm...I'm going to see what other ladies say.
Also when we say "spending the night" is that just sleeping in the same bed or are we talking about "doing stuff" too?

 

[ChanelNo5]

This is a good thread. I hadn't really thought about it like that. It may lead to him becoming comfortable. Hmmm...I'm going to see what other ladies say.
Also when we say "spending the night" is that just sleeping in the same bed or are we talking about "doing stuff" too?

That is exactly my concern. And to clarify I mean sleeping in the same bed at my house or his and of course we coloring . I'm cooking food, and we're chillin watchin tv just enjoying each others company. It's not that we never go out, we still do.

But being wiser this time around, I think it's best to prolong "dating" for as looong as possible. And I think the automatic assumption that we're going to end up in his bed or mine at the end of the night doesn't exactly keep him on the edge of his seat.

 

[heyfranz]

I think every man is different. You need to know the man you're dealing with. That's why it's so very important to have a friendship before a relationship. Women now are coloring too soon. You should've spent time in the company of each other's friends before you're sleeping together. I'm talking now about women who are looking for a commitment. Some men will not take you for granted, and others will. Every situation is different.

 

[itismehmmkay]

So far we spend every night together and refer to my place as "home". I know he's coming "home" every night.

I think it can impact the courtship in that he doesn't have to ask you out as a way of seeing you since ya'll see each other all the time. But I think it still makes for a good mark in a serious relationship; I like the security of it. I think he is comfy, but I'm comfy too Plus, we still go out and do things.

I used to worry about the whole deal of being too comfortable, but then I started thinking: "What will I do when I live w/ someone and get married", "Will I still have to worry about the chase". I read WMMB for more on that perspective. Basically, there can still be a chase even w/ you in the room.

Anyway, I say do what you feel is comfortable, but if he does start trippin, just pull back a bit until ya'll find that balance.

 

[ChanelNo5]

We were definately friends first, and we've naturally progressed to this point.

I don't know.....I'm probably reading too much into it. Yall confusin me.."date like a man", " too many benefits too soon", .

I guess the question would be, how do you maintain the chase after you're both mutually committed to the relationship? What actions or benefits should be withheld until the ultimate committment is made..marriage?

 

[Penspringz]

We were definately friends first, and we've naturally progressed to this point.

I don't know.....I'm probably reading too much into it. Yall confusin me.."date like a man", " too many benefits too soon", .

I guess the question would be, how do you maintain the chase after you're both mutually committed to the relationship? What actions or benefits should be withheld until the ultimate committment is made..marriage?[/quote]

Hmmm.... I might start a thread on this. It's certainly something I have been thinking about recently....

 

[SvelteVelvet]

I guess the question would be, how do you maintain the chase after you're both mutually committed to the relationship? What actions or benefits should be withheld until the ultimate committment is made..marriage?

I believe there is a way to show a man what you have to offer without allowing him to fully possess it meaning giving full access and being on his call every single time he wants you around. The biggest 'holdout' until a firm commitment or step towards marriage is made should be the moving in together. It's obvious but it just shouldn't happen without that end of the equation being discussed and even more obviously it should be something he clearly is all for before moving in.

Spending nights together and sometimes days together can show each of you what it's like to physically be a part of each others lives day to day. But without the firm committment you aren't obligated to make it a continuous thing. For a few days you can give him a taste of your cooking, all access to love and intimacy, company, conversation, cuddlin, laughter etc. But when it's time to go by golly have things to do for the next few days where he misses your company and those days apart start to ache a bit more each time. And keep your foot down until he makes a conscientious effort towards a commitment then he can have more say over how you spend your time.

This is of course if your man is the clingy type and in that case I'm preaching to myself.

Whatever type of man you have though you can use the same logic. It's basically having firm standards to your level of compromise which would benefit him in your relationship. Reserve some compromises to your lifestyle to the level of commitment you want in love. Find a balance of showing him who you are and only giving him what the nature of your relationship deserves.

 

[**Glamourlicious**]

We spend maybe 2 or 3 nights thru out the week (this week has been none) and we usually spend the entire weekend if he is off...if not...atleast one night.

 

[LadieCrn]

We spend most of our time together days/nights. There is no negative impact. And for a strong relationship, women need to realize that we don't have to "play the game". The game often gets you into more trouble than its worth lol. You can only judge what the impact will be based on the type of man you have.