How would you feel about your SO going out every other night?

[MuseofTroy]

If he has time to go out, I hope he is actively looking for gainful employment...

The things some women tolerate leaves me in awe at times. My hats go off to some of you ladies because I wouldn't deal with a man who goes out to play Madden but can't find a job.

 

[1QTPie]

If you didn't have so much other stuff going on besides him going out, I would say "shoot be grateful," but all that extra. Ask him if he still wants the relationship. If he does and you do, you two need to take a time out and fix it before it really becomes some foolishness.

 

[1QTPie]

Ok, I've read the entire thread now.

Life is short Dauntless. What are you getting from this relationship? Serious question.

What are you getting out of it and what is it that you WANT in a relationship (excluding him.)


Don't leave without trying to fix it, but don't be so darn comfortable that you put up with bull and stay.

 

[FlowerHair]

Ok, I've read the entire thread now.

Life is short Dauntless. What are you getting from this relationship? Serious question.

What are you getting out of it and what is it that you WANT in a relationship (excluding him.)


Don't leave without trying to fix it, but don't be so darn comfortable that you put up with bull and stay.

I'm happy that you asked this question. Someone asked me that question many years ago when I was in a really bad relationship and in my heart I knew that what she said was true. I didn't get anything out of that relationship...

Sometimes we need other people to help us ask those important questions.

You are a good woman Dauntless...you work, you have a newborn baby, an older child, you study. What does your SO bring to the table? Make a list of pros and cons and make up your mind for yourself. He should be waiting on you hand and foot after giving birth to his child. He knows he's wrong.

 

[firecracker]

This last section speaks loud and clear Dauntless. As for a month I'm cringing because that month may stretch into 2 months, heck, even 3 but it's pretty fair. Just stick to it! And while he knows the date make plans so when that date has arrived and he hasn't changed you can just call on the locksmith without the drama. I dont like the fact (besides the chilling while you're struggling and not being considerate about the baby) that he doesn't care about the ring or mind where you go. I bet he'd mind if you packed all your things and left him in that house without a dime! I hope you Ace that paper!

She will need to serve him a 30day notice in order to legally change the locks and lock him out. Hopefully he will leave w/o incident.

 

[ThickHair]

He is out right now and honestly I'm cool with it at this moment because I'm getting my thoughts together and when he gets home we will have a major discussion on what needs to change and what I expect in a relationship...After that talk I will give him a month to get his ish together, if there is no change and no promising sign of change or effort I will be taking my key off his chain and thatll be that...I have no fear in being a single mother..i feel like i'm still one now...I'm not going to tell him he has a month to get his ish right cuz knowing him he'll butter me up the last week....Is a month a resonable amount of time to see a significant change in a man>?

He is going to act right for a short period of time then it is going to go back to what it was before, unless you make a permanet (sp) change. It all starts with you. Men know the game better than we can play it. He is going to do just enough to get you off of his back then it will back to Madden 09 until the next cycle. I did this run around with my exhusband for 2 years then I said "This is it" and it was. I made the decision independently of him because he held all the cards because he knew I would cave. No longer will I be the catalyst for a man and pray and hope for a positve reaction. I am going to make the reaction happen. I am a bit older than you, close to 40 so it has been a learning experience.

It seems like you know how it should be, but you are a little afraid of the unknown.

I also was pissed that it seemed like I gave the ex pointers on how to be a better man for someone else, why couldn't he be a better man for me. OR he may have known all the long but since I was trying to be SUPERWOMAN, he just rolled with it. That was the hardest part of the divorce for me to get over. He know has his own home, takes care of business all without me. Hmph, yeah I was a little pissed but I have moved on.

 

[ThickHair]

She will need to serve him a 30day notice in order to legally change the locks and lock him out. Hopefully he will leave w/o incident.

They are all cool up until eviction day, then they trip. My ex was cool all month, because I had attempted to booted him twice before, and he talked me out of it with some nookie. That morning when I woke up I ask did he need help to whereever he was going. He looked confused, nicca ain't packed nothing. Well after attempting to have sex with me (ugh, we hadn't has sex in the six months prior) he called his uncle got his ghetto luggage (trash bags) packed and rolled. He only took his clothes and that damn Playstation. There was screaming yelling and such for about an hour but it was over. Oh, he did hold up the divorce for 2 years.

BTW I will never date another man who plays video games.

 

[shelli4018]

If you didn't have so much other stuff going on besides him going out, I would say "shoot be grateful," but all that extra. Ask him if he still wants the relationship. If he does and you do, you two need to take a time out and fix it before it really becomes some foolishness.

Grateful for what?

The most important question isn't whether he wants the relationship.....Does she?

There are men out there who'll never be Mr. Right. They'll sit their lazy arses in the middle of your life and block anything good meant for you. If they don't want to act right....they have to go. Period. When I tried being understanding of men they acted stupid. But as soon as I decided not to tolerate an BS I had to beat them off with a stick. For some odd reason they love it when you tell them to **** off....and mean it.......chase 'em and they'll run. Leave 'em and you have to get a restraining order! I'm happily married now. But back in the day I'd dump a man in minute. Why not! There's always another waiting to take his place.

 

[frizzy]

I haven't read all posts so if I duplicate, sorry.

It sounds like your DF is doing all of the things he was asked to do, like staying with the baby every other night. It sounds like you two are finding your way in the relationship and its time to sit down again to reevaluate the expectations and responsiblilities. He does need to kick it up a notch or three, and I get the impression he will do that if you ask him to.

He is sorta young, so you still have the chance to shape him in the way he needs to go for you and the family you have created together. You need to step to him before its too late. I'm sure he is overwhelmed, but too bad, so are you. Good luck sweetie!

 

[Ms_Delikate]

He 23 and this is his 1st child...I had my daughter in a previous relationship...Me and him have been on and off since we were 13...when he went to the military and I college we went our seperate ways..we got back in touch when I was pregnant with my daughter I had left her father after he attacked me during the pregnancy...it was on the local news and he found a way to get in touch with me..we were great friends and we officially started dating again when my daughter turned 2. We only recenlty moved in together in April. He's not working right now..So I'm like what do u need to go out and relax from every other night? I feel as though I'm tolerating things I never thought I would. I've stopped wearing my ring and I'm about ending my lease early and going and living alone...Why take care of a man who can't take care of home?
i don't just mean financially..sex life is NON existant...I think I should jump ship b4 it gets worse...but that "stand by your man through rough times "mentality is telling me to stick it out. I've discussed my concerns with this every other night issue and I feel like a broken record... I feel like I'm settling for less and now I'm more in love with the thought of what we COULD BE...but probably never will be....Everything was cool when we were just friends living in different states seeing each other once a month.

I don't usually give advice but I just wanted to say this...Be very careful what you put up with before you get married because it will not get better 9 times out of 10 its only gonna get worse. There are some people who don't mind their S/O going out every night but if its a deal breaker for YOU..then treat it as such...Thas all!

 

[jturner7156]

Thanks so much for the input ladies...the engagment was more so based on me not wanting to move in together with out serious future plans and I was upset about having to tell my father I was having another baby with no ring on my finger....His parents also wanted him to settle down and committ to being a family..He didn't pay a dime for the ring..It was a his mothers ring..don't get me wrong it's a beautiful ring..but like I said the situation was shot gun-ish..I've never caught him cheating..I have caught him as far as emails, myspace, texts making plans with other women and persuing other women...Never caught him actually cheating..Of course thats reason enough to leave a man and I should of..but I was already pregnant then and wanted to make it work...I feel like i'm forcing myself to accept things and deal with things just because we have a child...I don't feel attraction towards him anymoree and I don't think he is attracted to me...I put on 15 lbs. after the baby that I have no plans to lose because I LOVE having meat on my bones and feeling curvy...I think he prefered me much lighter.... and firecracker your siggy
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't" Erica Jong
well that seems to be this case because
I know what I need and want to do and I need to stop second guessing myself

OMG Dauntless are you kidding me you are gorgeous? You better stop playing. Some one will quickly snatch you up and do right by you*no homo* . Your BF better stop playing...never miss a good thing until it's gone. You shouldn't have to work that hard especially just having a newborn. It is not fair. As another poster said, you have to teach someone to treat you and that's what you need to do to him.

 

[aja1121]

OMG Dauntless are you kidding me you are gorgeous? You better stop playing. Some one will quickly snatch you up and do right by you*no homo* . Your BF better stop playing...never miss a good thing until it's gone. You shouldn't have to work that hard especially just having a newborn. It is not fair. As another poster said, you have to teach someone to treat you and that's what you need to do to him.

ITA! You're beautiful! Focus on you right now, everything will fall into place.