How often do you say "no" to him?

[blkbeauty]

I wouldn't say painful (atleast for me, I am speaking for myself, no one else) but sometimes I don't be feeling it. And you know what, I don't even think he cares. As long as he is getting it.

I mean, it's not like I do it with a "erplexed *smack teeth* look on my face. I only see him about 4 times a month, so even if I don't want to do it I deal. I still break him off like a pro. I never just sit there.

It's not that I have a problem telling him no. It's just that we are in a (sorta) long distance relationship.

Very Understandable!!!

 

[candiel]

DH never turns me down but, when I just don't feel like it I tell him no. Sometimes, I give in anyway just so he can stop asking meerplexed.

 

[MissScarlett]

I don't turn dh down and he doesn't turn me down.

Most of the time when he propositions me I'm in the mood BUT if I'm not....I go ahead b/c once things get going I'm all in it and I'm thinking to myself, now WHY DIDN"T I want to do that???? cause :scratchch the outcome is going to be good

When I'm asleep and dh wants a quickie at 3m, I'm like ok now if you want it you're gonna have to get up and 'get things going'. I think late night sex they don't want to do alot of ummm *work*

 

[bimbabe]

We both say no if we are too tired but saying no and following it up after things get heated is a different story! I rarely do the wake up at 4am stuff..nobody messes with my sleep. More than often if I feel iffy about it he can tell and back off. Sometimes I decide to go with the flow and if I don't get into it but he seems to be having a great time...I wait like 8 minutes and then fake it!

 

[lipyt]

K-Y gel works wonders. If DH can't do something to get me moisturized properly then and bets are off.

Wow..ok...excuse me for a second..I'll be right back I have to make a stop at the drug store...

 

[Radianthealth]

DH thought that marraige would mean that he would have it 3-4 times per DAY . I just don't have that much energy. I feel bad because he complains about it but I can't give my all that many times per day

How do you ladies find the energy? I really want to make him happy I am just so weak sometimes and most of the time I have other stuff to do like conditioning my hair . I would be happy with 3-4 times a week but he literally wants that in a day.

Please share your secrets, Are you ladies swinging from the chandelier every night? If so how do I become this way?

ETA: Just typing about this made me tired

 

[candiel]

DH thought that marraige would mean that he would have it 3-4 times per DAY . I just don't have that much energy. I feel bad because he complains about it but I can't give my all that many times per day

How do you ladies find the energy? I really want to make him happy I am just so weak sometimes and most of the time I have other stuff to do like conditioning my hair . I would be happy with 3-4 times a week but he literally wants that in a day.

Please share your secrets, Are you ladies swinging from the chandelier every night? If so how do I become this way?

ETA: Just typing about this made me tired

I would like to know too!

 

[deltagyrl]

Not very often because it doesn't go over well. erplexed

 

[dlewis]

DH thought that marraige would mean that he would have it 3-4 times per DAY . I just don't have that much energy. I feel bad because he complains about it but I can't give my all that many times per day

How do you ladies find the energy? I really want to make him happy I am just so weak sometimes and most of the time I have other stuff to do like conditioning my hair . I would be happy with 3-4 times a week but he literally wants that in a day.

Please share your secrets, Are you ladies swinging from the chandelier every night? If so how do I become this way?

ETA: Just typing about this made me tired

I think 3-4 times a week is normal. Every once and a while I want it twice a day or something like that but that time only comes about once a year. You two will have to work that out. 3-4 times a day everyday seems a bit much, what's he tryin to do, wear you out, make sure you don't have the energy for someone else, make you run away from him.

 

[MommaMayhann]

I don't turn the DH down and he doesn't turn me down. There have been some instances where I was simply too tired and I took the "tired wife's alternative for $200 Alex"...
Generally we are both usually more than willing to help the other one *ahem* work out the kinks. But sometimes it is better to give than to receive.

 

[lexi08]

Not very often because it doesn't go over well. erplexed

I am kind of with you. I say no quite a bite and make up excuses, it does not go over well with me either . Most times I am just too tired or I simply don't want to be bothered

 

[Ayeshia]

DH thought that marraige would mean that he would have it 3-4 times per DAY . I just don't have that much energy. I feel bad because he complains about it but I can't give my all that many times per day

How do you ladies find the energy? I really want to make him happy I am just so weak sometimes and most of the time I have other stuff to do like conditioning my hair . I would be happy with 3-4 times a week but he literally wants that in a day.

Please share your secrets, Are you ladies swinging from the chandelier every night? If so how do I become this way?

ETA: Just typing about this made me tired

I have the energy but OUCH chafed and torn insides

 

[blkbeauty]

[QUOTE Please share your secrets, Are you ladies swinging from the chandelier every night? If so how do I become this way?

ETA: Just typing about this made me tired [/QUOTE]


Yes, I would like to know this too. I couldn't possibly have the energy and time to swing it like these ladies...maybe I need to change my profession.

 

[deltagyrl]

I am kind of with you. I say no quite a bite and make up excuses, it does not go over well with me either . Most times I am just too tired or I simply don't want to be bothered

For me to flat-out say no I have to be pissed OFF but I always make it up to him.

For those times when I just want to hurry up so we can go to sleep I handle my bid-ness in other ways.

 

[MissScarlett]

K-Y gel works wonders. If DH can't do something to get me moisturized properly then and bets are off.

works great for those times when dh is ready and you're not and you're trying to oblige

 

[dlewis]

works great for those times when dh is ready and you're not and you're trying to oblige

Thank you. I keep that handy and he bought some for the trailer. Though we haven't use it yet.erplexed

 

[lexi08]

works great for those times when dh is ready and you're not and you're trying to oblige

I can't use any of the K Y products they cause major vajayjay issues for me I wonder are there natural/organic lubricants that would not cause me problems down there

 

[Radianthealth]

LOL @ KY for the trailer

I may have to start another thread to get you ladies to teach me how to say YES everytime.

Another thing is that he wants to "connect" for at least 30 minutes

I don't know what I am gonna do with him...Im just so tired

 

[SoniT]

I have only said "NO" to my husband maybe once or twice. It's very rare. Even when I'm tired and not really in the mood, I'll still give him some.

 

[Radianthealth]

Okay so from what I gather I should say yes, no matter what, KY, and try not to give him the face. I should drop everything I am doing and try to get into it. I will try, it is going to be fun, a challenge.

I think I may also try a few LOA techniques to get my mind right about this. I want a happy marraige and having that intimate connection is a huge part of keepin my baby happy

I have to get it together, I don't even have kids yet. Another thing to add to my to do list I guess.

Also I find that working out gives me more energy so this is even more incentive to stay healthy I guess

In my mind I should take his advances as a sign that he really loves me and is extremely attracted to me.

I will be happy and grateful because he is a faithful and loving man.

Thinking about this and what another poster said, I really should be giving my husband the best of me, not scraps of energy. He is what should be most important. I know this is easier to say than do, but like I said I am up for the challenge.

I feel more energy already, Thanks Ladies

 

[glamazon386]

I can't use any of the K Y products they cause major vajayjay issues for me I wonder are there natural/organic lubricants that would not cause me problems down there

Me either...

 

[dlewis]

Me either...

For natural lubes use ingredients like aloe vera, grapefruit seed extract, vitamin E and cold-pressed vegetable oils.

 

[camellia]

Okay so from what I gather I should say yes, no matter what, KY, and try not to give him the face. I should drop everything I am doing and try to get into it. I will try, it is going to be fun, a challenge.

I think I may also try a few LOA techniques to get my mind right about this. I want a happy marraige and having that intimate connection is a huge part of keepin my baby happy

I have to get it together, I don't even have kids yet. Another thing to add to my to do list I guess.

Also I find that working out gives me more energy so this is even more incentive to stay healthy I guess

In my mind I should take his advances as a sign that he really loves me and is extremely attracted to me.

I will be happy and grateful because he is a faithful and loving man.

Thinking about this and what another poster said, I really should be giving my husband the best of me, not scraps of energy. He is what should be most important. I know this is easier to say than do, but like I said I am up for the challenge.

I feel more energy already, Thanks Ladies

There's something about the bolded that really bothers me. I think saying yes every single time just to make my husband happy is a bad idea.

I think dropping everything to please him is a bad idea too.

Sometimes I just don't feel like it. Why should his wants trump mine every time? I really don't understand that kind of thinking. I don't know about everyone else's man, but mine is ready to "go" constantly. Sometimes I just want to take my bath and read a book in peace. Just because he walks into the bathroom and starts trying to seduce me doesn't mean I'm going to invite him into the tub or hurry out to meet him in the bedroom.

I'm hardly shutting him down constantly, but I won't go along with it when I don't want to , and I sure won't fake it just to get it over with and make him happy. If he's in such "need" he does have alternatives.
I like to enjoy sex, I don't want it to become a chore.

Okay, down off of my soapbox now. Just something to think about.

 

[glamazon386]

For natural lubes use ingredients like aloe vera, grapefruit seed extract, vitamin E and cold-pressed vegetable oils.

Oooh thanks! I'll have to check that out. Does anybody else have problems with soreness after the fact if you use lube? I never feel it until later on. Is there anything I can do about that?

 

[SoniT]

Okay so from what I gather I should say yes, no matter what, KY, and try not to give him the face. I should drop everything I am doing and try to get into it. I will try, it is going to be fun, a challenge.

I don't think you have to drop everything you are doing. I can only speak for myself but sex is very important in my marriage. I want to make him happy and I want him to make me happy. Even if I'm tired, I still compromise and make love. The few times I said "No," I noticed that his feelings were a little hurt. If I do say "No," I always make it up to him when I have the energy.

 

[dlewis]

Oooh thanks! I'll have to check that out. Does anybody else have problems with soreness after the fact if you use lube? I never feel it until later on. Is there anything I can do about that?

Now, that KY warming liquid didn't work for me. My aunt uses olive oil and has for at least 20 years.

 

[WhipEffectz1]

I say "NO!"............................

Whenever he p's me off! I really don't have a problem with abstaining from sex. Its no big deal and most of the time it corrects the problem. Sheesh, I can always go and lay under the shower head!

 

[Hidden_Angel]

When I was with my ex I just would get up and leave whenever he wanted some...

My body its ready at a moments notice but my mind would rather not even go there. A single touch can get my body hot and bothered but my mind is like dont even touch me homie! ......

I don't know I just dont have urges like i use to when i was younger, sex has kinnda died off its excitment to me, I'd much rather cuddle then even have sex anymore

 

[MissScarlett]

I don't think you have to drop everything you are doing. I can only speak for myself but sex is very important in my marriage. I want to make him happy and I want him to make me happy. Even if I'm tired, I still compromise and make love. The few times I said "No," I noticed that his feelings were a little hurt. If I do say "No," I always make it up to him when I have the energy.

ITA.

When you get married, each person is asking someone to committ to you and respect and love you and be with only you FOREVER, what's wrong with making sex an important part of a marriage as you would anything else?? I just feel like Ok you’re married…if he asks…why not?

This just *me* but if my husband wants sex, whether I’m in the mood, I try to oblige, First of all, because once you’re doing it, who ever later said “I wish I didn’t do that, I would have rather slept or whatever” It’s the ‘gettting into the mood part that is often hard with having children, working a job, etc.

I just feel like Ok you’re married…if he asks…why not?

We sex these men up trying to get them and too often, we shut it down when we get married or we slack off. I feel like being intimate is just one extension of “being fruitful” and like I always say married sex is the best, you can do whatever and be as freaky as you want because they are YOURS.

Seriously, my husband will whitsle and jump when I say jump when he thnks he’s ‘getting enough”

I don't need to be flamed by the resident feminists about that either...I'm smart educated and I think for myself, I don't think trying to make your spouse happy (and vice versa) is a bad thing at all.

 

[klb120475]

Now, that KY warming liquid didn't work for me. My aunt uses olive oil and has for at least 20 years.

The wonders of olive oil........