I believe the man should pay what he can afford. My DH could afford what we really liked, so he purchased what we really liked.
How much should he pay for the ring??
- Thread starter janeera1
- Start date
I believe the man should pay what he can afford. My DH could afford what we really liked, so he purchased what we really liked.
Loves Harmony
Well-Known Member
me too........... There(men) rings are cheaper
Transformer
Well-Known Member
Just a tip for those looking to purchase a high quality stone--use a diamond broker instead of a jewelry store. A broker usually will charge about $500.00 for his services plus the cost of the stone. It could take as little as a few weeks or as much as a year to find the stone that is perfect for you.
New York puts out a list weekly giving the market rate for a diamond. So if you're looking for a E, Flawless, 1.0 carat, round--it will tell you the going rate for such a stone. Your broker will then look for a dealer to purchase it at or below market rate. All stones are not created equal even if the specs read the same. A one carat could be deeper versus wider than another...meaning the weight is at the bottom and not at the surface.
GET THE PAPERS on your stone....I'm talking about the GIS Cert. There are only two labs that can certify in the U.S. The San Francisco and New York labs. There is a bit of controversy on the NY lab....at least their use to be. Some folks consider the SF lab to be superior at grading than the NY lab--I don't know if that thought still persist. All stones will not have a cert--there are usually cheaper...remember you cannot grade a mounted stone--it has to be unmounted.
After receiving the stone and the papers...you can then look to find someone to do a make a custom setting or pre-fab and set the ring--this is important. I was told not to waste my money on insuring for the "appraisal" amount--that the insurance company is only going to pay out on the wholesale price--the appraisal amount is only used if you're selling to an individual buyer.
If you want a diamond solitare engagement ring and a diamond band...ask the broker to purchase the stones for the band also in the same color....otherwise the set will look funny. Many times folks will purchase same color but the clarity will be lower to save money.
And remember, even if you don't get the size ring of your dreams on engagement day...you can always upgrade latter after you have a few years of bliss together. I don't know if in today's economic downturn if the market is high or low for diamonds since some people will turn their cash to gold or diamonds.
New York puts out a list weekly giving the market rate for a diamond. So if you're looking for a E, Flawless, 1.0 carat, round--it will tell you the going rate for such a stone. Your broker will then look for a dealer to purchase it at or below market rate. All stones are not created equal even if the specs read the same. A one carat could be deeper versus wider than another...meaning the weight is at the bottom and not at the surface.
GET THE PAPERS on your stone....I'm talking about the GIS Cert. There are only two labs that can certify in the U.S. The San Francisco and New York labs. There is a bit of controversy on the NY lab....at least their use to be. Some folks consider the SF lab to be superior at grading than the NY lab--I don't know if that thought still persist. All stones will not have a cert--there are usually cheaper...remember you cannot grade a mounted stone--it has to be unmounted.
After receiving the stone and the papers...you can then look to find someone to do a make a custom setting or pre-fab and set the ring--this is important. I was told not to waste my money on insuring for the "appraisal" amount--that the insurance company is only going to pay out on the wholesale price--the appraisal amount is only used if you're selling to an individual buyer.
If you want a diamond solitare engagement ring and a diamond band...ask the broker to purchase the stones for the band also in the same color....otherwise the set will look funny. Many times folks will purchase same color but the clarity will be lower to save money.
And remember, even if you don't get the size ring of your dreams on engagement day...you can always upgrade latter after you have a few years of bliss together. I don't know if in today's economic downturn if the market is high or low for diamonds since some people will turn their cash to gold or diamonds.
Nothing wrong with that!
One of my good friends wanted a turquoise ring and that's what her fiancee/now husband got her.
It's all about what you want!
(I want a diamond though, lol)
I bet her ring was pretty! Did she choose any other accent stones? I wouldn't choose turquoise because it's so soft and rings, being on your hand, take a lot of abuse and expose a soft stone to nicks. Before hair (and knitting and crochet and houseplants), one of my interests was gemstones and jewelry. At that time my broke behind got an opinion on stones. I'd rather have a colored stone like a lighter blue, pink, or purple sapphire , maybe even a spinel
or a deep colored trillion cut tanzanite. Diamonds for accents, maybe.Some folks got it like that. Congratulations if that's how he decides to spend his disposable income. The wedding has to cost at $100,000. I read somewhere that you should budget at least 5 times the cost of the ring.
Wasn't it tradition that the parents paid for the wedding? I can't remember whose parents, but I thought traditionally one of the parents paid. If folks were going the whole tradition route, then his 2 months wouldn't be so burdensome.
Transformer
Well-Known Member
I bet her ring was pretty! Did she choose any other accent stones? I wouldn't choose turquoise because it's so soft and rings, being on your hand, take a lot of abuse and expose a soft stone to nicks. Before hair (and knitting and crochet and houseplants), one of my interests was gemstones and jewelry. At that time my broke behind got an opinion on stones. I'd rather have a colored stone like a lighter blue, pink, or purple sapphire , maybe even a spinel
Wasn't it tradition that the parents paid for the wedding? I can't remember whose parents, but I thought traditionally one of the parents paid. If folks were going the whole tradition route, then his 2 months wouldn't be so burdensome.[/quote]
Yes it's tradition in a lot of culturals, but to tell you the truth, I know very few African American families that can afford this. Most couples that I make gowns for are saving and paying for the wedding themselves. The gowns that are shipped to me for alterations or additional bead work--couples usually have a sponsor---I sometime get a call from a society matron in New York thanking me for meeting a short suspense," but Elizabeth just had to use the lace/beads/underskirt from my grandmother's gown." These are the folks that reception cost $300.00 per person and 300 people are invited--one family spent $15,000 on the florist!!!
If my daughter marries, I will make her ONE dress. My future daughter-in-law is on her own (I AM NOT MAKING THE DRESS!). I am willing to give my daughter the cost of a destination wedding about $8,000 that includes the reception and honeymoon. My son will get $5,000 and a good luck wish!
MrJohnsonsRib
Active Member
I think this is a personal decision, which should be based on each individual couple and situation.
I have had co-workers who have gotten engaged with 30K rings, 10K rings, 5K rings and Kay Jewelers (with the promise of an upgrade at the 5 yr. mark) rings. It is the couple's decision and now that I feel I'm ready for marriage, my thinking is:
Will him paying 10K+ on a ring affect: The ability to buy or upgrade a house? The difference between a new Passat or Range Rover? No honeymooon vs. Italy? A nest egg wasted? A short engagement vs. a long as hell engagement? IMHO, spending above your means is not wise.
I have had co-workers who have gotten engaged with 30K rings, 10K rings, 5K rings and Kay Jewelers (with the promise of an upgrade at the 5 yr. mark) rings. It is the couple's decision and now that I feel I'm ready for marriage, my thinking is:
Will him paying 10K+ on a ring affect: The ability to buy or upgrade a house? The difference between a new Passat or Range Rover? No honeymooon vs. Italy? A nest egg wasted? A short engagement vs. a long as hell engagement? IMHO, spending above your means is not wise.
MD_Lady
Well-Known Member
Transformer
Well-Known Member
Agree and I'm also laughing. A couple was referred to me that has actually been engaged for 17 years! They've never lived together but wanted to wait until they could have the wedding of their dreams that of ocourse included a $9,000 wedding gown--she's looking to incorporate some family member's personal effects into the gown while preserving the integrity of the original item-I'm taking the fabric seams of the items and making a visible sash.
What's funny is that the ring really wasn't a head turner---I don't know when it was purchased though!
Trinity1
New Member
Some folks got it like that. Congratulations if that's how he decides to spend his disposable income. The wedding has to cost at $100,000. I read somewhere that you should budget at least 5 times the cost of the ring.
I heard that too but I know we wont be shelling out that kind of money on a wedding. I'm very frugal so I know that I wouldnt feel comfortable with that. That kind of money could be used for investments. Something that will bring us more money down the road.
Mariaat40
Well-Known Member
The two month salary rule is completely arbitrary. As many others have said, the cost of the ring should be based on what the man can comfortably afford - and he shouldn't go into debt for it. I've been married for many years - almost 25 - and the fixation with the ring just doesn't last. The cost of your ring means nothing when you're planning your financial future, having your children, buying a home, sending your kids to college, navigating the highs and lows of living with someone day in and day out year after year - all those things that go into marriage and family life. The ring needs to be put into perspective.
likewtr4chklit
New Member
Whatever he can sensible afford for a nice looking ring.
cheetarah1980
Well-Known Member
While I can see what you're saying, I think that it all depends on the life stage of the people getting engaged. The age of 1st marriage has increased, so most people have established careers, savings, and investments prior to even thinking about engagement.
Some of have said that the money spent on an expensive ring can go toward the down payment of a house. Well nowadays more and more single people are homeowners (I bought my house @ 24). Many of us already have emergency funds, 401Ks, and lower student loan debt. Is saving 2 months of salary easy? NO!! It would probably take 4-6 months to do. However, if a man is marriage minded it's something he should be preparing for anyways.
When I think of who I'm going to marry, I envision a man who's at a similar point in life as I am. If that's the case, then the 2 month salary rule is reasonable. And I said before that I actually think 2 months worth of my salary is a bit exorbitant. 1-1.5 months salary is more than enough depending on how much he makes.
pinkchocolatedaisy
Well-Known Member
WEll I may be the oddball here.... we got my ring together and paid for it together. How can you say it's something that he pays for when you're planning to spend your life with this person? Doesn't that mean you're paying for it too? 
So it's something that should be affordable for the both of you, IMO.
That said, DH bought the ring using his credit card. But it was a bill that we both paid off together. I don't see how it could be separate. We share everything, paying bills, etc.
My ring was $4700...way more than what I would've expected or chosen. I was actually with DH at the time my ring was purchased. I had told him I was fine with a $3000 or less ring from JC Penney actually (they have nice rings there- and he's bought me nice jewelry from there before).But we ended up going to a small jewelry store referred by one of his close female friends.
I was going for a simple 1 carate princess cut, that's all I cared about. Nothing too fancy or flashy. I ended up getting a 1.2 ct radiant cut (which is like top notch I guess and virtually flawless colorless, etc). It has two small round diamonds on each side (.32 cts each). It is beautiful! ANd DH actually suggested/insisted on this one over the princess cut I was saying I wanted.
My wedding band was $500 from the same place and it's a thin band with diamonds all around. Together, they both look beautiful! I get lots of compliments on my ring(s) but strangely I was completely clueless about how "great" my ring is. I just love it b/c it came from him.
Now, DH best friend was dating (now married to) a girl at the same time we were engaged and she kept pressuring him for a ring. He made some joke about when/where he would get it and she started crying and called him a cheap a**!
They got married less than a year than we did. He dropped more on her ring than we spent on mine and her diamond is way smaller and kinda cloudy. Of course, she compares hers to mine.
So it's something that should be affordable for the both of you, IMO. That said, DH bought the ring using his credit card. But it was a bill that we both paid off together. I don't see how it could be separate. We share everything, paying bills, etc.
My ring was $4700...way more than what I would've expected or chosen. I was actually with DH at the time my ring was purchased. I had told him I was fine with a $3000 or less ring from JC Penney actually (they have nice rings there- and he's bought me nice jewelry from there before).But we ended up going to a small jewelry store referred by one of his close female friends.
I was going for a simple 1 carate princess cut, that's all I cared about. Nothing too fancy or flashy. I ended up getting a 1.2 ct radiant cut (which is like top notch I guess and virtually flawless colorless, etc). It has two small round diamonds on each side (.32 cts each). It is beautiful! ANd DH actually suggested/insisted on this one over the princess cut I was saying I wanted.
My wedding band was $500 from the same place and it's a thin band with diamonds all around. Together, they both look beautiful! I get lots of compliments on my ring(s) but strangely I was completely clueless about how "great" my ring is. I just love it b/c it came from him.
Now, DH best friend was dating (now married to) a girl at the same time we were engaged and she kept pressuring him for a ring. He made some joke about when/where he would get it and she started crying and called him a cheap a**!
They got married less than a year than we did. He dropped more on her ring than we spent on mine and her diamond is way smaller and kinda cloudy. Of course, she compares hers to mine.
Radianthealth
Well-Known Member
My ring was expensive IMO, I didn't care what type of ring I got because I am not big into jewelry.
DH purchased his own wedding band, I didn't know I was supposed to pay for it
DH purchased his own wedding band, I didn't know I was supposed to pay for it
JustKiya
Well-Known Member
Thank. You.
I have to admit, I'm kinda
over the whole 'engagement ring' thing. I hated that as soon as I told people I was engaged, they were all 'Oooh, let me see the ring, let me see the ring' as if that was the really important part. And then the looks of shock and horror when I told them I didn't have a ring - you would think I was about to marry the panhandler from in front of the building. 
The type of stone/size/cost/clarity/color of the ring should be a joint decision between a couple, considering it's the first real financial choice they are making related to their marriage, taking into account the woman's jewelry preferences, and the mans budget.
Each man, even making the same salary, will have a different budget, and his budget choices will give you a hint of how his financial choices run - but really, how much he spends shouldn't be on your lips, in your mind, or matter. It's a gift, and it seems real - grasping and ungrateful - to make demands about it, based off of some marketing foolishness.
DH, for example, is an overspender. He tried to overspend on my ring, and I had to tell him that I would hurt him if he spent that much. We've been married for 5 years, and I'm still reigining him in on a regular on his lil shopping sprees.
Meh.....
PoisedNPolished
New Member
I remember you from another thread saying you got a lab simulated one right? Well since that thread I have been so fascinated with that idea and I have found my DREAM RING!
Check it out!!! I am also just fine wearing the band, it cost 600
There will be years to upgrade while spending our lives together! And I highly doubt I will change my mind on the ring we made our vows on!
http://www.diamondnexuslabs.com/product_info.php?products_id=880
Check it out!!! I am also just fine wearing the band, it cost 600
There will be years to upgrade while spending our lives together! And I highly doubt I will change my mind on the ring we made our vows on!http://www.diamondnexuslabs.com/product_info.php?products_id=880
JustKiya
Well-Known Member
I remember you from another thread saying you got a lab simulated one right? Well since that thread I have been so fascinated with that idea and I have found my DREAM RING!
Check it out!!! I am also just fine wearing the band, it cost 600
http://www.diamondnexuslabs.com/product_info.php?products_id=880
Yup, that was me!! That's a gorgeous ring!
Yeah, I'll always wear the same band, even if I do 'upgrade' my engagement ring - and the band was under 200!
Mariaat40
Well-Known Member
I thought about this thread when I was watching Suze Orman a couple of Saturdays ago. A young man called into the "Can I Afford It" segment. He wanted to buy his fiance a $5000 dollar engagement ring. He had just shy of $5000 in monthly take home pay. He had $50 in savings and he already had credit card debt. He barely got the words out of his mouth before Suze denied him. It's hard to imagine someone would consider this given the economy, but I think the idea of going into debt for a ring is more the exception than the rule.
moonglowdiva
New Member
He should spend at least 3 months salary. I think that was from De Beers.
HarlemHottie
New Member
My ex caught my ring on sale for $1999.99 at Zales... Which was fine with me because it was the ring I wanted, it was my dream ring...lol
letitgrow0702
New Member
I have heard of this. I think he should buy you a ring he can afford. Why walk around with a $5k ring on your finger and he is broke?
princessnad
New Member
PUH-LEEZE!
Y'all are killing me over here with that "oh it doesn't matter what it costs. It's the love that counts."
Ummm, what is the point of an engagement ring then? It is supposed to show sacrifice and the man's desire to give you the best and provide you with the finest life he can. And no finest life doesn't mean going in debt, quite the contrary.
If you don't believe in him giving the most that he can comfortably afford, then why not just forgo the ring and just get a band?
Yes 2 months is arbitrary, but I think it is very reasonable.
Honestly, if my guy is at a place in his life where he has to CHOOSE BETWEEN 401k, savings, a down payment and the engagement ring, then maybe we should rethink getting married at that point in life. There are only a few select exceptions like being a long-term student... and even then, he may want to put off getting married until he is done with school.
One of the reasons that he can't swing saving 2 months salary could be because he has made poor educational or financial decisions in the past... this may make him not such a good candidate for marriage.
It could also mean he has problems with saving money. I don't want to marry into those type of issues.
Ladies, husbands are supposed to take care of and provide for their wives. They should do everything they can to make them feel special.
The fact that some ladies think that it is too much to ask to want him to sacrifice the "extras" for a while so that he can buy you a nice ring make me go
then 
and ultimately
because we as a people expect very little from our men and then wonder why they sometimes don't treat us like the princesses and queens that we are!!
Not to mention, simple jewelry is actually not a bad investment. Diamonds appreciate ladies.
Y'all are killing me over here with that "oh it doesn't matter what it costs. It's the love that counts."
Ummm, what is the point of an engagement ring then? It is supposed to show sacrifice and the man's desire to give you the best and provide you with the finest life he can. And no finest life doesn't mean going in debt, quite the contrary.
If you don't believe in him giving the most that he can comfortably afford, then why not just forgo the ring and just get a band?
Yes 2 months is arbitrary, but I think it is very reasonable.
Honestly, if my guy is at a place in his life where he has to CHOOSE BETWEEN 401k, savings, a down payment and the engagement ring, then maybe we should rethink getting married at that point in life. There are only a few select exceptions like being a long-term student... and even then, he may want to put off getting married until he is done with school.
One of the reasons that he can't swing saving 2 months salary could be because he has made poor educational or financial decisions in the past... this may make him not such a good candidate for marriage.
It could also mean he has problems with saving money. I don't want to marry into those type of issues.Ladies, husbands are supposed to take care of and provide for their wives. They should do everything they can to make them feel special.
The fact that some ladies think that it is too much to ask to want him to sacrifice the "extras" for a while so that he can buy you a nice ring make me go
then and ultimatelybecause we as a people expect very little from our men and then wonder why they sometimes don't treat us like the princesses and queens that we are!!
Not to mention, simple jewelry is actually not a bad investment. Diamonds appreciate ladies.
letitgrow0702
New Member
PUH-LEEZE!
Y'all are killing me over here with that "oh it doesn't matter what it costs. It's the love that counts."
Ummm, what is the point of an engagement ring then? It is supposed to show sacrifice and the man's desire to give you the best and provide you with the finest life he can. And no finest life doesn't mean going in debt, quite the contrary.
If you don't believe in him giving the most that he can comfortably afford, then why not just forgo the ring and just get a band?
Yes 2 months is arbitrary, but I think it is very reasonable.
Honestly, if my guy is at a place in his life where he has to CHOOSE BETWEEN 401k, savings, a down payment and the engagement ring, then maybe we should rethink getting married at that point in life. There are only a few select exceptions like being a long-term student... and even then, he may want to put off getting married until he is done with school.
One of the reasons that he can't swing saving 2 months salary could be because he has made poor educational or financial decisions in the past... this may make him not such a good candidate for marriage.
Ladies, husbands are supposed to take care of and provide for their wives. They should do everything they can to make them feel special.
The fact that some ladies think that it is too much to ask to want him to sacrifice the "extras" for a while so that he can buy you a nice ring make me go
because we as a people expect very little from our men and then wonder why they sometimes don't treat us like the princesses and queens that we are!!
Not to mention, simple jewelry is actually not a bad investment. Diamonds appreciate ladies.
I am sorry but a ring does not determine whether or not your husband can take care of you. When it was time to pick out rings, I asked him what my price range was. He told me that you can't put a price on love. I could of been greedy and went for a astronomical priced ring but I didn't. My ring is 2 carats and very unique and I constanly get compliments on it. Not to mention that I know woman who walk around with plain bands on their fingers but have his and her escalades, and live in a $600k house.
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