How Do You Increase Your Chances Of Getting Approached By A Man Irl

**SaSSy**

**SaSSy**

3rd Big Chop on 7/18/2016
With this whole dating app generation, how do you increase your chances of a man approaching you (the old fashion way) in real life?

I'm talking about high-quality men. Not your average street thug who hollers at everyone that passes by.

All suggestions are welcome.
 
Just the thread I need, OP.

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I'm not single but I meet a lot of eligible men at the following places:

My apartment gym- need to live in a nice, doorman building that doesn't have a ton of two or three bedroom apartments. This lessens the chance of meeting people that can't afford the rent without a roommate and the guys are mostly single, no live in girlfriends or anything.

Alumni events- especially events that are sports based. Watching your team play at a bar or something. You know where they went to school and that they are involved in the community.

At work- this takes some effort. Make friends with men at work that went to good schools and have single friends in the area. Get drinks after work and invite friends. They will also invite their friends. Go to their housewarmings or Halloween parties.

A lot of this requires placing yourself in the right situation. Birds of a feather...
 
Oh, I know it's hard, but on the weekends when you're just running errands some light makeup and a cute high bun can get you everything.

If I want to dress down and be comfy, a simple spring dress and flat sandals are great. Or lululemon leggings, cute nikes, and a nice top with a bit of sports bra cleavage works every time.

These outfits can take me from the grocery store to brunch to a walk around the lake so I'm always ready if something pops up.

And if you can, move to the neighborhood where professional people live or hang out.
 
Smile smile smile!

Oh...and eye contact. :yep:



I do think this new "dating app" generation is going to be to our detriment :nono: I much prefer the "old-fashioned" way myself, but I feel like now with apps like Tinder and other social media/dating apps, people are getting way too lazy. :nono:

I guess they feel like it cuts out the "unknown" (is this person single? are they even looking for romance? are they even interested in my gender? do we have anything in common?), which is understandable, but at the same time I feel like since you can just swipe right/left, people become MUCH more picky, they are not willing to work things out and see where things go, and it just makes things a little more tricky if you're looking for someone IRL. :ohwell:
 
PS- I've been going to quite a few weddings of couples that met on dating apps.

All of their stories have the same tone. They "met" on a dating app but they really met in person. The same way meeting someone at a grocery store may fizzle out when you sit down for lunch, a dating app is just an opportunity to get out and meet someone that you may not have run across in your daily life.
 
Tell a trusted married friend what you're looking for. You never know who she knows.

I love helping the youngsters find love or even a new friend. My other married friends like to get in on the matchmaking too! We get together to compare notes on who's single and if they would be a good match.
 
toaster said:
PS- I've been going to quite a few weddings of couples that met on dating apps.

All of their stories have the same tone. They "met" on a dating app but they really met in person. The same way meeting someone at a grocery store may fizzle out when you sit down for lunch, a dating app is just an opportunity to get out and meet someone that you may not have run across in your daily life.
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That's true.... :yep:


I guess some people just view it as another avenue to meet people they wouldn't ordinarily meet in person if they weren't on the app.



sunnieb said:
Tell a trusted married friend what you're looking for. You never know who she knows.

I love helping the youngsters find love or even a new friend. My other married friends like to get in on the matchmaking too! We get together to compare notes on who's single and if they would be a good match.
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Awww....that's so nice of you. :)

You don't know how helpful that can be. I feel like matchmaking is a lost art....especially in the black community. People just don't do it anymore.

I have heard people say (understandably) that they're afraid to "match" anyone up because if it doesn't work out, or the person turns out crazy, they wouldn't want to feel responsible if the relationship went south. How do you feel about this? Do you feel this way as well?? Or, do you not really care?

Do you guys actually do a "match up"? Or do you do more of a casual "let me invite my guy friend over for a party that my girl friend will be at because I think they would hit it off" type of deal?

Some people are more in your face w/matchmaking, and others are more stealth about it and just like to introduce two people to each other or put them in the same "environment" to see what "happens". Which type are you and your friends?
 
sunnieb said:
Tell a trusted married friend what you're looking for. You never know who she knows.

I love helping the youngsters find love or even a new friend. My other married friends like to get in on the matchmaking too! We get together to compare notes on who's single and if they would be a good match.
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Sooooooo *twiddles fingers intently* you are in the DC area, right....????
 
toaster said:
PS- I've been going to quite a few weddings of couples that met on dating apps.

All of their stories have the same tone. They "met" on a dating app but they really met in person. The same way meeting someone at a grocery store may fizzle out when you sit down for lunch, a dating app is just an opportunity to get out and meet someone that you may not have run across in your daily life.
Click to expand...
What dating apps do you recommend?
 
toaster said:
I briefly dabbled in ok Cupid when I was in law school (don't recommend) but anecdotally my friends that got married met on Bumble and Coffee Meets Bagel (but this may be a website for Jewish people??)
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It's not. I've tried it. It matches you based on your facebook connections. You get one match a day and the opportunity to yes or no them. I wasn't a fan because it's too slow.
 
@Crystalicequeen123 I prefer stealth mode first, then I'll casually bring it up in conversation to see their reaction.

If they're ok with me looking on their behalf, I add them to the "list". I don't talk about it much after that until we find someone suitable.

I'm a bit disappointed that I haven't helped with a marriage - you young folk love to be friends with people. You need to date dammit! :lol:

There's a possible match me and a friend are working on now. Her husband's little cousin is thinking of moving to the area soon. I have a young man that I know that is single and working on his career right now, but will be ready by the time little cousin moves here. She's 26 and he's 28. That would be soooo sweet if they match up! :2inlove:

And I don't care if they don't work out. That's on them. I feel that it's my role (since I'm older) to put as many people in front of each other as I can.
 
sunnieb said:
@Crystalicequeen123 I prefer stealth mode first, then I'll casually bring it up in conversation to see their reaction.

If they're ok with me looking on their behalf, I add them to the "list". I don't talk about it much after that until we find someone suitable.

I'm a bit disappointed that I haven't helped with a marriage - you young folk love to be friends with people. You need to date dammit! :lol:

There's a possible match me and a friend are working on now. Her husband's little cousin is thinking of moving to the area soon. I have a young man that I know that is single and working on his career right now, but will be ready by the time little cousin moves here. She's 26 and he's 28. That would be soooo sweet if they match up! :2inlove:

And I don't care if they don't work out. That's on them. I feel that it's my role (since I'm older) to put as many people in front of each other as I can.
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Good for you! :yep:

I find that matchmaking seems to be sort of a lost art these days, but women back in the day used to do it all the time!

And since those who are older know both of the individuals and are mature-minded, they usually can set up some good matches with people who probably ordinarily wouldn't have dated, let alone MET each other.

So I like the idea. :yep:

YOu'd be surprised by how many people these days claim to hate being "set up" or matched up. I think it makes them feel like a "special case" or something. As for me?? I'm like: "Umm...I'm in my 30's. I'm not getting any younger... So if you want to present some nice dudes in front of me, then so be it!" :lachen: I have never had a problem w/being matched up, as long as the person doing it was stealth with it and not obvious or embarrassing and pressuring things.
 
shespoison said:
Look your best and go out alone to events with quality men.

Ask me how many dates I've had in 3 weeks because I decided to go to new places.
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Alone, I'm assuming?? :giggle:


I have heard that men feel a little more nervous about approaching a woman they find attractive when she's out with a bunch of girl friends. In general I do find this to be true.
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
Awesome! :up:

Care to share what different places you started going to? Was it just a different area of town, or you tried different venues/hangout places in general? Did you change some of your hobbies? I hear that's also a good idea too.
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All the places are in Harlem. I just started going to events that targeted a different type of crowd.

I have a few friends that are event photographers and I just asked them where I should be.
 
It doesn't really have to be Harlem. There are cool spots in Brooklyn too.

Today there are a bunch of afterwork happy hours in Harlem and Brooklyn for Cinco de Mayo. People hit me up as the events come up so I usually don't know that far in advance. I know of some events coming up but Im checking them out for the first time myself and my don't want y'all to come for me if the crowd is terrible.

I have an ig where I put up events as I hear about them and a blog where I have being reviewing them.

I've met Physicians, Engineers, Lawyers and etc...but you have to wade through some bums who know the right people too.

I would put the info here but I feel weird about plugging my social media when that wasn't the point of my posts. Pm me if you want the links.
 
shespoison said:
It doesn't really have to be Harlem. There are cool spots in Brooklyn too.

Today there are a bunch of afterwork happy hours in Harlem and Brooklyn for Cinco de Mayo. People hit me up as the events come up so I usually don't know that far in advance. I know of some events coming up but Im checking them out for the first time myself and my don't want y'all to come for me if the crowd is terrible.

I have an ig where I put up events as I hear about them and a blog where I have being reviewing them.

I've met Physicians, Engineers, Lawyers and etc...but you have to wade through some bums who know the right people too.

I would put the info here but I feel weird about plugging my social media when that wasn't the point of my posts. Pm me if you want the links.
Click to expand...
Let me start getting out! I live in Harlem, Lol...
 
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