How Do You Increase Your Chances Of Getting Approached By A Man Irl

All4Tris said:
Stalk... I mean research :look: IG, FB, and Eventbrite for upcoming events... not necessarily parties.

Look in your area for male based organizations that host fundraisers and attend with no more than one friend.
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Find out where your decent male friends hang out. I made 3 new friends this weekend and they have already put me on and invited me to things that's coming up.
 
moneychaser said:
Looking/acting the part and eye contact
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Yes to Eye Contact!

It took me down last week!!!

I was in a store waiting and I had peeped this really handsome guy talking to a sales rep. I went and sat down and started checking my phone. I looked up and he was facing me looking right at me while he talked to the rep. AND I IMMEDIATELY LOOKED BACK DOWN!!!

Ugh! I was so mad at myself when I realized what I'd done so I quickly looked back up but he had shifted his focus and didn't pay me any more attention.

It is a leftover reflex from my married days...I had totally forgotten that this was how I used to flirt when I was single to let guys know it was ok to approach. I gotta reacquaint myself with that "available and interested" body language...
 
OP, I'm glad you are putting yourself out there and asking for help.

I don't want to discourage anyone, but I like to be realistic. When I talk to my friends and family, it's getting harder and harder for anyone to know a decent single young man. Single young ladies abound, but the guys are just.....not.

Even my own son doesn't stay single for long. When he broke up with his high school sweetheart, another girl swooped right on in and snatched him.

It's tough, but not impossible. You have been given some great advice in here. I wish you all the best!
 
sunnieb said:
Not a reminder to beat you while you down, but it's a trend I've seen over there last ten years or so. Sorry if I offended you. I'm very straight, no chaser. I care deeply about bw who want to meet quality men.
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That's such a sucky reminder. Is it really true that there is such a lack of quality bm? I wonder why that is. I feel really lucky to have one now.
 
Froreal3 said:
That's such a sucky reminder. Is it really true that there is such a lack of quality bm? I wonder why that is. I feel really lucky to have one now.
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I'm only talking about my circle and with my experience. I just see that the men don't stay single long enough for us to even suggest someone for them. They're out there, but they seem to meet women and get in relationships at a good pace.

Like the possible match my friend and I might make happen. The guy is single/no kids and told me that he isn't interested in dating right now. He wants to only focus on his career now because he just got his first big promotion. If all works out, when he's ready and the young lady moves to Texas, we'll introduce them.
 
sunnieb said:
Not a reminder to beat you while you down, but it's a trend I've seen over there last ten years or so. Sorry if I offended you. I'm very straight, no chaser. I care deeply about bw who want to meet quality men.
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Not offended at all. Just confirming what I have been thinking *hugs*
 
Froreal3 said:
That's such a sucky reminder. Is it really true that there is such a lack of quality bm? I wonder why that is. I feel really lucky to have one now.
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There is a lack of quality, single men of any race after a certain age. Men don't spend too much time being single. Even if they are with a 'placeholder', they'll choose that over waking up alone and not having regular sex. So at any given time, just about every man you come across will be involved with someone on some level.

You either go with the old school mindset that you're single until you're married, and pursue men who have girlfriends (of course requiring that they break up with the girlfriend before you two become intimate). Or you wait on that perfect moment to find a compatible man that's free and clear.
 
SurferBabe said:
There is a lack of quality, single men of any race after a certain age. Men don't spend too much time being single. Even if they are with a 'placeholder', they'll choose that over waking up alone and not having regular sex. So at any given time, just about every man you come across will be involved with someone on some level.

You either go with the old school mindset that you're single until you're married, and pursue men who have girlfriends (of course requiring that they break up with the girlfriend before you two become intimate). Or you wait on that perfect moment to find a compatible man that's free and clear.
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so are you saying to be a platonic side chick o_O
 
AnjelLuvsUBabe said:
A slippery slope, I saw... Because how you get emmm is how you lose em...

Anyone care to share, how this would be beneficial? how to go about exploring this route?
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Exactly! I was just listening to this podcast of a white middle age divorcee who met her husband by asking him for a job, they hit it off during the interview process and instead asked him out on a date. He said sure, but I'm getting married in three weeks. Three months later the man called her to say he was miserable in his marriage with the other woman.

They became friends and he moved into her house during his separation from the 1st wife. Her and this man married and were married for 27 years. He moved on, and she's still struggling to date after the divorce.

So basically I say the universal will come back around full circle to bite you in the arse. It's like do you want to lose him now or later and risk spending the rest of your life alone, smh.
 
CoilyFields said:
Yes to Eye Contact!

It took me down last week!!!

I was in a store waiting and I had peeped this really handsome guy talking to a sales rep. I went and sat down and started checking my phone. I looked up and he was facing me looking right at me while he talked to the rep. AND I IMMEDIATELY LOOKED BACK DOWN!!!

Ugh! I was so mad at myself when I realized what I'd done so I quickly looked back up but he had shifted his focus and didn't pay me any more attention.

It is a leftover reflex from my married days...I had totally forgotten that this was how I used to flirt when I was single to let guys know it was ok to approach. I gotta reacquaint myself with that "available and interested" body language...
Click to expand...
i do the same since my divorce!! gotta wink or smile or somethin...!
 
sunnieb said:
OP, I'm glad you are putting yourself out there and asking for help.

I don't want to discourage anyone, but I like to be realistic. When I talk to my friends and family, it's getting harder and harder for anyone to know a decent single young man. Single young ladies abound, but the guys are just.....not.

Even my own son doesn't stay single for long. When he broke up with his high school sweetheart, another girl swooped right on in and snatched him.

It's tough, but not impossible. You have been given some great advice in here. I wish you all the best!
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It truly is..... :ohwell:
 
I keep an open mind & stay presentable whenever I leave the house. You just never know when...

I go to lounges a lot of galas and I travel.

Someone I met at Essence a few years back & I had a nice date in Detroit a couple weekends ago. Single , good job, home paid off a real gentleman.

As mentioned up top, I've. Been hearing from bM that they are having the same issues. We all just need to more open to dating & meeting someone any where.
 
CoilyFields said:
Yes to Eye Contact!

It took me down last week!!!

I was in a store waiting and I had peeped this really handsome guy talking to a sales rep. I went and sat down and started checking my phone. I looked up and he was facing me looking right at me while he talked to the rep. AND I IMMEDIATELY LOOKED BACK DOWN!!!

Ugh! I was so mad at myself when I realized what I'd done so I quickly looked back up but he had shifted his focus and didn't pay me any more attention.

It is a leftover reflex from my married days...I had totally forgotten that this was how I used to flirt when I was single to let guys know it was ok to approach. I gotta reacquaint myself with that "available and interested" body language...
Click to expand...
I have never been able to look strange men in the eye. :giggle: I have to practice.
 
SurferBabe said:
There is a lack of quality, single men of any race after a certain age. Men don't spend too much time being single. Even if they are with a 'placeholder', they'll choose that over waking up alone and not having regular sex. So at any given time, just about every man you come across will be involved with someone on some level.

You either go with the old school mindset that you're single until you're married, and pursue men who have girlfriends (of course requiring that they break up with the girlfriend before you two become intimate). Or you wait on that perfect moment to find a compatible man that's free and clear.
Click to expand...
I was just telling someone this! Even the most bottom of the barrel man has some woman claiming him at most times. Yet the same or better quality woman is constantly struggling to find anyone it's crazy to me
 
Bunnyhaslonghair said:
I have never been able to look strange men in the eye. :giggle: I have to practice.
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CoilyFields' Directions for "Invitational Eye Contact":

1. If they're not looking at you, keep looking at them (occasionally, not a stalker stare lol) until they look at you
2. When your eyes meet look in his eyes for 2-3 seconds (full seconds)-"You're Attractive, I'm single" (what your eyes are saying)
3. Then look down (and maybe to the side ) with a the beginnings of a slight smile for 1 second-"But I'm shy"
4. Then look back up at him with a little more smile for no more than 2 seconds-"You should come talk to me"
5. Then look away and distract yourself -"Your move"

I accompany this with a flirty head tilt and turn so that I'm not facing him directly, almost a side-eye
Each eye movement is lead with a lazy blink. So you're not fluttering your lashes but using your eyes to shield and reveal

If he's available and interested he will surely come

SideNote: This is also how DL guys connect, long (3 seconds) looks in other men's eyes. Cause a straight man will not hold eye contact with another man across the room for anything more than a half second accompanied by a head nod.
 
CoilyFields said:
CoilyFields' Directions for "Invitational Eye Contact":

1. If they're not looking at you, keep looking at them (occasionally, not a stalker stare lol) until they look at you
2. When your eyes meet look in his eyes for 2-3 seconds (full seconds)-"You're Attractive, I'm single" (what your eyes are saying)
3. Then look down (and maybe to the side ) with a the beginnings of a slight smile for 1 second-"But I'm shy"
4. Then look back up at him with a little more smile for no more than 2 seconds-"You should come talk to me"
5. Then look away and distract yourself -"Your move"

I accompany this with a flirty head tilt and turn so that I'm not facing him directly, almost a side-eye
Each eye movement is lead with a lazy blink. So you're not fluttering your lashes but using your eyes to shield and reveal

If he's available and interested he will surely come

SideNote: This is also how DL guys connect, long (3 seconds) looks in other men's eyes. Cause a straight man will not hold eye contact with another man across the room for anything more than a half second accompanied by a head nod.
Click to expand...
Thanks! I was hoping you would elaborate but I was too shy to ask. I'm going to study this and try it out within the next couple days. I was thinking about your original post today. I didn't make eye contact but I did keep my eyes peeled and was generally more aware of my surroundings. Normally I'm operating with tunnel vision. I was surprised at how many men were checking me out and looking :oops::blush2:. Now I just have to get over this timidness!
 
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