HELP!

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SweetNic_JA said:
I agree with you here. Just tell the guy (through actions and words) that you are not interested.

OP, why are you hoping for friendship? Are you attracted to him in a way that you're not comfortable admitting? If you don't like to date black men (aka find love and companionship with one) then how can you possibly hold a true friendship with one? That boggles my mind. Just keep it moving and find your non-black men. :rolleyes:

...Hopefully you will get over the event/circumstance/prejudices that have you racist towards your own
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WHOOOOOA hun, hold up.

You can have a friendship with those you are not attracted to. Gay guys have PLENTY of female friends. I have many black friends.

Im not racist. I dont HATE my people, I just dont DATE my people. Putting words in my mouth isnt helping either.
 
MissAlyssa said:
You said he's a nice guy, and you want to be his friend. So why don't you want to date him? If the only reason is that he is black, then what else can you tell him? "You're a really great guy, but you're black. I'm only physically attracted to men that do not resemble you. Sorry. I would still like to be your friend." Then he'll probably tell you off, and you'll never hear from him again. Thread done.

If the only reason you wont date him is because of his race, there isn't anything else you can tell him.

Lys
Click to expand...

Thread has been done. I dont know where all this extra raving is coming from.
 
cieramichele said:
WHOOOOOA hun, hold up.

You can have a friendship with those you are not attracted to. Gay guys have PLENTY of female friends. I have many black friends.

Im not racist. I dont HATE my people, I just dont DATE my people. Putting words in my mouth isnt helping either.
Click to expand...

Okay then I need you to help me wrap my head around this one.
Let's say you meet a guy who is:
  • Religious / spiritual
  • Grounded
  • Intelligent
  • Witty / makes you laugh
  • Mathematically handsome (speaking of symmetry and ratios here)
  • Makes a good life for himself
  • family oriented
  • No children
  • Plays by the right rules (whatever those are to you)
and meets whatever normal criteria you set for a potential parter.

And you do not date him because he is : Black
How is that NOT racist?

What did all Black men do to you ?

FYI:

Here is the text book definition of racism

rac·ism (rā'sĪz'əm) n.
1.The belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability and that a particular race is superior to others.

2.Discrimination or prejudice based on race.
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Also, don't put words in my mouth either. I never said you hated anyone. I did imply and do believe that it is impossible to hold a true, honest and pure friendship with someone who belongs to a race that you have automatically ruled out of your dating pool. To rule out an individual's race means that there are prejudices - and those prejudices do not go away because you have "black friends" or friends belonging to the race onto which your prejudice is directed. How are you able to befriend the "whole" person if you are prejudiced to such a large part of his being?
 
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cieramichele said:
Yes, ONLY interracial dating.
I don't want him to leave me alone. I want to be his friend but he's pressing on me.
Click to expand...

It's interesting that you say the above. I had started a thread a few weeks back (and it got a little "warm":lol:) asking if there were ladies on this board that Prefer NOT to date Black men. Me, I prefer Black men, but have on ocassion dated a non-Black man and am not against it.

If you wouldn't mind sharing, what is it that makes you prefer non-Black men? You can answer on my thread. I posted one in OT and one in Relationship.

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=211227

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=211235
 
Okay, here's my answer to your question. If you don't like him, tell him you think of him as a friend and that's all.

Why do you feel the need to explain to him that you only like White guys? Truthfully, that's none of his business. If I ONLY liked tall guys, and a 5'0 guy asked me out, I would just say, "we're friends," or at worst, "you aren't really my type." If he felt the need to ask "what is your type," I probably wouldn't tell him. You don't owe anyone an explanation for why you don't like them. However, there is a piece of me (yes, I'm gonna take it there) that wonders if you only like White guys, why do you feel like you must explain it???

That's why I would like you to respond to my thread:yep:
 
cieramichele said:
And Im increasingly becoming annoyed with it.
Maybe this is too off base but, some black men or women wont even THINK of dating another race.
Thats a different case but Im trying to relate it SOMEHOW.

Its just my PREFERENCE. Some guys like fat girls, shorter girls, light skin girls, white girls, heck..even BOYS.
Click to expand...

You like what you like and for him to try and get at you is not going to end nicely. Just tell him you're not interested in him like that... and when he doesn't respect that, space yourself from him.
 
cieramichele said:
Ok now,..what does OP mean again?

And youre right, I was trying to break it to him gently. I dont want to hurt him.
Click to expand...

In trying to be gentle you are being very false. The man is wasting his time with you.
You ARE hurting him by
#1 Not giving him a chance to be with and care for you
#2 By tossing him in the friend box (as if that's where any man pursuing you would want to be)
#3 By hiding the hard truth. You don't have to be mean to be honest. It's just integrity.
 
cocoberry10 said:
Okay, here's my answer to your question. If you don't like him, tell him you think of him as a friend and that's all.

Why do you feel the need to explain to him that you only like White guys? Truthfully, that's none of his business. If I ONLY liked tall guys, and a 5'0 guy asked me out, I would just say, "we're friends," or at worst, "you aren't really my type." If he felt the need to ask "what is your type," I probably wouldn't tell him. You don't owe anyone an explanation for why you don't like them. However, there is a piece of me (yes, I'm gonna take it there) that wonders if you only like White guys, why do you feel like you must explain it???

That's why I would like you to respond to my thread:yep:
Click to expand...

ITA if you must respond then you should be clear w/ him and tell him that you don't see him as "viable" dating material. That would go for any guy who doesn't fit your criteria. Now I wouldn't expect them to be buddy buddy w/ me after that but...yeah.
 
cocoberry10 said:
Okay, here's my answer to your question. If you don't like him, tell him you think of him as a friend and that's all.

Why do you feel the need to explain to him that you only like White guys? Truthfully, that's none of his business. If I ONLY liked tall guys, and a 5'0 guy asked me out, I would just say, "we're friends," or at worst, "you aren't really my type." If he felt the need to ask "what is your type," I probably wouldn't tell him. You don't owe anyone an explanation for why you don't like them. However, there is a piece of me (yes, I'm gonna take it there) that wonders if you only like White guys, why do you feel like you must explain it???

That's why I would like you to respond to my thread:yep:
Click to expand...

I think what people have failed to realize is that dating is a very different realm of human relations. In your day to day relationships, you bond with people on a very non-sexual basis. However, when you bring in dating and relationships, we introduce sexual relations...and who we are and aren't sexually and physically attracted to shouldn't be a factor in determining who WE are.

I just met an older black woman who LOVED her some black men for 50+ years but as she's said "She wants to try something different, a different flavor" So now she only dates out. But I guess she's self hating and racist according to this board. You like what you like. Go get yours and live happy.
 
redRiot said:
I think what people have failed to realize is that dating is a very different realm of human relations. In your day to day relationships, you bond with people on a very non-sexual basis. However, when you bring in dating and relationships, we introduce sexual relations...and who we are and aren't sexually and physically attracted to shouldn't be a factor in determining who WE are.

I just met an older black woman who LOVED her some black men for 50+ years but as she's said "She wants to try something different, a different flavor" So now she only dates out. But I guess she's self hating and racist according to this board. You like what you like. Go get yours and live happy.
Click to expand...

I don't think that she's self-hating at all (please don't take it there with me, b/c I never said that). A few weeks ago, I started a thread asking if there were any ladies on here that preferred not to date Black men, and I've never attacked anyone for their preferences.

And to add, I've always found ALL types of men attractive, not just Black men, so I have no problem with women admitting that they aren't attracted to certain things. However, I do wonder if for SOME women, there are other things going on. That's all:yep:. But truthfully, if I were a stone thrower, I would throw the same stones at the women who ONLY like dark-skinned men that I would at women that ONLY like light-skinned men as I would at those who ONLY like non-Black men. B/c truthfully, shutting ANYONE out for physical reasons (whether for color, height, weight, etc.) could be "attacked." I know what I like, and I say to others, if you know what you like "do you?" I like Latino men just as much as Black men, and I've also dated all kinds of guys. I just wonder if it's a physical thing, b/c if you like a certain "look," you can find that in our race, since Black people come in all shades/colors (unlike other races). That's why I was curious if it was just a color thing or a personality thing:yep: (i.e. you could find a "white or Latino looking Black male, like Wentworth Miller (white looking Black guy) or Will Lemay (Latino looking Black guy)!
 
cieramichele said:
WHOOOOOA hun, hold up.

You can have a friendship with those you are not attracted to. Gay guys have PLENTY of female friends. I have many black friends.

Im not racist. I dont HATE my people, I just dont DATE my people. Putting words in my mouth isnt helping either.
Click to expand...

:lol: And there it is....:rolleyes:
 
Ain't yo Pappy black?! :perplexed

What is it about black men you dont like? I'm just curious. :)


























And for good measure :)

I'm sure you have a great reason :)




























:)
 
drasgrl said:
Ok but you can't have jungle fever because you're black. The connotation is that black people come from the jungle (Africa). White people aren't associated with coming from a jungle (not sure there are jungles in Europe). The term is applied when white people say they like black people. But yeah I haven't heard this term since 1992 also. :lachen:
Click to expand...

Well, I'll be!!! I am ashamed to say that I never knew it meant that. I remember the term but it never occurred to me where exactly it came from. Thanks for sharing.
 
SweetNic_JA said:
Okay then I need you to help me wrap my head around this one.
Let's say you meet a guy who is:
  • Religious / spiritual
  • Grounded
  • Intelligent
  • Witty / makes you laugh
  • Mathematically handsome (speaking of symmetry and ratios here)
  • Makes a good life for himself
  • family oriented
  • No children
  • Plays by the right rules (whatever those are to you)
and meets whatever normal criteria you set for a potential parter.

And you do not date him because he is : Black
How is that NOT racist?

What did all Black men do to you ?

FYI:

Here is the text book definition of racism



Also, don't put words in my mouth either. I never said you hated anyone. I did imply and do believe that it is impossible to hold a true, honest and pure friendship with someone who belongs to a race that you have automatically ruled out of your dating pool. To rule out an individual's race means that there are prejudices - and those prejudices do not go away because you have "black friends" or friends belonging to the race onto which your prejudice is directed. How are you able to befriend the "whole" person if you are prejudiced to such a large part of his being?
Click to expand...


.......................
Ive already said Im just not PHYSICALLY attracted to most black men sooo... all this other mess is just blown out of proportion. Some women like tall, dark, and handsome. I just like tall, EXTRA LIGHT and handsome. Some women wont date obese men. Some women wont date out of their race...

...ive already explained this before. And like I stated before, THE THREAD IS DONE. No need to keep going...

I have my answer.
 
Ms. Plain Jane said:
What happened at 16?

And why does this guy have to know the reason you're not interested. Tell him "no thank you" and keep it moving. No explanation needed.
Click to expand...

I dated a guy of another "race". Ive been stuck ever since pretty much.
 
cocoberry10 said:
Okay, here's my answer to your question. If you don't like him, tell him you think of him as a friend and that's all.

Why do you feel the need to explain to him that you only like White guys? Truthfully, that's none of his business. If I ONLY liked tall guys, and a 5'0 guy asked me out, I would just say, "we're friends," or at worst, "you aren't really my type." If he felt the need to ask "what is your type," I probably wouldn't tell him. You don't owe anyone an explanation for why you don't like them. However, there is a piece of me (yes, I'm gonna take it there) that wonders if you only like White guys, why do you feel like you must explain it???

That's why I would like you to respond to my thread:yep:
Click to expand...

Ok I TOTALLY like this answer better. I guess I'll have to try it on his next attempt. I dont know when that'll be. I just hope he doesnt get too attached by then
 
princess_sid said:
" I have black friends" lol this chick is on some real ish... ignorance is a bliss:nono:
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and heres another example of some of you girls that want to take a little thing and STRETCH it out to something big. Now unless you girls havent read, she asked me how would I want to be friends with black guys if I dont like dating them. THIS is where I said I have black friends and let her know that you can be friends with people you dont prefer to date.

And no, Im not a run away. Im just not on here 24/7 to attend to the ones that are TRYING to scrutinize me on this board.

so before you label, try to understand first.
 
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I know I said I wouldn't come in here... but I have to ask...

You're kind of dark yourself from what I see... so why do you think all these extra-light men are falling over themselves to get to you? I mean... isn't it kind of weird to say you don't like dark men but you're dark yourself? What do you say when white men tell you you're too dark?

If the man didn't do anything to you why you got a problem with him? I have had issues with some black men treating me bad, but I never pass up the ones who are sincere and interested and compatible, especially over something like skin color.



:nono::nono::nono:
 
Well, I'll be!!! I am ashamed to say that I never knew it meant that. I remember the term but it never occurred to me where exactly it came from. Thanks for sharing.
Click to expand...

That's actually something to be proud of.

you still understand this ugly reference introduced in the thread as a romantic term (and I don't much care between who and who)has at its root unpleasant and racist connotations.Sometimes ..knowing...without the all the history involved..is enough
 
al00fone said:
I know I said I wouldn't come in here... but I have to ask...

You're kind of dark yourself from what I see... so why do you think all these extra-light men are falling over themselves to get to you? I mean... isn't it kind of weird to say you don't like dark men but you're dark yourself? What do you say when white men tell you you're too dark?

If the man didn't do anything to you why you got a problem with him? I have had issues with some black men treating me bad, but I never pass up the ones who are sincere and interested and compatible, especially over something like skin color.



:nono::nono::nono:
Click to expand...


Since the same questions keep gettin asked. Let me end it all for you ladies.

I LIKE WHAT I LIKE.

THE END.
​
 
Even if it's incredibly racist and self deluding, you are correct. You like what you like.

There really is no point in trying to argue with you and make you see the error of your ways. :yawn:

It's amusing how you dance around the valid questions you're being asked, though.


cieramichele said:
Since the same questions keep gettin asked. Let me end it all for you ladies.

I LIKE WHAT I LIKE.

THE END.
​
Click to expand...
 
al00fone said:
I know I said I wouldn't come in here... but I have to ask...

You're kind of dark yourself from what I see... so why do you think all these extra-light men are falling over themselves to get to you? I mean... isn't it kind of weird to say you don't like dark men but you're dark yourself? What do you say when white men tell you you're too dark?

If the man didn't do anything to you why you got a problem with him? I have had issues with some black men treating me bad, but I never pass up the ones who are sincere and interested and compatible, especially over something like skin color.

:nono::nono::nono:
Click to expand...

just dayum @ your whole post. :nono::perplexed:perplexed:ohwell: She has said her peace, let it rest.
 
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