HELP!

[drasgrl]

No, im saying i told HIM that i have jungle fever. Hes black.

Ok but you can't have jungle fever because you're black. The connotation is that black people come from the jungle (Africa). White people aren't associated with coming from a jungle (not sure there are jungles in Europe). The term is applied when white people say they like black people. But yeah I haven't heard this term since 1992 also.

 

[tatiana]

It sounds like he's one of those brothers that thinks they can "turn" you.

I agree; I have experienced that before. He sees you as a challenge and he wants to be your savior to change you. Some black men don't understand that not all black women are into them or he may not believe you. Be careful though because the more you reject him the more aggressive and hostile he may become.

 

[cieramichele]

I agree; I have experienced that before. He sees you as a challenge and he wants to be your savior to change you. Some black men don't understand that not all black women are into them or he may not believe you. Be careful though because the more you reject him the more aggressive and hostile he may become.

thank YOU

 

[kayte]

I find when men are clingy ..I need to send a message
that erases any doubt in their mind....and mine ... checking out my own
behavior, inventory...to see what the payoff is that I find myself still particpating or contributing to something that I say I do not want.
Are you truly communicating disinterest? Without any mixed signals ..you say say he knows but "does this anyway"

Have you said I am only intimate with White men and have no interest whatsoever in anything of that sort with a black man.
If you want to be friends I'd like that
but keep trying this romance stuff and I will lose interest and respect for you even as a friend.

Or skip the first part... but as others have already said..that will send a more direct message

You also might need to let go of the concept of a mutual friendship between you two, if his behavior or his pursuing is really annoying you ..
Is it?

 

[princess_sid]

Wow!!!!.......

 

[Highly Favored8]

Whats your definition of jungle fever?

Jungle Fever to me Means like the movie "Jungle Fever"

Black/White erplexed

 

[Sasha Fierce]

You should just try dating the black guy for a little while. Once you go black you never go back!!!

OK, sorry. I just had to get that out . But maybe you could just sort of give it a try and go on a date with him. I would give you the same advice if this was a white guy pursuing you and you said you only liked black guys. You never know. It could be fun!

 

[cieramichele]

You should just try dating the black guy for a little while. Once you go black you never go back!!!

OK, sorry. I just had to get that out . But maybe you could just sort of give it a try and go on a date with him. I would give you the same advice if this was a white guy pursuing you and you said you only liked black guys. You never know. It could be fun!

Ive dated black guys up until the age of 16.

 

[tocktick]

I agree; I have experienced that before. He sees you as a challenge and he wants to be your savior to change you. Some black men don't understand that not all black women are into them or he may not believe you. Be careful though because the more you reject him the more aggressive and hostile he may become.

whether or not he's egotistical enough to try and "turn" op is debatable since we don't know what what his mindset is.

since getting him to stop pursuing her hasn't worked and she wants to still be friends (not possible in this scenario, imo), then i'm going to hazard a guess that she hasn't made things blunt enough to him.

op can correct me if i'm wrong but i got the impression that because she wanted to maintain his friendship, she might have tried to let him down gently.

even though op may think it's apparent to everyone that she has "an extreme case of jungle fever" , dude may not actually be aware how deep her love of white men runs. maybe he just isn't aware that she dates non-blacks exclusively (i.e - no black guys). it's a fair mistake to make, imo, since i'd say the majority of society dates within their own culture/race.

op needs to set him straight that he will never ever get a chance with her because he's black and not white (or another race).

 

[cieramichele]

I find when men are clingy ..I need to send a message
that erases any doubt in their mind....and mine ... checking out my own
behavior, inventory...to see what the payoff is that I find myself still particpating or contributing to something that I say I do not want.
Are you truly communicating disinterest? Without any mixed signals ..you say say he knows but "does this anyway"

Have you said I am only intimate with White men and have no interest whatsoever in anything of that sort with a black man.
If you want to be friends I'd like that
but keep trying this romance stuff and I will lose interest and respect for you even as a friend.

Or skip the first part... but as others have already said..that will send a more direct message

You also might need to let go of the concept of a mutual friendship between you two, if his behavior or his pursuing is really annoying you ..
Is it?

Im trying not to send mixed signals. He's a very nice guy but after he didnt take the hint, I got annoyed. My facebook status said "Ciera is waiting". He wrote on my wall "*looks at status* sorry it took so long but im here now". First I was like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW but then I was like *sigh* because he is aware of my preference. I would like to say only non african men but that would offend so many...like it did here.

I dont want to come off as a snob, just a woman that is physically attracted to OTHER men.

 

[Sasha Fierce]

Ive dated black guys up until the age of 16.

Aww, 16 is so young. How about as a young adult. I'm sure dating must be different as a teen compared to a yound adult. I did not date until 20 so I can't say for certain. But it seems like it would be different.

 

[Browndilocks]

Dang little newbie. You started off so well on the hair boards but then you make one of these threads...

 

[cieramichele]

whether or not he's egotistical enough to try and "turn" op is debatable since we don't know what what his mindset is.

since getting him to stop pursuing her hasn't worked and she wants to still be friends (not possible in this scenario, imo), then i'm going to hazard a guess that she hasn't made things blunt enough to him.

op can correct me if i'm wrong but i got the impression that because she wanted to maintain his friendship, she might have tried to let him down gently.

even though op may think it's apparent to everyone that she has "an extreme case of jungle fever" , dude may not actually be aware how deep her love of white men runs. maybe he just isn't aware that she dates non-blacks exclusively (i.e - no black guys). it's a fair mistake to make, imo, since i'd say the majority of society dates within their own culture/race.

op needs to set him straight that he will never ever get a chance with her because he's black and not white (or another race).

Ok now,..what does OP mean again?

And youre right, I was trying to break it to him gently. I dont want to hurt him.

 

[cieramichele]

Dang little newbie. You started off so well on the hair boards but then you make one of these threads...

I know right? Now that I see the general definition of jungle fever & know that it is presumed offensive to the black race, I'm quite embarrassed.

How stupid does it sound for me to have jungle fever is the jungle represents Africans and I like all OTHERS?

Yeah man, I'll definitely be remembered for this.

 

[cieramichele]

Aww, 16 is so young. How about as a young adult. I'm sure dating must be different as a teen compared to a yound adult. I did not date until 20 so I can't say for certain. But it seems like it would be different.

I am mostly PHYSICALLY attracted to others so the dating part to me is kind of irrelevant. A male is a male no matter what color, IMO.

 

[GeorginaSparks]

Aww, 16 is so young. How about as a young adult. I'm sure dating must be different as a teen compared to a yound adult. I did not date until 20 so I can't say for certain. But it seems like it would be different.

IME, there's no difference

 

[cieramichele]

IME, there's no difference

Not with most BOYS anyway.

 

[tocktick]

Ok now,..what does OP mean again?

And youre right, I was trying to break it to him gently. I dont want to hurt him.

op means original poster.

i wouldn't try and seek validation etc from these boards or elsewhere concerning your "preference". if you're comfortable in dating non-african men exclusively or white men only etc then be honest to the black men who are interested in you. tell them that you don't date black men because they're black; that way you can all keep it moving. plus, it'll save you having to make threads like this where people are like throughout the thread and you're left wondering why people are so "hostile".

by no means do you need to feel obligated to date your friend because he's black but since it's apparently the biggest deal-breaker here, i think he has a right to know what's up.

 

[Bunny77]

Im trying not to send mixed signals. He's a very nice guy but after he didnt take the hint, I got annoyed. My facebook status said "Ciera is waiting". He wrote on my wall "*looks at status* sorry it took so long but im here now". First I was like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW but then I was like *sigh* because he is aware of my preference. I would like to say only non african men but that would offend so many...like it did here.

I dont want to come off as a snob, just a woman that is physically attracted to OTHER men.

Um, I don't think anyone is offended by your preference.

The offense was mostly to the "jungle fever" term. Honestly, it sounded, well... juvenile.

Not saying you are juvenile, I'm saying that the use of the term to describe your situation, etc., made you seem like you were going through some kind of phase or something or just fooling around -- it comes off as not being serious because the women I know who are interracially married or dating don't describe themselves as having "jungle fever" and the white/non-black men in those relationships don't say it either.

Anyway, if you aren't interested in this dude, then don't try to keep him as a friend. It's just not worth it. You like what you like, and it's not him, so don't worry about what to say to him.

 

[cieramichele]

I hear you. I would like to be blunt but it would hurt him and I kind of care. Even his friends told me that he's kind of sensitive so I shouldn't lead him on. I havent been trying to lead him on. I cant picture myself saying "I wont date you because your black". I would like to say "lets just remain friends" or something of that nature. He would either wonder why or ask why. THEN I would say I only date non african men. That feels more comfortable to me. Then again, I dont even know when or how to say "lets just be friends" so... erplexed


woo lord

 

[cieramichele]

Um, I don't think anyone is offended by your preference.

The offense was mostly to the "jungle fever" term. Honestly, it sounded, well... juvenile.

Not saying you are juvenile, I'm saying that the use of the term to describe your situation, etc., made you seem like you were going through some kind of phase or something or just fooling around -- it comes off as not being serious because the women I know who are interracially married or dating don't describe themselves as having "jungle fever" and the white/non-black men in those relationships don't say it either.

Anyway, if you aren't interested in this dude, then don't try to keep him as a friend. It's just not worth it. You like what you like, and it's not him, so don't worry about what to say to him.

Hmm, no I'm quite serious and its not just a phase. Not KNOWING how you all took the phrase, I used it.

 

[Bunny77]

Hmm, no I'm quite serious and its not just a phase. Not KNOWING how you all took the phrase, I used it.

Hey I believe you. I'm saying that it kinda came off that way based on the two posts you made.

We get a few trolls around here, so we're just a wee bit suspicious sometimes when a newbie comes and makes some "interesting" posts... but it's all good.

Anyway, just make it clear to ole boy that you aren't interested, and don't try to be his friend or give him any indication that he "might" have a chance... you gotta cut this dude off cold turkey because he will think he has a chance as long as you continue dealing with him, no matter what you say!

And hey, I'm ALL about dating the rainbow, seriously... but if I'm not interested in someone for WHATEVER reason, I just say I'm not interested. They don't need to know why.

 

[Spongie Bloom]

as someone who is an equal opportunity dater i dont see why u have to tell pple u date what your racial preference is i mean think about it if a guy u were interested in said 'o sorry i dont actually date black women' how would u feel?

do u get rid of the ones u dont fancy by saying 'i dont go out with short/ fat /ugly/dudes with long fingernails/ long nosed pple ?? you have told him if he keeps asking you just say 'look, i thought we were having a mature conversation here so i have given you the answer and i dont like to keep repeating myself so can you please refrain from asking me again?'

Oh and btw dating a white man or other race besides black men does not need a 'brand name' cause it really isnt any different to any other type of dating..a relationship is a relationship, period.

 

[kayte]

I hear you. I would like to be blunt but it would hurt him and I kind of care. Even his friends told me that he's kind of sensitive so I shouldn't lead him on. I havent been trying to lead him on. I cant picture myself saying "I wont date you because your black". I would like to say "lets just remain friends" or something of that nature. He would either wonder why or ask why. THEN I would say I only date non african men. That feels more comfortable to me. Then again, I dont even know when or how to say "lets just be friends" so... erplexed

Gameplaying is a sneaky thing,I can easily identify with getting caught in one...however, once I copped to my part in the game,I do my best to dismantle it.
You've already answered your own question and you already know what to do ..be blunt..
A hint or some vague quality listed in your Face book profile is not communicating anything...or taking responsbility..
I wld feel sorry for the guy except it doesn't even sound like it's that intense of a pursuit ..just a mild acknowledgement of his now being available....It sure doesn't warrant dissecting the black man's motives for pursuing the black female who has a marked preferences for the white man. As a real friend I would get no pleasure out of complaining on someone's somewhat unwanted attention while I allowed it to continue. I would be completely upfront so the guy could move on and so would I.
& no worries here, this guy will move on....once the cost or the annoyance of having his attention...outweighs the temporary fascination of the need to announce it to the public of course then....you'll set things straight. And should this be only an online/ virtual communication..where all you'd have to do is say....sorry not interested.....check out my preference or whatever and then hit ...delete?
yup..non-issue

woo lord

nah..my friend... Shakespeare said it
much ado about nothing

 

[SweetNic_JA]

Ok but you can't have jungle fever because you're black. The connotation is that black people come from the jungle (Africa). White people aren't associated with coming from a jungle (not sure there are jungles in Europe). The term is applied when white people say they like black people. But yeah I haven't heard this term since 1992 also.

Last year I was outside and walked by an Indian man and he said "oooH I have Jungle fever" I pretended I didn't hear him and kept walking.

 

[SqrpioQutie]

imo, you're making this way more complicated than it has to be... if you care about his feelings, then stop dancing around the subject... TELL him that you don't want to date him at all, ever.... if he asks why, tell him... after that, you're done...

if he's so into you that he overlooks what you say and still tries to pursue you, then the whole friends thing won't work anyway...

if he takes it for what it is, and decides not to deal with you as a "friend", then respect that and move on...

if he accepts your friendship after you tell him, leave it as a friend and don't do stuff with him that would get his hopes up...

point: tell him...

 

[drasgrl]

Last year I was outside and walked by an Indian man and he said "oooH I have Jungle fever" I pretended I didn't hear him and kept walking.

Was he cute?

 

[SweetNic_JA]

as someone who is an equal opportunity dater i dont see why u have to tell pple u date what your racial preference is i mean think about it if a guy u were interested in said 'o sorry i dont actually date black women' how would u feel?

do u get rid of the ones u dont fancy by saying 'i dont go out with short/ fat /ugly/dudes with long fingernails/ long nosed pple ?? you have told him if he keeps asking you just say 'look, i thought we were having a mature conversation here so i have given you the answer and i dont like to keep repeating myself so can you please refrain from asking me again?'

Oh and btw dating a white man or other race besides black men does not need a 'brand name' cause it really isnt any different to any other type of dating..a relationship is a relationship, period.

I agree with you here. Just tell the guy (through actions and words) that you are not interested.

OP, why are you hoping for friendship? Are you attracted to him in a way that you're not comfortable admitting? If you don't like to date black men (aka find love and companionship with one) then how can you possibly hold a true friendship with one? That boggles my mind. Just keep it moving and find your non-black men.

...Hopefully you will get over the event/circumstance/prejudices that have you racist towards your own

 

[SweetNic_JA]

Was he cute?

I didn't even look. I was mad at my SO that day...I was in a ball snatching mood and all men were potential targets

 

[AfroKink]

You said he's a nice guy, and you want to be his friend. So why don't you want to date him? If the only reason is that he is black, then what else can you tell him? "You're a really great guy, but you're black. I'm only physically attracted to men that do not resemble you. Sorry. I would still like to be your friend." Then he'll probably tell you off, and you'll never hear from him again. Thread done.

If the only reason you wont date him is because of his race, there isn't anything else you can tell him.

Lys