Help! Dating Advice For Those That Are Not Physically Attractive

[NOEChic]

Right! That goes for any conversation where women cite a man's opinion

So...I've noticed this as well...

In general, I don't care what people do when it comes to makeup. I don't necessarily think a woman will look less put together without makeup, but when in doubt, blush it out As for the OP, I agree that a woman who is "average" by society's standards can push herself into knockout (or at least the knockout at your average workplace or school ) with some effort, but the guy writing the letter seems like a D-bag for being ever so concerned about it.

NOE Chic, I was trying to roll with you, because I'm all about to each his own as long as I look as pretty as possible myself but when you started listing the acnes and the unibrows and the criss-cross lashes I was like *iphone emojicon buckeye face* Not that anything is wrong with any of those things, you just caught me offguard. lol

Barbie was about to make me mad at my SO and he hasn't even done anything wrong yet , talking about men go for low hanging fruit

And this is OT, but as for waking up pretty, I feel like that happens the most consistently when I'm alone. At SO's house I wake up looking like a bulgy eyed demon IDK if that's Murphy's Law or because I'm getting older. Goodbye

I never said I had a unibrow, and I don't have ance

 

[NOEChic]

I don't go around shading people when they wear makeup saying how beautiful I am without it. When asked why I don't wear it, I say I don't like makeup and don't think I need it.

Also, I'm not going to let people tell me I need makeup to enhance my looks when you (general) look like a clown or a lady of the night.

As far ask not agreeing with everyone that is the beauty of being human. We don't have to agree. Also, what sense does it make to have a thread with 10 pgs of people saying the same thing. If I'm not know of the first in a thread with my opinion I won't post, I'll thank some posters that feel the same way I do and keep it moving.

 

[NOEChic]

anyone else notice that many barefaced women or those who dont like makeup usually have similar aversions to plucking/waxing/removing facial hair?

these tend to be the types of women that will walk around with full-grown man beard or goatee.

walking around looking like that will def mess with your self-esteem

I have pcos and will grow a few hairs in my chin. I'm so anal I have tweezers and a mirror on my couch. No ma'am I'm not walkin around with a beard, full or not.

 

[barbiesocialite]

Right! That goes for any conversation where women cite a man's opinion



So...I've noticed this as well...


In general, I don't care what people do when it comes to makeup. I don't necessarily think a woman will look less put together without makeup, but when in doubt, blush it out As for the OP, I agree that a woman who is "average" by society's standards can push herself into knockout (or at least the knockout at your average workplace or school ) with some effort, but the guy writing the letter seems like a D-bag for being ever so concerned about it.

NOE Chic, I was trying to roll with you, because I'm all about to each his own as long as I look as pretty as possible myself but when you started listing the acnes and the unibrows and the criss-cross lashes I was like *iphone emojicon buckeye face* Not that anything is wrong with any of those things, you just caught me offguard. lol

Barbie was about to make me mad at my SO and he hasn't even done anything wrong yet , talking about men go for low hanging fruit

And this is OT, but as for waking up pretty, I feel like that happens the most consistently when I'm alone. At SO's house I wake up looking like a bulgy eyed demon IDK if that's Murphy's Law or because I'm getting older. Goodbye

InchHighPrivateEye why you gotta say it like that anyway, your SO loves you, you have a good one

 

[barbiesocialite]

I have pcos and will grow a few hairs in my chin. I'm so anal I have tweezers and a mirror on my couch. No ma'am I'm not walkin around with a beard, full or not.

gotcha. I just so happened to be hanging out with an associate earlier who is a proud bareface and noticed her chin hairs. It looked like a goatee, I asked her could I pull it.

 

[NOEChic]

I see the makeup vs no makeup the same as perm vs perm. There are people who will swear up and down that every black woman need to perm their hair and thy natural hair does not look professional or put together. Also that the non permed ladies are black militant, non shaving, natural foods and no deodorant wearing women. But we all know that is not true.

 

[NOEChic]

gotcha. I just so happened to be hanging out with an associate earlier who is a proud bareface and noticed her chin hairs. It looked like a goatee, I asked her could I pull it.

I can't do that. I will literally walk around with my hand on my chin if I think one sprouted while at work. I can't do it. But hey if she wants a goatee then more power to her.

I'm bout to get ta plucking now lol. It's also a part of my morning getting ready to leave routine.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I see the makeup vs no makeup the same as perm vs perm. There are people who will swear up and down that every black woman need to perm their hair and thy natural hair does not look professional or put together. Also that the non permed ladies are black militant, non shaving, natural foods and no deodorant wearing women. But we all know that is not true.

The difference is makeup has been proven to be directly related to professional mobility and success rates in women. There are several threads in OT with articles and research studies listed.

 

[NOEChic]

The difference is makeup has been proven to be directly related to professional mobility and success rates in women. There are several threads in OT with articles and research studies listed.

So has natural hair. Some white people and even African Americans will not promote someone with natural hair and will see something wrong with them. Most women assimilate until they are promoted and then wear their hair natural.

 

[barbiesocialite]

So has natural hair. Some white people and even African Americans will not promote someone with natural hair and will see something wrong with them. Most women assimilate until they are promoted and then wear their hair natural.

I won't agree or disagree with this. However, I feel like all women should maximize their potential to the best of their ability. Not wearing makeup is like a woman shooting herself in the foot IMO.

to each her own tho.....

 

[NappyNelle]

Lightly done makeup helps me to look more sophisticated, polished, and professional. In my work environment, I prefer that bit of 'oomph' because I'm frequently mistaken for one of the students.

Also, if you are lurking and interested in wearing makeup, it is easiest to start off slowly with the basics from a drugstore. Many brands are on sale weekly with a buy one, get one free or half off promotion. Purchase black or brown mascara and black or brown eyeliner. Line the top of your eyelids as close as you can, then top it off with a coat of mascara. You will love how your eyes come to life with less than 3 minutes of effort. Add a swipe of your regular lip balm or gloss and head out the door. It is a minimal investment with maximum results.

 

[RegaLady]

What about just being personally self confident, and self-satisfied? I, personally, don't rely on what men's opinions are....I have to do what feels right for me. And men are so easy, it doesn't even make sense to use what they like as a guide...men like what you tell them to like.

Regarding the OP, I agree....if you need it, get it! I don't care what "it" is...makeup, plastics, a gym membership...whatever. If you're sitting there miserable, and griping about it...do whatever you need to do to feel better about yourself. The only things anyone "needs" is happiness, and confidence. Do what you need to do, to get that for yourself.

I like this alot! This sounds like someone who is confident in themselves.

 

[ladysaraii]

I hate discussions like this. I think that the original advice given in the OP was good, its what I'm trying to do myself. But whenever we get into these antimakeup/makeup convos, I always end up feeling more opposed to it than when I came in. Maybe it's stubborness, IDK. But then again I am one of the perpetually single, so maybe I should shut up and get on board.

Can someone recommend a good site/book/youtube guru for people learning to apply makeup? I would ask some of my IRL friends, but ummmm I don't always like their makeup.

I go around barefaced. I will be 30 in September. The only makeup that I really don't like is lipstick. I can feel it on my lips. Makeup in general makes me more self self conscious not less. I do get my eyebrows and maintain by tweezing. I only really put on makeup for special occasions and job interviews.

This is me exactly.

I really don't mean to be rude but this could be why so many women who otherwise have a lot going for themselves complain that they are not being approached by enough men. Wearing makeup suited to the activity of the day is just part of grooming. Same reason you shouldn't go around in sweat pants or ill fitting clothes or wear your sleep cap to the store.
Being well groomed projects the message that you take care of yourself because you value yourself and should be valued by others. In the context of dating I guess it depends on who you're trying to attract but your "stock" is really dependent on what you're projecting out there. Of course your intelligence, personality, values, matter but your looks are definitely part of that equation.
And I think people are really conflating tinted moisturizer, eyeliner, lipgloss with a full caked on makeup. Not the same.

That's a good point.

Lightly done makeup helps me to more sophisticated, polished, and professional. In my work environment, I prefer that bit of 'oomph' because I'm frequently mistaken for one of the students.

Also, if you are lurking and interested in wearing makeup, it is easiest to start off slowly with the basics from a drugstore. Many brands are on sale weekly with a buy one, get one free or half off promotion. Purchase black or brown mascara and black or brown eyeliner. Line the top of your eyelids as close as you can, then top it off with a coat of mascara. You will love how your eyes come to life with less than 3 minutes of effort. Add a swipe of your regular lip balm or gloss and head out the door. It is a minimal investment with maximum results.

This is a good tip. I'm not necessarily anti-makeup, but I've never had a real interest in it (esp if it's going to be time consuming, I like to roll out of bed and go) so maybe something small to start will help

 

[brittanynic16]

This thread is so funny.

This reminds me of woman who get dressed up to go to sporting events, who are rocking a full face of make up and high heals at the mall or when I see women at Walmart in prom dresses. lol

Some people take life too seriously. There is a time and place for everything.

 

[Kanky]

^^Lisa Eldrigde and pixiwoo are my two favorite YouTube Chanels for makeup. They know what they are doing and have well lit easy to follow videos that cover the basics as well as more difficult looks.

Robert Jones makeup makeover beauty books are easy to follow for beginners.

 

[Kanky]

This thread is so funny.

This reminds me of woman who get dressed up to go to sporting events, who are rocking a full face of make up and high heals at the mall or when I see women at Walmart in prom dresses. lol

Some people take life too seriously. There is a time and place for everything.

I haven't seen anyone reccomend that women go out looking inappropriate and over dressed for the occasion. I see posters recommending basic grooming, which for most grown women, includes makeup.

 

[LivingInPeace]

I love makeup and I love the way I look in it. I think I look better with makeup just like I think I look better when my hair is styled. The only place I go without makeup is...um...no where. Makeup is fun and for me it is one of the perks of being a woman.

And for those who say, "I don't need makeup. I just wear lipgloss and mascara." Guess what? That's makeup.

 

[FemmeFatale]

I really don't mean to be rude but this could be why so many women who otherwise have a lot going for themselves complain that they are not being approached by enough men. Wearing makeup suited to the activity of the day is just part of grooming. Same reason you shouldn't go around in sweat pants or ill fitting clothes or wear your sleep cap to the store.
Being well groomed projects the message that you take care of yourself because you value yourself and should be valued by others. In the context of dating I guess it depends on who you're trying to attract but your "stock" is really dependent on what you're projecting out there. Of course your intelligence, personality, values, matter but your looks are definitely part of that equation.
And I think people are really conflating tinted moisturizer, eyeliner, lipgloss with a full caked on makeup. Not the same.

Because thanks is not enough. I think mothers should make it a point to teach their daughters this.

 

[Smiley79]

Bumping to read this thread later!

 

[brittanynic16]

I haven't seen anyone reccomend that women go out looking inappropriate and over dressed for the occasion. I see posters recommending basic grooming, which for most grown women, includes makeup.

Didn't say they did. I'm just saying what the absolutes remind me of.

 

[nerdography]

I'm not a big makeup wearer/fan. I can't wear eye makeup because my eyes so far have hated everything that I've used, luckily I had thick long lashes. And I'm not a fan of blush, it usually look ridiculous because people put on to much or use the wrong shade for their complexion. And over contouring makes women look manly.

I stick to grooming my eyebrows, BB Cream, and lip gloss...if I feel like it.

 

[Zaynab]

I won't agree or disagree with this. However, I feel like all women should maximize their potential to the best of their ability. Not wearing makeup is like a woman shooting herself in the foot IMO.

to each her own tho.....

This This.

But women will rock a weave and no makeup.

 

[BrownBetty]

I love threads like these. I am team makeup.

I don't see the issue with improving what you have. I have a gf who has to deal with the public and get dressed up regularly for her job. She won't wear a stitch of mu, I can't even get her to invest in a skin care routine. I have told her time and time again that a skin care routine and a little much would help her career and dating life. I get the I can't be bothered line..... I've offered to show her how but she declines, it is really too bad.

I say be the best you that you can be. I don't wear a full face often, usually it is brows, mascara, bronzer, gloss... takes 3 mins. Who doesn't have 3 mins?

 

[Priss Pot]

This This.

But women will rock a weave and no makeup.

GIRL!

I know someone who proudly boasts on FB about not having to wear makeup, yet she's rocking a 20" Brazilian Body Wave with false eyelashes so thick they look like broom bristles.

I'm not one to think that because you wear one, you have to wear the others. For instance, I wear makeup, but I don't wear weave or false lashes. But, I also won't put others down for their choice to wear weave. Now, I may find issues with their reasoning for wearing weave (such as not accepting their own hair, thinking their hair isn't "good" enough, etc), but the act of wearing weave itself is not the actual issue.

 

[MrsJaiDiva]

But what is so wrong about your natural face? I understand if you just love makeup, and love the look of it... I put care into my body itself. I use a great soap daily with my Clarisonic, and a good oil free moisturizer....I make sure my brows are cleaned up... I make sure that I am good, and then if I want to go extra with makeup I go for it. But one should be anti-bare face...as if there is something inherently wrong with a woman's bare face. Unkempt is one thing, but natural is another entirely. Wasn't that the reason we did the bare face thread??

It's sounding like this one woman I saw at the nail salon. She was getting a pedicure with a dark color...and she needed it to cover the huge blue & green fungus that was growing on her toes. If she took care of her feet, she could rock a clear polish, and look just as great...and probably be less self conscious of herself....

 

[Priss Pot]

But what is so wrong about your natural face? I understand if you just love makeup, and love the look of it... I put care into my body itself. I use a great soap daily with my Clarisonic, and a good oil free moisturizer....I make sure my brows are cleaned up... I make sure that I am good, and then if I want to go extra with makeup I go for it. But one should be anti-bare face...as if there is something inherently wrong with a woman's bare face. Unkempt is one thing, but natural is another entirely. Wasn't that the reason we did the bare face thread??

It's sounding like this one woman I saw at the nail salon. She was getting a pedicure with a dark color...and she needed it to cover the huge blue & green fungus that was growing on her toes. If she took care of her feet, she could rock a clear polish, and look just as great...and probably be less self conscious of herself....

I don't think there's anything wrong with a bare face in general. But this is just my personal opinion. I don't wear makeup everyday. I wear makeup 1) when going out and 2) when doing freelance for MAC. For my regular job during the week, I will either go barefaced or at least some mascara. It just depends on how I feel that day.

Even when I'm not wearing makeup, I still keep myself groomed, especially my eyebrows.

BTW, in regard to the fungus analogy. I don't think it's fair to assume that if someone has it, that it's because they don't take care of their feet. I've heard plenty of stories from women who get regular pedicures who said that they contracted a nail fungus from the tools at the salon.

 

[Kanky]

But what is so wrong about your natural face? I understand if you just love makeup, and love the look of it... I put care into my body itself. I use a great soap daily with my Clarisonic, and a good oil free moisturizer....I make sure my brows are cleaned up... I make sure that I am good, and then if I want to go extra with makeup I go for it. But one should be anti-bare face...as if there is something inherently wrong with a woman's bare face. Unkempt is one thing, but natural is another entirely. Wasn't that the reason we did the bare face thread??

It's sounding like this one woman I saw at the nail salon. She was getting a pedicure with a dark color...and she needed it to cover the huge blue & green fungus that was growing on her toes. If she took care of her feet, she could rock a clear polish, and look just as great...and probably be less self conscious of herself....

There is nothing inherently wrong with a bareface, just like there is nothing inherently wrong with hairy legs and arm pits, which is also natural. However women who care about their appearance and the way impression that they make usually remove that hair and use makeup in a way that is appropriate for the occassion. Good skin care is also important and most people who wear makeup also take very good care of their skin.

 

[Kanky]

I don't think there's anything wrong with a bare face in general. But this is just my personal opinion. I don't wear makeup everyday. I wear makeup 1) when going out and 2) when doing freelance for MAC. For my regular job during the week, I will either go barefaced or at least some mascara. It just depends on how I feel that day.

Even when I'm not wearing makeup, I still keep myself groomed, especially my eyebrows.

BTW, in regard to the fungus analogy. I don't think it's fair to assume that if someone has it, that it's because they don't take care of their feet. I've heard plenty of stories from women who get regular pedicures who said that they contracted a nail fungus from the tools at the salon.

There are also women who have skin issues (acne, dark marks, dryness or whatever) that take good care of their skin and simply haven't found a routine that completely eliminates the problem. However that doesn't mean that they should go around with the problem exposed to world.

 

[MrsJaiDiva]

I don't think there's anything wrong with a bare face in general. But this is just my personal opinion. I don't wear makeup everyday. I wear makeup 1) when going out and 2) when doing freelance for MAC. For my regular job during the week, I will either go barefaced or at least some mascara. It just depends on how I feel that day.

Even when I'm not wearing makeup, I still keep myself groomed, especially my eyebrows.

BTW, in regard to the fungus analogy. I don't think it's fair to assume that if someone has it, that it's because they don't take care of their feet. I've heard plenty of stories from women who get regular pedicures who said that they contracted a nail fungus from the tools at the salon.

I know you can get a fungus from dirty tools, but taking care of yourself would be to go to your PCP, or podiatrist and get something for it. Half her toe was black/blue & green, and she was covering it up with a dark blue polish. A fungus doesn't start out that big...you could tell she'd been letting it grow for a while. If the base isn't on point, then what are you really dressing up?

And NFN, but your bare face is Gorge Priss....and when you paint, you're so good with it. I had you in mind with what I was saying.... Your bare face is perfect, and if you wanted to just go out like that, I can't imagine anyone saying "Oh gawd...didn't she want to throw on some gloss or something??". So, when you do it's just icing on the cake.

 

[MrsJaiDiva]

There is nothing inherently wrong with a bareface, just like there is nothing inherently wrong with hairy legs and arm pits, which is also natural. However women who care about their appearance and the way impression that they make usually remove that hair and use makeup in a way that is appropriate for the occassion. Good skin care is also important and most people who wear makeup also take very good care of their skin.

That's why I said there was a difference between natural, and unkempt. I'm not talking about unkempt.