Help! Dating Advice For Those That Are Not Physically Attractive

[Zaynab]

Well the consensus seems to be ... It's according to "dey man"....

What these men say, look at and covet are all vastly different things.

DH's friend told him he wished his wife 'fixed up more'. She was also a proud bare faced woman who always tried to shade me saying he loved her plain-ness. Oh OK then.

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

 

[SuchaLady]

So what's the difference between choosing not to wear it and someone believing they don't need it. I don't understand the negative connotation with simply saying you don't wear it.

 

[Zaynab]

I thought this thread would have been about dating advice but I like the makeup turn. As I have told many women who don't wear makeup regularly IRL, when you are looking for a mate, you have to show you are available and makeup is a great way to do it.

You know any time you post something about improving your appearance to increase your dating opportunities- the board blows up.

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

 

[Zaynab]

Ooooohhhh a makeup debate!!! y'all know how I feel.

You're just in time. Pull up a makeup brush and read

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[LittleMissScientist]

I think physical attractiveness boils down to being in good shape- it's probably about 75% of the equation. Makeup, hair, clothing, and overall presentation + attitude constitute the rest.

So, barring any type of physical disability, it's possible for anyone who feels their dating options are limited due to lack of physical attractiveness to become more attractive.

But I think the best piece of advice in the OP was for people who are approximately equal in the looks department to pair up.

 

[Zaynab]

I think physical attractiveness boils down to being in good shape- it's probably about 75% of the equation. Makeup, hair, clothing, and overall presentation + attitude constitute the rest.

So, barring any type of physical disability, it's possible for anyone who feels their dating options are limited due to lack of physical attractiveness to become more attractive.

But I think the best piece of advice in the OP was for people who are approximately equal in the looks department to pair up.

I say attitude and personality first then looks/appearance. Smiling ,being sweet, and confident no matter how you look gets you FAR. There are plenty of gorgeous in shape women who are perpetually single.

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

 

[RocStar]

The only thing I have to add to this thread is that wearing makeup does not have to mean you have a full face on at all times. It is supposed to enhance your looks...it does not cover up your (lack of) looks. 24 inch spider lashes and clown rouge does not enhance anyone's look.

I guess I am saying there are two extremes. Those who won't even groom their eyebrows, versus those who wear drag makeup to work. There is a middle ground.

 

[Syrah]

What these men say, look at and covet are all vastly different things.

DH's friend told him he wished his wife 'fixed up more'. She was also a proud bare faced woman who always tried to shade me saying he loved her plain-ness. Oh OK then.

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

Plus what do you expect him to say when you ask him "baby, I don't need makeup, right?".

 

[LittleMissScientist]

I say attitude and personality first then looks/appearance. Smiling ,being sweet, and confident no matter how you look gets you FAR. There are plenty of gorgeous in shape women who are perpetually single.

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

Those elements are definitely what will seal the deal and keep a man! But if the issue is that these women are not physically attractive, then improving their shape is probably the best way to go. Also, for most people, the two are related. So if you feel healthy and fit, you're more likely to smile, flirt, and feel confident when interacting with strangers/potential dates.

 

[curlycoquette]

As women, we can listen to whatever bullshyt advice that Steve Harvey, our pastors, CNN, etc. give about dating or you can listen to the superficial (yet real) advice of this article. The majority of men don't care about our education, our salaries, our spirituality, etc. The primary thing that attracts them is our *drum roll* physical attractiveness. And if one is having trouble dating then adjusting one's physical attractiveness via weight loss/gain, makeup, hair styling, etc. makes the most sense.

Also, you have to think of what kind of man you're wanting to attract. *zips lips*

vs.

at that before of Eva. I agree though. The bold reminds me of the blog post in this thread.

 

[Zaynab]

Those elements are definitely what will seal the deal and keep a man! But if the issue is that these women are not physically attractive, then improving their shape is probably the best way to go. Also, for most people, the two are related. So if you feel healthy and fit, you're more likely to smile, flirt, and feel confident when interacting with strangers/potential dates.

I've seen average looking thick and big chicks that stay down with having men I don't buy that theory... only for a certain type of man maybe but no.

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

 

[LittleMissScientist]

As women, we can listen to whatever bullshyt advice that Steve Harvey, our pastors, CNN, etc. give about dating or you can listen to the superficial (yet real) advice of this article. The majority of men don't care about our education, our salaries, our spirituality, etc. The primary thing that attracts them is our *drum roll* physical attractiveness. And if one is having trouble dating then adjusting one's physical attractiveness via weight loss/gain, makeup, hair styling, etc. makes the most sense.

Also, you have to think of what kind of man you're wanting to attract. *zips lips*

vs.

Agree with all of this!

I know what you mean Zaynab but we're not talking about those who have been successful regardless of any potential "shortcoming"- we're talking about those who haven't been able to attract anyone.

 

[knt1229]

What sticks out to me is that he doesn't say exactly what makes these women physically unattractive. It seems that most in this thread have assumed these women have an ugly face. But, IME, most of the times when people say someone is physically unattractive they are usually talking about weight. I would imagine these "physically unattractive" women are overweight.

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

What these men say, look at and covet are all vastly different things.

DH's friend told him he wished his wife 'fixed up more'. She was also a proud bare faced woman who always tried to shade me saying he loved her plain-ness. Oh OK then.

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

Zaynab I have a friend like this. I don't wear make up very often (cuz I'm too lazy to put it on most of the time) but when I do it's fine. I had a friend who noticed I was wearing eyeshadow and she then proceeds to tell me that, "I don't need makeup because I look fine without it," blah, blah blah...but then the following week we meet up and she's wearing it.

 

[Syrah]

Agree with all of this!

I know what you mean Zaynab but we're not talking about those who have been successful regardless of any potential "shortcoming"- we're talking about those who haven't been able to attract anyone.

If you can't attract ANYBODY, I'd guess it has more to do with aura and personality than bushy eyebrows and a lack of blush...

 

[Zaynab]

If you can't attract ANYBODY, I'd guess it has more to do with aura and personality than bushy eyebrows and a lack of blush...

Yep

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

 

[karezone]

I go around barefaced. I will be 30 in September. The only makeup that I really don't like is lipstick. I can feel it on my lips. Makeup in general makes me more self self conscious not less. I do get my eyebrows and maintain by tweezing. I only really put on makeup for special occasions and job interviews.

As an adult.....have you ever tried a little make up before? mascara, powder, eyeliner? Anything?

If you have....what didn't you like about it?

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

Lmao at "conniving eyebrowless bastard"


I would love for Olitz to be exposed. It's time

 

[yardyspice]

Plus what do you expect him to say when you ask him "baby, I don't need makeup, right?".

I go around barefaced. I will be 30 in September. The only makeup that I really don't like is lipstick. I can feel it on my lips. Makeup in general makes me more self self conscious not less. I do get my eyebrows and maintain by tweezing. I only really put on makeup for special occasions and job interviews.

Engaged/Married?

 

[LittleMissScientist]

If you can't attract ANYBODY, I'd guess it has more to do with aura and personality than bushy eyebrows and a lack of blush...

Hmmm. On one hand we acknowledge that more physically- not spiritually, emotionally, or intellectually- attractive people are paid more, more likely to be promoted, less likely to be punished for a crime, etc but then question if being more physically attractive can aid in finding a mate?

Bottom line, IMO- if you can improve your physical body- I'm not talking about blush and eyebrows- you should. It will likely improve your all-important aura as well.

 

[yardyspice]

Hmmm. On one hand we acknowledge that more physically- not spiritually, emotionally, or intellectually- attractive people are paid more, more likely to be promoted, less likely to be punished for a crime, etc but then question if being more physically attractive can aid in finding a mate?

Hell yes!!

If looks were everything, then the human population would have died out a long time ago.

 

[sweetvi]

I say attitude and personality first then looks/appearance. Smiling ,being sweet, and confident no matter how you look gets you FAR. There are plenty of gorgeous in shape women who are perpetually single.

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

^^^^^^^^^^^ This!!!! Can't thank you enough! I know someone who I consider very attractive, great career and can dress her behind off. She is in her mid 30's and depressed about not being married. Every guy she falls for never seems to work out. She has a negative energy about her and emotionally draining........ I could say more lol. In addition, guys sense the desperation in her to want to marry....

 

[isobell]

I really don't mean to be rude but this could be why so many women who otherwise have a lot going for themselves complain that they are not being approached by enough men. Wearing makeup suited to the activity of the day is just part of grooming. Same reason you shouldn't go around in sweat pants or ill fitting clothes or wear your sleep cap to the store.
Being well groomed projects the message that you take care of yourself because you value yourself and should be valued by others. In the context of dating I guess it depends on who you're trying to attract but your "stock" is really dependent on what you're projecting out there. Of course your intelligence, personality, values, matter but your looks are definitely part of that equation.
And I think people are really conflating tinted moisturizer, eyeliner, lipgloss with a full caked on makeup. Not the same.

 

[Arian]

^^^ Good for you.

My whole stance on makeup is.."to each their own".
Some feel they don't need and some feel they do.
Some feel like all women should wear it and some just dgaf.
I'm one of those people that dgaf what people do to their face.
But for me..I like to wear make-up and feel that it enhances my natural beauty

This is me! I think women look nice with it, but I am allergic or something because it makes me itch, lol. Plus, I feel like I have a plastic bag on my face when I wear it...and I am so acne prone til I just like to be extra careful.

But, I LOVES me some colored gloss! I look great with my bright pink gloss. Love it! I really want to focus on making my skin glow and just adding the lip gloss to the equation. A little of that makes a WORLD of difference in the way I look.

 

[isobell]

I say attitude and personality first then looks/appearance. Smiling ,being sweet, and confident no matter how you look gets you FAR. There are plenty of gorgeous in shape women who are perpetually single.

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

I would even take this further and say its about being trying to be the best version of YOURSELF you can be. When you're happy with yourself you will project that happiness and confidence to others. This aura is what draws in friends and romantic partners.

 

[NOEChic]

Darling, make-up was only ONE suggestion, out of many possible other factors that women adjust to flatter themselves more.

You are not less than a woman without it.
You are not more of a woman by wearing it.

HOWEVER, it cannot be denied that make-up CAN help people's self-esteem if used in a way that it does not become a crutch for the woman and what defines her as a person.

Many things were mentioned that these "unattractive" women may have to change. Wardrobe, self-confidence, being less desperate, exercise, diet, etc.

Truthfully, this is just one man's opinion. We don't even know if HE is attractive. We have no idea how attractive/unattractive these ladies are. Also, what is appealing to one may not be appealing to another. There are too many uncommon denominators to figure out what the root cause really is. Perhaps these ladies are all looking in the wrong places, we don't even know how many ladies it is!

Just because I wear make-up doesn't automatically mean I am unhappy with how I look barefaced.
Just because I walk out my door barefaced doesn't mean I'm not put together.

However, I do feel like make-up is just as much a part of "dressing up" as high heels, skirts, and a popping hair style are. When I get glam, I go IN. I do the whole 10 yards, and that includes beating my face.

Do women HAVE to wear heels? No. How about jewlery and fancy purses? I'm sure there have been plenty of women who pulled a man without all the extra.

BUT all make-up is is another accessory, just like wigs, weaves, gems, stones, and all these other things.

Now can ya'll clam the fluff down and go back to discussing the actual topic?

It was mentioned in their thread that not wearing makeup somehow made the woman less than a woman. And I can't clam the fluff down. I don't even know what that means.

 

[aviddiva77]

Meh. I believe it's more about self-confidence/self-esteem. You can get a man with the accessories but bad/negative self-esteem will tank it every time. I will admit I go around barefaced however I know I have self-esteem issues. For me putting on make-up isn't gonna make my self-esteem better it will be come a crutch/dependence. So I'm working on being happy with me natural and then maybe I'll add bb cream (or whatever is light foundation). Speaking of which I should probably hit up the make-up forum to figure that out lol

But I agree that if you like make-up wear it. If you don't don't wear it.

 

[barbiesocialite]

anyone else notice that many barefaced women or those who dont like makeup usually have similar aversions to plucking/waxing/removing facial hair?

these tend to be the types of women that will walk around with full-grown man beard or goatee.

walking around looking like that will def mess with your self-esteem

 

[Saga]

It was mentioned in their thread that not wearing makeup somehow made the woman less than a woman. And I can't clam the fluff down. I don't even know what that means.

I know exactly what was mentioned. I read the entire thread up until the point I posted.
My statement just negated that. You know its not true, I know its not true. End of debate.

And my fault I meant *calm the fluff down. As in relax, chill, cool your jets, don't get your draws in a bunch, sit down, take a breath, count to ten, sing a song, meditate, drink some tea, pray, squeeze a stress ball, and hakuna matata,

 

[yardyspice]

anyone else notice that many barefaced women or those who dont like makeup usually have similar aversions to plucking/waxing/removing facial hair?

these tend to be the types of women that will walk around with full-grown man beard or goatee.

walking around looking like that will def mess with your self-esteem

Let me go to bed.