He went out of his way to hurt me...

[hopeful]

I guess it all depends on what one considers acceptable in a relationship. I feel he went out of his way since it was my birthday and after talking to him I know he sees it the same way. He said he knew it would hurt me and even talked to his friend about it and said "I should call Khalia, it's her birthday". He deliberately tried to hurt my feelings and that's 'out of the way' to me.

...

If my husband didn't call me on my birthday I would be sooo hurt. Throughout my long relationship with my husband, from dating to engagement to marriage and having kids we have never gone even one day without talking, we might be angry and hurt but dangit we are going to say good night and I love you. I think you are justified to have the feelings you have about the situation. I'm sorry he hurt you, now you just need to relax, pray and decide what you want to do.

And there is nothing wrong (IMHO) with needing another person's comfort and support. We cannot always be strong, sometimes we are hurt, injured, weak, and we need help. If you haven't already done so make a list of all the good this man brings to your life and all of the bad. Maybe that will give you some clarity.

I'm sure you'll make the right decision.

 

[Caramela]

I guess it all depends on what one considers acceptable in a relationship. I feel he went out of his way since it was my birthday and after talking to him I know he sees it the same way. He said he knew it would hurt me and even talked to his friend about it and said "I should call Khalia, it's her birthday". He deliberately tried to hurt my feelings and that's 'out of the way' to me.

I know I'm not perfect and I hurt other people's feelings - everyone does here and again. But something doesn't have to be an extreme - he did something he knew would hurt me and that's unacceptable. For example, if he made me breakfast and I didn't eat it his feelings would be very hurt. It's not extreme, but in his eyes it would be going out of my way to hurt him.

How can I put this? ... You mentioned in another post that both of you are sensitive people and take things in similar ways. I do not believe that majority of people take things like you and your Beau. Having said that, if this is the worst you have to endure, then STAY WITH THIS MAN... most men you will meet will be a lot more ruthless and if his not calling on your birthday hurt this bad then it a) tells me that you care DEEPLY for him and b) that you would be CRITICALLY hurt by some of the actions of other men out here.
Of course, do what's right for you but I don't see this as grounds to end a relationship. Especially since he is remorseful and has apologized. He is admitting he was wrong. Many men cannot even bring themselves to do that.

 

[Highly Favored8]

((((HUGS)))))

And Happy Late Birhtday =)

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I think you should wait. I would venture to estimate that in a week, the answer will be more obvious to you. Your emotions seem to be very wrapped up in everything right now, but emotions are not the best place from which to make decisions.

A part of me says that the scenario is not the end of the world and that if you express your discontent and hurt to him and he apologizes AND corrects the behavior, you should be able to move past it...

HOWEVER, only you know the ins and outs of the relationship, and I can TOTALLY relate to the birthday thing as I have an ex who a) broke up with me the night before my birthday and another who didn't call on my birthday because we were having a disagreement. I was hurt and shocked that he did that so I get that feeling...it does need to be addressed. I'm just not sure it's a deal breaker on its own without some other major issue causing problems.

Again, I say wait. Be still. Listen. The answer will come to you.

 

[Paradox]

To me that is unacceptable, when a man really loves you it is unconditional.
It doesn't matter how much you get on their nerves, when man wants to be there for you he will be there.
The argument was just an excuse for him.
Unacceptable.
How can he not help move you, the thought of that baffles and angers me.
What do you get from moving on in this relationship, because this is his personality.
My mother always told me to not get married to a man unless I see how he treats me if we got into an argument.
Well, you got to see that, and he acted very unreasonable, so it's time to go.

 

[Paradox]

He didn't talk to you. That doesn't seem like he went "out of his way" to be hurtful. If he slapped you in your face, or slept with another woman in your bed, that would be going out of his way to be hurtful. I think that his actions were insensitive, but in the scheme of things hardly as bad as they could be.
I think that if you care about him that his little silent treatment is forgiveable.

See that is a problem most women have...you have to notice the small things.
He did go out of his way, he had the ENTIRE day to say something to her, the whole day. Men know how women feel about these special days.
Love and being a gentlemen would have allowed to him to wish her a Happy Birthday,give her a present, and visit her in the hospital. If he wanted to resume the silent treatment after fulfilling these duties, then that could be OK( not great but better than nothing), because he's proven that when things are important he can put aside feelings and take care of her. One aspect of marriage is about putting aside being rights to make your partner happy and commitment & sacrifice when times get tough.


To the OP: I agree, with you.You have to pick on the small behaviors, magnify and analyze them in order to gain a true understanding of men's character. Like in one example, one guy was in such a rush, he almost slammed my foot in the door. Very small indeed, but this says alot about his behavior and character. He's also done something to my friend that proves me right.
This is another guy, that my friend is friend's with.
I love picking out those key phases that men say:
I can break up with a women and get another one the next day, p*ssy is p*ssy( I hate that he used that language around me): This means to him that women are almost disposable. He doesn't notice the unique qualities in women, so this is they type of guy that would never truly appreciate what you do and could easily cheat on you. Once again, it is about sex. Men who want a true relationship, won't just go out and get a pretty girl the next day. It takes time for them to pick out which girl after observation or friendship, and she may not always look like a model..and what about the girl that he is leaving. Wouldn't he feel like he has missed out, because there is only one women on earth like her. But once again it doesn't matter to him, women can be easily replaced.
White women want too much attention, black women you can leave them alone without them bothering you,they are independent, if you don't call white women they start getting insecure: Yeah, it sounds like a compliment, but it's not. White women are expecting a relationship and for a man to take care of them like he should. That is not what he wants, he wants sex. He wants to sleep with you and then be able to leave you alone, come and go at his will. He doesn't want women to demand more than that.

Talk to these men about politics and social issues,get their understanding of the world. There is a difference in mentality between a man who believes in war and a man who doesn't.
Talk about TV shows and movies, see which ones are his favorite characters and why he admires them.
Analyze EVERYTHING about him, how he walks, wears his clothes, what music he listens to, his hobbies,past relationships and why did they break up( he can't give you the reason why or blames it on the girl, watch out!!),the food he likes, his job, does he go the church, what types of church, how does he participate in the community, how he treats his enemies& women, find out his worst fear... I could go on for days. Notice those small, small details, and remember until you need them again.

 

[hopeful]

To me that is unacceptable, when a man really loves you it is unconditional.
It doesn't matter how much you get on their nerves, when man wants to be there for you he will be there.
The argument was just an excuse for him.
Unacceptable.
How can he not help move you, the thought of that baffles and angers me.
What do you from moving on in this relationship, because this is his personality.
My mother always told me to not get married to a man unless I see how he treats me if we got into an argument.
Well, you got to see that, and he acted very unreasonable, so it's time to go.

I like the bolded. That is good advice.

 

[deltagyrl]

OP, I'm sorry this happened but I think you should definitely keep this one in your mental rolodex for future reference. What he did was spiteful and telling. He was trying to punish you.

I think you're onto something concerning your father and I'd suggest counseling to further explore it. Daddy's mistreatment has undoubtedly impacted your ability to form healthy romantic relationships. I speak from experience.

Good luck with everything.

((((hugs))))

 

[Farida]

My SO and I got into it the day before my birthday (my b-day is Dec 31st) and we didn't speak the rest of the day. He also didn't call me on the day of my birthday or for the rest of the week. I've never had an SO go out of his way to be so hurtful. The situation was made worse by the fact that I was recently rear-ended in a car accident and was in pain and needed him to be there for me.

I'm so hurt and angry I can hardly see straight. I'm not a very forgiving person and I don't think this is the type of thing I can get over. My mother thinks I should forgive him, but I think his behavior was too malicious. He apologized, but I'm still angry/hurt and I'm tired of him giving me the silent treatment even when he's the one that's wrong. He's too vindictive and my feelings get hurt if someone even looks at me the wrong way. He wants to continue the relationship, but I think it's best if I break it off - there can only be more of the same if I stay with him.

I'm also upset about this because I have to wonder if I'm a bad judge of character. I came from an abusive background and my father wasn't in the picture and I wonder if my exposure to so much negativity in my past keeps me from identifying negative characteristics about a man until something big happens. I don't know if I'm getting my point across clearly, but I feel as though I don't recognize small indicators that someone else would see as red flags early on because I was so used to bad treatment growing up.

I'm also conflicted because all my life my mother has told me that I'll never be with anyone or get married because I'm too difficult to love. That is always in the back of my mind - that I'm a hard person to love and that I'm meant to be alone. I try to convince myself that it's not true, but after hearing it so many times it stays with me.

There's two sides to a relationship conflict. It is hardly ever 100% one person's fault.

I can't tell you how many times DH and I fought when we were dating, which ended in neither one of us talking to each other, only to find out that both of us weren't talking because we each felt wronged and that the other person should apologize. So we were essentially gonna sit around forever waiting on the other person to apologize. And both us were really hurting.

When you are hurt, it is easy to feel like you are the only one who was wronged, and he can't possibly be hurt himself. Now, you know your man and unless he has given you reason to believe he is malicious, I don't see how his behavior shows that he went out of his way to hurt you. Inconsiderate yes, immature yes, malicious I don't think so. Maybe he was sitting at home thinking how you can be so hurtful to go out of your way not to talk to him for a week. Maybe he was waiting for you to apologize for something. Think hard about what has been going on, see if there is anything you may have done.

Sometimes in conflict you have to reach out, you can't always sit and wait for the person to come and get you. You talk, you work things out if they can be worked out.

How is he vindictive? Explain. I want to understand your side of the story more. Also, you said it yourself, perhaps you are hypersensitive and read too much into things.

I am not saying to stay with a jerk, but if all things considered he is a nice guy you may want to try and work things out. People often have communication problems and those can cause HUGE fights. I tell you one day I had such a huge fight I went to rabs77's house in tears thinking my life was over...only to find out both of us miscommunicated our feelings to each other.

Sounds like the two of you don't know how to fight fair. And that can be fixed. That is....if he is essentially a good man.

 

[DragonPearl]

You had just been in an accident. You were in pain. That is a time when your loved ones should cut you some slacks. It bothers me that a man who claims to love you would desert you at this particular time of need when you're vulnerable (you may be strong, but you're not SUPERWOMAN HEAR ME ROAR), and not call you on your B-Day, and not wish you a HAppy New Year.

These are serious red flags. You may not break up with him, but if I were you, I would put him on probation.

And about your mom, you need to put her on ignore when it comes to your love life. Seriously.

 

[Casarela]

Well, think about it if it was him and you wouldve done that to him do you sincerely think he wouldve put an end to the relationship?

Plus, you have to think if your experiencing the same type of scenario in various contexts frequently? If so , well sounds like giving him a chance is just giving him a second chance to do it again.

IMHO, I think you should forgive him but to know if you should leave or stay ..its on you because youre the only person that will know deep down inside if his behaviour was really unacceptable or if it simply made you angry.

P.S Dont let frustration take over you.

HAPY BDAY HUN!

 

[LoveLiLi]

Well, think about it if it was him and you wouldve done that to him do you sincerely think he wouldve put an end to the relationship?

Plus, you have to think if your experiencing the same type of scenario in various contexts frequently? If so , well sounds like giving him a chance is just giving him a second chance to do it again.

IMHO, I think you should forgive him but to know if you should leave or stay ..its on you because youre the only person that will know deep down inside if his behaviour was really unacceptable or if it simply made you angry.

P.S Dont let frustration take over you.

HAPY BDAY HUN!

I think this is one of the reasons my feelings were really hurt. I wouldn't do that to him unless he cheated/hit me/stole from me...you see where I'm going with this. He'd have to do something major for me to give him the silent treatment on his b-day and if it was that serious the relationship would have to end anyway. To me a person's birthday is a day when you get to go all out for them and show them that you care, so any arguments would be pushed to the side so I can show them a good time. My sisters, brother, mom and my SO know that when their b-day comes around I'm going all out for them.

 

[new-life]

We argued because I was in a-lot of pain from the accident and there were some heavy things in my trunk that needed to be moved before my car was taken to the autobody shop.

The items that needed to be moved would have been heavy even if I wasn't already in pain, and I knew that I was going to be in more pain if I moved them myself. I live in a condo and have to walk up steep steps to get to my house and carrying those things that far is not something I should do in the state I am in.

He did not show up to move the items for me, but trust me, he can be at a friend's party or at happy-hour in a heartbeat.

I guess need was a strong word to use and I did move the items myself, but as far as I'm concerned, I shouldn't have had to. Besides, he damn near cursed me out a few months ago because I wasn't there to hold him and comfort him when he had a cold, so he's waaay out of line.

He wants to be the man in my life, so he needs to act like one. And a man would be there to assist me.

My SO and I got into it the day before my birthday (my b-day is Dec 31st) and we didn't speak the rest of the day. He also didn't call me on the day of my birthday or for the rest of the week. I've never had an SO go out of his way to be so hurtful. The situation was made worse by the fact that I was recently rear-ended in a car accident and was in pain and needed him to be there for me.

I'm so hurt and angry I can hardly see straight. I'm not a very forgiving person and I don't think this is the type of thing I can get over. My mother thinks I should forgive him, but I think his behavior was too malicious. He apologized, but I'm still angry/hurt and I'm tired of him giving me the silent treatment even when he's the one that's wrong. He's too vindictive and my feelings get hurt if someone even looks at me the wrong way. He wants to continue the relationship, but I think it's best if I break it off - there can only be more of the same if I stay with him.

I'm also upset about this because I have to wonder if I'm a bad judge of character. I came from an abusive background and my father wasn't in the picture and I wonder if my exposure to so much negativity in my past keeps me from identifying negative characteristics about a man until something big happens. I don't know if I'm getting my point across clearly, but I feel as though I don't recognize small indicators that someone else would see as red flags early on because I was so used to bad treatment growing up.

I'm also conflicted because all my life my mother has told me that I'll never be with anyone or get married because I'm too difficult to love. That is always in the back of my mind - that I'm a hard person to love and that I'm meant to be alone. I try to convince myself that it's not true, but after hearing it so many times it stays with me.

Khalia after reading the bolded, I think you are definitely justified for being upset, it seems like no one else read that part

 

[LoveLiLi]

To me that is unacceptable, when a man really loves you it is unconditional.
It doesn't matter how much you get on their nerves, when man wants to be there for you he will be there.
The argument was just an excuse for him.
Unacceptable.
How can he not help move you, the thought of that baffles and angers me.
What do you get from moving on in this relationship, because this is his personality.
My mother always told me to not get married to a man unless I see how he treats me if we got into an argument.
Well, you got to see that, and he acted very unreasonable, so it's time to go.

I completely agree. I've never had an SO give me the silent treatment and on my b-day no less. The situation I'm in with the accident makes it even worse. He hasn't been there for me and that really concerns me. He talks about marriage, yet he's not a good SO!

I don't understand how he was comfortable not speaking to me for six days, I've never gone even one day without talking to my previous SO's no matter what had occurred. He says he loves me sooo much, but he wasn't aware of how I was doing during that time.

It also worries me because my most recent ex would cheat whenever we had arguments. Of course, I didn't find out what he was up to until much later, but he was on sex sites, swingers sites, making ameteur porn, going on dates and god knows what else whenever he was angry with me or just bored. So, not communicating with my current SO for that long literally made me sick to my stomach. I could hardly eat just worrying about how far he was taking this.

 

[Spongie Bloom]

i dont think it is wrong or needy to want your man to be there for you especially after you have an accident, if you didnt then what would be the point in having an SO in the first place?? him being in your life should serve a positive purpose. Sounds to me he is extremely selfish Im also not a fan of pple being vindictive and childish if we had an argument fine take time to cool off then we can talk about it taking a week to cool off thats pushing it, you can just ignore someone for a week and including their birthday how would he feel if the tables were turned, he seems unreliable physically and emotionally. At different stages in my life i have had arguments with the pple in my life but trust when they need me i will be there giving be it giving them the evil eye and saying sarky comments lol but ill be there with my gift and say happy birthday.

 

[Farida]

I completely agree. I've never had an SO give me the silent treatment and on my b-day no less. The situation I'm in with the accident makes it even worse. He hasn't been there for me and that really concerns me. He talks about marriage, yet he's not a good SO!

I don't understand how he was comfortable not speaking to me for six days, I've never gone even one day without talking to my previous SO's no matter what had occurred. He says he loves me sooo much, but he wasn't aware of how I was doing during that time.

It also worries me because my most recent ex would cheat whenever we had arguments. Of course, I didn't find out what he was up to until much later, but he was on sex sites, swingers sites, making ameteur porn, going on dates and god knows what else whenever he was angry with me or just bored. So, not communicating with my current SO for that long literally made me sick to my stomach. I could hardly eat just worrying about how far he was taking this.

Did YOU call him? Otherwise you were comfortable with not speaking with him for six days as well even though something occurred.

I still think you should talk to him. How long have you been together? He needs to learn there are proper ways to express oneself. Keep him on probation, if he keeps doing this ish, jump ship.

I also think you need a counselor. Baggage can ruin relationships.

 

[hopeful]

I completely agree. I've never had an SO give me the silent treatment and on my b-day no less. The situation I'm in with the accident makes it even worse. He hasn't been there for me and that really concerns me. He talks about marriage, yet he's not a good SO!

I don't understand how he was comfortable not speaking to me for six days, I've never gone even one day without talking to my previous SO's no matter what had occurred. He says he loves me sooo much, but he wasn't aware of how I was doing during that time.

It also worries me because my most recent ex would cheat whenever we had arguments. Of course, I didn't find out what he was up to until much later, but he was on sex sites, swingers sites, making ameteur porn, going on dates and god knows what else whenever he was angry with me or just bored. So, not communicating with my current SO for that long literally made me sick to my stomach. I could hardly eat just worrying about how far he was taking this.

It would have made me sick to the stomach as well.

 

[hopeful]

Did YOU call him? Otherwise you were comfortable with not speaking with him for six days as well even though something occurred.

I still think you should talk to him. How long have you been together? He needs to learn there are proper ways to express oneself. Keep him on probation, if he keeps doing this ish, jump ship.

I also think you need a counselor. Baggage can ruin relationships.

She didn't call him because she was the one who was recently in an accident, she was the one who was in physical pain, he was the one who stood her up and did not help her move the heavy items that he was supposed to help her move. She was angry with him for letting her down and he wasn't owning up to that. The fact that it was also her birthday the following day imo puts more on him to call her and apologize or at the least to say Happy Birthday. Not trying to pick a fight with you, just wanted to share my view.

 

[new-life]

She didn't call him because she was the one who was recently in an accident, she was the one who was in physical pain, he was the one who stood her up and did not help her move the heavy items that he was supposed to help her move. She was angry with him for letting her down and he wasn't owning up to that. The fact that it was also her birthday the following day imo puts more on him to call her and apologize or at the least to say Happy Birthday. Not trying to pick a fight with you, just wanted to share my view.

Say that again

 

[Farida]

I asked if she called, because truth is we are only getting one side of the story - hers. It is possible he was angry too about something too. And she mentioned that no matter what occurred in a relationship SHE always called. So, that's why I asked her why she didn't call, if she really does always feel bad not talking to someone for a week.

But anyway, I am part of the unpopular opinion. I've stated my case. OP keep your eyes wide open whatever you choose to do.

 

[Farida]

Plus she said he is vindictive and I asked her to explain how. What is he getting revenge for? To get clarity about the situation, but she didn't respond.

 

[Lylddlebit]

~~~~~~~~~Deleted~~~~~~~~~~

 

[LoveLiLi]

Did YOU call him? Otherwise you were comfortable with not speaking with him for six days as well even though something occurred.

I still think you should talk to him. How long have you been together? He needs to learn there are proper ways to express oneself. Keep him on probation, if he keeps doing this ish, jump ship.

I also think you need a counselor. Baggage can ruin relationships.

I called him on his behavior and he hung up on me. I'm not the person to blow up someone's phone when they hang up on me. I wasn't comfortable not speaking to him, but he was just wrong on too many counts for me to go to him.

We started dating in May and made it official in August.

 

[LoveLiLi]

I asked if she called, because truth is we are only getting one side of the story - hers. It is possible he was angry too about something too. And she mentioned that no matter what occurred in a relationship SHE always called. So, that's why I asked her why she didn't call, if she really does always feel bad not talking to someone for a week.

But anyway, I am part of the unpopular opinion. I've stated my case. OP keep your eyes wide open whatever you choose to do.

I should clarify, I always call a person on his or her b-day. This isn't a one sided relationship where I always call him and he never calls me.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I called him on his behavior and he hung up on me. I'm not the person to blow up someone's phone when they hang up on me. I wasn't comfortable not speaking to him, but he was just wrong on too many counts for me to go to him.

We started dating in May and made it official in August.

Ok so this changes things a bit for me. I HATE, HATE, HATE for any person over the age of 18 to end a conversation by hanging up on somebody. I mean, what grade are we in? I think it's the ultimate in disrespect not to mention being childish and usually unnecessary.

If that kind of behavior is ongoing, then the birthday/box carrying incident would be the straw that broke the camel's back.

I am patient and will work through a lot of things but flat out disrespect is not one of them.

 

[LoveLiLi]

Plus she said he is vindictive and I asked her to explain how. What is he getting revenge for? To get clarity about the situation, but she didn't respond.

He was angry with me a couple of days before.

He bought me diamond earrings for x-mas which I didn't wear. I wasn't trying to be mean, but he thought I was. I wore them for a day or two, but something was off. He got them from a reputable store, but I got a rash on my earlobes and they got swollen. My skin is highly reactive and the problem was exacerbated by the fact that my Dr. gave me the wrong bc pills. I couldn't even wash my face w/ cetaphil without feeling like I set my face on fire.

I wear very little jewelry, and I break out from silver and some gold jewelry. He didn't know this and instead of listening to what I was telling him, he got angry and had an attitude with me everytime we spoke for the next few days. He thought I was trying to be mean, but I truly could not wear those earrings.

He did apologize and he took the time to hear me out (after all the drama subsided) . I loved his gift, but I had to be honest with him. Besides, he bought the gift for me to enjoy and I can't enjoy the earrings if they're giving me a rash.

So, that's why I think he was being vindictive. He was in a sh!tty mood because of the earrings and he didn't want to fess up to that - but he was going to make me pay one way or another.

 

[LoveLiLi]

Based on what i read he doesn't seem vindictive....it seems like he bowed out gracefully after an argument. I mean the argument happened just because it was your birthday doesn't mean he puts the argument and the subsequent motions the argument caused on hold. He may have just been mad and needed a breather to avoid being vindictive or mean as sometimes is the natural inclination after an argument. i have to read the rest of the thread because there may be something I am missing...but when ppl argue it's usually full out not something they tailor to the feelings of the person they are p.o-ed at...at least until they have calmed down...and you siad he made amends in a weeks time...depending on the argument that is realistic..off to read more to see if I see where he is being a jerk, and maliciously hurt you.
...your mother pointed out that you were difficult to love...why would she say that is everyone ganging up on you...or do you maybe blow things out of porportion when you feel you have been wronged and made a victim...im not saying she is right but maybe a little introspection could be beneficial for you now and in the future.


eta: just finished reading the thread...my intial post stands. good luck.

We didn't get along. She said many things about me. She also seriously said that I was a demon from hell and that I've been a ***** since I was 2 yrs old. I look like my dad and behave like him in many ways and I think that was the source of our problems. I couldn't pinpoint that growing up, but looking back I'm sure that was the issue.

I don't think everyone is ganging up on me, but I do have standards and if he is hell bent on being with me, then he has to live up to those standards. He can fall short on someone else's time. A week's time without talking may be okay in someone else's eyes and that's great - for them. But for me it's not the least bit okay.

 

[MuseofTroy]

My SO and I got into it the day before my birthday (my b-day is Dec 31st) and we didn't speak the rest of the day. He also didn't call me on the day of my birthday or for the rest of the week. I've never had an SO go out of his way to be so hurtful. The situation was made worse by the fact that I was recently rear-ended in a car accident and was in pain and needed him to be there for me.

I'm so hurt and angry I can hardly see straight. I'm not a very forgiving person and I don't think this is the type of thing I can get over. My mother thinks I should forgive him, but I think his behavior was too malicious. He apologized, but I'm still angry/hurt and I'm tired of him giving me the silent treatment even when he's the one that's wrong. He's too vindictive and my feelings get hurt if someone even looks at me the wrong way. He wants to continue the relationship, but I think it's best if I break it off - there can only be more of the same if I stay with him.

I'm also upset about this because I have to wonder if I'm a bad judge of character. I came from an abusive background and my father wasn't in the picture and I wonder if my exposure to so much negativity in my past keeps me from identifying negative characteristics about a man until something big happens. I don't know if I'm getting my point across clearly, but I feel as though I don't recognize small indicators that someone else would see as red flags early on because I was so used to bad treatment growing up.

I'm also conflicted because all my life my mother has told me that I'll never be with anyone or get married because I'm too difficult to love. That is always in the back of my mind - that I'm a hard person to love and that I'm meant to be alone. I try to convince myself that it's not true, but after hearing it so many times it stays with me.

Pay close attention to how your significant other treats you. Based on what you have shared with the board, he doesn't sound like a very mature man. You don't deserve to be disrespected. I'm not advising you to kick him to the curve but if I was in your situation, the relationship would be over. There is a fair way to fight and have disagreements. He isn't playing fair and is acting very immature. Shoot I'm going to say it, you deserve better and you don't have to forgive a brat who uses the silent treatment to punish you instead of discussing the issue like a mature adult.

 

[Farida]

Well, assuming you have told us both sides of the story, I would say to let him go. Too much drama.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I'm also conflicted because all my life my mother has told me that I'll never be with anyone or get married because I'm too difficult to love. That is always in the back of my mind - that I'm a hard person to love and that I'm meant to be alone. I try to convince myself that it's not true, but after hearing it so many times it stays with me.

^^^The above is not true, your mother is wrong and she was wrong to say that to you. What on earth could be so unlovable about you dear? I bet you are a sweetheart. Maybe you are a little sensitive and still healing from abuse but that does not make you unlovable. You deserve to be loved just as much as anyone else.

This is why Hopeful is one of my most favoritist people here