He Went Through My Phone, Should I Be Upset?

[daoriginaldiva]

Girl, I don't post as often as I used to but you need to cut your losses and get out of dodge, quick! My son's father was like this, innocently going through my phone even though I stressed that I didn't like it and don't appreciate anyone going through my phone. It's my about protecting your privacy and if he doesn't respect that, you're in for a sh*tload of problems! Long story short, he continued to do it behind my back , figured out my password and would fly into jealous rages over absolutely nothing and would accuse me of cheating. Three years later, we finally broke up because the relationship grew to horrible proportions, drained the life out of me because of the severe trust issues. I ended up finding out I was pregnant after we broke up, had my son and later found out he had 3 relationships with different women while we were together prior. The moral of the story? He is not trusting you because he is doing major dirt and is trying to ease his guilt by deflecting it back on you. For him to be mad at you because your mad at him for invading YOUR privacy is a huge red flag and speaks volumes! The fact that he also went into your iPad early in your relationship would have been the deal breaker . Girl, save yourself the trouble and future heartbreak and end this now. You would find the heavy burden finally lifted and could actually breathe again.

 

[Kindheart]

Delete messages /calls between you and male friend.
Lock your phone.

 

[MzLady78]

He is not trusting you because he is doing major dirt and is trying to ease his guilt by deflecting it back on you.

I remember telling my brother this when he was dealing with a chick that was like the OP's BF. When people are doing wrong, it can make them insecure because they're like 'if I'm doing it, who's to say that they're not doing it too?"

 

[abcd09]

Last week I caught my bf going through my phone. This is not the first time it has happened. I caught him reading through messages between me and my long time friend (male). There was nothing inappropriate in the messages, but my boyfriend is mad at me for being mad at him. He thinks that it is cause for suspicion that I'm so angry. I'm angry because I feel that he does not trust me. He also does not respect my privacy. Without trust/respect there is no foundation to our relationship.

I realize this is super childish, and I cannot believe this is even an issue that we are having since we both are in our 30s. Unless he can acknowledge his actions I do not think I can move forward.

Am I over-reacting? I haven't talked to him in several days because it keeps turning into an argument about why I'm so upset if I have nothing to hide.

is there any other reason why he would feel insecure in your relationship?

honestly, for many people with straying spouses, the only way they really find out is by invading the other's privacy and going through their social media. he should not be doing it (and i want to reiterate he should NOT be going through your phone AT ALL), and i'm not saying you're cheating, but is there honestly a reason why he feels the need to pry? has the friend ever expressed feelings for you? men always say men can't be friends with women without wanting something from them or being attracted to them. maybe that's how he feels?

I wouldn't get mad as much as I would sit down and have a talk and have him talk about what he feels.

ETA: Read the rest of the thread. Jealous rages? Not good. He has baggage and unless you want to spend time after valuable time soothing his inner teenage girl you're going to struggle. I would still sit down and talk with him in a public place. Also do you get to go through his phone? Ask to do it and if he gets defensive, ask him why he feels that way, to which he should reply "Because it's mine" and you can say "That's how I feel. I'm sorry if your past girlfriends cheated on you, or if you've done something in the past to make you feel so insecure. But I'm not going to solve your issues for you or coddle you."

 

[BillsBackerz67]

If I tell someone not to do something they shouldn't do it period point blank. Idc how long we've been together nor how long I've been slobbing his knob. Boundaries are boundaries and that's that. I find it ridiculous that some people in here are telling you to deal with his jealous psychopath behavior that is exhausting you and wearing you the hell out. For real?

 

[Lady-RuffDiamond]

how long I've been slobbing his knob.

Lol

 

[Mortons]

I go through phones, but I am upfront about it. I go through phones for the photographs, not text messages but I digress.

If you ask him to stop and he wont, that is a serious offense. Ultimately, no one can tell you what your hard line boundaries should be. For some people going through a phone is 100% ok. For others, its a major violation of privacy. Find your own line, then find someone who respects it.

 

[MzLady78]

For him to be mad at you because your mad at him for invading YOUR privacy is a huge red flag and speaks volumes!

Someone here once said that being in relationship doesn't mean you give up your right to privacy, and I totally agree.

 

[caribeandiva]

What gets to me is the fact that he tried to turn the tables on her by getting mad at her after he was caught snooping. If that's not manipulative as hell then I don't know what is.