He Wants To Have A Meet Up?

[prettyinpurple]

You nailed it. There is no investment. To me, these "meetups" are a way of investing as little as possible, with fantasies of large returns, with little self-awareness to recognize that maybe your approach is why you're not getting the results you want. Do people really expect to be wowed and to get to know people that way?

I think the low investment part is purposeful for some people, men and women. Most likely they do not have fantasies of large returns based on a coffee date.

I doubt that anyone expects to get a wow on a coffee date or in a similar situation. It's more of a meeting, see if there's good conversation and possibility of chemistry (or actual chemistry if you're lucky).

Now you did bring up a good point - why the coffee date if you've had several phone calls or other prolonged contact already. I agree that it doesn't make sense in that situation. I meant coffee dates that happen rather early after you meet (usually online IME) and probably not a ton of conversation beforehand.

 

[Kurlee]

I think the low investment part is purposeful for some people, men and women. Most likely they do not have fantasies of large returns based on a coffee date.

I doubt that anyone expects to get a wow on a coffee date or in a similar situation. It's more of a meeting, see if there's good conversation and possibility of chemistry (or actual chemistry if you're lucky).

Now you did bring up a good point - why the coffee date if you've had several phone calls or other prolonged contact already. I agree that it doesn't make sense in that situation. I meant coffee dates that happen rather early after you meet (usually online IME) and probably not a ton of conversation beforehand.

but i still question... why not talk and get to know the person anyway? Underlying my point is that if consciously or subconsciously you are ready for a relationship, you would be having good conversations and building chemistry already, no? I question why people are overcomplicating something very simple. In order to build lasting and meaningful bonds, people have to communicate and spend a lot of time with each other doing different things but also mundane things and that requires investment and intentionality.

I hear what you're saying, but if I don't know you well enough to have a good conversation and budding chemistry, why would meeting up create that? To me, it just feels like a bubblewrap approach to dating. Like... dipping your toe in, instead of jumping in the water and trying to swim, even if it's just in the shallow end. If people aren't looking for anything serious, it makes perfect sense, but if they are ...

 

[prettyinpurple]

^^I think it's just the nature of online dating. You chat with someone, then you meet up in the next day or two. Often there isn't a lot of time to talk in-depth before you meet. But you want to see if there is any chemistry or if it's a waste of time.

On the other hand, some people focus on quantity and try to go on lots of dates. Realistically there's only so much time in a week and they maximize their number of dates. I think these are the people that treat dates like an interview as a result.

I thought about it and realized that black guys ask me to go on actual dates, not coffee dates. It was other men asking about meeting for coffee.

 

[prettyinpurple]

I'm saying all this about coffee dates, yet I haven't been on one in ages (usually go to dinner), and I wouldn't go to Starbucks if asked lol. At least pick a non-chain place.