He Wants To Have A Meet Up?

[prettyinpurple]

I haven't been on a coffee date in a while. But it didn't annoy me unless the guy handled it like an interview, just asking a bunch of questions as if he has a routine.

I agree 100%. I easily buy myself, friends, coworkers, and family dinner with no problems. But these guys cant even invest a few dollars on a meal? It's silly to me. Like I said, I'll even take a drink at a lounge with some good music and ambiance ( I like to drink grown up beverages after work). I just cant see putting on my lipstick and racing after work to hype myself up on the caffeine at a local coffee house just because dudes are to lazy and cheap to plan a date.

Thinking aloud:
How would he know you like lounges if you don't say anything? Assuming you never mentioned that type of thing to him. I am confused, you don't want him assuming you like coffee but he can assume you drank? Lol.

This assumes a lot of mind reading on his part and that the guy is lazy and cheap. Granted sometimes you can tell the latter without an in-person meeting of any kind.

Also you get a lot of insight when you suggest something else and hear his response. If he's not flexible, then move on.

Ex. Guy wants to meet me in an inconvenient neighborhood (most likely it's close to him right?). I say no, I need to meet [somewhere convenient]. If he then suggests somewhere that fits my criteria, then cool. If he keeps trying to make it convenient for himself only, then it's a no for me. No back and forth about it either. I stated what I needed, he can make it happen.

ETA: I still think you're stuck on the word meet-up and letting it irritate you lol. He could call a date at the lounge a meet-up too.

 

[prettyinpurple]

I definitely agree with the bold, but the difference is, I wouldn't be rushing anywhere and he is getting the basic makeup look, lol. If after work is inconvenient FOR ME, then it'll have to be at a time when it works for me. But if I was doing all that extra, yes, it needs to be more substantial.

In the case mentioned in the OP, I wouldn't even bother with that

I agree with everything you said

 

[Covagirlm]

I definitely agree with the bold, but the difference is, I wouldn't be rushing anywhere and he is getting the basic makeup look, lol. If after work is inconvenient FOR ME, then it'll have to be at a time when it works for me. But if I was doing all that extra, yes, it needs to be more substantial.

In the case mentioned in the OP, I wouldn't even bother with that

You aren't going to put on your good perfume ??

 

[prettyinpurple]

You aren't going to put on your good perfume ??

Haha. True, smelling good always reels them in.

 

[chocolat79]

You aren't going to put on your good perfume ??

Nah girl. He'll get my rose- scented body wipes and that's all.

 

[SlimPickinz]

You aren't going to put on your good perfume ??

what is with you and this perfume?

 

[Nelli04]

I dunno, I need a man to ask me out on a date. A date can be at the poetry venue, art gallery , ice cream, happy hour, dinner, etc. It can cost zero buck or 100 as long as its planned out and creative. Inviting a person out for coffee seems like no effort is being put in. Nothing is being invested . The term meetup is so losse. I meet up with friend to hangout. I cant see calling a date a meetup.

The guys that i meet online, that actually call me a few times for long conversations seem to have no problems taking ladies out on dates. But men that dont try to call or text before meeting do not seem serious at all. They just want to physically see me, not really serious about getting to know the insides.

Thanks for the input ladies!

This is exactly what I am experiencing. One guy gives me the most vague answers when I ask him questions and when I ask him about talking and getting to know each other he says 'that takes time'...but he is all about trying to sleep with me. Online is even more frustrating that in person, but meeting guys in person seems lacking these days.

 

[Kurlee]

I find that stuff annoying. Stop being so tentative. If we are getting to know each other and talk on the phone, why do we need a pre-date date? Get on with it.

Everyone is so afraid to put themselves out there, so they try to date without taking any risks or putting in any time or effort. How do you expect to be successful if you approach dating in that way?

 

[Kurlee]

I for one, have never accepted a coffee date. I hate coffee and refused to dress up just for a caramel macchiato and pastry. It was always either lunch or dinner for my invites, and they chose the place and paid.

I think we are settling. Just like serial texting, serial coffee meets rubs me the wrong way. I admit that for each guy that invited me out to lunch/dinner, I had extensive conversations by phone prior to meeting. The minimum I had accepted was Panera Bread, for lunch.

 

[Kurlee]

For those that are not down with coffee dates/meetups, are you beyond the millennial age?

nope.

 

[Covagirlm]

what is with you and this perfume?

I have nice stuff meng

 

[Covagirlm]

Nah girl. He'll get my rose- scented body wipes and that's all.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Rose-scented body wipes sound like something I want in my life. Link?

 

[LdyKamz]

How did you meet this guy you're talking about OP?

 

[greenmetro99]

"Thinking aloud:
How would he know you like lounges if you don't say anything? Assuming you never mentioned that type of thing to him. I am confused, you don't want him assuming you like coffee but he can assume you drank? Lol."

Pretty Purple.....You should stop thinking aloud...... many of these guys are all for thyself and trying to keep it convenient for themselves. Once I here the words coffee meet up then I'm done lol. My time is more valuable than coffee...especially since I don't like coffee. I will not explain myself any further to you.

 

[greenmetro99]

How did you meet this guy you're talking about OP?

Im talking about several men in this post. The one guy that Im referring to that wants to be in a relationship and wants to meet up after work for coffee, a hug, etc. Ive know him forever. I met him through work. He doesn't want to plan real dates, but he wants the perks of a relationship, phone calls, texts, love bird talk, etc. I cant give him my time without some effort. This guy actually has some potential, very nice, nice job, 1 kid. He just doesn't know how to court. He said his father never took his mom on dates, but they have been married 40 years... yeah ok.

Others that I'm discussing are random guys ive met online that are simply trying to do a pre-date interviews the easy way.

 

[greenmetro99]

I find that stuff annoying. Stop being so tentative. If we are getting to know each other and talk on the phone, why do we need a pre-date date? Get on with it.

Everyone is so afraid to put themselves out there, so they try to date without taking any risks or putting in any time or effort. How do you expect to be successful if you approach dating in that way?

100% yes to everything you said! I mean, when I was a teenager the 16 year old boys would plan full dates at Mc Donalds, pick you up, dress decently, and bring flowers lol! Some of these grown @ss men dont even want to call it a date. Its a meetup.. They want informal, no strings attached, and to keep it casual. Those are time wasters in my opinion. If they are serious about finding someone then they would put more effort in it. The coffee men are time wasters.

 

[DarkJoy]

Good Afternoon Ladies,
How do you feel when a man asks you to meet up or have coffee?

I meet guys online and offline now, and many guys ask me to have coffee. Some just say meet up. What is a meet up? Is that when you just meet in person and say hi lol and then drive off?? I still cant figure out what they mean lol. Or are they trying to go on a quick dutch date?

One guy I personally know offline texts and tries to call me all of the time, but he doesn't want to take me on a date, except for coffee. So I stopped responding. I don't want to waste my time. He claims he wants a relationship, but only wants to meet up for a hug or Starbucks. No thanks. I'm not that desperate!

Anyhow, I tell them they can take me on a date. I do not do coffee dates or meet ups. A date can cost 10 dollars or 100 dollar, just be creative with planning. Pick a place and time. I'm in my 30's so meeting up doesn't sound like something that I want to do.

What are your thoughts?

I don't mind initial coffee meetings from online dudes but not if our initial meet was irl.

however I've found that dudes that say "meetup" have no plan and expect me to set the day, time and place. See, after the lets "meetup" statement I have to ask "where we going" then they respond "where would you like to meet?" then I state the city. and it's downhill from there. I turn these dudes down.

 

[greenmetro99]

This is exactly what I am experiencing. One guy gives me the most vague answers when I ask him questions and when I ask him about talking and getting to know each other he says 'that takes time'...but he is all about trying to sleep with me. Online is even more frustrating that in person, but meeting guys in person seems lacking these days.

This guy sounds emotionally unavailable..... Don't waste your time.

 

[greenmetro99]

I don't mind initial coffee meetings from online dudes but not if our initial meet was irl.

however I've found that dudes that say "meetup" have no plan and expect me to set the day, time and place. See, after the lets "meetup" statement I have to ask "where we going" then they respond "where would you like to meet?" then I state the city. and it's downhill from there. I turn these dudes down.

I encounter this often.... They don't want to plan or they don't know how.......Who has time for that? And some of these men are in there late 40's. I know they know better.

 

[greenmetro99]

Men have become use to doing the minimum. They put no effort into dating, so its no investment.... and it's easy for them to move on to the next.

 

[prettyinpurple]

I don't mind initial coffee meetings from online dudes but not if our initial meet was irl.

however I've found that dudes that say "meetup" have no plan and expect me to set the day, time and place. See, after the lets "meetup" statement I have to ask "where we going" then they respond "where would you like to meet?" then I state the city. and it's downhill from there. I turn these dudes down.

Yes, that's when the word meet-up is terrible.

"Thinking aloud:
How would he know you like lounges if you don't say anything? Assuming you never mentioned that type of thing to him. I am confused, you don't want him assuming you like coffee but he can assume you drank? Lol."

Pretty Purple.....You should stop thinking aloud...... many of these guys are all for thyself and trying to keep it convenient for themselves. Once I here the words coffee meet up then I'm done lol. My time is more valuable than coffee...especially since I don't like coffee. I will not explain myself any further to you.

Whatever girl. I have no idea why you took my thoughts so seriously. My comments did not insult you in any way.

Like everyone else, I paid my fee and will speak my thoughts whenever I want. I will continue discussing the topic with other people in this thread because I do what I want to do. Feel free to stop responding to me.

 

[prettyinpurple]

I have nice stuff meng

Are you in that thread about what perfume attracts men? I need details!

 

[Kurlee]

100% yes to everything you said! I mean, when I was a teenager the 16 year old boys would plan full dates at Mc Donalds, pick you up, dress decently, and bring flowers lol! Some of these grown @ss men dont even want to call it a date. Its a meetup.. They want informal, no strings attached, and to keep it casual. Those are time wasters in my opinion. If they are serious about finding someone then they would put more effort in it. The coffee men are time wasters.

Right?! When I think about the intimacy of a real relationship, specifically one that leads to marriage, this inability to even properly take steps to get to know someone gives me pause. It's super lame.

 

[Kurlee]

I encounter this often.... They don't want to plan or they don't know how.......Who has time for that? And some of these men are in there late 40's. I know they know better.

Late 40s . I quit.

 

[chocolat79]

Rose-scented body wipes sound like something I want in

www.boxnaturals.com

I really like the rose and they have lavender as well. I thought they were black-owned because I got them from Zuvaa marketplace when they came to LA, but I can't tell by SM.

 

[Covagirlm]

Are you in that thread about what perfume attracts men? I need details!

I'm too lazy for those threads I just lurk and buy whatever everyone else is recommending

 

[Kurlee]

Men have become use to doing the minimum. They put no effort into dating, so its no investment.... and it's easy for them to move on to the next.

You nailed it. There is no investment. To me, these "meetups" are a way of investing as little as possible, with fantasies of large returns, with little self-awareness to recognize that maybe your approach is why you're not getting the results you want. Do people really expect to be wowed and to get to know people that way?

 

[greenmetro99]

You nailed it. There is no investment. To me, these "meetups" are a way of investing as little as possible, with fantasies of large returns, with little self-awareness to recognize that maybe your approach is why you're not getting the results you want. Do people really expect to be wowed and to get to know people that way?

I would love to hear from a member that has had a successful relationship or long term dating that stemmed from a coffee meet and great. Like after the coffee meet and great, did the man start to court the lady? Or was it a one hit wonder?

For the ladies that say its normal because the guy doesn't know the women and this helps him to save money, etc... Those are the men that are looking to date a lot of women. They are exploring their wild oats,and know that they have many options, but they are not trying to spend any cash or time. They aren't trying to court. They are time wasters..... Just my opinion.

 

[SlimPickinz]

Are you in that thread about what perfume attracts men? I need details!