He Wants To Have A Meet Up?

movingforward13 said:
I do meet ups- just because I don't know if the chemistry will translate in person. Some guys look better in their photos. But come to think of it, my last two long term relationships were with guys that I went to dinner with and didn't "meet up". I met them online but our first meeting was a full meal so I don't know... maybe it does make a difference
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Thanks for the input!
I can say that Ive never had a coffee meet up turn out to be anything significant. Dudes that have invested in dates seem more serious about courting.
 
BEAUTYU2U said:
For online dating, coffee makes sense. Maybe if they invited you for cocktails or happy hour? Would that sound more interesting?

Honestly, they're just looking for neutral place where you can have a conversation. It sounds like you're getting hung up on terminology. And if you have time for a full date, shouldn't you have time for a drink?
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After work, I'm not drinking caffeine or coffee! No I dont have time for that. I don't like coffee. Yes, cocktails and drinks sound great. And I stated that plenty of times in this thread.
 
I dunno, I need a man to ask me out on a date. A date can be at the poetry venue, art gallery , ice cream, happy hour, dinner, etc. It can cost zero buck or 100 as long as its planned out and creative. Inviting a person out for coffee seems like no effort is being put in. Nothing is being invested . The term meetup is so losse. I meet up with friend to hangout. I cant see calling a date a meetup.

The guys that i meet online, that actually call me a few times for long conversations seem to have no problems taking ladies out on dates. But men that dont try to call or text before meeting do not seem serious at all. They just want to physically see me, not really serious about getting to know the insides.

Thanks for the input ladies!
 
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greenmetro99 said:
After work, I'm not drinking caffeine or coffee! No I dont have time for that. I don't like coffee. Yes, cocktails and drinks sound great. And I stated that plenty of times in this thread.
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Gotcha -
For me- coffee is the same as cocktails. There isn't a meal involved. I would do either for a first meeting just to make sure I liked the guy. I have had guys that were great on paper but when we met, something didn't feel right. But my long term relationships came from full dates.
 
@greenmetro99 - what if he called it a date but still took you to a coffee house? For example in my home state there is a tea house where you can go a try a whole bunch of different teas. It is a very zen- like environment that has open mics for music and poetry but the basis is tea and coffee. Sort of like a books store set up, just replace books with art pieces and dim lights.

I think you are right per a previous post- maybe the word "meet up" is annoying you since you said that the dates don't have to cost, you just want effort. I am not sure how much effort getting ice cream is- unless you go to one of those shops where you have to make your own cones. Like a stroll through the monuments here in DC would be a date to me. Or going to the African American Museum (that takes effort, getting those tickets are hard).

Meet up to me isn't a date. It is just a meet up to meet you in person. I would expect a date afterward if we liked one another.
 
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I for one, have never accepted a coffee date. I hate coffee and refused to dress up just for a caramel macchiato and pastry. It was always either lunch or dinner for my invites, and they chose the place and paid.

I think we are settling. Just like serial texting, serial coffee meets rubs me the wrong way. I admit that for each guy that invited me out to lunch/dinner, I had extensive conversations by phone prior to meeting. The minimum I had accepted was Panera Bread, for lunch.
 
Rastafarai said:
I for one, have never accepted a coffee date. I hate coffee and refused to dress up just for a caramel macchiato and pastry. It was always either lunch or dinner for my invites, and they chose the place and paid.

I think we are settling. Just like serial texting, serial coffee meets rubs me the wrong way. I admit that for each guy that invited me out to lunch/dinner, I had extensive conversations by phone prior to meeting. The minimum I had accepted was Panera Bread, for lunch.
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I agree. Something about this meet up for coffee rubs me the wrong way as well. There's a tinge of laziness associated with it. I work full-time, and the last thing that I want to do is meet up with some dude for coffee after work. Also, I'm in my late thirties now. When I was younger and had more free time I might have entertained a "meet up", but not now.
 
I think you are fixated too much on the word meet up. It irritates you for whatever reason.

That being said, why don't you suggest another activity when they mention meeting for coffee? Why let the suggestion work your nerves? You don't have to take a guy's first suggestion. Tell him that you want to do something else (give examples: active outing, museum, etc.) then let him come up with the plan. Or give him a definite idea/place and plan to meet there. Give them some guidance since they don't know you.

The coffee suggestion is not your only option. I don't drink coffee, I tell guys that and they come up with other things to do (or at least pick a place known for tea).

ETA: Lately guys, that I meet, want to meet up for drinks anyways (not coffee). Happy hour or later in the evening. That works for me.
 
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Meh I like free alcohol so drinks are fine.

Honestly I think I'm evaluating more the man on the first date regardless of where he takes me. It's all data points including where he decides as a venue.

I've dated guys who took me to a nice restaurants for several dates who ain't worth ish and guys who I had a first date drinking beer and having a ball.

But all this to say. Your standards are yours. It ain't right or wrong. Just yours
 
greight said:
...
I've dated guys who took me to a nice restaurants for several dates who ain't worth ish and guys who I had a first date drinking beer and having a ball.

But all this to say. Your standards are yours. It ain't right or wrong. Just yours
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:yep: to the bolded.
 
When you ladies go out for drinks, are you eating, too?

Even when I go out to meet friends for Happy Hour, I order food because I'm not drinking on an empty stomach. We always just end up getting a table to eat.
 
I don't mind coffee dates. That being said I tailor it to me though. Meaning: I make sure it's really convenient for me both geographically and time wise. I don't go all out dressing up or anything; I'm generally casual. At this stage in my life, my time/energy is more valuable than a few dollars he may spend on a real date until I've decided I like him enough to give up that much of my time/energy. Coffee dates can be over in 30 min or less if I'm really not feeling him and I can be home in 10 min or less. So for me, it's eliminates 1+hr dates with someone I don't have any chemistry with when I'd rather be at home catching up on my shows.
 
prettyinpurple said:
Maybe the interview is for us to figure out if he's worth spending 2 hrs+ of our time :lachen:
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This.

TwoSnapsUp said:
When you ladies go out for drinks, are you eating, too?.
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Something light and quick. So like an appetizer. When I go out for drinks- that means I am not staying long. Dinner means you are getting about 2 hours (or more) of my attention. Drinks- I will be out before 1 hour.
 
Covagirlm said:
I don't know why we need to have an interview for him to figure out if I'm worthy of regular arse dinner or lunch. Come on :lachen:
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I agree 100%. I easily buy myself, friends, coworkers, and family dinner with no problems. But these guys cant even invest a few dollars on a meal? It's silly to me. Like I said, I'll even take a drink at a lounge with some good music and ambiance ( I like to drink grown up beverages after work). I just cant see putting on my lipstick and racing after work to hype myself up on the caffeine at a local coffee house just because dudes are to lazy and cheap to plan a date.
 
greenmetro99 said:
I agree 100%. I easily buy myself, friends, coworkers, and family dinner with no problems. But these guys cant even invest a few dollars on a meal? It's silly to me. Like I said, I'll even take a drink at a lounge with some good music and ambiance ( I like to drink grown up beverages after work). I just cant see putting on my lipstick and racing after work to hype myself up on the caffeine at a local coffee house just because dudes are to lazy and cheap to plan a date.
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I definitely agree with the bold, but the difference is, I wouldn't be rushing anywhere and he is getting the basic makeup look, lol. If after work is inconvenient FOR ME, then it'll have to be at a time when it works for me. But if I was doing all that extra, yes, it needs to be more substantial.

In the case mentioned in the OP, I wouldn't even bother with that
 
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