He Cheated Anyway

[BlairWaldorf]

TheGrimPhreaker you deserve much better than that and im so sorry that happened to you { hugs}

 

[deltagyrl]

It hurt me alot when I found out my ex was cheating on me. I can't even really tell you how I knew it but something was just "wrong". His behavior was changing, and I remember I had just come from the doctor, and she confirmed that I was indeed pregnant. I was so happy and I drove over to his place to tell him. I sat him down and I said, "T, what if I were pregnant?" He looked me dead in my eye and said, "Just because you're pregnant, doesn't mean that I will stay with you..." I was so shocked that I went into a miscarriage. Valentine's Day, that next week is when I found out he was indeed cheating on me with a 17 year old, who happened to be his childhood friend's little sister. This is the same man, that I literally packed my bags, left my family behind and moved upstate to be with. This is the man, that could not find a job, but I worked 60 to 70 hours a week just to pay rent and make sure we had heat, food, and water...and when he got a job in another city, and I left my job to be near my sister (she was fighting spinal cancer and I thought she was going to die), I guess he felt that since he got on his feet, he could treat me like s*it even though I was good to him.
I remember last year when I was sick in the hospital with Pneumonia (spl?), he found out from a mutual friend of mine that I was sick. He called my phone and asked how I was doing, and then he said, "Umm, listen, I am taking the ASVAB for the Army, and I was hoping you would kind of be a friend and help me study. I'm trying to get back with D...(the girl he cheated on me with and she dumped him because she was intimidated by me-- he still had me on his myspace page and she felt he was cheating on her with me). It took me two years to get over him, and I shaved my midback length hair because I literally had a nervous breakdown. Emotionally, right now I am learning not to be so harsh to men, but I am still afraid to be hurt again.

WOW. I'm sorry that happened to you. At times I felt like I was having a breakdown too. I'm glad you're healing...

 

[ambergirl]

It hurt me alot when I found out my ex was cheating on me. I can't even really tell you how I knew it but something was just "wrong". His behavior was changing, and I remember I had just come from the doctor, and she confirmed that I was indeed pregnant. I was so happy and I drove over to his place to tell him. I sat him down and I said, "T, what if I were pregnant?" He looked me dead in my eye and said, "Just because you're pregnant, doesn't mean that I will stay with you..." I was so shocked that I went into a miscarriage. Valentine's Day, that next week is when I found out he was indeed cheating on me with a 17 year old, who happened to be his childhood friend's little sister. This is the same man, that I literally packed my bags, left my family behind and moved upstate to be with. This is the man, that could not find a job, but I worked 60 to 70 hours a week just to pay rent and make sure we had heat, food, and water...and when he got a job in another city, and I left my job to be near my sister (she was fighting spinal cancer and I thought she was going to die), I guess he felt that since he got on his feet, he could treat me like s*it even though I was good to him.
I remember last year when I was sick in the hospital with Pneumonia (spl?), he found out from a mutual friend of mine that I was sick. He called my phone and asked how I was doing, and then he said, "Umm, listen, I am taking the ASVAB for the Army, and I was hoping you would kind of be a friend and help me study. I'm trying to get back with D...(the girl he cheated on me with and she dumped him because she was intimidated by me-- he still had me on his myspace page and she felt he was cheating on her with me). It took me two years to get over him, and I shaved my midback length hair because I literally had a nervous breakdown. Emotionally, right now I am learning not to be so harsh to men, but I am still afraid to be hurt again.

Wow girl, I so feel for you. Sounds like you are on the road to recovery and I wish you well.

One thing that resonated with me from your story is how dangerous it is for a woman to be with a man who is underperforming. I know very few relationships where a woman was carrying the household that have survived. Either the woman gets fed up and gets out of the relationship or, more often, when the guy gets on his feet he doesn't want to be with the woman who saw him struggling through tough times and wants an upgrade.

 

[hopeful]

^^^ITA. Most women hate carrying a man financially and most men hate to admit they are being or have been carried.

 

[Guitarhero]

This is the man, that could not find a job, but I worked 60 to 70 hours a week just to pay rent and make sure we had heat, food, and water...and when he got a job in another city, and I left my job to be near my sister (she was fighting spinal cancer and I thought she was going to die), I guess he felt that since he got on his feet, he could treat me like s*it even though I was good to him.

You definitely deserve better. Who was it? Old people that say that you cannot earn for a man - that he has to provide for his family? Those don't have pride. Now, in a marriage and he loses his job and has to take a lesser one or gets sick and she has to provide for awhile or perhaps for the rest of the relationship, It think it's okay. But they still have to adjust to not being that provider. But look at these healthy guys. Many of them don't wish to do that anymore.

 

[Reece1337]

This thread makes my heart hurt - I can feel the pain through the posts. One thing is for sure - no one is exempt from being cheated on and the results can be earth-shattering.

 

[TamedTresses]

This thread was very heartfelt. I wish I could just reach out and hug you all. I was not prepared for all the stories, and they literally brought tears to my eyes. Lucie, your honesty was absolutely refreshing. Deltagyrl, TheGrimPhreaker, Kandake, Kweenameena... As a woman my heart received every word that you ladies wrote. to all of you.

Hopeful thanks for the little gem... "Life without an opportunity for deep romantic love I believe will always feel as though it is missing something."

 

[Ms_Delikate]

So much truth in this thread...thanks for sharing ladies.

 

[jada1111]

In light of all the discussions on cheating, choosing mates irresponsibly, catching std's and/or prevention using protection within marriage, failed marriages ending in divorce etc., I'm including a poll to find out if you know married people, friends or family, who suddenly are in trouble now and no one would have previously suspected the end of a marriage due to cheating.

I think it's important as women to know how to view your options, your place, your safety, just all-around in and out of relationships. But I'm mainly going to focus on just how many people here have gone through such or know others who have that are close to them. What do you think? Do you know your spouse or someone else's spouse is cheating? What have you or would you do to rectify this situation? Have you gone to counseling? Did you ever feel it couldn't happen to you?

This is a great post. Cheating can happen to anyone and either spouse can be the culprit. I do feel that married couples should seek counseling to try to preserve the marriage if possible.

I also wonder if monogamy is really even possible sometimes. Are humans meant to be with one person forever. For centuries men have been allowed to have a wife in addition to a mistress or two. You can't tell me those wives or mistresses never wanted to have a side lover for themselves too.

Then again, I'm jealous and possessive, so once my man steps out on me then the trust is broken forever imo. He's no longer my man in my mind. I have to see him this way to preserve my sanity and not go to jail.

 

[jada1111]

Sadly, I agree.
I think MANY women have emotional affairs but they just aren't documented because we are "smarter" cheaters

The question is "Why do we have to go there?"

I know that when I'm happy in a relationship no one and I mean NO ONE can get a hold of my heart or mind. If I'm fantasizing about someone else that means my relationship has fallen into the doldrums and my mate is taking me for granted.

As women, we ALWAYS let them know when we're unhappy, so if they don't change and we continue to be distressed we will look elsewhere for relief or just cut him off completely and begin anew.

 

[jada1111]

That. He cheated on me emotionally & physically with another woman. I was devastated then I flew into a blind rage. It was bad. Dangerous, even.

In my quiet time I remember crying a deep, guttural cry. I sobbed and slept, then sobbed and slept some more. I was devastated that my husband would do that to me. It gets worse but I'll keep the sordid details to myself. I feel like an arse for staying for as long as I did...trying to mend what I didn't break. I never looked at him the same again and we never recovered from that...

I'm sorry this happened to you.

You weren't an arse. As women we have been conditioned to put up with garbage from men, because "boys will be boys" and this is why they act the fool. Also, you were married, so there was more emphasis on trying to keep the institution together.

One of my exes grandfather had a second family somewhere else and they actually came to the funeral. No one knew who they were, except for his grandmother. She was aware of the other family. There are sooooo many stories like this here and all over the world. You know these scorned women couldn't have been happy either, but they adhered to their vows as they've been trained to.

 

[Taleah2009]

Well, I called her to see was them talking almost 5 hours a day, nothing.
She basically confirmed the two most important questions: 1. did they have sex 2. and did they use a condom. After that, I hung up on her. She kept telling me she was sorry and was crying saying she loved him and don't make him choose between me and her. That he needs to be happy and that's what's most important *I couldn't make this sh*t up if I wanted to*
Everything else he pretty much confirmed and told me to throw it in my face.

I had little to speak with her about because she KNEW we were together the WHOLE time.
I'm sorry, I can't even be cordial with you knowing you were literally hoping he left us for you.
The person who hooked them up was my cousin's boyfriend
Everyone knew but me.

Anyways.. am I bitter?
No.
Have I changed?
Yes.
Am I the same person?
No.

I had to work through all of that to get to where I am now.

after that experience do you think you would be able to open yourself up to be loved again?

 

[ambergirl]

Browsing through this thread again made we wonder whether folks considering cheating would reconsider if they knew how much pain and heartache they caused their loved one?

What do you all think?

 

[mscocoface]

Well some of you know my story. My TEST has now become a testimony and unfortunately I have had to talk to more women than I care to number because they were in the same boat.

I would not wish this on even someone I would consider my WORST enemy it is literally a death in my opinion.

Death of trust
Death of love
Death of family
Death of communication

The only difference is that both parties are still living.

I wish you ladies peace, health, and pray they you not only move on from these situations but that you grow and become stronger in spite of having to deal with them.

 

[deltagyrl]

Well some of you know my story. My TEST has now become a testimony and unfortunately I have had to talk to more women than I care to number because they were in the same boat.

I would not wish this on even someone I would consider my WORST enemy it is literally a death in my opinion.

Death of trust
Death of love
Death of family
Death of communication

The only difference is that both parties are still living.

I wish you ladies peace, health, and pray they you not only move on from these situations but that you grow and become stronger in spite of having to deal with them.

I don't know your story. Link, please.

 

[PeanutButterandHoney]

after that experience do you think you would be able to open yourself up to be loved again?

Yes. Because I have opened myself back up again.
I learned not to take it personally, it was HIM.
His selfishness.

 

[PeanutButterandHoney]

Browsing through this thread again made we wonder whether folks considering cheating would reconsider if they knew how much pain and heartache they caused their loved one?

What do you all think?

I have.
I could NEVER want someone to be in that much pain.

 

[JerriBlank]

This has to be one of the most honest threads I have ever read on here.
No buttering things up,and no sugar coating.Yet it's still totally civil.I wish there were more threads that flow like this one.
Thanks to all of you guys for being so open

 

[saved06]

Is the possibility of this pain worth the risk?
I don't want to assume all men cheat, but it just seems inevitable in this day and time. For those who married and were cheated on, do you regret ever being married or was it worth it? (Does this make sense LOL)

 

[MissHoney26]

I think I give up on relationships for now. I'm still open, but not right now. I've been screwed over by every guy I've been with. It really does hurt. I've learned to not give 2nd chances anymore. If you can't treat me right the first time then why do you want to make everything right now just because you got caught? I think I'm going to end up like my mom. Single, successful, and not committed to any man but still has her fun with who she wants whenever she wants. & she can cook & be lazy whenever she feels like it lol and she's very happy with that. I find that men are more loyal than they are faithful IMO. People are going to do what they want to do no matter what.. so it really isn't worth you being miserable over something you can't control! If you can't handle it.. then LEAVE.. but if you want to put up with crap.. then don't complain about it! Life is too short for me to worry about it @ the moment!

 

[MzLady78]

For me to know that my husband opened up to someone like he does with me would mean he values and loves that person. When you give your heart to someone, when you love someone that's very different.

Sex can be just sex. Being intimate with someone is something very very special. I think I would be heartbroken if I found out DH had that type of relationship with someone else.

Exactly.

That's why women usually ask "do you love her" when they find out their man was cheating. The thought of him having that emotional connection with someone else is more devastating than the physical act of sex for some.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Exactly.

That's why women usually ask "do you love her" when they find out their man was cheating. The thought of him having that emotional connection with someone else is more devastating than the physical act of sex for some.

Yeah, I found out that I was the other woman when I received a call from his SO. She told me the first question she asked him was "do you love her"

She said he did not answer her and she was devastated.

Anyway, that nightmare is over. She's still with him too.

 

[BullGirl2010]

Re: He Cheated Anyway
Originally Posted by deltagyrl
That. He cheated on me emotionally & physically with another woman. I was devastated then I flew into a blind rage. It was bad. Dangerous, even.

In my quiet time I remember crying a deep, guttural cry. I sobbed and slept, then sobbed and slept some more. I was devastated that my husband would do that to me. It gets worse but I'll keep the sordid details to myself. I feel like an arse for staying for as long as I did...trying to mend what I didn't break. I never looked at him the same again and we never recovered from that...

I'm sorry this happened to you.
Yes,
Girl.
Beyonce in that Gaga video explained it perfectly.
Gaga told her trust was like a mirror and it could be put back to gether...
Bee said "But you can still see the cracks in the muthaf*cka"
That's how I felt when I saw him.
I don't know why I stayed, but the "cracks" were too much.
Then, he gave me his asc to kiss. No, I wasn't the perfect woman (not cooking, working a lot, no sex), but I didn't deserve what he did. Had an affair for a whole.year.
He coulda left, but he didn't. Selfish.
Because of this, I went into an EXTREME rage as well.
Even to this day, I piece together lies on top of lies that he told me.
I think I am a very emotionally healthy person, but being cheated on...boy... that ish is not for the birds.

I went through a stage of wanting to cheat, but finally realized that that would make me just as bad as him, and that too would come back on him

ETA: karma did him right (REAL right actually)

This is my life right now. I stayed for a year and my health has suffered tremendously. erplexed He's now Mr. "Perfect" but it's just too late. I tried but not being able to trust, respect, love, stomach him outweighed any remorse he feels. If you can do something so sinister to me...you don't love me. My divorce can not become final quickly enough. There will never be another day in my life that I will let the actions of others impact me so horribly. There's no recovery from cheating. Just impossible. I feel that I dispise my SOON TO BE EX husband just as passionatly as I love(d) him. In the end, I had to honestly learn to love me.

 

[ExoticCutie]

I am in this situation now. I caught my husband of almost 7 years cheating back in February of this year. I was going to try to stick it out because we have five kids but in the end I was like screw this and now I'm "cheating" (he moved out but we haven't filed for divorce) with a co-worker that I used to tell all my problems too. Because we were friends it was easier to cross the line because he was coming out of a messy divorce a year ago and I was still in my marriage and pregnant when we met. One thing led to another and now I can't get enough of him. My husband of course blames him for the breakup of our marriage when it was his foolishness that caused everything. He has even gone to my family and told them that me cheating on him was the reason he moved out of the house.

To make a long story short, before I actually caught him I had the spider sense in the back of my mind that told me something was wrong but he would deny it and I could never catch him. So I ordered a GPS and put it in his car and followed him straight to the tramps house. So ladies listen when your mind tells you that something isn't right because your mind usually never leads you wrong.

 

[complexsimplicity]

So I ordered a GPS and put it in his car and followed him straight to the tramps house.

That is sooooo gangsta!!! Lol. ​