Pre Marital Counseling

[eccentricdoll]

Here I am a year later and FH and I are going to the Marriage Success Training Seminar. I wanted something that was skills based and taught by a professional. Nothing religious based, getting counseled by a pastor whose area of expertise is not marriage.

If we feel we need to, we will follow up with some sort of pre-marital counseling but I think this will lay a great foundation for us.

MizAvalon Have you gone yet? would you advise it to other couples?

 

[PopLife]

That must be so frustrating. I was going to ask how to go about choosing a therapist?

I think counseling is good but just make sure you pick a therapist/pastor that you both are comfortable with and one who doesn't take sides.

 

[MizAvalon]

@MizAvalon Have you gone yet? would you advise it to other couples?

eccentricdoll, No, not yet. We are going in February. I will report back for sure.

 

[PeaceFlow]

SO and I are doing pre-engagment counseling right now and I'm starting to regret it. I feel like the counselor is biased towards my SO.
I thought that therapist weren't suppose to take sides...but it's clear that every issue I bring up she sides with him by trivializing my issue and disregarding my feelings.

How many sessions have you completedPopLife?

What happens when he brings up an issue that involves you, does she still side with him?

 

[Oneprettypa]

We didn't do it since we had been together for so long before getting married we didn't think it was necessary. HA! Girl I advise ALLL my friends to go. It saves a lot of heart ache down the road when issues arise that you had no idea that you had different views about. We ended up getting marital counseling the first year because we were headed for divorce court. If we would have had that counseling prior to saying "I Do" that first year would have been much easier.. now, almost 4 years later... we are very happy and grateful for the counseling we got.

 

[PopLife]

How many sessions have you completedPopLife?

What happens when he brings up an issue that involves you, does she still side with him?

Sumra
We have completed 3 sessions so far. When he brings up issues with me she is more neutral, and acknowledges his feelings...I spoke with my SO about my how I feel about her and he agreed that we can try a new therapist. It makes me happy that he is very supportive about counseling, cause I know a lot of men won't even consider it.

 

[PeaceFlow]

Sumra
We have completed 3 sessions so far. When he brings up issues with me she is more neutral, and acknowledges his feelings...I spoke with my SO about my how I feel about her and he agreed that we can try a new therapist. It makes me happy that he is very supportive about counseling, cause I know a lot of men won't even consider it.

Thats good that you have agreed to switch.

Me and SO had a similar conversation because the first lady didn't seem to know what she was talking about. We switched atfter about 3 sessions with her.

I found another therapist and she has helped us transform our relationship Plus she charged less too I swear if we stayed with the first woman it would be over erplexed Best to trust your judgement and give your money to people who actually help you lol.

 

[crazytrish75]

I didn't go through any marriage counseling but it would have been nice to have someone to speak to. It seems like a good idea but it only work if the couples are honest and respectful of one another. Most of the people that I know that went to Pre-Cana or couples counseling said all the "right" things to be given the green light.

^^^This!!!! The bolded This is the problem with PRE-marital counseling. I've been married going on 19 years and the pre-marital counseling was a joke. The truth is, you don't really know someone until you marry them and live with them. I am of the mind that intra-marital counseling is the way to go, whether you believe you are having problems or not. Maybe a session like once a year or every couple of years, just to get things off of ones chest instead of letting it stew like spouses tend to do. If I had done that, maybe I would not be going through a divorce as we speak.

 

[wall]

Good idea, but we did not have it. We talked a lot about all of the issues though... not formally, just before deciding to marry each other. Plus he has a little one so you really get real when something like that is in the picture.

 

[Lilmama1011]

Bumpity bump

 

[Farida]

https://www.prepare-enrich.com The prepare/enrich program is very good. I took a marital therapy college course and it talked about how successful this program is in predicting couples who will end up divorced. It was over 70% percent accurate I believe. They administered the program to the couples, made predictions based on the results and then revisited them years after they got married.

There are plenty of crappy courses out there. IMO some of the best are led by couples who have been married for a long time and are trained marriage counselors. People who are not afraid to discuss sex and even get into uncomfortable details. This is the rest of your life! This is no time to be shy!