He Asks Me Out Then Bamboozles Me Into Paying: Updated

strenght81

strenght81

Well-Known Member
Ladies I need your advice. I must make a descision no later than Sunday evening.

I have a second date this coming Tuesday with a guy who asked me out and told me he would send the location of where we are meeting. When I told him I would like to choose the location this time around he tells me "If you are choosing you should pay" with a laughing emoji. But he was dead serious because He said "that is dating 101"of course I didn't agree with his perspective.

What frustrates me is: he asks me out and when I made the suggestion he flips the table on me? I told him not to get use to me paying and he stated "only when you try and take the lead" I learned a valuable lesson of letting the man lead and choose since he asked me out and not to interrupt this process. But I also feel he is being controlling. I just didn't want to risk going out a second time to a place I didn't enjoy.

Ladies, I feel like canceling and putting the ball back in his court by having him asks me out again and letting him choose so he could pay lol. It's not an issue of paying at this point I just don't like how he flipped the script. I didn't initiate the date he did!

I need some clever tips. Should I go or cancel? And if I do go how do I communicate to him subliminally without bruising his ego that I don't like this? I was thinking by eluding I pay for my friends when we go out wld make him understand he placed himself in the friend zone with me and he wld have to fish his way out!! Lol

HELP!


UPDATE: I canceled the date and this situation is done done done !! Happily done!
 
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what if he is really joking or trying to have witty banter or something

what happened on the first date do you think he is a jerk or a loser or someone who wants a women to take care of him ..... if so I would run not because of he said I had to pay but I would run because that's a kind of man I don't want anything to do with

but if I truly believed he said this just being funny or witty and I have no other hard evidence as of yet he may be a real A-Hole then I would go.....prepared to see if he is a jerk and prepared to pay if I had to a least for my own.

as for the conversation I like telling him I only pay for my friends ....Back in my hay day when men were hitting on me in paying situations IE: a bar or a cab or a store I would tell them all you cant have my money and my number so you pick
 
Op, you're basically asking how you can re-trick him into paying, after he tricked you into paying... o_O Take a step back and look at that picture for a moment. Are these the types of games you want to be playing while dating? He should be treating you like a prize he's trying to win. Girl... no. Just send him back.
 
danniegirl said:
what if he is really joking or trying to have witty banter or something

what happened on the first date do you think he is a jerk or a loser or someone who wants a women to take care of him ..... if so I would run not because of he said I had to pay but I would run because that's a kind of man I don't want anything to do with

but if I truly believed he said this just being funny or witty and I have no other hard evidence as of yet he may be a real A-Hole then I would go.....prepared to see if he is a jerk and prepared to pay if I had to a least for my own.

as for the conversation I like telling him I only pay for my friends ....Back in my hay day when men were hitting on me in paying situations IE: a bar or a cab or a store I would tell them all you cant have my money and my number so you pick
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It sounded like OP has already paid on a date with him before, hence the "don't get used to me paying" comment she made to him.
 
danniegirl said:
what if he is really joking or trying to have witty banter or something

what happened on the first date do you think he is a jerk or a loser or someone who wants a women to take care of him ..... if so I would run not because of he said I had to pay but I would run because that's a kind of man I don't want anything to do with

but if I truly believed he said this just being funny or witty and I have no other hard evidence as of yet he may be a real A-Hole then I would go.....prepared to see if he is a jerk and prepared to pay if I had to a least for my own.

as for the conversation I like telling him I only pay for my friends ....Back in my hay day when men were hitting on me in paying situations IE: a bar or a cab or a store I would tell them all you cant have my money and my number so you pick
Click to expand...

He's a Scorpio and DEAD honest about me paying. Scorpio's say what they mean and mean what they say. I know, I'm one lol

On the first date I paid over $100 for an uber ride to meet with him at "his chosen location" when I got to the lounge he made it clear by his gestures he didn't want to have dinner and just chat it up. I ordered anyway and he followed my lead and ordered but didn't eat his salad. When the date was over, he gave me a half hug while getting in his uber. (The date wasn't worth my uber ride payment).


The date wasn't horrible. He held the door for me, but didn't pull my chair. The conversation flowed, I never felt uncomfortable. He's a VERY good looking man who has money. I guess he doesn't feel he has to "woo" me... *shrugs" I would like to be wooed though
 
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danniegirl said:
what if he is really joking or trying to have witty banter or something

what happened on the first date do you think he is a jerk or a loser or someone who wants a women to take care of him ..... if so I would run not because of he said I had to pay but I would run because that's a kind of man I don't want anything to do with

but if I truly believed he said this just being funny or witty and I have no other hard evidence as of yet he may be a real A-Hole then I would go.....prepared to see if he is a jerk and prepared to pay if I had to a least for my own.

as for the conversation I like telling him I only pay for my friends ....Back in my hay day when men were hitting on me in paying situations IE: a bar or a cab or a store I would tell them all you cant have my money and my number so you pick
Click to expand...

I agree with this. When your attractive you can be straight up with a smile. Stop accepting dates via text. Your power has more impact in person. People try you and to test your standards with scenarios like this.

If a man asked me this in person that I was dating (and single)I would chuckle, lean into him and say" Do I strike you as a woman who has to pay for a man's company ?"smirked then walked away before he answered. His approach would be on point the next time if he was serious might even straighten up right there as you turn to walk away(if he was serious about persuing you)
 
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strenght81 said:
He's a Scorpio head DEAD honest about me paying. Scorpio's say what they mean and mean what they say. I know, I'm one lol

On the first date I paid over $100 for an uber ride to meet with him at "his chosen location" when I got to the lounge he made it clear by his gestures he didn't want to have dinner and just chat it up. I ordered anyway and he followed my lead and ordered but didn't eat his salad. When the date was over, he gave me a half hug while getting in his uber. (The date wasn't worth my uber ride payment).


The date wasn't horrible. He held the door for me, but didn't pull my chair. The conversation flowed, I never felt uncomfortable. He's a VERY good looking man who has money. I guess he doesn't feel he has to "woo" me... *shrugs" I would like to be wooed though
Click to expand...

YOU DID WHAT?? :eek:
 
strenght81 said:
On the first date I paid over $100 for an uber ride to meet with him at "his chosen location" when I got to the lounge he made it clear by his gestures he didn't want to have dinner and just chat it up. I ordered anyway and he followed my lead and ordered but didn't eat his salad. When the date was over, he gave me a half hug while getting in his uber. (The date wasn't worth my uber ride payment)

The date wasn't horrible. He held the door for me, but didn't pull my chair. The conversation flowed, I never felt uncomfortable. He's a VERY good looking man who has money. I guess he doesn't feel he has to "woo" me... *shrugs" I would like to be wooed though
Click to expand...
This date was horrible. It does no good to date a man 'who has money' if you are the one with lighter pockets every time ya'll go out. He is playing you. Stop this now.
giphy.gif


And stay away from them crazy a-- scorpio men they always pullin **** like this.
 
strenght81 said:
Ladies I need your advice. I must make a descision no later than Sunday evening.

I have a second date this coming Tuesday with a guy who asked me out and told me he would send the location of where we are meeting. When I told him I would like to choose the location this time around he tells me "If you are choosing you should pay" with a laughing emoji. But he was dead serious because He said "that is dating 101"of course I didn't agree with his perspective.

What frustrates me is: he asks me out and when I made the suggestion he flips the table on me? I told him not to get use to me paying and he stated "only when you try and take the lead" I learned a valuable lesson of letting the man lead and choose since he asked me out and not to interrupt this process. But I also feel he is being controlling. I just didn't want to risk going out a second time to a place I didn't enjoy.

Ladies, I feel like canceling and putting the ball back in his court by having him asks me out again and letting him choose so he could pay lol. It's not an issue of paying at this point I just don't like how he flipped the script. I didn't initiate the date he did!

I need some clever tips. Should I go or cancel? And if I do go how do I communicate to him subliminally without bruising his ego that I don't like this? I was thinking by eluding I pay for my friends when we go out wld make him understand he placed himself in the friend zone with me and he wld have to fish his way out!! Lol

HELP!
Click to expand...

Cancel. You don't need clever tips. You need a man that goes along with your program. Keep it moving.
 
You deserve better. From what you described happened on your first date, he comes across as selfish and distant. This is the time that is supposed to be fun and already before the second date there is stress and games. "If you choose, you pay" is a horrible attitude for a man to have. What a jerk! He cares nothing about your enjoyment.
 
strenght81 said:
He's a Scorpio head DEAD honest about me paying. Scorpio's say what they mean and mean what they say. I know, I'm one lol

On the first date I paid over $100 for an uber ride to meet with him at "his chosen location" when I got to the lounge he made it clear by his gestures he didn't want to have dinner and just chat it up. I ordered anyway and he followed my lead and ordered but didn't eat his salad. When the date was over, he gave me a half hug while getting in his uber. (The date wasn't worth my uber ride payment).


The date wasn't horrible. He held the door for me, but didn't pull my chair. The conversation flowed, I never felt uncomfortable. He's a VERY good looking man who has money. I guess he doesn't feel he has to "woo" me... *shrugs" I would like to be wooed though
Click to expand...

Missed this, my initial advice is too late. Blood in the water girl. Once you start accepting stuff like that it hard to correct when it's possible better to start fresh elsewhere.
 
strenght81 said:
On the first date I paid over $100 for an uber ride to meet with him at "his chosen location" when I got to the lounge he made it clear by his gestures he didn't want to have dinner and just chat it up. I ordered anyway and he followed my lead and ordered but didn't eat his salad. When the date was over, he gave me a half hug while getting in his uber. (The date wasn't worth my uber ride payment)

The date wasn't horrible. He held the door for me, but didn't pull my chair. The conversation flowed, I never felt uncomfortable. He's a VERY good looking man who has money. I guess he doesn't feel he has to "woo" me... *shrugs" I would like to be wooed though
Click to expand...

I don't know you said the date wasn't horrible and you enjoyed him enough to want to see him again ......From the start I think I would have spoken up about the distance especially since you wasn't or don't drive if that was going to be the problem.

Just in general I usually give myself not anyone else but I give my self enough time to form a solid opinion about someone ...I don't give folks a lot of room to get on my nerves but I make sure I analyze whole situations before I write people off.

so if I was comfortable enough to try again then I would try again because if im going to have a good time weather I spend 50 dollars or 50 cents if I have a truly nice time it wont bother me either way.

But there is always the big possibility he was just being witty and if you do go out he would just pick up the bill with out a problem

you wont know unless you go though and if he does turn out to be a jerk you would regret even going .........

take him someplace nice but cheep something new ........

I live in nyc and there are always new cheep something to do my friends think im hip to ish in this city my behind is just cheep but I like to get out so 2 dollar Tuesdays at the bowling alley girl I heard that ish was so much fun which means I read about it and saw the 2 dollar price tag and thought I would make it fun once I got there.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
This date was horrible. It does no good to date a man 'who has money' if you are the one with lighter pockets every time ya'll go out. He is playing you. Stop this now.
giphy.gif


And stay away from them crazy a-- scorpio men they always pullin **** like this.
Click to expand...


lmaooooooo

She paid for her uber it was the first date I think it said something that he got in his uber first meaning he didn't put her in hers and didn't offer to pay

but I took it as first date mistake on her part im not driving 50/11 thousands miles for dinner and nor am I taking and paying for a 100 cab ride . I asked if she expressed this stuff to him before hand either way is this enough to write him off
 
I'm surprised you're still interested after a the first date. You paid $100 to meet him just to chat? He didn't want to have dinner. That would have rubbed me the wrong way. And this nonsense on date 2. You are setting yourself up and letting him know he can get away with treating you like crap because he is good looking and has money.
 
strenght81 said:
He's a Scorpio head DEAD honest about me paying. Scorpio's say what they mean and mean what they say. I know, I'm one lol

On the first date I paid over $100 for an uber ride to meet with him at "his chosen location" when I got to the lounge he made it clear by his gestures he didn't want to have dinner and just chat it up. I ordered anyway and he followed my lead and ordered but didn't eat his salad. When the date was over, he gave me a half hug while getting in his uber. (The date wasn't worth my uber ride payment).


The date wasn't horrible. He held the door for me, but didn't pull my chair. The conversation flowed, I never felt uncomfortable. He's a VERY good looking man who has money. I guess he doesn't feel he has to "woo" me... *shrugs" I would like to be wooed though
Click to expand...
No. To all of this.
 
strenght81 said:
Lol I never paid. Oh no no no! Never on a first date !
Click to expand...


If you paid 100 bucks to get there you might has as well had paid for the date. The bottom line is you are spending money to ALLOW a man to spend time with you and you don't have to. Your time is his reward. But you have to be consistent about what you know you deserve matching what you accept and invite.
 
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