Having A Secret Bank Account?

Do you/would you have a secret stash?

  • Yes - and I wouldn't feel bad about it either.

    Votes: 95 54.6%

  • Yes - although I would feel uneasy about it.

    Votes: 5 2.9%

  • I would have my own account, but it wouldn't be a secret.

    Votes: 68 39.1%

  • No - everything should be joint.

    Votes: 3 1.7%

  • Other (please explain)

    Votes: 3 1.7%
  • Total voters
    174
Glib Gurl

Glib Gurl

Well-Known Member
I'm currently reading a book about women and their feelings about money. (It's called Money: A Memoir - by Liz Perle.) In the book she recounts the tale of how here grandmother (who, along with her grandfather, were well-to-do) gave her a little satchel with $20 in it when she was about 11 years old and told her:

"This is the beginning of your kipple . . . . It's a woman's private stash. Every woman needs one. A just-in-case account. Every woman needs money of her own that her husband never knows about. So she can do what she wants. What she needs. Remember that."

What do you think of this? Now I'm not married, but I think the idea of having a "secret" stash - like any other type of secret - really undermines the relationship and ultimately plants seeds that may destroy the relationship. That said, I sure do plan to have my own separate bank account . . . just so I can buy magazines and makeup and all the other stupid crap I like without having to explain myself to anyone. I just don't think I'm going to keep it secret. I mean, I don't think I would feel very good if I found out that my man had a secret stash.

What are your thoughts on this? I'm interested in hearing from married and unmarried ladies. Also, this poll is anonymous so please respond!
 
Glib Gurl said:
I'm currently reading a book about women and their feelings about money. (It's called Money: A Memoir - by Liz Perle.) In the book she recounts the tale of how here grandmother (who, along with her grandfather, were well-to-do) gave her a little satchel with $20 in it when she was about 11 years old and told her:

"This is the beginning of your kipple . . . . It's a woman's private stash. Every woman needs one. A just-in-case account. Every woman needs money of her own that her husband never knows about. So she can do what she wants. What she needs. Remember that."

What do you think of this? Now I'm not married, but I think the idea of having a "secret" stash - like any other type of secret - really undermines the relationship and ultimately plants seeds that may destroy the relationship. That said, I sure do plan to have my own separate bank account . . . just so I can buy magazines and makeup and all the other stupid crap I like without having to explain myself to anyone. I just don't think I'm going to keep it secret. I mean, I don't think I would feel very good if I found out that my man had a secret stash.

What are your thoughts on this? I'm interested in hearing from married and unmarried ladies. Also, this poll is anonymous so please respond!
Click to expand...

I do not have a secret account, but I have a personal investment account that has nothing to do with DH and that is exclusively mine. He knows about it. He does not see the statements and he does not know how much is in it. It has not undermined our relationship at all. My father told him before he married me that he expected DH to allow me to maintain my own account which would be seeded with DD's money. My father also told him he expected DH not to have private accounts. He said if DH had a problem with any of this he knew plenty of young men who would not. :yep::yep::yep:
 
HopefulOne said:
I do not have a secret account, but I have a personal investment account that has nothing to do with DH and that is exclusively mine. He knows about it. He does not see the statements and he does not know how much is in it. It has not undermined our relationship at all. My father told him before he married me that he expected DH to allow me to maintain my own account which would be seeded with DD's money. My father also told him he expected DH not to have private accounts. He said if DH had a problem with any of this he knew plenty of young men who would not. :yep::yep::yep:
Click to expand...
I love your father! He is gangsta.
 
I think having a secret stash is a good idea. The fact is, even the best relationships that started out so great in the beginning can turn sour and people can change up on you in a quickness. I think you should always make sure that you have your own money, just in case.
 
My mom always told me "Never let your Right hand know what your Left hand is doing" Meaning don't tell your husband everything and ALWAYS have a stash.

Why? Protection, just in case, emergency, F-You money (got that from Wendy Williams) A woman should always have F-You money in case he wants to act up and leave you high and dry.

I'm gonna set mine up in either an online bank or a local bank where the statements are sent ONLINE only so he can't see what's in the mail.

Tired of hearing women being left broke & homeless because they let their boyfriend/spouse know all their finances and he either cleaned her out or try to manipulate her for it.

Even if you are a stay-at-home mom, if my spouse gave me money every week, then I'm gonna take my "allowance" and stash some of it.
 
HopefulOne said:
I do not have a secret account, but I have a personal investment account that has nothing to do with DH and that is exclusively mine. He knows about it. He does not see the statements and he does not know how much is in it. It has not undermined our relationship at all. My father told him before he married me that he expected DH to allow me to maintain my own account which would be seeded with DD's money. My father also told him he expected DH not to have private accounts. He said if DH had a problem with any of this he knew plenty of young men who would not. :yep::yep::yep:
Click to expand...

Love it :yep:
 
I would never rely on another person for my finances or turn over all my money to another. IMO, relationships, including marriage, isn't about giving away my power. I believe the money one has (or doesn't have) reflects us individually--it's the energy we are generating. This can be and usually is very different than our spouse's or SO's.

I believe it's important for those who are married to have separate bank accounts as well as a joint one. I feel that how many separate bank accounts each partner has is up to that individual and not sharing the details can actually enhance the relationship.
 
RavenIvygurl said:
Inquiry: Why can't DH have one?
Click to expand...

I think one the one hand, it would make sense for a husband to have one so he can buy his little stupid things (like electronics, tickets to football games, etc.) without having to explain to Wifey. BUT, at the same time, that very same account could be used to pay for hotel rooms, flowers, jewelry and other gifts for a mistress. This is not to say that women don't cheat -- only that men are more likely to . . . . at least that's my thinking on the situation.
 
HopefulOne said:
I do not have a secret account, but I have a personal investment account that has nothing to do with DH and that is exclusively mine. He knows about it. He does not see the statements and he does not know how much is in it. It has not undermined our relationship at all. My father told him before he married me that he expected DH to allow me to maintain my own account which would be seeded with DD's money. My father also told him he expected DH not to have private accounts. He said if DH had a problem with any of this he knew plenty of young men who would not. :yep::yep::yep:
Click to expand...

Same here, except mine was funded with DH's money as a part of our martial arrangement.
 
I will ALWAYS have a secret bank account when I'm married either for emergency or just in case. I've heard away too many stories of women getting screwed over because they didn't have a financial back up plan. That will not be me.
 
MizzBrown said:
Tell me why more families/cultures can't do that?
Click to expand...


I don't see where this has to do with family or cultures. When I get married I will have my own accounts that my SO will know about but He doesn't care because he knows how I roll. I'm doing it because I want to. I have seen IRL to many man leave their STHW high and dry after 20+ years of marriage. I have always told myself that will never be me. It has nothing to do with family or culture for me.
 
I remember being on a board when having a secret bank account was equal to a 'Get the fukk out of marriage account'

Which I disagree with.

Some people assume that this is pre-empting a divorce, or even expecting it.

The same for a pre-nuptial.

I consider it looking out for number 1, so yes I would hav ea secret bank account.

Although I'd hope that he wouldn't have an issue with it, and that he would be aware of the bank account, but that is where it'd end.
 
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