Handled?

[syze6]

Ladies....

Your significant other/husband has a brother who wants to hang out with his brother for drinks and catching up sometimes. When your mate gets together with his brother, the brother's girlfriend is present with a relative or friend. You are aware that this has happened at least three different times per your mate. Would this be an issue for you? You know it's unrealistic for the brothers not to ever hang out with each Would you address the brother, even though your mate has discussed it with him. Do you still welcome him with open arms and engage him the same when he comes for visits?

 

[okange76]

Depends. Is the girlfriend trying to introduce her friend or relative to your SO? If the brother's girlfriend is bringing friends, it means that it is not a 1:1 meeting between the two brothers. Why doesn't your SO invite you to go as well?

 

[syze6]

Depends. Is the girlfriend trying to introduce her friend or relative to your SO? If the brother's girlfriend is bringing friends, it means that it is not a 1:1 meeting between the two brothers. Why doesn't your SO invite you to go as well?

I don't know if she is trying to hook them up. He did say he felt uncomfortable about it. They usually go out to have drinks and I don't drink and stay up late. I try to encourage him to have family time with his brother because they have had a long distance relationship. So whenever they get an opportunity for one on one, I like to let them have their time.

 

[hopeful]

I don't know if she is trying to hook them up. He did say he felt uncomfortable about it. They usually go out to have drinks and I don't drink and stay up late. I try to encourage him to have family time with his brother because they have had a long distance relationship. So whenever they get an opportunity for one on one, I like to let them have their time.

But they are not having one on one time. It's almost like a double date. I think his brother and the brother's gf are being messy. Your guy will need to set some boundaries with the brother and if the brother doesn't understand, get it, care, or respect those boundaries then their relationship will suffer. You should not address the brother. That's your guy's job.

 

[lesedi]

I wouldn't like that at all. I think it is shady on her part. No need for a double date when you have a woman

 

[DarkJoy]

Why cant you go then OP? If its you. I dont see why the brothers cant both double with their women if one is bringing his anways unless the other brother is ambushing

 

[okange76]

Next time, you need to suck it up and go and observe everybody. Body language is always very telling. Your instincts will let you know what's up. I'm happy that he respected you enough to tell you. Now what you do with the information is up to you. You don't want to sit back, relax and then get snowed over. Brothers tend to ride or die for each other. I know coz I have four who have been trifling to protect each other. Sleep with your eyes wide open.

I don't know if she is trying to hook them up. He did say he felt uncomfortable about it. They usually go out to have drinks and I don't drink and stay up late. I try to encourage him to have family time with his brother because they have had a long distance relationship. So whenever they get an opportunity for one on one, I like to let them have their time.

 

[syze6]

Why cant you go then OP? If its you. I dont see why the brothers cant both double with their women if one is bringing his anways unless the other brother is ambushing

I could go but I choose not to go. I'm not a club and bar person. I have been to them, but I'm just fine at home enjoying my me time when I get it. Truth be told by 11pm, I am in dreamland! LOL! Please don't groan me. I've been there and done the partying thing in my college and pre-mommy days. I'm not interested in those settings anymore.

When he meets his brother, he's under the assumption it will be the two of them. When he gets there, the girl is there and someone else. When he ask his brother about it, he makes it seems as if at the last minute she wanted to show up. He doesn't invite me to go, I'm sure because I am friends with his ex-girlfriend. The same ex. he keeps misleading about the status of his current relationship.

 

[LoveLiLi]

I wouldn't address the brother but it does seem like the girlfriend is bringing someone along for your SO.

I would probably let it go if it was just one time and my SO said something to his brother. But repeatedly? Nah, I wouldn't trust that set up. I'd go with him or better yet tell him to show some tough love. Next time an extra body is there he should turn right around and go home. People don't like wasting their time and gas money; I bet girlfriend and her bestie wouldn't be there on the next outing.

 

[LiftedUp]

I'd ask him why he never carries along a date (me) as well.

It's very odd.

 

[hopeful]

I'd ask him why he never carries along a date (me) as well.

It's very odd.

She said her SO is under the assumption it will just be the two of them, but when he gets there the brother's gf and her friend/relative are there too.

 

[okange76]

I am curious as to why the brother's girlfriend would be comfortable enough to bring someone for her man's brother. Why is the brother allowing it? Why can't he check his woman?

I wouldn't address the brother but it does seem like the girlfriend is bringing someone along for your SO.

I would probably let it go if it was just one time and my SO said something to his brother. But repeatedly? Nah, I wouldn't trust that set up. I'd go with him or better yet tell him to show some tough love. Next time an extra body is there he should turn right around and go home. People don't like wasting their time and gas money; I bet girlfriend and her bestie wouldn't be there on the next outing.

 

[syze6]

Next time, you need to suck it up and go and observe everybody. Body language is always very telling. Your instincts will let you know what's up. I'm happy that he respected you enough to tell you. Now what you do with the information is up to you. You don't want to sit back, relax and then get snowed over. Brothers tend to ride or die for each other. I know coz I have four who have been trifling to protect each other. Sleep with your eyes wide open.

I hear you...he did mention that whenever he encounters the girlfriend she is always inquiring about me. He said she made reference to how her and his brother go everywhere together and she never sees me with him out. Well...I am The brother told her that I'm not a drinker and smoker and don't really hang out.

I'd ask him why he never carries along a date (me) as well.

It's very odd.

When he gets together with him, it's under the assumption they will have brother time together. On my second time meeting her, she asked why I wasn't with them to have a toast for the brother's Birthday. I was looking at her not even knowing what she was going on about. Then the brother starts telling her how I don't hang out and drink etc. My hubby says on the occasion that she has been around with just him and the brother, she inquires if we hang out together, why I don't party and drink etc. My husband spoke to his brother and told him to tell her to stop asking about me and my business. This girl is late twenties, with no children. I am soooooo much older than her I can tell you...40+ to be exact. The brother and I can be age twins, did I mention that? LOL!

 

[LiftedUp]

Maybe she's bringing a friend to keep her entertained while the brothers are catching up?

 

[TayMac]

If you can't be bothered or don't care to go even if invited, I would just say forget it.

No I would not address the brother, I would tag along a couple times to see what the vibe is and then let it be.

Also if my sister was doing that to me, I guess I'd just ask before I left if Joe Schmoe is gonna come along so I'm not surprised. It's my place to set my fam straight.

 

[PeaceFlow]

This sounds like an issue between him and his brother (quality time related).

No I would not approach the brother. I don't even see what I would confront him about.

Yes I would welcome him the same..

Some people just have "tag along" relationships, even when its not particularly sensitive to the situation - friends/family wanting a 1 on 1 catch up. You could do the same, but you are choosing not to.

I suggest you find something that you all enjoy that you can do every other meet up since she'll probs be there anyway. Maybe go for a meal, or something? Then they can go off for more drinks if they want and you can go home to sleep lol.

 

[Kimbosheart]

This sounds like an issue between him and his brother (quality time related).

No I would not approach the brother. I don't even see what I would confront him about.

Yes I would welcome him the same..

Some people just have "tag along" relationships, even when its not particularly sensitive to the situation - friends/family wanting a 1 on 1 catch up. You could do the same, but you are choosing not to.

I suggest you find something that you all enjoy that you can do every other meet up since she'll probs be there anyway. Maybe go for a meal, or something? Then they can go off for more drinks if they want and you can go home to sleep lol.

I can see that. My brother always has someone with him. That would drive me crazy.

 

[4bslbound]

It seems like she wants to spend time with her man but doesn't want to be alone with him while he catches up and is talking. So she brings the girl for her own company. It would be silly for her to bring your husband a date unless he was welcoming the behavior of knew her on that kind of level.

 

[PeaceFlow]

I can see that. My brother always has someone with him. That would drive me crazy.

Some people are joined at the hip lol. One of my closist friends is like that. If her partner is available, he's coming lol. She doesn't inform me, or ask. Luckily I get on with him well, so I don't mind it most times, but when I don't have connection/anything in common with someones partner it can ruin the whole vibe lol.

 

[GraceJones]

Eh. I don't have a man but I can't drive myself crazy thinking about these things. If a guy is going to cheat in you, he doesn't need these opportunities with his brother and homegirl to do it

 

[syze6]

This sounds like an issue between him and his brother (quality time related).

No I would not approach the brother. I don't even see what I would confront him about.

Yes I would welcome him the same..

Some people just have "tag along" relationships, even when its not particularly sensitive to the situation - friends/family wanting a 1 on 1 catch up. You could do the same, but you are choosing not to.

I suggest you find something that you all enjoy that you can do every other meet up since she'll probs be there anyway. Maybe go for a meal, or something? Then they can go off for more drinks if they want and you can go home to sleep lol.

I have never been invited by the brother or gf because he invites my hubby to hang out. My hubby says when the gf ask WHY I'm not out, it's not about really wanting me out with them. He says it's more like she digs as to what's the issue that your woman is not here also. Is there a reason she don't club with you type of thing. He did mention that when he does come around her, she is OVER friendly with him. She is always complimenting him and telling him how handsome she thinks he looks that day. He left one time because her said the conversation she was having with him made him feel uncomfortable. He said all the while the brother is sitting there drinking like he in some daze not paying attention to what she is saying. He did mention that she made a comment about her not thinking I would be his wife before she met me. She pictured him with someone more outgoing like him...whatever the hell that means!

 

[syze6]

It seems like she wants to spend time with her man but doesn't want to be alone with him while he catches up and is talking. So she brings the girl for her own company. It would be silly for her to bring your husband a date unless he was welcoming the behavior of knew her on that kind of level.

Funny, because you wouldn't know it because she is joined at the hip with him when she is around. You will literally be standing there trying to have a conversation with the brother and she is hugged all up on him, kissing him on his cheeks baby this and that, when you are trying to have a conversation with him.

 

[syze6]

Eh. I don't have a man but I can't drive myself crazy thinking about these things. If a guy is going to cheat in you, he doesn't need these opportunities with his brother and homegirl to do it

It's not about cheating to me. It's about the dynamic of the outing not being something that is typical behavior that I would do.

 

[PeaceFlow]

I have never been invited by the brother or gf because he invites my hubby to hang out. My hubby says when the gf ask WHY I'm not out, it's not about really wanting me out with them. He says it's more like she digs as to what's the issue that your woman is not here also. Is there a reason she don't club with you type of thing. He did mention that when he does come around her, she is OVER friendly with him. She is always complimenting him and telling him how handsome she thinks he looks that day. He left one time because her said the conversation she was having with him made him feel uncomfortable. He said all the while the brother is sitting there drinking like he in some daze not paying attention to what she is saying. He did mention that she made a comment about her not thinking I would be his wife before she met me. She pictured him with someone more outgoing like him...whatever the hell that means!

OK this is all important information and changes things. Its good to put this stuff in the OP so we know the full extent of the dodginess.

I can see why this would bother you and why your SO doesn't feel comfortable around her! Has he told his brother about her behavior? I guess not because it might start something.

When you said you could go, but you don't want to I assumed you'd been invited. Either the brother is snubbing you, or he doesn't see the point in asking because you don't like doing the same things. It does irk me not to get an invite from family. Its nice to say "syez " is welcome, even if its probably futile, but not everyone has good social etiquette.

 

[syze6]

OK this is all important information and changes things. Its good to put this stuff in the OP so we know the full extent of the dodginess.

I can see why this would bother you and why your SO doesn't feel comfortable around her! Has he told his brother about her behavior? I guess not because it might start something.

When you said you could go, but you don't want to I assumed you'd been invited. Either the brother is snubbing you, or he doesn't see the point in asking because you don't like doing the same things. It does irk me not to get an invite from family. Its nice to say "syez " is welcome, even if its probably futile, but not everyone has good social etiquette.

What I meant is that I could be the girl that is trying to hang out with hubby in every outing but I choose to stay home. I like my own company and enjoy me time. He has friends who girls try to go EVERYWHERE with them. I have never been that type and don't find anything wrong with it if that's what the couple wants. Last night, we were talking about it and he sees it as his older brother not respecting where he is in life. He is married with children and he seems to think he is supposed to hang out constantly in clubs and such with him. He said one encounter with the gf, she was going on about her sexual preferences and how she likes to do xyz all night and such. This is while the brother is sitting at the table with them. He left because he felt uncomfortable and he feels that when he hangs with his brother he doesn't want her around. The thing is she is ALWAYS there so he can't not ever hang with the brother.

 

[BrownEyez22]

You should just go out to the next brotherly outing regardless of being formally invited. Clearly invitations are not needed to hang out since his girlfriend is bringing whoever.

If your serious about your bedtime take a nap before or just take one for the team lol. Your hubby should have a driver that's not drinking anyway if he's out drinking. Go observe and put your mind to rest.

 

[hopeful]

...He said one encounter with the gf, she was going on about her sexual preferences and how she likes to do xyz all night and such. This is while the brother is sitting at the table with them. He left because he felt uncomfortable and he feels that when he hangs with his brother he doesn't want her around.
...

Sounds like your dh is over it and ready to put some distance between himself and his brother. They don't seem very compatible. I like how he thinks and behaves. Also sounds like the gf is trouble and your husband knows it. If I were you I would stop encouraging him to spend time with his brother.

 

[MzLady78]

Funny, because you wouldn't know it because she is joined at the hip with him when she is around. You will literally be standing there trying to have a conversation with the brother and she is hugged all up on him, kissing him on his cheeks baby this and that, when you are trying to have a conversation with him.

My brother's girlfriend (who I already don't like) is kind of like this.

When we're at my mom's house, he HAS to be sitting next her every minute, and she HAS to be holding his hand, or rubbing on his leg, or touching him in some fashion. On Easter, he was standing up chillin and talking to us, and she goes "babe", and pats the couch next to her.

B****, he's with his family. No need to be trying to mark your territory. Ugh, I can't friggin' stand that girl.

 

[syze6]

My brother's girlfriend (who I already don't like) is kind of like this.

When we're at my mom's house, he HAS to be sitting next her every minute, and she HAS to be holding his hand, or rubbing on his leg, or touching him in some fashion. On Easter, he was standing up chillin and talking to us, and she goes "babe", and pats the couch next to her.

B****, he's with his family. No need to be trying to mark your territory. Ugh, I can't friggin' stand that girl.

LOL! She is exactly like that. The man can stand up and have a conversion with you and she is either hugging him from behind or on the side. She will literally grab his face and start kissing him all over the side of his face. She does this whether it is a man or woman talking to him. My hubby says even when he visits she is sitting there with her legs over the brother touching and kissing all over his face. He said that is exactly how she is when they go out together. So whoever gets invited to go is pretty much left to entertain themselves I guess. Just too much for me and I'm not compatible with her so I guess that's why I don't mind not going along.

 

[okange76]

She is competing with you guys for his attention which I think is stupid and disrespectful especially towards your Mum. She's pretty much throwing it in your faces that she's here to stay and ain't nothing you guys can do about it. She should count her blessings your Mum let her in the door with all that foolishness.

My brother's girlfriend (who I already don't like) is kind of like this.

When we're at my mom's house, he HAS to be sitting next her every minute, and she HAS to be holding his hand, or rubbing on his leg, or touching him in some fashion. On Easter, he was standing up chillin and talking to us, and she goes "babe", and pats the couch next to her.

B****, he's with his family. No need to be trying to mark your territory. Ugh, I can't friggin' stand that girl.